Seven

Steve

He asked me the one question I wasn’t expecting. I hadn’t thought about my own Christmas in many years. In fact, I hadn’t celebrated it. Sure, I went to the family home and had dinner with them, but my own house was without any sign of the holiday, and I didn’t mind that at all. The holiday had become a day when I felt the need for a family dinner but ignored the fact it was a day of giving and receiving.

“I remember when I was small, I was really into trains. Like obsessed. My dad would take me to the railyard in Roseville and we’d watch the trains move in and out and connect the different cars. It fascinated me.”

“Have you ever taken the train to Reno?” he asked.

“No, I’ve heard it’s a nice trip, but I just haven’t ever done it.”

“Go on, what happened that year,” Garrett encouraged with a smile.

“I had asked for a train and like every kid I was up early and ready to see what Santa got me.” Thinking back, I still remembered that feeling, the shock of seeing the train set up on a table and chugging around the small village my parents had made using some blocks and other toys. “It was the most perfect gift I have ever received,” I said, and he squeezed my hands.

“It’s funny that the gifts we remember the most seem to be the ones we received when we were kids. I wonder why that is?” Garrett said.

“Maybe it’s because it’s all magical when you’re a kid, but as you grow up you realize someone has to pay for it, and they can’t always do that,” I said, and tried to control the bitterness.

“Yeah, it’s not as easy as an adult as it is a kid,” Garrett said.

“A few years later my dad was laid off during the recession. We lost our house, lost everything, and when Christmas came that year, we didn’t celebrate at all. Mom and Dad just didn’t mention it all day. But by then I was old enough to know exactly what day it was, and it confused me that they acted like it was any other day. As an adult I understand it, but ten-year-old me didn’t get it at all and my sister Dale kept asking what happened to Santa while all I could think of was how much I hated that day.” I hadn’t admitted that to anyone ever, and just saying it out loud felt strange and wrong in so many ways. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame them, and every Christmas after was just like when I was younger. But after that one year, it wasn’t worth getting excited only to have my hopes crushed.”

Garrett met my eyes for a moment before pulling me in for a hug. “Sorry, you just looked like you needed one. I’m sorry that happened to all of you. It couldn’t have been easy for them knowing they were disappointing you,” he said, and my brows pressed together.

“In all these years I’ve never thought about how they felt. I guess I needed someone to blame and be angry at, and for me, they were the obvious choice. We all get along fine, I have no animosity toward them, but maybe I took that anger out on the holiday instead of trying to understand what was happening.”

“You were a kid. But I think it might make you feel a little better if you spoke to your parents about it. It might help them understand you better,” Garrett said.

“Maybe.” I pulled my hand away from his to check the time. “Sorry, but I don’t want to be late.”

“Come on, I’ll walk you back there. I’m going to shop a little while I’m here.” After tossing his trash away, he pulled me up and I finished what was left of my coffee. He held my hand as we walked down the deserted mall to where a line was beginning to form for Santa. “See? Everyone is excited to be here.”

“I still can’t believe so many still come here for Santa,” I said and shook my head, but the annoyance and bitterness had lifted and now all that was left was the need to do my job. “Can I call you later?”

“Of course.” We exchanged numbers and he waved to me as I hurried back to the employee room.

“Hey, Tinsel, are you ready to work?” one of the other elves asked as he pulled on his hat.

“Yes, there’s already a line forming,” I said.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it? They always find the big guy.” He patted my back before walking out of the room leaving me alone with my thoughts. Only now my thoughts were filled with excitement, and hope that I could make the season magical for anyone that decided today was the day they’d meet Santa. Huffing out a laugh, I grabbed my uniform off the rack and this time I dressed carefully. Taking the time to make sure everything was in place and doing my best to look like the fucking elf I was.

“Tinsel, you’re on,” the lead elf said, as he walked into the room carrying his clipboard. Terry was probably in his fifties with grey hair cut short and neat and a perfect goatee that made him look way more like an elf than I would ever have imagined. “You’ll be working at Santa’s throne helping kids get settled with Santa and keeping them moving. Remember they only get two minutes per child, and we need to stick to those numbers.”

“What if there’s more than one kid?” I asked.

“Each child gets two minutes,” he repeated without looking up from his clipboard.

“What if the parents want to talk to Santa?”

“Each child gets two minutes. Parents don’t count.”

“That’s cold, Terry, what if they’re huge Santa fans?” I asked and tried to control my urge to laugh.

He looked over the top of his eyeglasses at me making me smile. “If they’re that big of a fan then I guess they get their two minutes too. Happy now?” he asked while tucking his clipboard under his arm.

“Come on, Terry, let’s do this.” I clapped my hand on his shoulder and the two of us walked out of the break room together and right over to Santa’s throne.