CHAPTER TWO

Lee

Now was as good a time as any to bring up what he’d been considering over the past several days. Jacob was in school, and they didn’t have to censor their conversation, as all parents did to some extent when discussing family matters.

“I would like to stay home for the holiday season this year,” he said told Frank. He’d planned on being a bit more eloquent about it, but having the subtlety of a bulldozer meant he jumped first and asked questions later.

Frank stopped loading the dishwasher and turned to look at him.

“Hear me out,” Lee said, raising his hand before his husband could speak.

“Jacob is growing up so fast it feels like we’re running out of time before he would rather do anything other than hang out with us.

I know we typically spend Christmas Eve through to the twenty-sixth with my parents in California.

Then we fly out to New York to spend New Year’s with your family, and while that has always been fun, honestly, I’m over it.

I want us to stay here in Brighton in our home.

No packing, unpacking, washing clothes, repacking, flying, or driving.

Just us. We could always visit the family over the summer holidays to make up for missing the winter holidays.”

Frank seemed to be thinking it through, which could go either way. Lee couldn’t tell.

“I agree,” Frank said.

Lee waited for a moment, but Frank remained silent.

“You do?” He expected more pushback. They’d been doing the same routine for the past seven holiday seasons.

“Don’t sound so shocked.” Frank chuckled. “It’s a reasonable suggestion.”

“I worried since you and your parents are close.”

“We are, but this is about us and our little family. I agree that time feels like it’s slipping away faster and faster every year. Jacob’s in third grade. Next, he’ll be in middle school, and then he’ll be a teenager. Not much longer before he thinks we’re boring and old.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m not old.”

“Sorry, lover, but facts are facts. Besides, you look hot with that touch of silver in your sideburns.”

“Silver?” Lee gasped while running his fingers through his hair, knowing full well that he’d been going gray for years. “Where?”

“Don’t worry, you’re a silver fox.”

“Damn right.”

Frank chuckled and threw the dishcloth at Lee’s head. He caught it and set it on the kitchen table. They’d been together since high school, and there wasn’t a day that went by when Lee wasn’t reminded of how lucky he was to have Frank.

“How do you think we should break it to our parents now?” Frank asked.

“The sooner the better. That way, they can get used to the idea over the next few months, and they won’t feel blindsided if we don’t tell them until November.”

“You think they’ll be pissed?” Frank was always concerned with everyone else’s feelings, and it wasn’t that Lee didn’t care, but he was less likely to bend to other people’s desires.

“We’re adults with our own family. How long did they think we’d be zigzagging across the country every December? They’ll understand,” Lee assured.

“Famous last words if I’ve ever heard any,” Frank said. “At least with my family being Jewish, Hanukkah is a moving target. We don’t have to show up at the same time each year as we do with your family.”

“True. And let’s not forget how my parents go nuts with the tree and decorations. Those blow-up lawn ornaments and lights all over their house can be seen from space. It’s like being with the Griswolds.”

“I don’t know. It was kind of nice seeing the opposite side of the spectrum from my family. Hanukkah is more low-key. We light the menorah, eat amazing food, and Jacob gets a gift for each of the eight nights, but there’s no razzle-dazzle.”

“Sometimes less is more,” Lee stated. “After a while, it all becomes too much noise.”

“Funny how we view the other’s holiday traditions. Considering I never had the big commercial Santa Christmas hoopla, I see it as a fun novelty, but you see it as an overblown spectacle. It’s not as if we are actively practicing any belief or adhering to traditions outside of when we visit our families.”

Neither he nor Frank were strict about religion or traditions. Even though Lee had been raised Catholic, he didn’t attend church, and figured as long as you were a good person, were kind and understanding, and did your best, you embraced the goodness and love religion was supposed to espouse. Frank felt the same way, and had stopped adhering to Shabbos or being kosher many years ago. But both of them brought the best of what made them who they were, and that’s what they passed down to their son, who enjoyed both ends of the holiday spectrum.

“True. I see you and your family lighting the menorah, saying ancient prayers to celebrate the Festival of Lights as a refreshing and spiritual departure from what I was raised with. Don’t get me wrong, we had a nativity scene, but it was outnumbered by the Santas by three to one.”

“Here’s a question for you. Since we’re considering not going to our parents, who continue to hold on to both versions of their traditions, how do we celebrate the holidays here? Before Jacob, we usually traveled somewhere with a beach, and we’ve never had to make a decision about how we’d celebrate. After Jacob, we’ve always been away over the holidays with family, who shared their traditions.”

“Huh. Good question. I don’t have an answer right now, but we’re intelligent men who want the best for Jacob. I’m sure we can find a happy medium. Really, how hard could it be?”

“You think it’ll be that easy?” Frank asked.

“I’m sure we’ll come up with something.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to remind you that you said that.” Frank chuckled before returning to loading the dishwasher.

Lee sat back in his chair at the kitchen table and took a sip of his coffee. It wouldn’t be too hard to combine the two holidays. He’d spent his adult life getting up close and personal with raging fires. The holidays should be a breeze.

***

Frank

“It’s not that we don’t want to see you, Mom. This is about us. We want to spend time here at home this year,” Frank tried again to reason with his mother. “We’ll visit over the summer holidays. It’ll be fun. We’ll go to Long Beach and Coney Island. Maybe we’ll rent a place for a couple of weeks out in the Hamptons.”

“Why are you doing this? Is it Lee? Does he feel uncomfortable with us?”

“Mom. Really? He loves you, and you know it. No need for melodrama. We’re not going to his parents either. This has nothing to do with not wanting to see the family. It concerns our family and our desire to slow things down while Jacob is still young enough to want to spend time with us. He’s growing so fast. We want to savor our time with him.”

“Okay. That I understand. And you’re right. Time moves so fast. Before you know it, your children have grown up and moved away.” He could hear the melancholy in her voice.

“I promise we’ll come in the summer and have a great time. We can video call on Hanukkah and New Year’s so you can see Jacob. It won’t be so bad. I promise. Please understand.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“We are. We need this time together while we can take it.”

“I’ll let your father know, and we’ll talk soon.”

“Thanks, Mom, I love you.”

“Love you too. Say hello to everyone for us.”

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He felt like an insensitive heel. He let his mother down and was being selfish. What was he thinking? Maybe they should go.

“I know that look,” Lee said as he entered the living room. “No, you aren’t an awful person. No, you’re not being self-centered and selfish. Yes, you’re an amazing son, husband, and father, and you are not responsible for the world’s happiness.”

“You know me well,” he deadpanned. “What gave me away?”

“I should know you. But that vein in the center of your forehead is always a good indicator when you’re stressed,” Lee said as he walked behind Frank and wrapped his strong arms around him. “You’re an amazing person.”

“The counselor needs counseling,” Frank stated.

“You’re human. You can’t be expected to handle everything alone or always know what is best for everyone. You’re so damned concerned about everyone around you that sometimes you forget to take care of yourself and what you want and need.”

“That’s why I have you,” Frank said, and he meant it.

Lee was his sounding board. His checks and balances. He kept Frank from hyper-fixating on any number of things, and lived life firmly rooted in facts and not what-ifs. As with all professions, he could help others sort out their hang-ups but was clueless about dealing with his own. Like a gardener having a messy front yard.

“And you always will, baby.”

“How did your parents take the news?” Frank asked, wanting to get off the subject of his parents.

“About the same as yours. Not happy, but ultimately understanding. They’ll be fine, and so will yours. What matters is how we want to spend our time together. Not breaking our backs arranging flights and travel itineraries, carting luggage across the country, and feeling like we never have a moment to slow down and enjoy the holidays.”

“At least Jacob is excited about staying home this year,” Frank said and was truly thankful for that. “He can’t wait to decorate and attend all the festivities in and around Brighton.”

Of course, they’d decorated for the holidays before, but never to the extent of spending the season at home. It had always been a race to the airport as soon as Jacob’s school holidays began so that they had time to make it to California, spend time there, and then load up again, fly to New York, and do it all over again before rushing back to Brighton to recuperate for a few days before school was back in session.

Every year, Brighton held festivals, and their friends had parties to celebrate the season, but they’d missed much of it, having to race between two coasts. This year would be different. This year would be spent at a slower pace without the need to schedule every moment of every day during the holidays.

The old saying that they’d needed a holiday from their holiday was spot-on in their case since Jacob came along. It would be a welcomed change, slowing it all down.

“Should we get a real tree this year?” Lee asked. “We’d be around to care for it.”

“Why not? It’d be the perfect time,” Frank agreed. “Jacob would have fun picking one out. Come to think of it, I’m not sure what decorations we have.”

“Let’s go take a look in the attic. We can get an idea of what we have and what we need to pick up.”

“The man with a plan,” Frank said as he stood with renewed purpose.

“Better than sitting around worrying about it.”

“True. Once we take steps forward, it’ll help solidify the change in my mind and calm my concerns. Usually, I’m the one telling clients this stuff. I need to listen to my own advice.”

“Yep, you do. Grab the notepad off the fridge, and we’ll take notes,” Lee suggested.

They were doing the right thing. They had to cherish every moment while they had the chance. Sometimes, life got so crazy that they’d rush from one thing to another and never enjoy the moments in between. That had to change, and this year it would.

The attic wasn’t as spacious as it used to be. Boxes lined the walls, and furniture sat under sheets to keep the dust off them.

“Did we always have this many boxes up here?” Lee asked as he lifted another cardboard box out of his way.

“Over the last eight years, we’ve collected quite a bit. I guess I’ve never realized how much there truly is.”

They’d moved into this house a little before Jacob was born. Before that, they lived in a one-bedroom apartment above the bakery in downtown Brighton. With a baby on the way, they knew they needed more room, and a yard for their son to play in, so they found this four-bedroom home on a quiet cul-de-sac not far from Gabe’s house. It had worked out perfectly, and fit their family and their needs.

“I found the Halloween decorations,” Lee announced while holding a fuzzy, two-foot spider.

“Good, leave it out. We’ll take it down with us.”

“We still have a week before October.”

“Yeah, but it’ll save me looking for it later.”

“Good point.”

Frank removed the lid from the plastic tub beside him and couldn’t help but smile. He pulled out the first onesie and held it high. “Was he ever this small?” he asked, filled with nostalgia.

Lee looked up and smiled. “It’s hard to believe Jacob fit into that.”

Frank pulled out a small stack of bibs and a pair of tiny socks. Holy shit, how had time flown by so quickly? He distinctly remembered the afternoon they’d brought Jacob home, his first smile, first tooth, first word, and first step. He felt Lee’s arms wrap around him and leaned back into his husband as memories flooded him.

“You are one hundred percent right,” he said.

“Of course I am,” Lee joked. “But for argument purposes, what was I right about?”

Frank couldn’t help but laugh.

“About time slipping by and having to slow down and enjoy the moments together. I—” Frank was cut off by Lee’s ringing phone. He looked hesitant to answer, but it could be important. “Go ahead and answer it.”

“I’m sorry,” Lee said before pulling his phone out of his pocket and reading the screen. “Shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Another fire. It’s a big one. They’re calling in all off-duty firefighters still in town to help.”

“Go. They need you.”

“I’ll be back as soon as possible,” Lee said, kissing Frank before standing.

“Please, be careful.”

“I always am, baby. I have you and Jacob to come home to.” Then he was gone.

Life with a firefighter was unpredictable at best, and terrifying at worst. It was the life he’d signed up for and part of the man he loved. It was a double-edged sword, preparing for the future while fighting not to think of the possibilities each fire call presented. Life held no guarantees. His mother used to say you could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Morbid but true. He’d learned to make the best out of what he had right in front of him here and now, and going forward, that was exactly what he intended to do.