Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The trip out to Wellington took a full week because Corin kept the hours in the carriage short in order to ease Reuben's discomfort. While on the mend, Reuben still had bouts where he couldn't stop coughing, and that meant they had to frequently halt the carriage so he could drink water to ease his throat.

When they arrived at the manor, Corin didn't hide his relief. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it. As soon as I make sure our things are put away, I'm sending for the doctor."

"There's no need for that," Reuben said. "I'm barely coughing anymore. I'm fine."

Corin shook his head and helped Reuben out of the carriage. "I'll let the doctor decide that. He's been trained for this. He knows what to look for, and he's been taking care of you all of your life."

Since it was pointless to argue, Reuben let the matter go. The doctor would come out here, tell Corin all he had was a lingering cough, and go on his merry way. Then Corin would relax. It was nice Corin worried about him. Sometimes Reuben wished Corin didn't worry so much, but it was in Corin's nature to worry.

"I will stay here for a few days, just to make sure everything is fine," Corin told Reuben as the two went into the manor. "I wish I could stay longer."

"You should be with your family, Corin. Candace and the children need you. I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself."

Corin gave him a look that reminded Reuben of the times when Corin had sat by his bedside when he was struggling with an illness as a child. "Just because I have a wife and two children, it doesn't negate your importance."

Reuben offered him a reassuring smile. "I know it doesn't. Candace lost your second child before it was born. She just found out she's expecting again, and she can't keep much down. You need to be there for her. All I have to contend with is a cough that I've had on and off since I was young."

They stopped walking, and Corin's expression went grim. "I wish life didn't come with so much illness and death." Corin squeezed Reuben's shoulder. "I don't know how you manage to look at things with such hope, but you do. People like you are desperately needed in this world. I might be the older brother, but you're my anchor."

Reuben knew Corin meant it as a compliment, but today, the praise felt more like a burden than something to be enjoyed. He forced the thought away. All Corin ever did was watch out for him. Leaving London had been for the best. Maybe he didn't agree with it today, but he was sure he would in the future. He just needed enough time to see the wisdom in his brother's decision.

The butler approached. "Mr. St. George, your trunk is in your bedchamber." He glanced between the two brothers. "Is there anything else I can see to at the moment?"

"Not for me," Corin told him. "But my brother will benefit from tea with something in it to soothe a cough." He turned to Reuben. "Go on to your room. I'll fetch the doctor."

Before Reuben could tell him he didn't need to go to his bedchamber, Corin was already heading back to the carriage. With a sigh, Reuben trudged up the stairs and to a bedchamber he was hoping to not see again until he had a wife.

***

With Reuben's prompting, Corin left for London two days later. Reuben knew his brother meant well, but if he had to put up with Corin constantly watching him, he was going to go mad. "The doctor said I'm all right," Reuben had told him. "There's nothing you can do for me. I'm out of London. I shouldn't get sick anymore." That seemed to have put Corin's mind at ease since he was gone within the hour.

The next day, Reuben paid a visit to his parents at their graves which were in the family cemetery. While there, he contemplated what the rest of his life was going to be like. If Corin had anything to do with it, Reuben would live forever, but no one could cheat death forever. Sooner or later, the inevitable came to all. He released his breath and started to head back to the manor.

The day was a nice sunny one. It was such a startling contrast to things like illness and death. New green leaves covered the branches on trees. Flowers were in bloom. Birds sang their melody. The lawn was a lush green color. One shouldn't be standing at a cemetery on a day like this. One should be enjoying all that life had to offer.

His gaze went in the direction of the lake on the property. Fishing usually cheered him up. He went to the manor and retrieved his fishing pole and bait. He only took a blanket if someone came with him. His mother didn't care much for fishing but would join him so he didn't have to be alone. She'd bring a picnic and a book, and after they ate, she'd read while he fished. Candace only fished if Corin was there. He had gone with Judith to the fishing spot a few times, but he learned it was best to bring something to eat since Judith stayed with the long task of fishing longer if she had a couple of treats to nibble on. He hadn't gone fishing by himself for a long time.

Out of habit, he sat on the boardwalk that led to the center of the lake and dipped his bare feet into the water. Since he was a child, he enjoyed the feel of the water touching his toes. He used to wiggle them and even splashed his feet when Corin wasn't looking. Corin seemed to think it was improper to get one's clothes wet. But their mother never minded it if Reuben ended up with soaked breeches.

Reuben spent two hours at the lake trying to bring back that sense of peace he often got from being here until he realized the peace wasn't going to come. He was lonely. It was one thing to be here as a child, but it was an altogether different experience to be here when a gentleman was at the age when he should be taking a wife. His thoughts went to Miss Carnel. Which of the two suitors would she choose now that he wasn't there? How many children would she have? Would she be happy? Would she ever think of him?

He dug his hand into his pocket and retrieved the hairpin she had once worn. It had a small image of a butterfly on it. It had been wrong to take it when it fell out of her hair while they were playing charades at a dinner party, but he'd been afraid if he asked if he could keep it, she would say no. So he had kept an eye on it until it was his turn to act out something during the game. He had made a pretense of dropping something and picked the hairpin up.

Before anyone noticed, he had slipped it into his pocket. She had more of those pins in her hair. He was sure she wouldn't notice one of them missing. And she hadn't. Or, at least, she hadn't mentioned it. If she had, he would have been duty-bound to return it to her. But thankfully, she hadn't. That freed him up to have a keepsake to look at whenever he thought of her. And he took the thing everywhere he went.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he inspected the thing in the sunlight. The thing sparkled at him. The time he'd had with her had been much too brief. If it'd been up to him, he would have spent a lifetime with her. But some things weren't meant to be. He was glad he took this pin. It was the only thing he had to remember her. Somehow, the memory of her would have to get him through the rest of his life.

A fish bit the hook, but he wasn't in the mood to retrieve it and then take it to Cook. In fact, he wasn't in the mood to do anything but feel sorry for himself. Why did he have to be sickly? Why couldn't he have been born with a stronger constitution?

Reluctantly, he put the hairpin back in his pocket so he wouldn't accidentally drop it into the lake as he reeled the fish in. He removed the hook and let the fish back into the water. Then he set the pole on the boardwalk and spent another hour just staring at the hairpin.

***

Reuben woke up to the sound of rain pelting against the windows in his bedchamber. The rain was oddly comforting. As a child, he would get sick if he went out in the rain on a chilly morning, and the room was cool enough to let him know there was a chill in the air. This would be a morning his mother would tell him he couldn't go out horseback riding or fishing. He would be stuck with her in the drawing room or library. Knowing her, she would have a servant get a fire going in the fireplace so he could keep warm even though his clothes were heavy enough to do the job.

She worried about you because she loved you. Just as Corin brought you back here because he loves you. The only thing they ever wanted to do was look out for you.

He rolled over in the bed so he could face the nearest window. The rain was coming down hard. There was more than the chill out there to worry about. There would be puddles of mud all over the place. Sometimes the rain frustrated him. At other times, it brought him a strange comfort. Other people were unlikely to go out when it rained. Most people liked to stay inside where they would be dry and warm all day.

He shouldn't have gone out when it was raining last month. He'd had an umbrella with him, so he thought he'd be fine. He had arranged to visit Miss Carnel two days in advance, and he didn't want to cancel the visit just because he might get wet.

And what good did that do him? He got sick, and Corin realized he was spending all of his time in his bedchamber so he went to check on him. That all led to Reuben ending up here. He should have canceled the visit. He should have asked to see her on another day. He shouldn't have let his excitement over being with her deter him from being prudent. He should have been patient.

No, Corin's right. You've been sickly all of your life, but being in London made you sick too often.

What kind of life would it be for a lady if she had to contend with a husband who was sick all the time? He wouldn't be able to go out with her very much. He'd be stuck home in bed. Other ladies would pity her. Their husbands, after all, could go out to any social function any time they wanted. Reuben couldn't ask Miss Carnel to go through life having to play nursemaid to him all the time when she could be out having a good time. It was selfish to think only of himself. He had to think of what was best for her. Lord Compton or Mr. Everson would be able to give her the life he couldn't.

After an hour, he finally got up and dressed in his warmer attire. He noticed the butler had already lit a fire in the fireplace in the drawing room and the library. He shook his head. Even the servants remembered the things his mother wanted.

He ate by the window in the drawing room, watching the rain as it continued to come down. If this kept up, the ground would be wet for the next day or two. That would make horseback riding difficult. If, however, it was sunny out, he could take a walk. Yes, he could take a walk. All by himself. Without someone like Miss Carnel to talk to.

When he was done eating, he sat in the library by the fire. He opened one of his favorite books and started reading. It was wonderful to escape into a world where gentlemen were strong enough to face dangers that Reuben couldn't. He lived vicariously through those characters. This time, he even pretended that Miss Carnel was the main character's love interest. In this world, they could be together because he would be able to do everything other gentlemen could.

At some point, he drifted off to sleep. He had no way of knowing how long he slumbered. All he knew was that he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Mr. St. George," the voice said. "Lord Wright and his sister are here."

For a moment, he thought he was dreaming, but when he opened his eyes, his butler was standing in front of him. He blinked the sleep from his eyes. "What did you say?" he asked.

The butler smiled. "I said you have two visitors. Lord Wright and his sister are here."

And just like that, for the first time since he left London, Reuben felt as if his entire world hadn't fallen apart.