Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Reuben didn't want another confrontation between Corin and Amelia, so he entered the manor through the servants' entrance and had her go to her bedchamber. He wasn't ready to talk to Corin yet. He needed to think over what he was going to tell him. As hurt as he was by what his brother was doing, he still loved him. He didn't want to say anything he would later regret. So he found the butler and asked him to tell Corin he wanted to speak to him in the drawing room in half an hour.

After that, he retrieved a couple more pieces of toast and a cup of peppermint tea so he could ease his stomach while he packed in his bedchamber. This was a day he didn't think would ever come. When he was a child, he looked forward to every time Corin would come here for a visit. He couldn't wait to hear all of the stories Corin would bring with him about the things happening in London. Sometimes he'd implore their mother to let him stay up past bedtime to play another game of chess or cards with Corin. When Corin told him about a play he'd seen in the theatre, Reuben would close his eyes and imagine it in his mind. Then there were the times when he and Corin went fishing at the lake or riding horses. Those were his favorite times because he didn't get to go outside often.

Reuben had to stop in the middle of packing to find a handkerchief. He wiped the tears from his eyes. This was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done. For as long as he could remember, his brother had been the most important person in his life. It was a shame that things had to end this way. If their mother was alive to see this, she would be devastated. He wiped away more tears then took a deep breath. This was going to be harder than he'd expected. But he had a right to be like other gentlemen. He had a right to have a wife and children. He had a right to decide whether or not to risk his health by living in London. His life was his own. He couldn't continue to let Corin run it for him.

By the time he finished packing, he had managed to finish his toast and the cup of tea. He washed his face in the basin so no one would know he'd been crying then summoned the maid to tell the coachman to get the carriage ready and to tell Cook to prepare food for him and Amelia to take with them for the trip to London. He then instructed her to have the footman and butler bring his and Amelia's trunks to the carriage while he was talking to Corin.

He picked up the valise that was resting on his trunk and carried it to Amelia's bedchamber. She had already finished packing. She was sitting in the chair by the window, patiently waiting for him.

"I'm ready," he softly told her.

She turned from the window and ran over to hug him. He let the valise fall to the floor and hugged her back.

"Thank you for coming with me," she whispered.

"I'd go anywhere with you." He kissed her then pressed his cheek against hers. "I'm not going to let anyone come between us."

After a long moment, she pulled away from him and gave him a smile that let him know that, regardless of what happened with Corin, everything would be all right. "I know this isn't easy for you, but I want you to know that I loved you from the moment I met you, and I'll never stop loving you."

"I'll always love you, too."

Mindful of the time, he retrieved his valise and then took the one that was on her dresser. Corin should be waiting for him in the drawing room. If he made Corin wait too long, Corin might start looking for them. The last thing he wanted was to put Amelia in the situation of having to see his brother again.

"I want you to go directly to the carriage and wait for me," he said. "I'm going to tell Corin that I'm leaving and why."

A worried frown crossed her face. "Are you sure that's wise?"

"Even if I don't like what he's doing, he is my brother. I owe him an explanation of why I'm leaving, and I'd rather do it in person."

She gave him a comforting squeeze on the arm. "All right. I'll wait for you in the carriage."

The two made their way to the back entrance where the carriage was waiting for them. Reuben handed the valises to the coachman to put in the carriage. The trunks, he saw, had been secured to the top.

"Take the carriage to the front," Reuben told the coachman. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

After taking a look at Amelia to gather his strength, he turned and headed back down the hall. He knew his brother wasn't going to like what he had to say, but he had to say it. He took a deep breath. His stomach tightened in knots. Despite the tea and toast, he wasn't feeling all that well. And he should be feeling well by now. Those things had always worked for him in the past. Why weren't they working now?

His steps slowed. He'd been feeling better while he was at the lake, and he felt almost normal just now when he was with Amelia. So what made this any different?

It's Corin. The idea of confronting him is making you feel sick.

He stopped. He had been feeling fine the entire time he had been out here with Amelia. Not only had he avoided getting the epidemic cold, but he hadn't needed toast or peppermint tea. Cook had even commented on it. What was it Cook had said? After a moment, Cook's came back to him. You'll think it's funny, but I was beginning to wonder if we'd need that peppermint anymore. I don't recall you needing it for well over a year.

The past year had been one of opportunity for him. For the first time in his life, he'd been able to see London. He was able to experience all of the fun things Corin often talked about during his visits. He'd also been able to seek out a lady to marry, someone who would fill in the hole in his life that no one else, and nothing else, could. Yes, he'd gotten several epidemic colds, but those hadn't affected his stomach. They'd only given him a fever, a sore throat, a runny rose, and some coughing. The only time he'd gotten sick to his stomach was when Corin made him come back here. That was significant, wasn't it?

Yes, it was significant. It had to be. Coming back here had made Reuben miserable. He could do without London, but he couldn't do without Amelia. And he'd known that Corin wasn't going to be happy when he learned that he had married Amelia. That's when his stomach began to bother him here.

Reuben leaned against the wall. He couldn't believe it. The one person he most looked up to in this world was the person who was making him sick to his stomach. He bet Corin was the person chasing him in those nightmares, too. In those nightmares, he'd felt helpless. He kept running but was never able to get away from the thing pursuing him. In those nightmares, he was always trapped. He wasn't sure when he started to feel like Corin was controlling his life, but he bet those nightmares and the stomachaches started around that time. They only went away when he got a reprieve, when he was allowed to do what he wanted. His shoulders slumped. He wasn't just leaving so he could be with Amelia; he was leaving so he could finally make decisions for his own life. He'd never taken a firm stand with Corin before, but he was now.

His stomach roiled in protest, but there was little he could do about that. If he was right about the source of his stomach ailments, this would ease once he was in the carriage with Amelia. He gathered his courage and pushed himself away from the wall. This wasn't going to be easy, but he had to do it.

When he arrived at the drawing room, Corin was about to leave. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to come down here," Corin said, his tone pleasant despite the worried expression on his face. "Did you talk to Amelia?"

"I did." Reuben stepped into the drawing room. "That's why I'm here. I thought it was best if we talked alone."

Corin shut the door and walked over to him. "I agree. I realize that I didn't handle things as well as I could have with her, and I feel terrible about it."

A spark of hope eased the tension in Reuben's stomach. "So you don't want her to leave?"

Corin winced. "No, I still think it's best if she leaves. I meant I wished I had handled things better when I spoke to her. Reuben, Cook said you haven't been feeling well. You've barely had anything to eat, and you're drinking peppermint tea again."

"Because of you."

"No, because of your sensitive stomach."

"My stomach is sensitive because of you," Reuben clarified.

"It's sensitive because you get sick easier than other people. The doctor said as much when you were a child. I was standing right here in this room with Mother when he said it."

"Yes, I am weaker than most, but I have learned how to manage my health so that I don't get sick as much as I used to."

"You were sick all the time in London."

Reuben couldn't deny it. But he could argue why he got sick a lot. "You're right, Corin. I did get sick a lot. I was so excited by all of the fun things there were to do there that I didn't pay attention to my body when it told me to stay home and rest. But I've learned from that. I am going to be mindful of my body's cues in the future."

Corin's eyes grew wide in alarm. "What do you mean ‘in the future'? You're not going back to London. You're staying here."

Reuben ignored the twist in his stomach. "No, I'm not. I'm going back. This is my life, and I'm going to live it the way I want to. I'm tired of hiding from the world. I'm going to be a part of it." He put a trembling hand on his stomach and took a deep breath. "The carriage is waiting for me. Good-bye."

He turned to leave, but Corin grabbed his arm and stopped him. "What kind of madness has taken hold of you? You'll die if you go back."

Reuben jerked his arm away from him. "It's not London or Amelia that is hurting me, Corin." His stomach knotted up to the point where Reuben was afraid he might lose the little he'd been able to eat and drink. He was tempted to back down, to tell Corin he'd stay, if for no other reason than to make his brother happy. But he couldn't do it. He'd come this far to take a stand. If he backed down now, he'd never get a chance to be independent. "Ever since I can remember, you've told me what I can and cannot do."

"That's not true. All I've ever done was look out for you."

"You're keeping me trapped."

"I'm keeping you safe."

"You're controlling me. I'm not allowed to do anything unless you approve it first. Don't you see what's happening here? You're holding onto me so tightly that it's killing me."

Corin jumped back as if he'd been slapped. "How can you say that? All I've ever wanted was to protect you. What good is it to me or our parents if I let you die? Reuben, everything I've ever done has been for you. If you die, I'll lose you."

Reuben tried to fight back the surge of tears that came to his eyes, but one found its way down his cheek. He quickly brushed it aside. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. He could tell by the pained expression on his brother's face that he loved him, that he honestly believed that he was protecting him. But it just wasn't the truth. The truth was that he was slowly killing his will to live.

"I'm sorry, Corin, but I have to go," he said once he could trust his voice not to waver.

This time when he went to leave, Corin didn't stop him.