Winnie

Idream of emerald eyes and full lips smiling at me before coming close to mine. Hands that steadied me at the bakery are now exploring other parts of my body, skimming my thighs and making their way up, "Do you like that, Winnie?" Oh, god. His voice is husky in my ear and he inches closer, so close to the place I need it most, almost there…beep, beep, beep, beep!

"No!" I shout into the damp towel stuck to my face. I barely feel like I've slept at all when my alarm goes off. I groan. Surely it's not morning yet.I crack one eye open, reaching for my phone to shut it up. Ah, definitely morning. It looks like I've slept through my alarm for the past 15 minutes. Great.

I know it was only a dream but that was as close as I've been to getting any in…awhile. Let's just say Sam was extremely passionate…about his peach orchard and literally nothing else. It's not like we never had sex. It's just that the three or four times we did over the last six months seemed to progressively get worse. I cringe at the mental image of the last time we were intimate. I couldn't even convincingly fake it.

I blow out a breath and my lips flutter with the action. Maybe Mare is right. I can never admit to her. Before I started dating Sam she had been on me about getting on dating apps again. Saying that if I wanted casual then that would be the way to do it. The thing is I don't think casual is what I want. I just can't seem to get myself to commit when the time comes. I'm definitely an all or nothing girl. I've had a few one night stands but for the most part I'm monogamous. I'm a relationship girl, even if the relationship doesn't last longer than a month. The way I feel right now though, extremely hot and bothered, her suggestion to go out and maybe…possibly…have a casual sexual experience without the threat of a relationship, is tempting.

I finally toss my covers back and swing my legs over the side of the bed. If I don't get ready now I will for sure be late getting the pastries out this morning. I slide into my slippers and go to my closet. I usually try to gather my clothes for the morning, the night before, but last night…last night was a shit show. I grab a pair of jeans and a simple white baby tee. This will have to do. I don't have time to second guess my outfit today or take a shower. I sniff my armpits, not terrible but I will be applying deodorant.

I splash some cold water on my face to wake up, the swelling is gone. Mostly. It's just a bit red. I apply my moisturizer and sunscreen, chapstick, and mascara. I pull my thick tangled hair back to pile it up into a claw clip I realize I left on my nightstand last night. I head back into my bedroom to retrieve the clip and get changed. I grab my phone from the nightstand and beeline for the door.

One of the amazing things about having my own bakery is I can get coffee and breakfast at work. I pick up my jacket from the chair I tossed it on last night, slip my sneakers on, swing my bag over my shoulder and walk out into the still dark morning. I stop for just a second on my front porch and inhale deeply. It's nice out this morning with a slight breeze but that's another great thing about living in Silverthorne. Cooler in the mornings, that is until the sun"s heat tries to roast you like a rotisserie chicken.

I love this time of day. It's so quiet and peaceful on the street as I go to work to do what I love to do, in a place I love doing it. It reminds me to take a minute to be grateful. I may have had a rough couple years after the accident, I still have days where my anxiety fights for control, but I realize I have so much in my life to be thankful for.

I make it to the bakery just before 3:30. I'm here even earlier than normal today to make items for the festival tomorrow. I don't need to start my breads and pastries until 4, so I take a second to admire my sign. Thistle and Sagehas been my labor of love. My dream that with hard work and support has become my reality. I beam looking up at the storefront then move to go inside. Right before I head in, I turn my head to look at the Holloway Hotel.

It's just a block over and soon I'll be seeing Rhett coming and going regularly. It's not exactly an unwelcome thought, but I would be lying if selfishly I didn't think it would make things a little harder for me. When he was away at school it was just the summers I had to get through. Actually, I looked forward to him coming home for the summers until that summer. He had just been drafted into the NHL and the whole town was buzzing with that news. Colt was just getting his rafting business started and I was in my second year of pastry school.

I'd had a crush on Rhett Holloway starting from the day I turned sixteen. He gave me a pink sprinkle doughnut and a kiss on my cheek and that was all it took. Yes, his brothers both gave me a treat and a kiss on my cheek, too. It wasn't the same to me though. The moment Rhett's lips made contact with my bright red face, I was done for.

I sometimes try to convince myself it was simply because of the exposure. I spent almost every afternoon at his house with Mary. She had made an effort the first day I moved to town and there was just something about her that let me know she was going to be important to me. If I wasn't at his house hanging out with his mom or his sister Florence, he was at mine with Colt. A couple years older than me and gorgeous. I'm only one of many many girls who fell under his spell—one he didn't even know he was casting.

Lord, I followed them around like a lost puppy until I turned seventeen and decided to try and turn his head. I let out a half laugh at how ridiculous I was. I inwardly cringe at how obvious I was. To everyone but him at least. I was infatuated. A teenage girl, possessed.

On my 17th birthday I wore the smallest bikini I could find. It was bright orange with hot pink ties. We went down to the river for a cookout and swimming. He wouldn't even look at me most of the day besides to say a quick "Happy Birthday" that sounded like Mary had forced him to give me. A few other boys in my grade took notice, so I knew I didn't look horrible, but the one person I wanted to notice couldn"t be bothered. I let out a sad sigh because that was when I made the choice to stop my romanticizing and fantasies.

Barrett Halloway was out of my league and now I had confirmation. I still saw him almost everyday after that, until he went to college that fall and then it was only for those few warm months every year and the occasional holiday visit. We were still friendly and I was still a tagalong little sister. Colt and I have always been close. It's never been out of place to see me with them. While they did their snowboarding, I read books inside at the ski lodge. I sunbathed on the bank of the river where they were paddling or rafting.

It wasn't until that summer I realized Rhett may see me more than just Colt's little sister. He was home for two months before moving to a new city and starting his career as a professional hockey player. We went camping out by the lake by his family"s property a couple nights after he got back. It was supposed to just be a few of us but of course Colt had invited a few girls I didn't know and they had invited other people I didn't know.

I don't always do well with large groups, especially not ones where I don't know more than half the people. That's all Colt. He's happy go lucky, spontaneous and fun. I'm…not. I'm sharper, calculated. I like to know the plan and sometimes when I don't know the plan I get irritable. I pick a fight and throw the first punch. I can't always pull it back either.

That night after having made so much small talk you could fill the Grand Canyon I decided to remove myself from the equation. Some of the guys here were cute. A couple of them seemed sweet and interested in hearing about pastry school, but I could feel my ears getting hot. The longer I spent making sure I was smiling or nodding at the right times was getting to me and I was getting mean.

I walked away from the bonfire and the noise created by all the drunk people. I just needed some space and a little quiet. I sat on a big rock at the edge of the lake, slipped my shoes off and let my feet dangle below just grazing the cold water below. I felt calmer already. That was until I heard a twig snap and I whipped my head around to see a tall form walking towards me. I was ready to scream until I heard that deep voice.

"Hey, honeybee."

I push through the front door of my bakery as I push the past from my mind. It has never served me well to dwell on it, and believe I've done that a lot. I'm standing in my beautiful kitchen when I flip on the lights and the ovens. I get to work making baked goods for the people that would be filing inside in about an hour. I focus on what my hands are doing. I like baking because it combines mental work with a physical task. I have to measure everything exactly right and knead and roll and add things at the right time or it won't turn out. Forty-five minutes of peace later I hear Anna get in.

"Winnie! I'm out front. I'm gonna start putting the chairs down!" she yells as the bell chimes.

"Thanks, Anna!" I yell back. My pastries and breakfast breads are just about done. We open in 10 minutes. I start loading trays up to put in the font case.

"How are you this morning, Anna?"

"I'm good besides it being entirely too early on a Saturday." She says through a yawn. "How's the face?" I laugh.

"My face is fine, thanks. You know, when you applied for this job I did specify that it would involve early morning Saturdays."

"You did, I just didn't realize how early it would feel until I actually had to do it. I'm good though…is there any coffee?" She smiles sweetly and I roll my eyes.

"Yes, go ahead and get a cup before customers start coming in." She grins and races into the back while I finish filling the glass cases. She's back five minutes later with a little more pep. "Alright, you ready for a busy Saturday?" I ask.

"Absolutely." She genuinely sounds excited and I beam. "I'll get the door and sign!"

I move to the swinging door that caused a commotion last night and a bruise to be forming on my face today and laugh at myself. How ridiculous must I have seemed to Rhett last night? Oh, well. No need dwelling on it now. Hopefully I won't have to see him today…or for a few days. The first Ding! sounds just as I'm through the door. Wow it's only just now 5, someone's up early this morning.

"Good morning, Anna." That voice.

Husky from the early morning it sounds even more like the one I woke to…er from…this morning. I'm blushing hard, remembering what the body attached to that voice was about to do to me in my dream. I stop that thought in its tracks. I haven't blushed this much since I was in high school and he's only been here a day. Get a grip, Winnie. I start stacking metal bowls and try to focus on anything other than my dream. He doesn't think of me like that anymore and I need to accept that. I pull out my phone and send a text to Mare, telling her I'll go out next weekend for my birthday.