Winnie

I'm up early and in the bakery today. I have so much to get done this week. We have orders for five different events this weekend, which is amazing, just a lot for my small bakery. I have been just a tiny bit more distracted then normal lately. Not that I'm complaining. Rhett is a very welcome, very hot distraction. I can feel my smile and touch my face. I haven't smiled this much in a really long time and I know…it's new, but it feels like it's been building over the course of half my life. I'm taking a page out of Mare's book and just enjoying myself. I am really enjoying myself. We've spent a good amount of time getting to know each other physically these past few weeks and if you ask me it's not enough. That man is pure tattooed muscle that I'd like to take a bite out of?—

"Hey, Winnie!" I'm jerked out of my daydream by Anna calling my name at the kitchen door.

"Hey, Anna. Need something?"

"I have someone out here wondering if they can place a special order. I know you're busy this week but wanted to check."

"Uhm…depends on the order but I can probably swing it." To be honest I've loved being busy this week. This week marks the 18th anniversary of my parents accident and I don't like to dwell on it as much as possible.

"She's wanting some custom cupcakes for her daughter's birthday." She looks at a small notebook in her hand and starts reading. I smile. Anna has really come a long way as an employee. I'm proud of her. "Four dozen lemon cupcakes with raspberry filling and cream cheese frosting. What do you think?" She looks up at me.

"Well…I can get that done and the other things on my list if you think you could help me…?"

"Of course! I can run errands and take of the front of the shop no problem."

"I was actually hoping you could help me in the kitchen."

"In here? Your kitchen? You want me in here…with you?" I laugh.

"Yes. If that would be something you wanted."

"Yes!! Yes, I would love that!"

"Great. Tell her we can do them. When does she need them by?" She checks her notes again.

"She needs them on Friday, so three days. Is that still fine?"

"Yep. I think we can do it." I wink and she beams. I feel bad for not having offered her access to the kitchen sooner. I had no idea she would be this excited. I used to love helping my mom in the kitchen. She was an amazing cook and baker. Then I was able to help Mary after we moved here. My eyes are hot and I can feel tears start but I sniff them away. I can't afford to get off schedule today. I'm going over to Rhett's tonight to help with some design choices and he's making me dinner. I've never had a guy make me dinner before.

It's been a long day and I am exhausted when I get home. Rhett's truck wasn't parked beside his house when I walked by. He must still be at the school. I need to shower and get changed before walking over anyway so I strip my flour coated clothing off and throw it in the basket by the laundry on my way to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and I am a mess. I start the shower and go to my closet to grab some clothes. I decide on some spandex shorts and a big t shirt.

In the shower I wash away all of the various baking ingredients from my hair and body and also let the feelings surrounding this week come to the surface just enough to examine them. Sadness. Grief. Longing. I sit with each feeling for a moment and try to let it go. It's a practice that has helped me for years. It doesn't make the pain go away but it helps me process and keep my anxiety level manageable. I like to end this with remembering that the reason I feel these things is because I had felt loved and cherished. I picture my moms eyes, the same color as mine, crinkling at the corners while she laughs with me. I remember the look on my dads face, arms stretched out and hugging her from behind. I hear his laugh as she swats at him. God, I loved his laugh. I feel a few tears trail down my face and wash them away in the spray of the shower before I turn it off.

I'm dressed and letting my hair air dry when my phone rings. LOML pops up on my screen along with a picture of me sprawled out on a picnic blanket next to Rhett that he snapped of us at the lake weeks ago. I roll my eyes and I'm laughing as I answer.

"L.O.M.L. huh?"

"L.O…mm what? I don't know what that means…?"

"So you didn't break into my phone and change your contact?"

"What are you accusing me of, Winnie?"

"Mm must have been another stalker of mine. My mistake. Did you need something?" I grin when he growls on the other end of the line and look out my kitchen window that faces the back of his house. He's already standing in his yard and looking in my window. I gasp.

"Jeezes, Rhett! That scared the shit of me. What are you doing out there, besides being creepy?" He chuckles but doesn't answer.

"I was thinking we should put a gate in the fence here so we can go between yards."

"Why? You can just use the sidewalk right there." I point towards the street still looking at him.

"Yeah, but I like the idea of being attached." I smile then he adds… "Dreamcatcher?" What?

"Umm…I know we haven't discussed pet names but that one isn't really doing it for me." I step out the side door of my house and walk towards the fence, hanging up. His laughter is loud and undiluted. I love it.

"Your tattoo cover up. Dreamcatcher?"

"Are we still on this?"

"Until I guess it, absolutely." He says as I reach the gate. "Ready for dinner?"

"Yes, I'm starving. But I can't stay too long. I have to be up incredibly early in the morning."

"You're always up incredibly early."

"That's true, but tomorrow even more so. I have to go out to the berry patch and pick as many strawberries as I possibly can for the weekend."

"Do you need help?" I wave him off.

"I can manage. Anna is coming late with a few of her friends from school."

"You know I like helping you right?" He reaches over the fence and smooths some hair away from my face.

"Why is that exactly? I'm sure you could find more adventurous things to do."

"I like spending time with you. I like having our own adventures." I bite my lip.

"How did you ever get to be so damn charming?"

"It's not something I can help when I'm with you, Honeybee. Infinity symbol?" I open my mouth to say something sarcastic like Smooth, Holloway…but start laughing about the tattoo comment.

"No, no no no." He reaches down and has me sailing through the air again.

"Why are you constantly picking me up?" I'm always giggling with him. He makes me feel so light and carefree.

"One: I like touching you. Two: I love hearing that giggle. Three: It makes me feel very strong, because you are so tiny." He laughs and carries me into his house.

"You know, I thought when I came over tonight I would use the front door and be upright."

"Why would you think that?" I smack at him but he sets me upright before I can make contact.

"It suspiciously doesn't smell like food in here. I was promised dinner." I muse.

"About that…I was going to cook for you…." I put my hand on my chest.

"...but...?"

"But, I was working on a side project after I got done at the school. I really did plan on cooking. Next time I will."

"You know, I was all excited because I've never had a guy cook for me but—I guess you're just like all the others…"

"The hell I am." I laugh.

"Easy, big guy. I'm joking." He raises his brows at me.

"Well I'm joking about you being like all the other guys…" I see the look on his face and smile. "…but I wasn't joking about how hungry I am. Do you want me to make us something?" He looks horrified.

"Winnie. Do you think I would invite you over just to ask you to cook?" From the way he just asked, I figure telling him that I cooked for my last boyfriend most of the times we were together isn't the move.

"No…?"

"Well, I didn't. I ordered from pizza from Mix's." I gape.

"I love Mix's." He chuckles.

"Which is why I ordered from there. Carpe Diem?" My smile is wide.

"Not even close." I taunt.

"I'll figure it out eventually." I shrug.

"Maybe. Now, are you going to show me what projects you're thinking about? I'm kind of excited about starting a few over here."

"Come on then, Honeybee." He starts for the staircase and I trail behind him looking around me. "We'll start with the upstairs and work our way down. What about a book quote!"

"Perfect and no, why would I cover up a book quote?" I follow him around from room to room only making a small detour in the master suite. If he really lets me loose in here there is so much potential for an absolute masterpiece. We make it back to the kitchen before he really says anything.

"So, what do you think?"

"Rhett, it"s beautiful. I love it! I honestly can't wait to get my hands on this place."

"I can think of some other places I wouldn't mind those hands." He winks, but before I can think of a reply he continues talking about the house. "I know I want to change out the tile in the kitchen. I loved the green tile you had in yours. I also want to change out some fixtures, maybe just refinish all the doors but keep the hardware. A black cat?"

"I love all those ideas, I think I would go with a slightly darker green in your kitchen. And no, but honestly I would like to get one." I grin and his phone starts ringing from upstairs where he left it after showing me how comfortable his bed was.

"I'll be right back." He kisses my lips and races back up the stairs when the doorbell rings. "My wallets on the island! I have cash!" He yells down. I walk around the island, grabbing his wallet as I walk toward the front door. I open and smile at the delivery guy.

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Good, can't really complain." He hands me the pizzas.

"Total is $29.63."

"Right…" I set the pizzas on the desk by the door and in the process drop Rhett's wallet onto the floor and spill the contents. Oops. How very on brand for me. I grab the wallet and start picking up some cash to pay this poor guy so he can get on with his night, but I freeze when I see a crinkled photo amongst the scattered coins and dollar bills. It's me. From that summer. I'm sitting in the back of Rhett's truck with his Silverthorne hockey sweatshirt on and my hair piled on top of my head, a sweatshirt I still have and is very well loved. The same one he saw me in the night of the accidental strip tease. Pizza guy clears his throat and I grab a $50 dollar bill and hand it to him still kneeling on the floor.

"Have a good night, keep the change."

"Thank you! Have a good night!" I hear the glass door shut but just stare at the photo. I can't believe he has this or that he kept it for this long. I hear him finishing up his conversation as he comes down the stairs.

"Love you too, dad. I'll be out next week to help load up. Bye."

"Win? Are you okay? Did you trip?" He smirks.

"Uh, actually no. I just accidentally dumped your wallet out, trying to pay the pizza guy. I uh…I found this." I hold up the photo and his eyes widen a little.

"Ah. That photo." He scratches at the back of his neck.

"Yes. This photo. Of me." I shake it a little and he walks over and gently takes it from me, shutting the front door, then sitting next to me on the floor. I just gawk at him.

"You kept that." I swallow. "I didn't think you…I…"

"You didn't think what?" His jewel toned eyes blaze into mine. "You didn't think I was so gone for you that I would print a photo of you out at a drug store? So that when I went back to college and was missing you so much I could keep you with me everywhere?" My throat feels too tight. My nose is stinging and my face feels wet. I cough out a sob.

"The reason it's so beat up is because I kept it in my hockey gloves until recently."

"Hockey sticks." I get out somewhere between a gasp and sob.

"What?" The confused look on his face is adorable. "Is that like some kind of safe word? We never discussed that…" He reaches over and wipes my cheeks.

"No, you idiot." I'm laughing but also crying. "The tattoo…it was hockey sticks."

"You got hockey sticks tattooed on you?" I nod.

"I was gone for you too, Barrett Holloway." He smiles and yanks me forward, kissing my face, my cheeks, my eyes, my throat and then my mouth finally. He kisses me deeply and longingly. Our tongues tangle and then our limbs. We're still on the floor but I don't care as I pour all the feelings I've been holding back into this moment. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him. The information is banging around in my ribcage or maybe that's my heart about to beat out of my chest. I pull back and look at him. We both start laughing.

"And to think if one of us had just said something back then…"

"Who knows what would have happened then. We have now though." He kisses me softly again then grabs the forgotten pizza box from the desk beside us.

"We have now." He says and we sit on the floor in his entry way and eat pizza, without even realizing it I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff, knowing Rhett will be there if I allow myself to fall. I just have to decide if I can.