Winnie

Kneading dough is therapeutic. It's the perfect time for me to reflect and process. It also really helps with my anxiety. I'm playing around with some new recipes and treats for the special orders next week. Another thing I love about living in Silverthorne is all the events the community comes up with. There's always something happening to take part in. I've been to most of them starting with the Autumn Craft Festival at 13. Mary had asked Uncle Buck if she could show me and Colt around with her and Rhett while he was running his chili and beer booth there, like he does at most town events. She had bought me kettle corn and I remember smiling for the first time in months at hearing Colt laugh for the first time in months. I may have started falling for Rhett for that reason alone. When she dropped us back off with my uncle she gave me the small purple mesh pouch.

"You're a lovely girl, Winnie. I hope you'll be happy here."

My throat feels a little tight recalling her words that day and my fingers automatically go to my wrist, the wooden beads make a light knocking sound as I fidget with them. She had given me the bracelet I had admired at a local jewelry booth that day. It made me feel cared for and special. Something my mom had always managed to do so well, that I didn't realize how much I would miss it until she was gone. My uncle is a wonderful man, and had taken us in without a thought. He's kind and funny and he showed Colt and I love that I could have only wished for after losing our parents.

There was just something about having a woman care for you in the most thoughtful ways that we tend to care for one another. Mary had never let me feel less than one of her own. Would she be disappointed in Rhett and I? If things with us didn't work out would I lose her? The whole Holloway family? That was a big risk. I relied on them. Loved them. Something else to add to the list of topics to cover tonight. It's so easy to get swept up in him when he's next to me, invading my space and scrambling my brain. I look down at the bread I'm kneading. It's time to get it into the proofing drawer before I add the strawberries to it. I set a timer for two hours and call Mare. She has sent me a handful of texts this morning but I needed to process this on my own for a while—now I need to talk to someone about what happened this morning. It only rings once before she picks up.

"Winnie! How are you feeling, babe? You haven't answered any of my texts!" I can hear beeping in the background and squeaky wheels so she must be at work.

"I'm sorry, I'm fine. I was…a little busy this morning." I hedge.

"Busy? With what? The bakery?"

"Among other things…"

"Put me out of my misery here!" I let out a long breath.

"I kissed Rhett this morning…or he kissed me. We kissed." Silence. Then I hear rustling, quick footsteps, a door closing, and finally a ridiculously loud scream right in my ear.

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Pull the phone away from me at her shrieking.

"I'm not saying anything." I laugh.

"Well start talking! What was he doing there? How was it? Better than you remember? What does this mean for you guys? Will there be a repeat?"

"Um he came over last night and ended up staying the night." She gasps and I rush to add. "Just to take care of me."

"Aww, Win. That's the cutest thing. So he stayed the night…where does the kiss come into play? I thought you were still upset about what happened a few years ago…?"

"Well it turns out that he never got my messages that night. You remember Lacey? The girl that Colt had met?"

"Uhg, yes. Colt did not have a good thing to say about that one."

"I'm thinking he was justified in that now, because she was the one that text me back that night." Another gasp.

"No. No way. She didn't."

"Apparently, she did. Rhett read the messages on my phone this morning after I had a small meltdown over him calling me adorable…and it was pretty obvious that he hadn't seen them before. He said he had no idea I was there that night and she had asked to use his phone."

"I'm…well that changes things."

"Yeah…it changes a few things…but not everything…"

"Oh, Winnie. I wish you could get out of your own head about this. I can tell you're already thinking about the what if's…" She knows me so well. I smile at that. It's comforting if not a little annoying. I sigh. "Maybe just try to enjoy this? For me?"

"I promise to try. I want to, Mare. I want him."

"I know you do. So maybe let yourself be happy for a minute before you bring any other emotion into it?"

"Okay, I will do my best." She laughs.

"Oh, shoot. I'm being paged to the ER. Gotta go. Love you!"

"Love you, go save some lives or whatever." She giggles while hanging up.

I'm feeling less anxious now. Mare's right. I should just take this one step at a time, not jump to the ending that I've made up in my head. I check my timer and sit down in my office in the back to get my orders in for next week. I still need to go to the berry patch in Brighton. One of the special orders next week is four mixed berry pies and strawberry cookies for a birthday party. I'm going to need some help with getting all the berries that I'll need. I can ask Anna and maybe she'll bring some friends. My timer goes off and I mix in the strawberries and shape the loaves. They'll need another 30 minutes prove after that, then bake for 45. That puts me leaving here at 6:15ish…hopefully Rhett's busy until then. I'd like to change and clean up before seeing him and maybe brush my teeth, the thought has me feeling butterflies swarming in my stomach.

I get home only a little later than I wanted to. Rhett text me to say he was planning on being here at 8. Plenty of time to clean up before he gets here. When I walked by his house, the lights were on. It's a little surreal that he will be living there now, sharing a fence with me. I spend a lot of time in my yard, so he'll be seeing a lot of me when he's home.

Hopefully that will be a welcome sight. I change out of my leggings and baggy shirt into jeans and a fitted t-shirt, deciding since we're going to be at my house that I should be casual but not in sweats…? Although why not sweats? It's not like Rhett hasn't seen me in them. Or a swimsuit. Or practically naked the other night, or actually naked so many years ago. Stop Winnie. Sometimes I can spot a spiral before it happens. Sometimes I can't. Tonight I'm not going to spiral. We haven't even talked about anything yet. When you've wanted something for so long, It's hard to accept that you might be getting it. I hear a knock and take a breath before walking to the front door.

"Hey. Come in."

"Hey." He breaths out and sets the bags of food on the floor by our feet. He grins and then covers my body with his in a hug. He smells good. He kisses my temple.

"I've been waiting to do that all day." I blush.

"How was moving? Did you get everything settled?" He nods.

"I did. We are officially neighbors. A quote in a different language?" His smile is so big. He looks so happy. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving and nope, that's a good guess though." it's the truth. I only ate two croissants and a blueberry muffin today.

"You should have eaten the breakfast I made." He winks.

"I should have. Instead I had a mini meltdown. It was really sweet of you to cook for me, though." He chuckles and kisses my cheek.

"I'm not unhappy with how the morning turned out." He picks up the bags and walks to my kitchen table.

"What did Knox make us?" I ask following him. Knox may be a lawyer but he's the best cook of all the Holloways, besides Mary.

"He made us chicken gnocchi with pesto cream sauce, garlic knots, smoked brisket, mac n' cheese, apple pie, and a blondie brownie with maple pecan sauce. I got some vanilla ice cream at the store." I'm stunned.

"Those are all my favorite foods."

"I know. I didn't know what you would be in the mood for so I got us options."

"You remembered all my favorites?"

"I remember everything about you, darlin'." I launch myself at him. I kiss him with all the longing that I've held inside. He catches me and kisses me back just as wildly. I'm close to him but not close enough. When we break apart he rests his forehead on mine.

"I would have brought you food a hell of a lot sooner if I knew this would be your reaction." I laugh.

"It's not the food, Rhett."

"I know, but I will bring you food every day if you'll let me." I smile and kiss his soft lips once more before pulling away. Every day is sounding really good.

"I may hold you to that. Now let's eat. I'll grab some plates." He stops the movement by pulling me in again and kissing me hard.

"I missed you." I roll my eyes at that.

"Yeah? Seeing me this morning wasn't that long ago, you know?"

"I'm not just talking about today." Those butterflies are loose again.

"Obviously. I'm really easy to miss." He barks out a laugh at that and kisses me again.

"Okay, let's eat now. I wanna hear more about your day." I get the plates and we fill them. "I meant to tell you earlier but you've done a really amazing job with this place, Winnie. I love the tiles and the floors look great." I blush at his praise but I am really proud of myself and all the work I've done here.

"Thank you. I have a few more things on my list to get to but with the bakery I've had to put a pause on the renovations."

"What's left on the list?"

"Well, I still want to switch out the fixtures in the bathroom and I need to replace the vanity in there, too. I have the piece I'm wanting to use in my shed but I just haven't had time to set the sink in it…the biggest thing I have left though, is re-painting the exterior."

"Why haven't you done that yet? Wouldn't you hire out for that anyway?"

"Yeah, I would, but I don't quite have the money for it yet. I'm thiiisss close…" I hold up my hand and pinch my fingers together. "Doing most of the work myself has saved me a ton, but it still costs a lot to renovate." He nods thoughtfully.

"What color are you thinking?"

"White."

"It's already white." I smile.

"How observant you are, Rhett." He smiles at my sarcasm. "It is, but it's old and chipping. Discolored in some places. It needs a spruce. When I bought this place I loved it, but one of the things I wanted to do is breathe some life into it."

"You're doing a good job of that. I see you all over in here. I may need you to help me with my place. I love it, but it's extremely dated on the inside. I need someone to help me update and customize it."

"I would love that. Seriously, if I hadn't decided on baking as a profession, I think I would have gone to design school."

"You would be successful at anything you want, Winnie."

"And there's that charm I've always been so weak for." He laughs, shaking his head.

"That is one word that I could never use to describe you. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met." That brings me up short. I get uncomfortable with compliments. Even more so with ones I don't believe have any truth to them.

"You don't have to say things like that to me ya know?"

"I wish you could see how strong you are. How absolutely fierce you can be."

"Fierce? No. That's not me at all. Mare is fierce and fiery. I'm an anxiety ridden, clumsy wallflower. That's not to say I'm not amazing. I know my worth. I just also know myself." He's shaking his head again, but this time he looks a little annoyed.

"It wasn't my intention to argue with you, Rhett…I just know who I am and I'm okay with that."

"After everything you've been through, you still manage to brighten the day of everyone around you. Even when your anxiety is running so high that it's physically affecting you, you show up for the people you care about." My face is hot and I'm not sure what to say but he keeps going. "You're incredible, Winnie. You fight through your trauma and pain and turn it into light and warmth and share that with others. You have so many people who witness your strength daily." I swallow and it feels thick.

"Thank you. For seeing me."

"You'll all I see. You're all I've been able to think about since I got back to town. I'm in this, Winnie." Hearing that is simultaneously what I want to hear and also scares the shit out of me. I want to tell him I'm in this, too. I'm just scared that I'll lose so many people if he outgrows me. I go with complete honesty instead.

"I…I'm not sure I can be everything you want, Rhett. I have issues. I'm going to mess things up at some point." He cocks his head and studies me, then bends to the floor in front of me. I fight my flush but it's useless. He takes my hands in his and starts playing with my fingers as he speaks.

"You are exactly what I want and everything I've been missing in these years I've spent without you." I guess blushing is just top priority tonight.

"I've really missed you, Rhett. I want to give this a real try." He smirks.

"Did you think I was going to give you choice in the matter?" Laughter shakes loose from my chest.

"I didn't have a choice either way." His smirk softens to a shy smile. I love this look on him. He leans up and catches my mouth with his, ending our kiss too briefly for me. After he sits back at his chair, we eat the very thoughtful meal he brought over. I laugh and feel myself get even more wrapped up in him and that dimple.

I go to bed thinking about him. About how much I want to be with him. He asked me to go on a hike with him this week. I don't really have the time…or the coordination, but I said yes. There's not much I can do when he says please and flashes the grin that makes his dimple pop. Yes, I want Rhett. Badly. I'm just left with the question that it always seems to come back to. Will this be worth the risk in the end?