John CHAPTER 2

John

CHAPTER 2

“You had literally ONE JOB.”

My brother, Frank, was standing next to my ladder.

“I’m sorry,” I said distractedly, looking at the wires hanging out of the hole in his living room ceiling. “Who knew there were so many white Hondas?”

“Now she thinks I didn’t get her anything.”

“I will tell her it’s my fault. I messed up, it’s on me. Did you do this? Is this electrical actually something that a human person put together? It looks like the work of a family of raccoons.”

“I’m not an electrician, I’m a dentist. That’s why I called you. You know, you gave a stranger my free sex coupon.”

I twisted to look at him. “That is what I delivered? Are you kidding me?”

He shrugged.

I shook my head. “Now I’m thinking I did you a favor, losing it. And I’m also thinking I have to find the car I put it on and apologize.”

He snorted. “Dick.”

I climbed down and looked at my watch. “I’m gonna run to Home Depot and pick up the ceiling fan. What else do you need me to do?”

He looked around. “The faucet’s leaking in the kitchen, the windows need new screens. Oh, and the dishwasher isn’t working right.”

I glanced at it. “That’s because it was born in 1974. You need a new one.”

He puffed air from his cheeks. “Fine.” He dug in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Get whatever one you think is best. Are you sure I can’t pay you for the labor?”

“Consider it a housewarming gift. It’s not every day you buy your first condo,” I said.

He handed me his Amex. “I think I’ve just hit the age where I get why people are so excited to win appliances on game shows.”

“Just wait until you have to start paying those HOA fees.”

He laughed. “You sure you have time for this?”

I didn’t have time. But I was going to do it anyway.

My brother had been there for me last year during my breakup. It was by far the shittiest time in my life, and I had not been good company. The least I could do was make sure he didn’t electrocute himself to death.

I made quick work of the trip. I stopped for sandwiches and pulled back into the parking garage an hour later. The white Honda was there. The back right tire was a little low. It made it easy to recognize.

The complex was huge. A mixture of apartments and condos with an enormous parking garage and no assigned spots. The chances seemed unlikely I’d see this car again. I figured the universe was sending me a sign that yes, I did need to apologize to the poor recipient of my brother’s free peen voucher.

I dug in my glove box and found a pen. Then I scrawled a note on the back of my Subway receipt and slipped it under the windshield wiper.