18. Mason

Mason

18

I've been waiting for this moment since Reed first showed up on my doorstep—maybe even since I met her. And when she left the shop earlier without saying anything to me, I knew it was coming.

I didn't care. I rushed through the end of my day just to walk through the door. Hoping that even if she was going to look at me exactly like she is right now, she'd still be here.

She's spent her life surrounded by violence, only to find love with a man who directed it at her, so I'm not na?ve enough to think she won't be hesitant now that she knows my secret. I deserve every bit of her doubt. But I need her to understand that even if I don't regret what I did to Gabe, I do regret what came before that. Because I was too late.

I couldn't save my sister.

I stare into Reed's deep brown eyes and wait for her to pull away. For her face to fill with fear. But neither of those things happen. Instead, she does something unexpected—she places her hand over mine on the counter.

One touch, and I want to be a better man. I want to deserve her. I want to prove that the things I've done don't make her unsafe. I'd burn the world down to protect her—she's everything to me.

If there's one person who makes me feel worthy of making it through the day, it's her. Breaking that endless cycle of mornings where I forgot why I was climbing out of bed. If there's one person who gives me purpose again—it's Reed Jackson.

"Tell me what happened." She rolls her shoulders back, not releasing my hand. "Please."

I'm sure she's read the articles. There's not much online, but she's a smart girl. She can put two and two together. Gabe died less than a month after my sister, and I was one of their primary suspects. The only reason they couldn't prove it is because my father used his contacts to bury the evidence.

If it were up to me, I'd be locked up. After all, I deserved worse than that for failing Sienna.

"Okay." I pull my hand back and wipe my palms over my face.

My neck is prickling with unease.

I've never said this out loud, which is why I ran from Las Vegas in the first place. But if anyone deserves to hear the truth, it's Reed. She's trusted me with her scars; it's only fair I show her my own.

"Sienna wasn't battling depression like the papers made it sound, even if she'd been struggling the couple of weeks before. It wasn't some long-term thing, and she'd never been in and out of treatment like my dad told them."

When he met with reporters, he played up Sienna's struggles. He figured it made him look better if she was a lost cause he'd tried to save. He leaned hard on the pity angle so his business wouldn't take a hit.

That's all he ever cared about—his money, his hotels.

Sienna and I were chess pieces. Legacies meant to someday take control of his fortune. Neither of us wanted it, and he resented us for it. I think it was a relief for him when I finally moved to LA. Then, at least I could disappear from sight, and he could pretend I didn't exist.

"Gabe and I met in college, and we were really fucking close for a while. I considered him one of my best friends." To even say that makes my skin itch after what he did. "After college, we got a little too heavy into the party scene, which is easy to do in Vegas. And it just devolved from there."

Reed doesn't interrupt me. She blinks up at me with her big brown eyes, listening to every word, even if it feels a little like she's weighing how she feels about them.

"When Sienna turned twenty-one, she and Gabe started dating. It was casual at first, and they tried to hide it from me because they figured I wouldn't approve."

"Did you?"

"No." I click my tongue. "Gabe was one of those guys who really let the money get to him. Drugs, alcohol, women. He used them all, and my sister got caught up in it."

"The heart makes stupid decisions."

If I had to guess, her comment isn't just for my sister. She's also been burned by a guy not worth her attention.

"It was my fault; I introduced them." I shake my head. "They started dating, and Sienna started to party with us. She dropped out of school and made her whole life about him. At first, I thought it was just a phase. But he was feeding her addiction, and Sienna slowly started to spiral. I tried to convince her that he was dragging her down, but she didn't want to see it."

"That's not your fault."

"Yeah, it is. I should have done more." I close my eyes and tip my head back. "She started getting distant. And then she was gone."

"Did Gabe have something to do with it?"

Looking into Reed's eyes, I want to keep this part to myself because she doesn't need to carry any more crap around. But I can't lie to her.

"I knew he was giving her pills, and I thought that was the extent of it. But a couple of weeks after she died, one of her friends came up to me at a bar and told me more about the night that it happened. Sienna was in a bad spot, and the coke Gabe gave her was cut with something else. She was in and out of partying and sleeping. At one point, she went to go lie down, and Gabe thought it would be funny to send a few of his friends in there to—"

I stand up, my words clogging in my throat as I start pacing.

"You don't have to tell me." Reed slips off the barstool and walks up to me, taking my hand and pausing me in place.

She's so fucking tiny and fragile. The fact that anyone tried to break her makes me want to rip their heart from their chest and feed it to them.

"I need to." I squeeze her hand, finding my center when saying this out loud cuts me open. "Gabe let three of his friends rape her while she was sleeping, and I guess when she came to, he told her it was her way of paying him back for all the drugs. Next thing you know, they found her body."

No closure, no open casket, no answers. Sienna was gone.

"She tried to call me an hour before she did it." My throat burns with my admission. "I ignored the call and told myself I'd get back to her later because I was too fucking busy with my own shit. I couldn't answer one fucking phone call, and my sister jumped off a building because of it."

Reed takes both my hands in hers, craning her neck to look at me, and she's blinking back tears. "You aren't why she did that."

"I wasn't there for her."

"Mason." Reed lifts her hand to my jaw, slowly dragging her fingers over my skin, and I swear I've never been touched with the kind of care she offers. "We all make mistakes. You can't blame yourself when you tried to be there for her over and over again. What he did… it's unforgivable."

Dropping her hand, she takes a step back, and I miss her. I want to hold her. I want to let Reed be the strength I'm looking for when she doesn't deserve that weight on her shoulders.

"So, is that why you went after him?" she asks.

"I was stupid enough to think maybe her friend was wrong. That Gabe was an asshole, but he'd never actually go that far. But when he didn't deny it…" The laugh that leaves my chest is anything but amusement. "He called her a slut, said she was asking for it. That even if she was awake, it wouldn't have mattered because she did whatever he asked so long as he kept her happy. He said good on her for finally doing something with her life, even if that was ending it."

I have to take a step back. To close my eyes and take a breath.

Gabe's words still rile up the demons that feel like they haven't yet gotten their pound of flesh.

"I just started hitting him. Over and over. Like it could make sense of the fact that I hadn't been there for my sister." I rake my fingers through my hair. "He was alive when I left him in the alley, but honestly, I wished he wasn't. And when I found out he died in the hospital, I didn't feel bad about it. My dad and his buddies buried the evidence, but I should be in fucking prison."

Reed maintains the gap between us, and I can't tell if she's building an invisible wall or making sense of my actions. But she watches me from where she stands, twisting her fingers around.

She's rational, so it's almost as if I can see her ticking off marks for things she's sorting into columns.

Weighing my moral sins and deciding if I'm worth her getting past them.

She thinks she has baggage, but mine is so fucking heavy I can't even pick it up half the time. It's why I ran—why I've yet to go back. And I selfishly asked her to take on some of the burden of it.

After all Reed has been through, she doesn't deserve me putting this on her. No matter how much I trust her with my secrets. She's that girl at the top of the cliff, smiling down at me like the stick figures she drew in the shop.

Too fucking good and too out of reach.

She might think she's shattered, but her spirit is unbreakable compared to mine.

"I wouldn't hurt you," I say when I realize how far away she feels right now. "Gabe was… that was different."

"I know." Reed crosses her arms over her chest. "You were protecting your sister."

"She was gone." I shake my head. "I was protecting myself. At least if he suffered, I didn't have to focus on all the ways it was my fault."

Reed thinks for a moment, not moving and not taking her eyes off me. I swear she sees straight to my soul, and I don't mind being stripped bare for this girl.

"It's a lot to process. If you'd feel better staying with your brother, I get it."

"It's not that." Reed shakes her head, and it sends her chestnut hair tumbling over her shoulders. "I've been around a lot of violence in my life, Mason."

"I know." That's one of the reasons I didn't want to have to place this on her.

"Men who hurt for revenge. Men who hurt for entertainment. Men who hurt for control." She swallows hard on the last one, and if I had to guess, it's because of Carter. "You aren't a violent man."

"Did you hear what I just told you?"

"Every word." She takes a step forward. "And honestly, when you came through the door, I wasn't sure what I was going to think of whatever you were going to say. But I don't blame you for what you did, and not because you're my friend and I'm trying to justify your actions. But because I get it. And maybe it makes me as twisted as my brother. Or maybe it's because I grew up how I did. But Gabe deserved what he got. You don't scare me."

Those words come out bigger than she might mean them to. They fill this entire room and seep through my pores. When she first showed up at my apartment, there was so much fear in her eyes; I was scared she'd never look at me the same if she knew my truths. But that's not the case at all.

Reed understands me in ways I can't even begin to process. She sees me like I can't even see myself.

"You'd never hurt me, Mason. I know that. You aren't Carter."

It's like she can read my mind—my fears. I'd never lay a hand on Reed. All I want to do is protect her. But violence is violence, and just because I wouldn't hurt her doesn't mean she couldn't still fear me.

It doesn't mean I wouldn't hurt someone for her, just like I did for my sister.

"I'm sorry about Sienna." Reed frowns. "But I'm glad your dad didn't let you go down for it."

"He had his own selfish reasons."

"And I have mine." She shrugs. "I wouldn't have met you."

"That's true." And it has my heart swelling against my ribs at the thought.

A world where I didn't meet Reed? I can't even process it.

She shifts closer, and I take a step. The gap is closing, and I'd like to erase it entirely. I've been understanding, but every day it's harder to deny the gravity that lives inside this girl, pulling me to her.

"I'm glad I met you." I reach out, taking her hand.

It's a little bold, but I can't help it when she's right here, smelling like soap and the future I never saw myself having.

"What are friends for, right?" She forces a smile and squeezes my hand.

But the brightness doesn't reach her eyes, and I'm having a hard time denying what she really is to me.

"We aren't friends, Reed."

"Why do you say that?"

I take a step closer and her lips part, the sweetest little exhale escaping. "Because you'll always mean more to me than just that."

"I don't know why." She shakes her head, dipping her chin. "Even with your faults, you're too good for me, Mason. My life is complicated, and I'm still working through the mess. I'm not like the girls you're used to dating."

"Exactly." I tip her chin up. "You're not. You actually see me."

"I can't be the right girl for you." She swallows hard as I drag my hand across her jaw. "I'm not good at this."

"I'm not either. But you make me want to be. I probably shouldn't say this, especially after everything I just told you. But if I've learned anything, you don't always get a second chance."

"Say what?"

"That I'm here for you, however you need me. However you'll have me. If it's just as a friend, fine. But I'll always want more than that."

My tongue is getting the better of me, but I don't take it back. Her cheek rests against my palm, and our bodies are so close that I'm on the verge of losing my mind.

I've admitted my darkest truths to this girl, and she didn't run from them. We've shown each other our worst. Still, we're standing here together.

"You were with the wrong guy for far too long." I brush my thumb across her cheek.

"And you're the right guy?" she challenges.

"Probably not. You're way too fucking good for me, Sticks. But I'd never hurt you like he did. You deserve to be worshipped."

Her cheeks turn bright red.

"Sorry." I take a step back, realizing that I might be taking it a little too far, and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable.

"What are you sorry for, Mason?"

"I could flirt with you all night, but I should wait until you're ready."

Reed bites her lower lip, watching me. "What if I'm ready now?"

That question might fucking kill me, but I keep it together.

"Are you?"

"Yeah." She wets her lips. "I'm a mess though. A complete disaster. And I'm not over my ex, so I don't even know what I can offer you."

"I'm not a pretty picture myself."

Her gaze skims me from head to toe, and I don't mind the blush that paints her cheeks when she meets my eyes. "You look fine to me."

"Is that so?" I take a step closer, and she meets me with one of her own.

"Do you want me, Mason?"

"Yes." More than I want another day on this earth.

Reed takes one more step, looking up at me with the most sinful innocence. "Then show me how much."