16. Reed

Reed

16

Last night's conversation with Mason is still playing in my mind.

There's a tug-of-war raging inside me.

A struggle between the constant rejection Carter conditioned me to accept and the confidence Mason calls to the surface.

Strength and desire I thought I'd lost.

But I still haven't figured out how to sort through the conflicting feelings. So like a coward, I hid in my room this morning until Mason was ready to leave for work.

I'm not ready to face what we said. Much less how it felt.

Changing tides that make me want more than I can ask of a guy like him.

Mason could have any girl he wants as proven by the looks he gets from beautiful women. He's not only tall and solid muscle, but his smile is panty-melting, and his heart is the gentlest I've ever known. He has his pick of girls in this city.

The last thing he needs is a disaster like me. Hung up on the damage her ex-boyfriend left behind. Barely able to accept a simple compliment.

It's not that I think Mason would lie to me. I'm sure when he said he found me attractive, he meant it. But pretty is good for a one-night stand, and I have too much baggage for that kind of thing.

Mason holds the door to the shop open and waits for me to walk past him. The awkward tension is thick, and I'm sure he's sensing it too. We keep toying with this line of who we were to each other the first time we met and who we are now.

Of who we wish we could be and the harsh reality of what we can't.

There are secrets haunting both of us.

"Hey, Reed." Echo glances up at me when I walk into the shop.

She's caged between Crew's arms, where he has her pinned against the display case, whispering something in her ear that turns her cheeks bright red.

I wave and keep walking.

If I thought it was annoying when all the guys who worked here were single and running through an endless number of women, it's worse now because of where my mind is at. I remember Carter making me smile like that once, and I can't help wondering how long ago it stopped.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for that kind of love—unconditional, even when it's tested. I don't think anyone can love me now that I'm cracked, ripped open, and there's no hiding it.

"I'm going to finish up a sketch before my appointment," Mason says when we reach the door to his station.

"Sounds good. I'm going to go find my brother." I pause in the hallway for a moment, looking up at him.

His blue eyes swim with whatever he's thinking. An ocean of history and I'm still only on the surface. I'd like to reach for his hand—to feel the rush I only seem to get when he's touching me.

Instead, I turn and walk away before I make that mistake.

Just because he made me feel like the center of the world last night doesn't mean that's the case. He's being a good friend, helping me out of kindness or obligation to my brother. It doesn't make this more in his eyes, so I need to continue reminding myself of that.

This morning, I had another email from Carter. When he wouldn't stop sending messages to my work account, I switched to my personal one. But then he found that one.

So I changed it.

Again and again.

Each time he finds me. Which means he's talking to the few people I'm keeping in contact with in San Francisco.

I'd like to tell them not to share anything about me, but I also don't want to have to explain myself. So I'm stuck in this limbo where I can't truly cut Carter off.

I didn't open his email this morning because I didn't need to. Everything he wanted to say was summed up in the subject line.

Come home. No one loves you like I do.

What if he's right?

What if his love is the best I'm going to get?

He always said it was my fault he was so aggressive. Because I was too opinionated and always pushing his buttons.

Closing my eyes, I pause at the door to the office and take a deep breath. I'm spiraling again. Falling down that rabbit hole he's always pushing me into. There's barely a hint of worth left inside me when Carter spent so many years washing it away.

I push open the door to the office and find Sage sitting at the desk, doing something on his laptop. His hair's getting longer than I've seen it in years, and it's clear he's stressed. When I walk in, he looks at me, and I can see the moment he tells himself to relax for my sake.

Like Mason's been doing, Sage schools his expression and puts on a front for me. They think I don't notice, but it's impossible not to.

A cloud hangs over my brother, and no matter how much he tries to hide the impending storm, it's going to rip us both to pieces.

Carter didn't get as far as he has in business by being impulsive. He's smart and patient. He'll wait this out until it's time to make his move. Then he'll come for me. What that means for me at this point, I don't know.

Carter's emails ping pong between rage and adoration. I don't know what side of him I'll get when I'm finally forced to face him in person. But it's coming. There's no stopping it. Sage and Mason can protect me all they want; Carter will find a way.

"You aren't slick." I narrow my eyes and walk over to the couch in the office, sinking onto a cushion. "I know you're worrying about something."

"Just balancing the books." Sage shrugs, closing the laptop.

"Sure. Is that what you and Mason talked about yesterday at the clubhouse? Balancing the books?"

Sage smirks, but he doesn't answer my question. He's a locked vault when he wants to be. Whatever he and his club are planning with Mason, he isn't going to tell me. But I know it's about Carter.

"Didn't think you'd be down here today." Sage changes the subject. "Lyla said you're working on a big article."

"So now you're interested in my work?"

"I'm always interested."

I roll my eyes because being supportive and being interested aren't the same thing. But Mason did say the few articles of mine that he's read are because Sage had them around the shop, so I guess I can't fault my brother completely.

"I wrote a little this morning, but I needed a break." I shrug. "Figured I'd come to see what you were up to."

Sage hums, raking his hair back. "How's the piece on the Zane Hotel expansion coming along?"

"Fine."

His eyebrows pinch. "Do you really think it's a good idea to keep pursuing it, given where you're staying?"

"Why not? Mason said it was fine."

"That still surprises me." Sage leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

"Why? He said he's not close with his family, so it's not like any of this will fall back on him."

Sage watches me for a moment, quietly thinking something over.

"You know about his sister?" I guess.

Sage leans back. "I do."

"And you think that's why Mason wouldn't want me to look into them? Because she killed herself, and he's clearly still working through that?"

He nods, but I can tell there's more.

The silence is overwhelming. From down the hall, the buzz of tattoo needles fills the space, but in this room, staring at my brother, all I can think about is the weight of what he's not saying.

When Mason first moved in with Sage, I remember him saying they had a good time partying together. They got along at the shop and had similar interests. But their friendship never extended to anything more than going out and drinking, so I can't imagine what Sage might know that would bother him as much as this apparently does.

"What do you know that you aren't telling me?" And do I want to hear it?

I've been living with Mason for just under two months, and we've yet to set an end date for this arrangement. I've become an unofficial roommate. We're falling into a pattern. One that's easy to be comfortable in. And it's terrifying because I've let myself feel safe before and had the rug ripped out from under me.

My brother clearly knows something—something that leaves him surprised to find out I'm looking into Mason's family. Which means Mason's keeping much bigger secrets than his sister's cause of death.

Leaning forward, I grip the couch cushion and face off with my brother. "Sage?"

His focus snaps back to me. His eyes flick in my direction. He's been my protector since I was born, so I think he doesn't want to hurt me. But I need to hear it.

"How much do you know about what happened after Mason's sister died, Reed?"

That isn't what I was expecting him to ask. "A little. I know their dad closed the hotel for a month and tried to keep it quiet. He put out a statement that she'd been struggling with pills since she hurt her back in a car accident and that she was showing signs of depression. But that's about it. She killed herself. Most families wouldn't want to talk about that. Especially publicly."

Especially when the Zane family owns a quarter of the most powerful businesses in Las Vegas.

Sage nods, and he's zoning out again.

"Why?"

He clears his throat. "Have you come across anything about Sienna's boyfriend?"

Boyfriend?

None of the articles I've read mentioned him. As far as I could tell, she was single.

I shake my head.

"Gabe Prince."

"What about him?"

"He died not too long after she did." Sage's stare moves to the hallway, and I look to see if someone is coming, but they aren't.

"That's terrible. Was it suicide as well?"

"No." Something about the look in his eyes gives me a sinking feeling.

"What happened then?"

Sage stands up and walks over to the couch, sitting next to me. He plants a hand on my leg, and I wish it wasn't because he senses what's brewing.

"Are you and Mason a thing?"

"He's my friend."

But the way it comes out reveals everything I'm not willing to admit, and I know Sage senses it the moment my voice shoots up an octave.

"Thought so." He sighs. "Talk to Mason, Reed. And if he won't tell you, then I will. But I think you deserve to hear it from him."

"To hear what?" A lump forms in my throat.

The air is being sucked out of the room. I'm floating or sinking. It's all the same because Sage is usually blunt with me, and it's not a good sign that he's diverting.

Sage pats my knee, offering me a sad smile. "It's his story, sis. All I know is what the internet says. But I think he'd tell you more."

More of what?

Do I really want to know?

I've trusted Mason when I didn't know if I could trust anyone, and the last thing I want is to have doubt cast over my view of him.

"He's a good guy, Reed." Sage squeezes my leg before standing up. "Remember that. We've all got our secrets."

Someone calls Sage's name from the front of the shop, and he walks out of the room, leaving me alone in the office.

He wouldn't let me stay with Mason if he was worried about my safety. But he wouldn't have mentioned this at all if it was nothing.

A familiar tug forms in my gut. The same one I ignored not too long into dating Carter. Instinct that I always refuse to listen to when I prefer facts. I don't know what Mason is hiding, but he wants me to find it.

He encouraged me to look into his family, knowing I would.

But now that I realize what he has me searching for, I'm not sure I want to. I'm not ready to lose someone else. Especially him.