8. Kezia

Proppingmyself up onto my elbows as I watched him on my back, I saw the tension return to his shoulders. It was strange that I noticed it, but was I ever oblivious to Cannon? He looked good today. He looked better than good…he looked delicious. Thick dark hair pushed back from his face, still slightly too long, he suited it. Those dark green eyes watched me guardedly as my gaze roamed over his face, appreciating the sharp cut of his jaw and the high cheekbones that should have made him look feminine, but somehow he remained one hundred percent masculine.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"What about my heat?" I asked again, unwilling to admit I was admiring his good looks. I sat up further, pulling my legs up and crossing them on the thin cover of the cot. "You said it's about my heat. What about it? I thought we went over this?"

"Went over what?" he asked, frowning as he studied me.

"My heat!" I said with an exasperated eye roll. "I haven't had a full one, or that's what males keep telling me. According to them, it's making me all…" I narrowed my eyes as I watched him when I spoke the next word, challenging him before I'd even spoken to say one word out of turn. "Difficult."

The alpha missed the unspoken warning and burst out laughing. "Difficult? You think you're difficult?" He laughed louder. "You are so fucking far removed from difficult it's not even in the same word search as what you are."

Folding my arms tightly across my belly, I pierced him with a glare that even my brother, Kris, would back down from. "Is that right?" I asked him quietly. "And what word would you use, Alpha?"

"Catastrophe."

I blinked. "Catastrophe?" Was he kidding? "Seriously?"

Cannon wiped his eyes, watching me with a grin. "You are on the same level as a natural disaster."

"Okay," I said, pushing myself off the cot. "Likening me to an earthquake or a tornado or something, I think someone's overindulged in exaggeration. I get it, you think I'm a handful." I looked towards the opposite wall as I didn't want to see him laughing at my discomfort anymore.

"Should I make a list? Prove it to you?" he taunted from where he sat on my cot, relaxed and carefree.

"Nope. I get it."

"You know, your emotions are heightened because you are always riding the edge of your heat."

Throwing my hands in the air, I turned to glare at him once more. "You think you know everything, but the only answer you ever give me is my heat. Why is she like this? It's her heat. Why is she eating so much? It's her heat. Why is she fighting in human underground fighting rings? It's her heat. Why is she making out with the alpha dick? It's her heat."

"Making out?" Cannon's top lip curled upwards, still obviously amused by me. "I haven't made out with anyone since I was a teenager."

I mocked his use of air quotes as I mimicked him. "‘I haven't made out with anyone since I was a teenager.' Oh my Luna, how old are you now? Fifty? Eighty? Ancient?"

"I'm thirty-three in human years. In real terms, I'm an adult."

"Aren't I an adult?" I retaliated.

His head cocked to the side as he ran his eyes in a slow, careful, almost lazy trail up my body. "Depends on what mood I'm in."

He locked his stare with mine, and I felt my mouth go dry. Goddess, why was he looking at me like that? More importantly, why did it thrill me so much?

"My heat," I blurted.

"I thought that was my excuse?" he gibed smoothly.

"Shut up." I turned away; I could never think clearly when he was near me. Maybe it was my heat, and I was protesting for protesting's sake. Turning back to ask him to expand on what he had been saying, I jerked back when I realized he had moved off the cot and was behind me. "How?" I swallowed hard. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Cannon reached out and brushed a strand of hair off my face. He didn't pull his hand away. Instead, his fingers trailed down the side of my cheek, tracing along my jawline and then back, pushing slightly into my hair as he cupped my cheek. "How do I do what?"

Frozen under his touch, I couldn't remember what I'd asked him. Licking my lips to tell him I'd forgotten the question, I sucked in a breath when he stepped closer.

"Did you enjoy kissing the human?"

"Um." I coughed at the dryness of my throat. "It was different."

"Was it indeed?" I felt his fingers tighten in my hair. "Different how?"

My wolf was silent within me, yet there was a very loud voice in my head telling me not to answer that question. "Just…you know, different."

"I don't know," Cannon murmured, his head dipping, and he skimmed along under my jawline with his nose. "Use your words, Kezia."

"He wasn't you." Where the fuck that came from, I had no idea, but my heart felt like it stopped, and my foolish, careless words seemed to have the same effect on Cannon, who went utterly still in front of me.

"Kezia…" He let out a low groan as I watched his eyelids flutter closed. "I'm so pissed you let him touch you, taste you. I'm still angry…so you can't say things like that." When his eyes opened, they were the mix of his green coloring and the electric blue of his wolf. "When you say stuff like that, I forget I'm angry."

"I'm sorry?" My voice was a whisper as I watched him. The pull towards him was undeniable, and the strain with which I was holding myself back was getting to be too much.

"For your words or your actions?" he asked gruffly, slipping one hand onto my hip and sliding it slowly onto the curve of my ass as he used the movement to pull me into his body so I was flush against him.

"I didn't mean to say it out loud," I admitted as I desperately tried not to touch him, but the palm of my hand was already resting on his pec, and I could feel his heart beating under my hand.

"Did you mean to kiss him?" Cannon's lips were at my ear, the gruff timbre of his voice causing my body to shiver while his fingers dug into my ass like he was kneading dough.

"No. I wasn't thinking. He was there, and I…" I moaned when his hand slipped under the waistband of my sweatpants and his big hand touched my bare skin.

"And you…what?" Cannon kissed softly down my neck. "You weren't thinking? He was there, and you?"

I didn't miss the bite to the word there when he spoke, but in my fevered state, I also didn't pay it the attention it deserved. "I wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed by someone else."

Cannon's hand stopped moving, his lips stayed soft but still against the pulse in my neck, and the room was so quiet that I could hear only my breathing coming in short pants. Slowly, the alpha drew his head back, looking at me in the eyes as he pulled away.

"By someone else?" he asked softly. "Who else has there been?"

"Landon," I answered immediately and saw his gaze harden. "Which you already know, and we both know what happened that night after it!" I reminded him, remembering what he'd done to me on my cottage's kitchen floor. How he'd made me explode as he worked me over with his mouth and tongue.

Cannon was watching me closely. Slowly, so slowly I almost doubted the feeling, he began to knead my ass cheek again. The rhythm of his strong fingers pressing in and out was both soothing and exhilarating.

"Was I your first kiss, Kezia?" he asked me, his eyes hooded as he waited for an answer.

"Yes," I croaked.

Cannon's eyes flared almost teal, and he pulled me closer. "First kiss on these lips," he murmured, his lips brushing mine, and I felt his hand move to the front of my sweatpants. "And first kiss on these lips too?" Fingers grazed against me, and I couldn't hide my wetness or suppress the groan that erupted from me. "Answer me," he commanded.

"Yes."

"Fuck, Kezia." Cannon pushed two fingers between my folds, gently teasing my clit. "Why did you have to tell me that?" he grumbled as his hand started to move, his thumb brushing over that tight bundle of nerves.

"You asked!" I tried to squirm away. "You can't be in there, I'm…I'm bleeding," I hissed softly in protest.

"We're wolves," Cannon answered between peppering kisses along my collarbone, his fingers rubbing soft circles over my clit. "I don't give a fuck if you're bleeding."

My hands were on his shoulders, fingers digging into the solid muscles as my back arched into him, and my hips ground against the rhythm of his hand, wanting his fingers inside me. "It may not look like it right now," I told him, my mouth tasting the skin of his neck, "but I care. So, I need you to move your hand away."

"Is that right?" I could feel his smile on my skin, his fingers picking up pace. "You want me to stop this?" He pinched my clit, and my knees buckled slightly.

"I…" Luna, I could feel my orgasm building. I didn't want him to stop. I might kill him if he took away my pleasure.

Cannon abruptly stepped back, pulling his hand from my pants just as the door opened and Royce walked in. Royce took one look at us, turned on his heel, and walked out, the door closing firmly behind him.

It was enough of an interruption to bring me back to my senses.

"Holy shit." With shaky hands, I pushed my hair back, my body burning from the last few minutes.

Cannon took another step back, his head down as he stared at his hand, his fingers rubbing together, when I realized it was my wetness he was rubbing between them.

Embarrassment flooded me. Pushing past him, I grabbed my washcloth and threw it at him in haste. "Wipe your hands."

Cannon let the cloth fall to the floor. As he finally looked up at me, I saw the mixed eye color and knew his wolf was still riding close to the surface.

"I don't want to wipe my hands. I want to wear your scent all day." His words contrasted with his expression. He looked angry at the thought of it, and with a frown, he pushed his hand into the pocket of his jeans. "Your heat is making us both reckless."

"I didn't do anything," I protested weakly. I didn't miss the flat stare as he took three more steps back.

"We need to let this play out," he told me, coming to a stop at the entrance to my cell. "Once your bleed is passed, the heat won't be far behind?—"

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm a shifter and I'm several years older than you."

Both statements bothered me. "I'm a shifter and I know none of this."

"Because no one cared enough to tell you."

"Fuck you."

"It seems inevitable at this point." Cannon let out a heavy sigh as he nodded in agreement.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it," I grouched at him. With my legs still feeling shaky, I sat down on the bed, hoping he didn't know why I needed to sit. His smirk told me he saw right through my subtle ploy.

"You need me to finish you?"

"No!" I blurted louder than I intended. "It's not something that needs to be ticked off on your to-do list!"

He gave a careless shrug and turned to open the cell door. "We'll finish the conversation later."

"Are you running away from me?" I asked suspiciously.

Cannon let himself out, closing my cell door loudly, but the dark heated look he gave me made my heart rate pick up once more. "You want me to come back in, pup?"

I shook my head. I knew exactly what would happen if he opened the door right now. "I think you're better on the other side."

Cannon nodded, but he watched me carefully. "Once your first heat's past, it will lessen. The pull."

"Promise?" I stared down at my clasped hands.

"I think so."

My head jerked up at his honesty. "Think?"

He looked away briefly. "Never had a mate before. No idea if the urge to fuck you into oblivion dies down eventually."

His candidness sobered me, and I laughed despite the tension between us. "That sounds painful."

Cannon smiled despite himself and pointed over his shoulder to the door. "I'm going to go. I'll stay away as much as I can. Royce and Doc are ready for you to go into heat. Don't shift. Let your body experience it."

"And if I shift anyway?"

"Shift back." He saw my grimace and looked down to the floor. "I'll be here if needed to command you to stay human."

I could feel the color drain from my face. "If you come in here…"

"I can be in control. It doesn't mean we'll fuck."

My eyes got wider. "Have you seen us now?" I asked harshly. "Are you in control now?"

"I'm trying, Kezia!" Cannon snapped at me. "If I fuck you when you're in heat, we're mated for life. No get-out clauses. No takebacks. The bond finalizes and it's me and you, pup. End of." He rubbed his hands over his head. "Do I want to come in there and fuck you over and over until this crazy fucking urge that makes me want to crawl out of my skin and into yours passes? Yes. Yes, I do. I want to slam so deep and so hard inside you that you won't know where you end and I start." He took a deep breath. "But if I do any of those things, the bond is set. We won't be able to break it. Ever."

I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat, fighting the tears back. "I know."

I did. I knew we still had a way of getting out of this stupid mate bond. He didn't want it. He didn't want me, and why would he? Look at me. I was a mess.

"I can be strong," I told him, remembering what my brother had told me the night my heat hit me. "I'm strong, I can fight it."

"I don't want you to fight it," Cannon said tiredly. "I need, we need, for it to hit you like a ton of bricks." Shoving his hands in his back pockets, he rocked back on his feet. "But we need you to remain in this form. Your wolf isn't helping you by letting your body put it off."

"I know."

We stood in silence for a moment, him looking past me, and me with my head turned slightly away.

"I'll see you in a few days," Cannon eventually spoke.

"Absolutely." I raised my hands, gesturing to my surroundings. "Not like I'm going anywhere."

"It's for the best," he murmured.

I met his stare. "For who? If you let me be, this wouldn't be happening."

"If I let you be, who else would be dead?"

That hurt. A lot. I gave him my back as I got onto the cot, keeping myself angled away from him so he couldn't see my tears.

"I'll see you when it's passed," I told him quietly. "For the love of Luna, don't come back in here until it's over."

"You can do this, Kezia. Just try to stay human."

I heard the main door snick closed, and I let the tears fall.

Just try to stay human. Why? When it was obvious he didn't think of me as a human at all.