Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

T he days went by without a sign of Jerrick and his men, and the quietness allowed the west-side pack to reach a sense of normalcy. Despite the lull and daily routine, the possibility of an impending battle still loomed in the back of Astrid’s mind. The stretch of nothingness only heightened her anxiety, and every morning, when she awoke, the prickle of coming danger crept up and down the back of her neck. Things may have been calm now, but something big was heading for them, as fierce and terrifying as a blizzard.

Erec hadn’t lowered his guard, either. When Filip had suggested training sessions be moved to every other day, Erec protested. According to him, they needed every minute they could get preparing, and Astrid agreed with him. When the clash with Jerrick finally did happen, she wanted their pack to be more than ready. She wanted to win.

As the largest and oldest pack of their kind, they were the last defense against Jerrick’s army. If it didn’t stop with the west-side pack, Jerrick would be too powerful. Taking out any of the other smaller, remaining packs would be effortless.

It had to end here.

So every evening at sunset, Astrid would meet Erec at his tent near the back of Svanna Rock, and together they would walk over to the training field and help Filip run drills. The late hour allowed her, Erec, and the other men and women still marked with the curse to train in both their human and wolf forms. Per Erec’s suggestion, they needed to learn how to fight with their teeth and their weapons, just in case a battle called for one over the other. Or both. Being limited to one set of skills could hurt them, and when facing a foe as conniving and tactical as Jerrick, it was best to be ready for anything.

Astrid would never tell Filip this outright, but she had been surprised when she’d seen the two dozen female shifters join his male ranks on the first day of training. She hadn’t expected that many women to be interested. A few, yes, but not close to half the group. As the days wore on, Astrid realized twenty-four wasn’t even close to the final number of participants. As the news spread around the camp, more women turned up for the sessions, some as young as fifteen Moons and others as old as sixty. Soon, the women surpassed the men in number, and in some cases, skill.

At first, she’d wondered what had drawn them out of their tents, away from their families, to the grueling training sessions. But after watching them the first day, Astrid recognized the fierce determination she saw in their eyes as they drew back their arrows or sparred with a partner. It mirrored her own, especially when she’d pushed Filip to let her join all those years ago. It was more than a drive to protect family and pack; there was a need to prove themselves as more than the delicate, naive roles custom had thrust upon them. Like her, these women wanted to be considered equals to their male counterparts. They wanted to show everyone—including themselves—they could be just as useful, just as strong.

And with every drill, that’s exactly what they did.

Along with their warrior numbers increasing, the pack had gotten more encouraging news. A messenger from Rohan’s pack had arrived that morning and had spoken to Filip. The man her brother had sent had stayed up north to rest before his trip back, but according to the young alpha’s messenger, Rohan wanted to join together against Jerrick, and over the next few days, he would be sending weapons and men to Filip.

Now, their pack had a real chance at beating Jerrick at his own game. With another twenty-five—or even fifty—men added to their ranks, they could do some damage. Maybe wipe out Jerrick’s army completely.

If Jerrick wanted a war, they were going to give him one.

Much to Astrid’s disappointment, Erec hadn’t spent the night with her again. But every once in a while, when they were alone and out of sight, he would surprise her with a caress or a kiss that would steal her breath away momentarily. It was enough to make her whimper for more, but as much as she wanted Erec to take her again, she didn’t push. With her feelings for him still a jumbled mess, maybe it was better they didn’t try for anything more again. Not until she sorted out what was really between them.

One late evening, as Astrid carried an armful of staffs and dull swords to the table at the end of the day’s training session, she spotted Erec standing off to the side, watching her intently. His dark blue gaze always left a trail of warmth across her skin, but this time, there was something else hovering in his eyes. Turmoil? Apprehension? Maybe it was a little bit of each. Whatever it was, it made her stomach turn in tight circles. To her, it looked as if he struggled with a secret, and it was becoming too heavy for him to hold on his own.

Was that the look her brother had been talking about? Why hadn’t she seen it before? And what did it mean?

Whenever Astrid reached across the pack bond, she would feel the same things she had when she and Erec had sex. Erec’s desire burned as strongly as it had that first night. His wolf’s need to claim her was a song her own animal couldn’t ignore. She even sensed the small hint of fear hidden underneath it all. But what confused her the most was that above these familiar sensations, there was something else entirely. A strange warmth that flourished and expanded, caressing her like the heat from a fire or the sun’s rays. She’d never experienced a sensation like this before, and it made her wonder…

Had Erec really fallen in love with her?

Her heart beat a little faster at the thought. How could he love her when she still didn’t know where her feelings lay? Maybe she had misread his expression. With Erec, it was very possible. Even with the pack bond between them, he was a mystery. They had been through so much together and still there were things about him she couldn’t place. And maybe she never would.

Astrid put away the last of the weapons before starting back toward her tent. Now that her adrenaline had settled back to a normal level, the ache in her muscles was rearing up, bringing exhaustion with it. As much as she wanted to ask Erec what was wrong, the soreness in her arms and the tightness across her shoulders told her to leave it for another day. Everything hurt, and at that moment, she wanted nothing other than her bed.

As Astrid rounded the bonfire, the rumble of her father’s deep voice drew her to a stop. She couldn’t see him; he must have been behind his tent, but when she heard her mother’s name, her stomach dropped. He was muttering to Vallor again, trapped in one of his delusions.

Astrid crept around the tent and found him right where she had guessed he’d be. He stood there, boots planted in the snow, head tilted up to the cloudless sky. A litter of stars decorated the velvet blackness above them, twinkling like diamonds. Grief gripped her, making that old ache reclaim her chest. She debated leaving him, too afraid to see him lost again; it had burned such a hole in her last time, she didn’t think she was strong enough to feel that pain again. But before she could turn around, he called her name.

His eyes, though, remained locked on the north star. “Astrid, your mother has told me you think you’ve found your mate,” he said, and Astrid’s belly did a little flip. His dreamy gaze drifted to her. “In Erec. The rogue.”

Her voice stuck in her throat. Her father wasn’t really talking to her mother, but how did he know about her clashing thoughts and emotions? Had he noticed a change in her and Erec’s relationship, or had he sensed something through the pack bond? Maybe Filip said something to him.

It wasn’t so much his words that bothered her, but the way he said them. His tone was weighted with sadness, disappointment. Even if her father didn’t like Erec, he was the only chance she had of living past the next Blue Moon. He should have been able to see that over his dislike, yet his expression read of loss and turmoil still.

“Do you love him?” he asked, his mouth pulled down in a frown. Even with the distance between them, his sorrow was engulfing her through the bond, suffocating. But the most perplexing thing was the conflicting sensation of happiness radiating from his aura, too. That didn’t make sense. How was he feeling both so strongly?

Astrid swallowed, her tongue too heavy in her mouth to form sounds.

Do you love him? Do you, Astrid?

Filip had said that when she knew it, there would be no questioning, no doubt. Sure, she admired Erec’s determination, his protective nature, his drive for better. She enjoyed his darker sense of humor and in some cases, his mystery. Not to forget the unexplainable way her body reacted whenever he was around. She even liked his imperfections, especially the way he fought for what he thought was right, no matter what the cost. It was what had given her the courage to stand up to her father in the first place.

There wasn’t much she didn’t like about Erec. But love?

I just don’t know! And that was worrisome. Maybe they really weren’t destined to be together. Maybe they were forcing something that just wasn’t there.

After a long moment, Astrid sighed and forced herself to reply. “I don’t know, Father.” It was the truth.

Boden’s chin rose, and he stared back at the star as if he was listening to a response she couldn’t hear.

“You know…” he began after some time, “I knew Anya was my mate since we were children. I tried to convince her that we were meant for each other many times.” As he mused, a smile slid across his lips. “But she…she wasn’t as sure as I was.”

Really? Her mother had been hesitant in naming her father her mate?

When Astrid peered up at Vallor, it blinked back at her. She had never heard the story of her father and mother’s earlier years. Her parents’ feelings for each other had been so obvious when her mother was alive that it was hard to believe there was ever a time they weren’t together.

Hope swelled in her chest. If Filip had been right and finding a mate was different for everyone, maybe he was right about Erec being the one for her.

Her father continued to ramble on, “She let years go by before she knew how she felt. And I waited. And waited.” His smile grew, lifting the whiskers around his mouth. “She made me wait until a month before my twenty-fifth Blue Moon.”

Astrid let out a short laugh. That she believed. Her mother had always been a strong-headed woman. Knowing her, she would have wanted to be absolutely confident in her love before confessing it.

Like me.

Astrid hesitated. It seemed she was more like her mother than she’d thought.

“You remind me so much of her, Astrid,” her father said. He came over to her and placed his large hands on her shoulders. The weight of them only added to her already sore arms. “You’ve grown to be such a beautiful, strong woman. Your mother and I are very proud of you.”

His gaze searched her face, and although there were crinkles of unhappiness around his eyes, the rest of his expression reflected relief. “As much as I’m going to hate losing you to him when you become his mate, at least I won’t be losing you forever from the curse.”

The same strange sadness and joy she’d sensed from him now pinched at her own heart. She jumped up and wrapped her arms around her father’s thick neck. He hugged her close, letting her feet dangle inches off the ground.

Tears prickled in her eyes as a new sense of confidence emerged from the doubt shielding her heart. Her father couldn’t have known of the emotional war raging inside her, but somehow, he had managed to tell her exactly what she had needed to hear. Her mother’s heart had been undecided for some time, too, and despite that, her parents’ love had been strong enough to break the curse.

That meant there was still a chance for her and Erec.

“Thank you, Father,” she whispered into his wiry beard. “I love you.”

“I love you, Astrid,” her father murmured, squeezing her tight. “My little star.”