Chapter 34 Ruby

34

Ruby

Since Althea's betrayal, Alison had relied on Ruby more and more. She'd even given her a key to the house. When Ruby arrived at the Jacksons' on the first morning of the trial, and let herself in, Alison was in the kitchen wearing her dark business suit. She was getting used to seeing her without make-up. Not that she usually wore much, just foundation and some light touches here and there. Since her mother's death, there was no point. Alison cried every day. It wasn't just loss – it was a dark wound deep inside her that would never fully heal. And today was the start of the process that would see her husband sent to prison for the rest of his life. It was, in a manner, another form of grief.

‘Let Tomas lie in bed for as long as he wants,' said Alison. ‘None of us are getting much sleep. There's leftovers in the . . .'

A great burst of emotion erupted from Alison's chest. She almost convulsed with worry, her stomach and chest heaving out great sobs. Ruby pressed her lips together, moved closer and gently rubbed Alison's back, like one would a child.

‘It's going to be okay. I know it. John is a good man. He didn't do this terrible thing. People will see that,' said Ruby.

‘I just . . .' Alison tried to voice her thought, as if doing so would bring her some ease. ‘I made a family lasagna last night. John loves my lasagna. I keep cooking him his favorite meals. I can't help it. It's so stupid. He's too sick with worry to eat, but I keep thinking he better enjoy this food now because if it all goes wrong he'll never get to eat with us again . . .'

It's the simple things that sometimes hurt people in times of great trouble. Smells, food, souvenirs on the fridge, keepsakes, an old coffee mug, the sound of a key in the front door, even a chair with its cushion worn thin and still bearing the impression of that person – little everyday landmines that the mind latches on to – bringing all the pent-up existential emotion crashing into the real world. For Ruby, it was the sound of ice cubes tumbling into a glass, the smell of bourbon. The worst of all was the buzzing.

The interminable hum of the blowfly's wings.

‘I'll look after Tomas, my little sweetie munchkin. Maybe play a game with him. Try to take his mind off things,' said Ruby. ‘He's a tough cookie.'

John came into the kitchen, pale, drawn, as if he'd not seen the sun or a decent meal in weeks. Which was probably true. The half-inch gap between his shirt collar and his neck told the same story. It was as if his life had stopped. Ruby knew he was hanging on to a thin rope – blind hope and faith in his lawyers.

Ruby would be there, in the courtroom, one day very soon, to watch the last thread of hope snap in John's eyes.

‘Good luck today,' said Ruby. The couple gathered themselves and left. No sooner had the door closed than the buzzing sounded. Louder and louder.

Ruuubeeeeeee.

Look at me.

She moved to the hallway and stared at the red priest. His face had changed. His eyes had turned black and fearsome, his lips drawn back to reveal sharp, pointed teeth and a long black tongue that slithered from his mouth.

Kill the boy.

‘No, I can do it another way.'

Your way is not working.

‘They are leaving after the trial.'

Kill the boy, kill the boy, kill the boy . . .

Raising her eyes to the ceiling, she imagined Tomas upstairs, sleeping peacefully, and the priest's murderous mantra faded back into so much buzzing.

Ruby opened her laptop and logged into her deposit account. The money should be in by noon. Ruby needed that money. She had worked hard for it. Killed for it.

She checked the balance.

One dollar.

She kept refreshing the screen. At first every ten minutes. Then every eight minutes, then every five minutes and so on, as the clock ticked down and it got closer to noon.

11.55 a.m.

Refresh.

Balance one dollar.

‘Ruby, can I have a sandwich, please?' asked Tomas.

The boy stood at the kitchen counter, still in his pajamas, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. She had let him have a lazy morning. His parents were in court, facing the end of a nightmare and, Ruby hoped, the beginning of a new one when John was convicted. Courtrooms were frightening places where trauma, pain and death collided in a war of words. Ruby was not looking forward to being in court either. But she had no choice. She had to go, and make sure John was convicted. She needed the family gone from her life.

‘You haven't even had breakfast yet,' said Ruby.

11.56 a.m.

Refresh.

One dollar.

‘I don't want breakfast. I just want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And some juice,' said Tomas, the crackle from a night's sleep still in this throat.

‘Just go wait in the living room, honey bunny. I'll bring it to you.'

‘Can't I just have it right now?'

11.57 a.m.

Refresh.

One dollar.

Ruby ignored him, all her focus on the laptop screen. Her mind rolling through possibility after possibility. They had both paid, but there was a delay in the transfer. Neither of them had paid and it was going to be a fight – one she couldn't win because Ruby's time was almost up. She needed to run. And she needed that money.

Goddamn it, why hadn't they paid? Did they want to get their lives ruined? Or get themselves killed?

‘Ruby . . .'

11.58 a.m.

Refresh.

Screen loading.

One dollar.

‘Ruby! I'm hungry!' Shouting. Whining.

She smiled at him. A big, beaming smile. Inside, her plans were crumbling. Her teeth squeaked as she ground her molars against one another.

What the hell? This can't be happening.

This. Can't. Be. Happeningggggggggg . . .

‘Ruby!'

‘Shut the fuck up, Tomas!'

The child stumbled backwards, his somnolent eyes suddenly and shockingly wide open. His mouth agape. Body frozen. Tears welled in those big eyes and as Ruby caught hold of herself, and reached for him, fear took hold and he backed away.

‘Tomas, I'm so sorry. Please, I just got distracted. I'm sorry.'

He ran out of the kitchen and his little feet pounded up the stairs.

Ruby swore. She couldn't go after him now. He would need to calm down first.

Then she heard him calling from the landing. Anger and sincerity in his little boy's voice.

‘I'm going to tell my mom what you did. You used a bad word and you yelled at me!'

Oh no, no, you're not , thought Ruby. She was so close now. Just another few days. Just another few jobs. Tomas could not wreck things now.

No matter what, he could not tell his mother.

Tomas would see that soon. Either he would calm down and forget what had just happened, or Tomas would not be here when his mother returned.

12.01 p.m.

Refresh.

All the air left Ruby's body.

Balance $500,001.

‘Tomas, little buddy, I'm sorry . . .' said Ruby.