Chapter 16 Ruby

16

Ruby

In the two weeks that followed Petra's neighborhood gathering, a new kind of tension trod the sidewalks and twitched at the curtains of West 74 th Street. Ruby had felt it. That night, Petra had taken Ruby's subtle suggestion about John Jackson for her own, as Ruby had expected, and even though there was a consensus for the plan agreed that night among the residents, it had taken some time for it all to be prepared.

A few days ago, Alison had asked for a quiet word with Ruby in the kitchen. She looked pained, and not with worry for her husband.

‘Ruby, I don't really know how to say this, but I want you to know that I trust you and I'm in no way implying anything, but did you happen to see my old necklace anywhere around the house? I can't find it,' said Alison.

‘Oh, which one?' asked Ruby.

‘It's very fine silver. Looks like lace? There are a few small stones in it. It was my grandmother's necklace. You know the one?'

‘I think I do. I remember seeing you wear it once. It's sooooo beautiful.'

‘It's old and it means a lot of me. Yeah, sorry, I just can't seem to find it. Normally, I keep it in my drawer upstairs, but it's missing.'

‘I'm so sorry. The last time I saw it was when you must've worn it. My mother used to have something similar except it's nowhere near as beautiful. She loved to wear it with her black cocktail dress.'

‘Does she still wear it?' asked Alison.

‘No, they . . .they took it. The banks. After my father left us . . .'

‘Oh God, Ruby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean . . . I feel terrible now . . .'

‘Don't be a goofball – it's not your fault,' said Ruby. ‘That's all in the past now. It was . . . difficult at the time. My dad just ran out and left us with all his debt. Millions of dollars. They took everything. Mom and I were left to deal with all of it. But we got through it. The hardest part was the shame, you know? But I'm so grateful to you and all the neighbors for everything. I'm sorry about your necklace. I'll keep a look-out for it.'

‘How is your mom doing?' asked Alison.

‘Not good,' said Ruby. The truth. Along with everything else that had been taken from Ruby and her mom, health insurance went too. If they had at least held on to that, maybe her mom would have had a check-up sooner. Maybe they could've caught the cancer early. Maybe she could have been saved . . .

It was too late now.

‘Mom has a year left. Maybe two,' said Ruby with a heavy sigh.

Alison gave Ruby a hug, said, ‘I'm so sorry. I knew she was sick, but I didn't know it was that bad. Oh, God, I feel terrible. I'm so consumed with John and the case . . . and my stupid necklace. It's silly. I'm sorry.'

She had not brought up the necklace again. But on a few occasions she'd seen Alison pulling out the contents of drawers in her bedroom, lifting the cushions on the couch in the lounge and even emptying the bathroom cabinet. Ruby had said nothing.

Now, Ruby stood in the hallway of the Jackson home, waiting for Tomas to finish brushing his teeth before she took him to school.

She stood by the kitchen door.

Facing the front door.

Her back to the painting of the red priest.

She heard buzzing.

At first, she tried to ignore it. Like a fly dive-bombing around her head.

As the buzzing grew louder, she tuned in to its sound. It was no longer a buzzing sound.

It was a voice. A fast, hissing whisper.

Looking over her shoulder, she could see John was in his study, beside the lounge. Alison was in the kitchen preparing some fruit for Tomas's lunch box.

Neither of them were whispering.

John had kept himself busy. Working all hours. But then all of that had stopped.

Last week, John had opened a letter from the hospital, read it, let it fall from his fingers and then quietly walked out of the kitchen. Even before Ruby reached down to retrieve it, she knew what it said. The way John moved out of the room, unsteady on his feet, like he'd just been hit on the head with a shovel . . .

‘The management, in consultation with trustees, have concluded that in the interests of the patients and the hospital, you should be placed on suspension . . .'

There was a tension in this house. The place was quiet. Yet a low pulse filled her ears whenever she set foot through the door. It wasn't real. More of a feeling that her mind manifested into noise. Or maybe it was just the sound of her own heart beating. It reminded her, in a way, of being young and listening to the clink clink of ice tumbling into her father's bourbon glass. A signal for the fear to begin. Josef managed a property portfolio inherited from his father. This empire provided their income, but his gambling was out of control. When he lost big, he sold a property and doubled his bets, trying to get even. But he always lost. And when he lost – he drank. Even now, all of these years later, whenever Ruby heard the tinkle of ice in a crystal glass, it set her teeth clamping together, a flash of heat at her neck and pressure in her head. She knew as a young girl, when she heard that noise, that within a few short hours, her mother would be cowering somewhere in the house – hiding from him. And then the banging and the breaking of glass.

And then the screaming.

And then quiet.

Like a hurricane passing over the house. And the next day, the hurricane would have no memory of the devastation it had caused. Her mother would sweep up the broken glass early, before he woke. Upturned tables righted. Pictures put back on the wall. The floor mopped clean. The swelling on her mother's face brought down with ibuprofen and more ice. The looming bruises hidden beneath layers of make-up.

Ruby had heard some of the neighbors, women, in hushed conversation, when they thought she wasn't listening, gossiping about her mother – calling her common, and not their kind of people because of the amount of make-up her mother wore. They didn't know she was hiding her husband's sin. They blamed her. Said that only whores wore their make-up that way.

Her mother's silence was so loud it roared inside Ruby's head. And when her father left them with his debt, the banks came and all their possessions were loaded onto trucks, and the neighbors had stood and watched. Ruby felt the heat of shame that day. An inferno in her mind that still burned with the very thought of it.

Now, standing in the hallway, watching John typing on his laptop, another sound began layering over the clicking of his keyboard.

The whispers . . .

The letterbox in the front door flapped open and mail landed on the welcome mat. Alison came quickly from the kitchen, and John met her in the hallway. These days, the mail brought all kinds of bad news into this house. John's suspension letter. Legal bills. Letters from the bank about extending their credit and demands for down payment from the construction firm Alison had hired to do a remodel on their brownstone interior. And of course there was worse.

Hate mail. Death threats.

Alison got to the mail first. Flicked through the pile of letters and stopped when she reached a white envelope. It was addressed to John. Handwritten.

He took it from her, tore open the envelope and read the letter. He said nothing, gave it to Alison to read.

‘What is it?' she asked, a slight tremble in her voice.

Ruby moved into the kitchen to give them some privacy. She didn't wait to be asked. From the kitchen Ruby hollered upstairs, ‘Tomas, come on, munchkin. We have to get going or you'll be late for school.'

John and Alison whispered in the hallway, but there was no masking the hurt in Alison's hushed voice.

Ruby couldn't hear them at first. She didn't need to. She already knew what was in the letter. After all, it had been Ruby's idea, stolen, of course, by Petra.

It was a letter to John from the residents' association of West 74 th Street. It said that they didn't feel safe with him still living in the street.

They wanted John to move out.

It would only have taken Petra a half-hour to write the letter, but it took another two weeks for it to be signed by every single household.

‘They want us out of our home,' said Alison, her breaking voice increasing in volume.

‘I'm so sorry,' said John, over and over again.

Ruby stepped out of the kitchen.

‘Maybe it's a blessing,' said Ruby quietly.

‘What do you mean?' asked John.

‘All this terrible stress you've both been under. It's a nightmare for you, and Tomas. Maybe getting away from it all might be for the best.'

‘Mom? Dad?' said Tomas.

The young boy stood on the staircase, frozen, watching his parents. Ruby turned and glanced at Alison and John.

They stood at the end of their hallway, holding each other, their backs jerking as they cried. The stain of the murder accusation had bloomed into fire. A hot poker of stigma that seared their flesh, burning the family with shame. Just as Ruby had once felt.

Tomas ran down the last few steps, past Ruby, and grabbed hold of his parents. They knelt and embraced him.

‘Do we have to move?' asked Tomas.

‘Maybe Ruby's right. We should get out of the city for a while,' said Alison. ‘Just get away from everything. Maybe even kill two birds with one stone. Get the construction firm to start the remodeling early. They could work while we're out of the house.'

John smoothed his son's hair, cupped his face, said, ‘No, we're not going to leave our home. I didn't do anything wrong, son. This is all one big mess, but we're going to stay here. And we're going to fix it. Things will get better soon.'

Even though Ruby's teeth clenched tightly, she forced her lips into a smile.

Mother. Father. Son. All of them holding each other. An invisible tether between them. Even though neither Ruby nor anyone else could see this ethereal connection, she knew what it was.

The love of a family.

Something Ruby had never truly felt. There'd been nothing from her father but fear. And her mother was too damaged.

Love was alien to Ruby. As alien as the smile she now wore. Her expression was of compassion and admiration.

Inside, Ruby was screaming.

The family moved into the lounge, and Ruby backed away.

Down the hall.

As she moved, the whispering became louder.

And louder.

She looked at the floor. And watched her feet stop three feet from the first stair. They turned to face the wall.

Turned to face the painting of the red priest.

Ruby kept her eyes on her shoes.

She knew the painting like she knew her own face.

The whispering was louder now.

Ruubeeee.

Ruuuubbbbeeeeee.

Her head shot up and stared at the painting.

You could have killed them all by now. There isn't much time. You need to get the money , said the red priest.

Ruby didn't need to speak aloud for the priest to hear her. He could hear her thoughts, just as she could hear his. All the same, she couldn't help but move her lips, soundlessly, as her voice flowed through her mind.

Killing them won't help. It will make things worse , said Ruby.

They are coming for you, Ruby. Just kill them and . . .

No.

Then do something . . .

Ruby nodded.

‘Who are you talking to?' said a voice.

Out loud.

A female voice.

Ruby swung round toward the front door.

There, in the hallway, Alison's mom, Esther, stood in her blue slacks, white blouse, Tommy Hilfiger bag and her heels, and her accusing eyes.

‘I said , who are you talking to?' repeated Esther.

Ruby shook her head. The priest's voice shouted at her, but she couldn't listen. Not now.

She didn't like having that voice so loud in her head. It sometimes gave her a migraine. Once, she had talked with the priest for hours, while babysitting one evening – little Tomas asleep upstairs. It was only when the blood fell over her lips that she realized her nose was bleeding. The voice was too loud to listen to for very long.

‘Sorry, I'm just talking to myself,' said Ruby innocently.

Esther held her ice-queen gaze upon Ruby for what felt like a long time.

‘Just do your job. Look after my grandson, keep your mouth shut and your greedy eyes to yourself,' said Esther. Then she turned, closed the front door and greeted her daughter. Alison was in a state again. And her mother held her, but as she gripped her child she eyed Ruby warily.

John Jackson's last words replayed in Ruby's mind.

Things will get better soon , he'd said, just a moment ago in the hallway.

No they won't , thought Ruby.

She would make sure of it.