35. Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five

Sage

I tap my steering wheel nervously as I watch my brothers, their girlfriends, and Lisette all sitting around the table. We come to this bakery/cafe whenever we all want to meet up, so I asked them to meet me here.

Being that I'm leaving for Italy today, I wanted to talk to them. I know myself, and I'm not going to want to eat, let alone hold down a meal, especially with all of the fittings I'm going to have, but after hours of contemplating last night, I know I can't do that for the entire month I'm there. I can't afford to get sick in another country, and if I pass out and someone finds out why…

I think it'll just be easier if I tell my family now; this way, I can leave before they freak out, but I can also call them whenever I need to talk.

I keep my eyes on all of them, and when August smiles down at Hazel, I smile to myself at how happy they look and decide to hurry out of the car. I force myself to keep walking before I can chicken out, but when Lisette notices me, I know it's too late.

"The queen finally decided to grace us with her presence." She rolls her eyes playfully, and I let out a soft laugh.

"Hazel has been here for fifteen minutes?" August looks around, confused, before looking back down at his girlfriend with a smile, and she immediately leans forward to kiss him.

"Sorry, I'm late." I take a seat next to my sister, and they catch me up on what they are talking about, but my mind races with how this is going to go, not to mention last night's horror show. August hasn't told anyone anything, but I told him to break it to Sire once I'm on the plane so I can avoid that reaction.

"You okay?" August smiles over at me, and I paint a smile on my face before nodding.

"What's wrong?" Sire questions, and I should've known that he'd notice.

"Nothing…" I feel the entire table watching me, and I want to say what's on my tongue, but I can't form the words.

"Hey," Lis elbows me, and I turn to find her watching me with a smile. "I know that face, just say it so we don't have to hold you captive all day. I need to feed my turtle."

I let out a soft laugh, and when Sire tells her we don't care about her turtle, she throws a piece of bread at him and the entire table erupts with a laugh when it hits him dead in the mouth.

Vidia gets up to use the bathroom, and I follow after her. I'm thankful for the excuse to leave before they keep asking me what's wrong.

When we walk in the bathroom, my eyes land on a huge mirror, and I pull Vidia to take a picture with me. After posting it and tagging her, I tuck my phone away and she goes into one of the stalls as I touch up my makeup.

"Hey, V?"

"Yeah?"

I pull in a deep breath as my eyes scan my frame. I love my outfit, but when I stare at myself for too long, I start to pick myself apart. I shake my head and turn away from the mirror.

"What does an eating disorder look like to you?" I don't know why I ask her, of all people but I do. She's a physical therapist, and while she isn't a doctor for stuff like this, I still want to hear her take on it.

"Eating disorders look different in different people."

I wait for her to add more but she doesn't. When she exits the stall, her eyes meet mine, and she suddenly pauses. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head and turn back around. She comes up next to me and washes her hands. "There's anorexia, which is when someone thinks they're overweight, but are underweight. They'd have a strict eating pattern and a fear of gaining weight."

I chew my lip in thought as she goes on.

"There's bulimia. When someone eats large amounts of food in a certain time frame. They usually purge, like make themselves vomit, to compensate."

It's all exactly like the article I read…

"Then there's pica. A disorder that causes people to eat things like dirt or cornstarch."

I shake my head at myself.

"There are many different ones. Honestly, I think anything associated with an unhealthy relationship with food can be seen as an eating disorder."

I feel the back of my eyes sting, and my nose starts to burn, but I only nod in response as I keep my back to her.

"And that's not a bad thing." She comes around, and I force a smile. "There's nothing wrong with having an eating disorder." She watches me like she knows everything in my mind, and I hate that I can't paint a better fake smile.

"It's not a good thing…"

She smiles, but it doesn't seem to reach her pretty honey eyes. "Working on it is all that matters. I'm proud of you for simply asking about it. I think that means you want to work on it."

I let my eyes fall shut, trying to stop my tears from spilling.

"What are you thinking?" Vidia keeps her voice low, and I force myself not to fall apart.

"I just feel so… worthless sometimes. The entire world has its eyes on me, and I'm deemed the prettiest model by millions , but-" My voice breaks, and her arms quickly come around me.

"I get torn down by so many people every day, and I try not to let it get to me. I've been doing this for years, so I'm used to it, but it still hurts, and when I stare at the mirror for too long, my brain decides to listen to those comments that tell me to starve for a week."

I can't stop the tears as they start, and when I feel another pair of arms around me, I pull away to see Lisette holding me. "Fuck those comments."

I let out a broken laugh and they both hold me tighter. When I pull away, they both watch me like they don't see me a fraction differently, and I wish I had said something sooner.

"You're not worthless," Vidia starts, and I notice a crease growing in Lisette's brows.

"Sage, you're supposed to be the put-together one." Lis shakes her head, almost in disbelief. "Sire and I are supposed to be the fuck ups, we're the addicts. I'm the one with crumbing depression, and August has possibly the worst case of ADHD I've seen."

I burst into a laugh, and I'm so glad she walked in here. I'm certain she came after noticing something was wrong.

"All of the Hale siblings are just fucked, huh?" She has a smile on her face, but I can see the pain behind her eyes. "You are not worthless. You're actually a billionaire. You're worth more than our loser millionaire brothers."

I give her a weak smile, and Vidia laughs beside us.

"We'll work on the eating disorder." Lis nods firmly, and I feel my eyes watering again. "Okay, no, I'm not the mushy sibling. You know this."

I can't help but laugh as she backs away from me like my tears will kill her.

"I already used up all my niceness. I'll help you, but we're not going to cry about it and comfort each other. Go to your brothers for that."

"You ass," Vidia mumbles before pulling me in for another hug. "You can tell your brothers, you know." She squeezes me, and I nod to myself.

When the door opens, we pull away to find Hazel.

"Now, why would ya leave me out there with those two?"

We all laugh, but Hazel looks serious.

"Sire is so annoying." She rolls her eyes, and when Lisette agrees, Vidia and I are a mess of laughter.

"My boyfriend is not annoying. He probably asked you one question you didn't like." Vidia shakes her head as she looks over at Hazel.

Hazel sends her best friend a glare before turning to the mirror to fix her hair. "I told him you're a good kisser, and the asshole threw his dirty napkin at me."

I laugh quietly at her grumpy tone. Hazel is constantly telling Sire that she's kissed and even slept with Vidia, and I'm certain it's a joke, but Sire believes her since Hazel is always flirting with Vidia to piss him off.

Vidia laughs softly before we walk back to the table.

"Gorgeous, look at this," August calls out to Hazel the second we're in his view as he balances two cups full of juice on his forearm.

"August–"

"I think I can do it standing."

We all try to tell him not to, and the second he tries to stand, the cups fall from his hand and shatter. My jaw slightly drops, and I'm glad we're sitting outdoors because at least the mess isn't in the bakery.

"My bad!"

We all sit at the table, and Hazel grabs August's hand as he tries to clean up the glass. " Dejalo ." She shakes her head, and he looks like he feels horrible, but I hear Lisette laughing from beside me.

"Why do you look like you didn't know the cups would break?"

August turns to the table like a child in trouble. "Honestly… I didn't think they would shatter like that ."

We tell him it's glass, and I can't help but laugh now. Sire shakes his head silently, and I'm certain he tried to warn him before we came out here.

"It's fine ," Hazel whispers to August, and I feel myself smiling when she kisses his hand. "They're just dumb cups, who cares?"

"Yeah, but I feel bad…" August whispers back.

"It was an accident. We'll buy them a hundred more. They were ugly anyway; you did them a favor." She shakes her head, and I can tell her words make my brother feel better.

August tells her something I can't hear, and Hazel rolls her eyes like she's bored of the conversation. Her attitude reminds me of Liam's grumpy mood. I shake my mind of him and smile to myself when Hazel reassures my brother again. "I'll tell them I broke it."

August's smile is back, and I shake my head at them silently with a smile. They're so freaking cute. They've been dating for years now but still seem so in love. They're always in their own world, and I love their relationship, especially because I know my brother is obsessed with her.

"Were you crying?"

I glance over at Sire, and when his eyes scan my face, I remember I didn't fix my makeup. I pull out my mirror and beauty blender, touching up my tear treks.

"What happened?" Sire glances around the table, and when my eyes land on Vidia beside him, she smiles encouragingly.

I take a deep breath and swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm going to tell you guys something, but I don't want you to overreact, and you have to swear on Mom's life that you won't tell another soul, especially not my agent."

I keep my eyes on the table, but I can feel everyone watching me.

"I swear." August quickly agrees, and I feel a smile grow on my face. He didn't need to swear it. It's our twin rule that we're on each other's side no matter what, so I knew he wouldn't say anything. The twin rule trumps everything.

I was talking about Sire because he's overly protective, and if he thinks Angie needs to know about this, he'll tell her.

When I look over at him, he's watching me carefully. "What is it?"

"Swear–"

"Sage–"

Vidia nudges his arm before shaking her head. "Swear it."

He looks between her eyes and it's as if he's in a trance because he simply nods his head in agreement. "Fine. I swear not to tell a soul. Why were you crying?"

I nod my head and work up the nerve to spit it out. I start with how I've been following Helena's meal plan, and my brothers immediately tell me how much smaller she is than me and how bad that is, but Vidia tells them to let me finish, and I'm glad I told her first.

"And sometimes…" My vision blurs, and I look down the road, past all of the concerned eyes on me. "Sometimes I go a few days without eating, but I make sure to eat a big meal after I do that…"

No one says anything, and I wipe my tears, forcing my voice to stay strong. "And sometimes-" My voice breaks, but I clear my throat and get the last of it out. "Only before my fittings or runway shows do I need to make myself throw up, but I don't do that often, I swear."

I drag my eyes to August, and I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I'm surprised when he nods like this isn't bad news at all. "Okay," he starts, "So what do we need to do now? How do we help you? What do you need?"

I let out a laugh, and it turns into a quiet cry.

I feel a hand come over mine, and when I look up, Sire is holding me softly. "We got you," he nods softly. "We don't need to figure it out right now, but we will."

I give him a soft nod, and both boys come around the table to hug me. It feels like this isn't the end of the world. Like, I'll be fine.

"What time is your flight to Italy?" I let them know it's in a few hours, and I can see the worry on my twin's face. "Maybe I should go with you–"

"August–"

"It'll be fun!"

"And you'll be a helicopter twin. I need to be able to do this on my own. I told you guys because I wanted to be able to call you guys whenever I needed to, but you don't need to follow me across the world. That's–"

"Very reasonable."

I turn my head at August; he only mirrors me, pulling a laugh out of me. "I appreciate your concern, August. I really do, but you don't need to be concerned and follow me around." I take his hand in mine. "I want your support, but I don't need you to come to Italy with me."

I'd love him there, but I wouldn't be able to breathe if he went solely to babysit me. August kisses my head before deciding to stay behind. When I look over at Sire, he also looks just as ready to come with me.

"Promise me you'll–"

"I–"

" Promise me you'll call if you need us. If you're struggling to eat or want to make yourself throw up. Just call us, and we'll do whatever you need." Sire holds his pinky out to me, and I smile up at him, linking my finger to his.

"I promise." I kiss my thumb, and he does the same before we press them together.

They sit back down just as the waiter comes, and when he asks me what I'd like to order, I feel my siblings watching me, but when I look over at them, the boys and Lis only smile encouragingly.

I order a sandwich and, thankfully, get lost in a conversation with everyone before my food gets here. Once everyone's order comes out, I wait a little while before I start to eat, and after I take a bite, Lis squeezes my hand reassuringly, and that small action makes me feel better.