36. Amber

Chapter thirty-six

Amber

“ S o, you’re a bartender?” Bryan asked me from across the table. The brewery was nearly empty in the early afternoon, the bare bricks and exposed piping giving the place an aura of an over-priced industrial experience. But with the place so empty, I felt like I was being interviewed in a factory. A factory with an unsettling sticky table.

“For now.” I smiled sweetly, nestling my beer in my hands. My new employment as a bartender was likely to be short, but it was the only thing available. A friend of Emily’s needed help on short notice, and as long as I could pour beer and mix a rum and cola, I had the skillset necessary for that establishment. Though Bryan didn’t need to know that. “I’m looking for other work. What do you do?”

That was all it took. With only the gentlest prompting, Bryan was off to the races, telling me about his job that involved a lot of…I don’t know, spreadsheets? A growth mindset? Money mindset? A lot of…mindsets. The entire time I nodded my head, pretending to listen, ignoring how Bryan’s small eyes spent more time on my drink than on me. That was an odd thing for him to decide to stare at, but at least it wasn’t my chest. And it let me notice that he was already doing some creative brushing to hide his receding hairline. Time was the cruel mistress of us all, but there was accepting it with grace, and then there was…whatever Bryan was trying to do.

How did I end up here, on a date I did not want? Phoebe. Phoebe was how I ended up here. She met this guy at the bus stop and decided that I needed to get drinks with him, something to re-acclimate me to mortal men. She must have really felt bad for me. In her words, “you dumped Adonis.”

Technically I didn’t dump Eldrin, and he didn’t dump me. Eldrin was right. The Darkening Woods wasn’t safe for me. It wasn’t home.

Except it was my home. Because Eldrin was there.

Of course, Phoebe wouldn’t understand that, and I didn’t blame her. How could she? Unless one spent weeks having one’s life saved multiple times by a man and then fleeing for your life through the woods with that same man, it was hard to understand. I also wasn’t the best at expressing how Eldrin was more than just someone I dated—he was a part of me, one that I would never forget.

One I never wanted to .

Bryan segued into another speech about income streams and diversifying passive income and cryptocurrencies and I stopped listening. Was this going to be my life? Going on dates with uninspiring men until I found one who amused me enough to forget Eldrin?

Forget trying to find someone who surpassed him in looks. That was impossible. And that was just looks, not to mention everything else.

I huffed softly. I would be alone with cats instead, and I would be just fine. Cats were a satisfying substitute for insufficient men. Life wouldn’t be too bad. I could get some plants, live ones with actual roots, too. Maybe take up weaving or something. Baking. That was something terminally single women did, right? Baking. And volunteer work.

Even though I hadn’t said anything in about ten minutes, Bryan was still talking, going on about tax exemptions and the car he was buying and something about some sort of make-believe baseball game that he played through his phone. Yet Bryan was still talking at me, and not to me. Did Bryan want to be here? Did I even want to be here?

No, I definitely didn’t. Not one bit.

What was I doing?

“Sorry, Bryan, I have to go,” I said, standing and leaving the table, but not before tossing down a twenty to cover my drink.

“It’s Byron. ”

“Yes, Byron. Sorry. Bye!” I called out, running out of the bar and leaving a very confused Byron in my wake.

I had made a mistake. Leaving Eldrin was a mistake. The greatest mistake I had ever made. I should have fought harder to stay, I should have done anything other than leave.

I did not know what waited for me in the Darkening Woods. I could end up in land where Eldrin failed at becoming king, and I could be captured and have who-knew-what done to me. I’d probably face untold dangers, and possibly even my death.

No, I wouldn’t think that. As far as I was concerned, Eldrin won and would be waiting for me. That was what I was going to tell myself until shown otherwise.

Besides, what choice did I have other than this leap of faith?

One thing I knew for certain—I was not going to spend my life wondering in regret.