28. Amber

Chapter twenty-eight

Amber

T here was no end to the forest.

I could have stayed in that damp, branchy “cave” forever. Really, I could have stayed anywhere with Eldrin forever. But I didn’t like the fact that now I had to keep walking, walking, and walking more in order for the days to pass before I could sleep next to Eldrin. We spent days like this. Weeks? We had to be at the home of the veinwart any day now. This forest couldn’t go on forever.

Right?

Days of walking were followed by nights where we explored each other’s bodies, and I learned his better than I knew my own. I learned that Eldrin’s ears were particularly sensitive, and he discovered that there were few things he could do to my breasts that wouldn’t have me begging for more. Little things, but these were the things that made us adepts of each other, worshipping with the same physical prayers every night.

The things that let us ignore how one way or another, we soon would have to say goodbye.

The joys we found in each other were almost enough to let me forget that the spider bite was growing stronger, its glacial poison moving with each beat of my heart. Every day, the coldness spread farther through my blood, reminding me that my time was limited. We couldn’t try to find a healer, because we simply didn’t have enough time. I could sense it. The poison was now a constant pulsating that felt like someone stuck an icicle against my shoulder and wouldn’t take it away.

At my best guess, we had maybe a week—at most—before the poison would make me unable to function. And that was assuming that the poison didn’t overcome some unknown barrier and suddenly devastate me faster. Despite my worries, I didn’t say anything to Eldrin. He probably guessed my condition on his own, and telling him would do nothing.

Did Vanir know how quickly the poison would kill me? He had planned for our “courtship” to take longer. But maybe it was the exercise I was doing, spending my days fleeing through the woods, that was making the poison spread through my blood. Poison that wasn’t my main concern at this moment.

I stretched my arms, hoping to ease my cramping muscles, looking at what surrounded us in this more southern part of the Darkening Woods. The forest was still an idyllic paradise, fall in a perfect, ethereal form, yet hiding nightmares in its shadows. The trees took on skeletal poses, decked in dresses of golds and reds, sheltering animals that were enjoying nature’s bounty. Too bad I was too busy dying to enjoy them. Though in a way, it was fitting that I die in a forest devoted to death.

“What’s wrong?” Eldrin asked.

“The same.” I looked behind me. “How has Vanir not found us? Or anyone?” Other than that one incident with the hunters, we hadn’t had to hide. We had barely seen so much as a squirrel, thanks to Eldrin’s guidance. From what little I had seen, I could pretend that we were the only people in the forest.

“Are you so sure no one has?” he asked. My jaw dropped. He grinned, and then so did I. It was nice to see him smile and joke. “Don’t worry—we’ve avoided everyone. I’ve been careful to keep us to trails that are deserted and avoid the creatures that live in the Woods. You are safe. I promise.”

“Until I get to the spider.” I slammed my mouth shut when a morose expression immediately took over Eldrin’s face. Worry and fear. I was being sarcastic, trying to make some sort of joke, and failed. Even if he didn’t say anything, there was no way he wasn’t thinking about the spiders.

We kept walking along the trail in silence, our footsteps crunching the leaves underfoot. The weight of what I had said lurked heavy in the air. At least it was a sunny day, and at least we didn’t have to deal with another downpour, though most nights still had light showers.

“It’s my decision,” I said gently, shattering the quiet. “The veinwart’s bite is the only thing that has a chance of working.”

“It also has a chance of killing you.”

“So does just sitting here.”

“But you’re making your end—”

“I know,” I said. “Better the veinwart than Vanir.”

He huffed, his eyes glazing—a sign that he was drifting into a world of pensive thought of which he only allowed me an occasional glimpse. There was nothing I could say now, because there was nothing to say. Words didn’t change the fact that we had to choose from a list of awful choices.

We had had this same argument so many times. And yes, I was aware I was asking a lot of him—would I have been able to sit back and let him poison himself deliberately? To have him die in my arms? But part of me suspected that he thought the same thing about the legends, that they had some truth to them, or he wouldn’t have allowed me to attempt this at all. Though that did nothing to prevent his worry that I was doing nothing but ending my life too soon.

The feeling was mutual.

I watched Eldrin, whose attention was now seemingly back on guiding us through the woods. The forest was peaceful, with leaves floating in the air and beams of light breaking through the gaps in the branches, casting the world in an unearthly glow. Nothing like the turmoil in my heart.

When this was all done, what would happen with us? Assuming I was alive. Eldrin wouldn’t want to go to the mortal world—he’d be miserable, and it sounded like he couldn’t. And I couldn’t stay here. Not with Vanir. This world wasn’t meant for humans. Even if Vanir wasn’t an issue, I would not fit in here. I didn’t fit in back home, either, but at least I’d be around people who aged like I did. I’d have my friends. I’d have familiarity. And Eldrin deserved someone he could grow old with as an elf and live an elven life.

Eldrin offered me his hand of flesh and I took it, walking side by side with him through the forest. He gave me a small smile, one that I returned.

No matter what happened, our time together had a limit, and it would shatter me once it was done.