15. Eldrin

Chapter fifteen

Eldrin

I had a chance to have Amber all to myself, in private, and it was all I could do to restrain myself from taking her and darting through the city.

It was difficult to ensure true privacy, but I managed to lead Amber and myself out of Great Glen by losing the “guard,” that is, whatever cretin Vanir found to follow us. And there was always one of Vanir’s creatures trying to follow us. The trick to evading them was not acting like we were trying to escape—Amber and I didn’t dart through alleys, wear cloaks, or cause elaborate distractions. All we had to do was go to the palace’s communal dining hall, leave through the back door in the thick of the crowd, and then I brought her to a set of paths that led through a barely used gate. See, I had played in this city my whole life, and as a child I had spent every spare minute picking out the secret paths. I knew which ones were not only deserted, but which were the easiest to conceal tracks, and which had confusing turns and crossroads that led even the most experienced awry. If questioned upon our return, why, I was only showing Amber her home by taking her on more scenic routes.

Alright, I did ask her to wear a cloak with the hood pulled up before we left. Her hair was rather distinctive.

When she first donned the cloak, I was struck by how much she had already affected me, after such a short time. I had to be alone with her—craved it. There were things I wanted to say that I couldn’t with any ears near, even though reason told me that I should stay away.

Damn my reason. She made me feel like myself again, more like the prince I was before Father died. It was like I was a tree starved for water, and she was the one thing able to sustain me.

So, no. While I feared discovery of my deeper feelings, feared the danger that being alone with her could bring, I couldn’t stay away from her any more than I could resist taking my next breath.

We walked along the worn forest paths, past ancient trees and thick brambles. And then I led her down smaller and more obscure trails that were little more than a line of worn dirt through the trees, until the boughs hid us from anyone who was more than a few feet away. I had no illusions that our pursuer wouldn’t find us, but I wanted to steal precious time. I took no steps to hide our tracks, other than those that nature took care of itself. If I tried too hard to hide our path, then the king could have questions I wouldn’t be able to answer. And what we were doing was difficult enough to explain.

All I wanted was some time alone, and not to be executed for treason. A small ask, no?

“Are you cold?” I asked Amber once we came to a glade. Rows of gold and red trees lined a field laden with tall, tan grasses and little yellow and pink flowers. The day’s bright sun shone clearly, reflecting the brilliant golden tones in Amber’s hair. Even for the Darkening Woods, this area was untouched, a place not often visited. Here, we had time. Enough time that I was able to indulge in looking at her.

Amber was still wearing the dress that Siliana made her practice that dance in, a sleeveless gossamer dark green gown that plunged low on her breastbone. She was so frail compared to the elves, her body curved where the elven were rigid and sharp. I knew she wasn’t a weak creature, but it was a difference between us that was impossible to ignore. Her fragility meant that she was easier to harm.

“No,” she said. “This cloak is enough. I’m warm.”

“Good.”

She looked at me, and I looked at her. Now that we were alone, and here , what was I supposed to say?

What did I want to say ?

“We’re alone,” I said, stating the obvious. And then, once I realized how she could interpret that, I quickly added, “We can go back. If you prefer.”

“No,” she said. “It’s nice not to have eyes on me. For once. In the city, I feel like they’re always there. Even when I’m in my room.”

I relaxed. “I understand.”

Amber slowly stepped closer to me. Closer than how acquaintances or even friends stood. I didn’t back away. I wouldn’t have dreamed of it. My heart raced in my chest, sending hot blood pounding into my ears. She was glorious—radiant and lively. Her large eyes stared at me. I couldn’t think. It was hard to remember that she was going to be my queen. Vanir’s wife.

Vanir’s wife.

I gritted my teeth.

“Will the eyes on me ever go away?” she asked. “After I’m…married.”

A squirrel crashed through the nearby branches, oblivious to the painful scene below. “Not unless Vanir stops them. And I doubt he will. And even then, queens are not known for having privacy.”

She nodded, apparently having expected as much. “I still cannot believe he wants to marry me. Is there any chance he will change his mind?”

“Always. But I cannot speak to what he is thinking now.” I could only hope. But if I knew Vanir, he wasn’t done playing this through yet. Especially since I was involved. And I saw how he looked at her—he would marry her, if only to give him an excuse to use her however he wanted. If only to see what it would do to me. Whether she lived long after the marriage was another matter. I didn’t want to fully admit it to myself, but it was very possible that Vanir would arrange her death as soon as he tired of her. With lives as long as ours, elven rulers had never been shy about removing a spouse they no longer desired, one way or another.

“I will be here forever, whether I am queen or not, won’t I?” Amber asked. Her hands clenched in front of her, worrying the fabric. “I can never go home.”

“You can always go home,” I said. “The barrier requires someone who is willing to stay. The choice is yours.”

“And if I wanted to go now?” she whispered. “What if I wanted to leave?”

I hesitated. If she left now, Vanir would be furious. It would mean that the barrier was gone and we had no easy way to resurrect it. It would mean that so much of myself—including my life—would be at risk. And then there was the poison to consider—if she left, she could never be cured. She would die. But that wasn’t what she was asking me, for she knew all of this just as well as me—she wanted to know if I would keep her as a prisoner, trapped for the benefit of a people who were not her own .

“If you wanted to go now, I would take you to the edge of the Woods myself,” I said sincerely. “I’d never demand that you stay here against your will.”

She smiled sadly and took a step closer to me. “I think you actually mean that.”

“I do.” She was close enough now that I could smell her. The distinctive floral soaps that Siliana liked to use mixed with Amber’s own scent and took on an intoxicating air, making it all I could do to not lean into her. To devour her.

I clenched my fist. How was it she was to wed Vanir? Vanir didn’t deserve her. More, she didn’t deserve to be imprisoned by someone like him.

And every single moment that passed made it harder and harder to resist touching her, to claim her as mine. A sweet tension coiled in my lower abdomen at the mere thought of her skin against my bare flesh. My hands tangled in her luxurious hair. My mouth kissing her—

“I have nothing to go back to, even if I could leave,” Amber said matter-of-factly. “I have my friends and family, yes, but I had nothing of a life. Just before I came here, I was actually about to move further north, and stay with my mother.”

“That doesn’t sound like you have nothing. Family and friends are not nothing.”

“No, but they aren’t enough , at least, not for me. I’m old enough that I’m supposed to have a job that’s a career by now, a boyfriend who could turn into something more, something that’s not an air plant that I keep replacing because I keep killing it.” She smirked. “Trust me—my friends were not shy about telling me how my life is a mess. A lot. In fact, the night you took me, they gave me yet another lecture.”

“You have no…partner waiting for you?” I assumed she didn’t because she never mentioned one, but I couldn’t be sure. How could she not have one? She was perfect, and I had seen the men at the bar flock to her myself.

“Ha.” Her eyes twinkled. “No. Everyone I dated didn’t last. I’ve just been picky. I haven’t found the one that I can’t live without, like they say. Sure, I found some I could live with, especially if they worked a lot and weren’t home much, but that’s not the same thing.”

“That is something I think I understand perfectly.” I examined her expression, searching for any sign that she was thinking about me like how I was consumed by her. “But would you go home? If you could?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “I’m the only human here. Why would I want to stay?” Her face searched mine while she asked her question, as if asking something deeper of me in turn.

Why indeed? Though my heart plummeted at hearing that she was willing to leave. She may have enjoyed our time together, and I was starting to think at times that she might feel something for me, but I wasn’t enough to make her want to stay. How could one person be enough to give up everything and everyone you had known? And that was even if we found a way to be together with her pledged to Vanir. And even if we somehow found a way around her engagement, the fact remained that Vanir was king, and my life and hers would be in constant danger. At most, we could hope for a life of begrudging tolerance and constant humiliations. At worst… I had nothing to offer her. I was a Prince of the Darkening Woods, and I couldn’t even promise her safety.

The wind gusted through the trees, scattering leaves through the air, and Amber clutched the cloak tighter around her. I listened carefully—there was nothing but birds and a few small animals in the woods. Our people were stealthy, but it was very hard to sneak up on another elf, especially if we were paying attention. And I was. I couldn’t let myself be distracted by the red and gold foliage, the pink and yellow flowers, or how Amber stood so close to me, devastatingly raw and beautiful.

“What about you?” Amber asked, an eyebrow raised. “Do you have anyone waiting for you…anywhere?”

“No. If you haven’t noticed, my position is complicated. I haven’t found the right person who…Vanir would…”

“Ah. Yeah, I could see him being a soggy onion.”

I chuckled. “Yes, he is.”

“How did this happen?” Amber asked, gesturing with her hand towards the city. “People like you. I’ve seen it. People don’t like Vanir. God knows I’ve heard enough about that. You could’ve been king. Easily, I think.”

How did this happen? The how and why were something that had kept me awake more nights than I wanted to admit. “ A few things,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “I didn’t want to end the enjoyable life I’d had and I was afraid I would fail if I tried.” That was the truth, formed as simply as I could. I couldn’t bear the thought of lying to her—the truth was one of the few things I could give.

“I’m hardly one to lecture anyone on that,” Amber said with a smile. “I just told you—I’ve been hearing the same things over and over from my friends.”

Nothing changed? She didn’t seem disgusted or angry. Instead, the same open, content expression looked back at me. Was it possible? She…didn’t think less of me for that?

“As a prince, I had pleasures without the responsibility.”

“Oh?”

“I could go where I wanted, when I wanted. I could disappear for days in the Woods and no one would care.”

“Ah.” She laughed. “ Those kinds of pleasures.” My heart skipped when I realized what she must’ve been thinking. At least she was corrected. I was no stranger to women, drink, or gambling, but I didn’t enjoy them as much as being alone in the Woods with nothing but the trees’ songs to keep me company. And maybe Oristan. Though, if he was along, our journey usually involved a lot of wine.

“There’s more,” I said, emboldened. “I foolishly thought it would be best for our people if Vanir was king. And he isn’t a horrible ruler. As long as you aren’t his family.”

“You sure about that?” Amber asked.

“What are you speaking of? ”

She shrugged. “Maybe people are more careful with you, but it sounds like he’s been…how do I put it? A tyrant.” She huffed. “I think some of your people don’t think I speak the same language. They’ve been saying a lot of things around me.”

What? How could Amber have heard of something like this while I hadn’t? I heard murmurings, yes, but that accompanied all rulers. “Can you give me an example?”

“Yeah, apparently he has a pleasure house in…Red Grin?”

“Grove.”

“That. And it’s been staffed by people who aren’t happy to be there. Or want to be.”

I cursed under my breath. Vanir did have a pleasure house back in our old world, but it hadn’t come with us to this one. The old one was staffed with courtesans who were trained and compensated well for their services to courtiers. That he felt the need to install one here, so quickly…

“And he’s apparently had no issue taxing people within an inch of their existence here,” she continued. “I didn’t even know elves had currency, but it seems he’s been doing his best to take as much as he can.”

There had been displays of excess wealth on both him and Ivas in the last months. Was Amber right? Our people were fewer than before, and any gold in the land was drastically limited, even though we still had a burgeoning commerce that had adjusted decently well, considering. Did Vanir truly act so fast to claim what was left, not caring that it would destroy what economy we still had?

“Oh, and apparently he likes to cut off hands as a punishment.”

“What?”

Amber shrugged. “I had the impression that was just something that was done here.”

“No. No, it is not. Not unless the crime is severe. And if it was that severe, I would have heard of it.”

Would I have heard if someone had committed such a crime? And if I had, what could I do about it? Vanir was the king, and I was not. And that was how it was going to be. There was no other choice.

“So,” Amber said, “that’s not normally done for failing to pay taxes?”

The blood left my face. “No. Absolutely not.”

For the first time, I wished I had fought harder, fought at all for the throne. I would’ve been able to protect Amber, for one. And unlike Vanir, I wouldn’t have been so focused on my own wealth to the exclusion of all else. I had my faults, but would I have been a better ruler? Now I would never know. It was too late.

“What is it?” Amber asked, taking yet another small step closer to me. Too close. “I’ve upset you.”

“No. There is no possible way for you to upset me.”

“Oh, give it time.” She grinned. “I promise I’ll manage it. ”

Time. Time we did not have, for anything. In a matter of weeks she would be bound to the barrier, and married to Vanir. She would be queen, and I would be a prince kept on the periphery, carefully managed or destroyed.

“Something is wrong,” she said. Tentatively, she placed her hand on my upper arm. Her touch shocked me, forcing my repressed thoughts to the surface. My desire to take her for myself. To hold her. Treasure her. To make her cry out my name in rapt pleasure. I craved everything I could do with and for her. I wanted her to be mine. “You can tell me,” Amber said softly. “I promise I won’t say anything.”

I raised my gaze. Her hand trembled slightly, even as it rested on me. Her breath quickened. How could I explain that it was the fact that someday I wouldn’t be able to see her except at formal occasions, that soon, I would have to leave her to fend for herself, and that was what troubled me? The meager protection I could give would end too soon.

Her gaze locked with mine, and all of my fears fled. There was nothing but her—her steady breath, her delicate lips. Before I knew it, I had reached out my hand of flesh, moving a strand of brilliant red hair out of her face. Now my own hand was shaking from lightly touching her skin, from doing something so intimate.

We stood, watching each other, frozen in the moment. I could do it. I could lean forward and give into what I craved. She might let me. She might want me to. She—

And then she kissed me .

At first, I was so taken aback I stilled, and then all conscious thought stopped. The sight of her lost in the pleasure of her skin touching mine, the little sigh of contentment that escaped her lips, forced all else away. The touch of her was enough to send my senses dancing to the absolute edges of desire.

More. I needed so much more. Whatever she wanted from me was hers. Anything.

I’d had my first taste, and I was never going to be satisfied.

Her lips searched mine, hesitatingly at first, and then bolder as I reciprocated. I took her into my arms, relishing each angle and curve of her body, the way her breath caught with each movement. The feel of her supple skin through the fabric of her dress. How she yielded to me, letting my hands grasp what I had dreamed of doing since the moment we met. Her form, even down to her hips, was perfect in my hands. I was careful with my hand of bone, careful not to prod her unexpectedly, but she did not flinch. Instead, she pushed against me, her own hands exploring along with her lips.

This kiss— her —was nothing like I imagined. She tasted like spring, sweet and fresh, and full of life in the prime of bloom. She moaned against my mouth and I stirred, my attention drifting far lower as that sweet tension turned into an exquisite throbbing. I was content with this, just holding her and kissing her, but she made me already think of so much more. How she would feel with her legs around me. How she would look with me inside her. What she would do as she was falling apart from pleasure in my arms. I started to harden as I pressed against her, and it was only the fact that we could be discovered and everything destroyed that I did not initiate more with her here and now.

She was meant to be with me. I knew it. Her sweet kiss was pulling me in deeper, sinking me into a world in which she was the only thing that mattered—but at the same time she was bringing me back to myself, like I was waking from centuries of sleep. I could change things. I could make a future for us. I could do that. For her, I’d be what I failed to be before.

Fuck Vanir. He was not going to take her. I wasn’t sure how, but there was no possibility I’d let him have her, especially if she wasn’t willing. If she wanted to be mine, she would be, no matter the devastation. For her, I’d risk everything, for what was life if I couldn’t have her in it?

And then she took my hands—both of them—into her own. And I forgot everything.