Chapter Seven

Rory is still standing near the door, a look of apprehension on his face. I want to yell and scream at him and understand why he didn’t tell me. If I had seen him in the first few weeks after being back in my old life I would have but since then the pain has faded and I have missed him like crazy. I know him well enough to know everything Rory does is to protect the people he loves.

He looks like he hasn’t been taking care of himself. I want to reach out and run my hands through his long thick hair and tell him everything will be okay. But because of me he is facing pretty serious charges, if he gets caught with me, I’m sure they would lock him up until his trial. I should have done the smart thing and stayed away, but after seeing Mercer I knew I couldn’t any longer.

I need to get to the bottom of what happened to me; what sort of life did I lead being a serious bitch with an asshole boyfriend, somewhat cheating on him with some small time drug dealer from the wrong side of the tracks, who also works for my uncle, a brother who was killed and my family, who have seemed to not breathe a word of it. I was put into a psych ward, but I have a feeling I wasn’t there because I needed to be. I somehow met Rory during my time there. But when I was found, why didn’t he tell me he knew me?

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, looking at the floor.

“For what exactly, because I’m a little confused.” He moves closer, still avoiding eye contact.

“For lying to you, I wanted to tell you so many times, but it was safer for you to not remember.”

He sits down at the end of the bed, still not close enough for me to reach him.

“Can you answer some questions?” He nods and I start from the beginning.

“How did we meet?” He looks up at me and smiles.

“My mum was at the same hospital, she refused to be seen in a public hospital, checking yourself into one that costs more than a middle class family’s yearly wage is more acceptable. I hated visiting her and one day I saw this girl being dragged in, kicking and screaming. At first I thought you were crazy just like my mum but the closer I moved towards where they were taking you I could hear you screaming something about someone being shot and lying on the floor, that they needed to help him before it was too late. You were extremely upset and maybe in shock. The second time I saw you, you looked hollow, lifeless. I would say hello and you would just stare at me. I started visiting for longer, always finding you sitting on a garden bench. You never spoke, but you always listened.”

“How did we get out?” He fiddles with his hair, tying it up into a bun.

“One day I sat down on the bench, and you didn’t seem so out of it. You wouldn’t look at me but you said two words, help me. I didn’t honestly think too much of it, we were in a psych hospital after all. The following weekend you looked better and you started talking to me more. Long story short you stopped taking your meds they were feeding you, slowly only taking certain ones when you had to. It was three months after you first spoke to me I knew I had feelings for you. We spoke about everything. You eventually told me you were afraid for your life. I wish that I never left you alone that night, I’m so sorry they found you.”

“Do you know who was after me?” He shakes his head no adamantly.

“You said it was too dangerous to tell me, the less I knew about your life the better. Only being in the hospital, you feared they were slowly killing you.”

“Echo told me he doesn’t think my father would do something like that.” He looks at me strangely.

“Who is Echo?” He asks with a raised brow.

“A guy I kind of dated from what I’ve been told. He works for my uncle and I had another brother too and that he was killed.”

He shifts his weight looking uncomfortable. “We will figure this out, I was worried you might have thought I did kidnap you.”

I move forward and crawl into his lap, straddling him. He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on my head. “I never thought that you would hurt me.” I murmur, taking a deep breath of his calming scent.

“When we found you on the beach, I was so scared. I didn’t want to tell anyone for fear of what they might think. I figured you would recover then we could take off just like we had planned and stay away until you were legal. It wasn’t a solid plan, but it was all I could think of at the time. When you didn’t have your memories at first I thought it was an act, but when I realised it wasn’t I thought it was perfect. You were safe enough and if I knew the cops were close, I would have run and taken you with me. Your parents should have been away for another month but for some reason they came home early. I seriously think someone tipped them off.”

“Did any of the others know about us?” I feel him take a deep breath.

“No, I had to tell them once I was released.” I feel tears spring to my eyes.

“I’m sorry you were arrested, and the restraining order. I had no choice.” He gently kisses the top of my head as he slowly rocks us back and forth. It’s such a comforting gesture I didn’t know I needed right now.

“Don’t be. My solicitor says they have no case, with you having no memory and being the only witness, makes it easier.

A knock at the door startles me, the sound is sharp and almost urgent. “Come in.” Rory calls out. Mac walks in and takes in the way I’m sitting in Rory’s lap.

“Is Chloe okay?” He nods at me.

“She threw up and told me I was beautiful, then passed out again. Um anyway, so her phone kept ringing, I ignored it but whoever it was didn’t give up, so I answered.”

I hear a faint ‘Chev’ come from his hand.

“The dude is furious and wants to talk to you.” I hold my hand out for the phone, I can hear Chev cursing before I place it to my ear.

“Hello.” I say innocently as if I don’t know why he is calling.

“Where is Chloe and who the hell answered her phone?” He demands, his voice full of venom and a slight hint of worry.

“I don’t know if that is any of your business.” He curses again causing me to smile. Rory and Mac share a look, then turn back to me.

“It is my business.” He states.

“Why don’t you just leave her alone, Chev? You’re the reason she got drunk and acted like this in the first place. You’re not good enough for her, just let her move on. She is safe, my friend Mac is taking care of her and we will be home when she sobers up. Goodbye.” I hang up before he can say anything else. I giggle as I hand the phone back to Mac.

“Ex-boyfriend?” He asks, taking the phone from my hand.

“Nope. Stepbrother who thinks he owns her.” Mac nods and says he will leave us alone, he wants to check on Chloe.

“Let’s go put the guys out of their misery before Rocky comes barrelling through the door.” Rory suggests. I take the opportunity to ask what is going on with him, he didn’t seem right.

“Is Rocky doing okay?”

“Not really, he’s gone back on his medicine and is dropping his training. We think he’s depressed, but he won’t let us in enough to figure it out.”

“It’s all my fault, I left.” He wraps his arms tightly around me, kissing the top of my head.

“It’s not your fault, we all love you and it hit us all hard. Mercer has been fighting, Rocky on his meds, Maximus has been quiet and withdrawn, Levi has been training himself hard…”

“And you?” I ask afraid of what he will say, it’s hard to hear about the guys but Rory closes himself off from the others and is good at hiding his pain.

“Drinking,” he says, swallowing audibly. “I can’t feel the pain of losing you again if I can’t even feel my legs.” I take his hands in mine, rubbing my thumb over his.

“Please Rory, you mean the world to me, I would never leave you, I need you to know that. This is only temporary. As soon as I know what happened, I will be back here, and you will have to kick me to the curb if you don’t want me anymore.”

“Move in with me.” I open my mouth and close it, my lips pulled in a line. “All of us, move in here.”

“Um, I’m not sure your mum will like that idea.” I know when you miss people you say crazy things, but I think this takes the cake.

“My father is divorcing her; this house belongs to my father’s side of the family and mum signed a prenup before they got married. The house is legally mine when I turn eighteen. When mum gets out of the hospital, she is moving into a new house my father purchased for her. It’s already settled, and my father doesn’t plan to come visit very often so he will stay somewhere else.”

“Without my memories Rory, I’m legally bound to stay with my parents. Even if I were to get married, it wouldn’t matter because they can argue I’m not in my right mind.” I overheard my mother and father talking about it. My father got angry about it and told my mother to drop it.

“So, what do we do?”

“We’ll find a way to see each other until I can figure out what happened.”

He leans in and presses his lips to mine in a tender kiss. “I will find a way for you to be here with us, even if I have to hire the world’s best private detective to find your memories for you.” I laugh against his lips.

“I love you.” He doesn’t say it back, words are not needed to know he loves me too. He flips me onto my back and hovers above me, his hair falling partially out of the bun and to one side of his face. His body rocks into mine as our lips move together. My hands exploring his body under his shirt. His body breaks out in goosebumps with my soft touch and he moans into my mouth.

“Okay times up.” Rocky announces flinging the door open. “See I told you. No dry humping JD until we all get to hold her, you’re being selfish Rory.”

“Jealous, much?” Rory teases. We both sit up and I straighten my dress and hair.

“Yes, actually I am.” Mercer laughs. I miss the husky tone he has, it does things to me I never thought a voice would. They all crowd around the bed telling me how much they missed me.

“Guys, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll find a way to see you, but I need to finish school and get my memories back. My therapist says if I can figure out why I locked my mind in the first place then maybe I can unlock it.”

“We can come up with a plan in the morning, for now we need to sleep.” Levi says, always the responsible one. I stand and step into his arms, burying my head into his chest and breathing in his Levi scent, like rain on a hot day.

“I missed you.” I whisper, not knowing if he heard me or not.

“I missed you too.” He holds my arms and moves me back so he can look at me. “I really love that dress.”

“It reminds me of my present.” Rocky adds.

“That’s why I wore it, to try and feel close to you all.”

“How about I go and get that huge foam thingy your mum bought when we were learning to do flips in the yard and set it up downstairs.” Mercer says to Rory.

“What, the one time she actually gave a shit about me, maybe she didn’t want blood in her precious house.”

“Sounds about right, come help me carry it inside.” Mercer and Rory leave to go downstairs. Levi still has his arms on me, his eyes are intense and raw.

“You know...” he says, walking backwards with me. “I know what would look better on you.”

“Hmm what’s that?” I say when my back hits the wall.

“My shirt.”

He spins me so fast, I’m slightly dizzy. My hands shoot out quickly, bracing myself so I don’t smack my face against the wall, as his hand slides up my leg. I’m acutely aware of Rocky now standing to my left. My whole body instantly feels like it has been turned to liquid.

“Or me.” Rocky whispers in my other ear.

I hear the zip on my dress, click by click, each little spoke, one by one slowly undoing. My core throbs, my nipples go hard. When the agonising wait is over, I let the dress fall to the floor. Levi bends down and I step out of it, turning to face forwards. Both him and Rocky standing in front of me, taking in the sight.

“Perfection.” My body goes rigid, I didn’t forget Maximus was in the room, just slightly side-tracked by hormones. Levi steps aside and whispers in Rocky’s ear, he nods. They don’t say anything, but they leave the room. My eyes haven’t left Maximus. I see the internal fight he is having. He is a teenage boy after all.

“Do you like what you see?” His dark brown eyes take in my appearance. I walk slowly towards him, he doesn’t speak, but he watches me curiously as I approach. He is sitting on a desk chair, arms hanging limply at his sides, his legs slightly parted. I straddle his lap, feeling his length against my barely there underwear. His hands go to my waist, he isn’t like the others who jump straight in, he holds back afraid of his own actions. He hasn’t told me about his past, but I have pieced together that he was sexually assaulted, a war in his own mind about it being okay to like certain aspects of sexual contact.

I moan at the feeling of his hands running up my waist, slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. I try to sit still and allow him to explore. When he reaches my collar bone, he looks at me for permission. Lust flares in my eyes and that’s all the confirmation he needs. His hand slides to my neck and he applies a small amount of pressure, not enough to cut off my air supply. I love that he is trying to find a balance within himself. When his grip tightens a bit more, I move my hips causing some friction in the right place. I’m so on edge that I need to orgasm and the way he is looking at me would almost be enough.

With a muffled noise I see his eyes, they go from curious to sad. His hands drop and he stands with me still wrapped around him and walks us both to Rory’s bed.

Placing me down slowly, he follows, his body is covering mine. His breathing is erratic, I’m sensing he may be on the verge of a panic attack.

“Banana.” He whispers, sliding back and jumping to his feet, his eyes watering. He backs away putting some space between us. I don’t want him to feel alone at this moment, as he drops to the floor, I want to run to him but I need to cover myself. I hop off the bed and go to Rory’s closet and pull out one of his black and white Metal Mulisha shirts and slip it on.

Maximus is still on the floor, his legs crossed and his head resting in his hands. I make my way to him; he doesn’t look up at me. I kneel down in front of him and move his hands from his face.

“Hey, it’s okay. You didn’t hurt me, I trust you.” He nods his head, going back to being silent. I want him to trust what I’m saying. “How about we head downstairs and see what the guys are doing.” I stand and help him up.

“I’m not going anywhere, you have all the time you need with me, I don’t care if it takes years, the others can just deal. I know every time you talk to me or touch me it takes a lot from you. How about when all this drama with my family is over the two of us speak to your therapist? I don’t need him to bring up your past, I’m sure he is smart enough to help us figure out how to move forward.” He nods and smiles, liking the idea of going just the two of us.

We hear bickering as we head downstairs. Levi and Mercer are facing off against Rocky and Rory.

“You can’t just do that without consulting us first.” Levi snaps, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I can do whatever I like, no one is forcing you to do anything.” Rory replies.

“We need to decide what we are all doing next year, not all of us have money to fall back on.” Mercer argues. Maximus and I stay silent, watching the exchange from the door, no one realising we are standing there.

“If money is all you’re worried about I have told you a million times, I have plenty of it and you know what? I would give it all to you if that’s what it takes. I would be happy to live in a shack. Money makes people miserable.”

“I don’t want your money.” Mercer seethes, throwing some blankets on the floor.

“If anyone wants my opinion, I think it’s an awesome idea.” Rocky smiles.

“No one asked you Rocky, neither of you have thought this through.” Levi isn’t happy. I decide to stop eavesdropping and walk into the room.

“What are we fighting about so I can weigh in.” All four sets of eyes snap to Maximus and I, as we join them in the centre of the living room. They have moved the furniture and laid down a huge mat, decked out with pillows and blankets.

“Us all moving in together.” Rocky says, answering me. “Tell these idiots it’ll be fine.”

“I think it is a good idea, but we would have a lot to talk about first. How about we focus on our block exams next week? I missed so much I may bomb mine and need to live off Rory for the rest of my life.” They all laugh and as much as I was joking, I am worried about how I will do. “I was lucky most of my classes have been okay, I’ve had to do a fair bit of revision but since I have zero idea what I want to do with my life, everything is up in the air.”

“After exams, we have school holidays and Maximus finally catches up and turns seventeen. I think we should just chill and see what happens. I’m not saying I don’t want to move in since it was always what the five of us planned to do but things have changed. We are not the five of us anymore, we’re the six of us.” Levi is right, we need to focus on one thing at a time.

We all decide to call it a night, it’s already pretty late. Tomorrow will be an interesting day, since I should be able to spend a few hours here with them unless Chloe has to hurry back, and something tells me she won’t be in any hurry to see Chev after last night. I wish I was friends with her before, she is such a good person, and I can’t help but feel a little bit guilty about using her to see the guys. I need to ask her for her help. The old me is still in there and it makes me feel sick that the first thought in my head was to use her and not just be straight.

Rocky jumps down in front of me and calls small spoon. The others laugh and find a spot on the mat close enough to where they can all touch me in some way. Everything will work out fine, I have been convincing myself that if a relationship between us doesn’t work out then we can at least be friends. Surely, they would want that.

I turn on my phone and fire off a quick text to Mac, making sure he and Chloe are okay and that they don’t need anything. He didn’t reply, I’m guessing they’re already passed out. I shoot off another text to Clarissa, just checking in and checking up on her.

Me: Hey. How was the party? You doing okay?

Clarissa: The party was great. I’m doing fine. I’ll call you later.

Tossing my phone onto the floor nearby, I let my eyes close and drift off to sleep.

***

I wake to the sound of my phone buzzing. I knew I shouldn’t have turned it on last night, but I wanted to check on Chloe and Mac, along with Clarissa. I figured what the hell. She didn’t call but she seems like a wild card so I’m not worried.

“Hello.” My voice cracks, I swallow to try to use whatever saliva I have in my mouth so I can form words.

“Where are you?” Ugh, seriously how did I forget about this douche so damn quickly. I would drop his ass if I knew he wasn’t involved in what happened to me.

“Sebastian?” I question. “What do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice this morning?”

“I came to see my girlfriend and she isn’t home.” His tone is pissing me off.

“I went out, I can pay for your petrol for the inconvenience.” Rocky wiggles his body in front of me, turning to face me, his blue eyes light up when he looks at me.

“I don’t need your money Bristol, you’re supposed to be here.” I feel a hand slide between my legs. I try to squeeze them together tighter so I can finish the phone call. Rocky’s fingers lightly graze the edge of my underwear.

“Are you sure about that? Why else would you be planning to propose to me in the summer?” Rocky’s hand stops moving immediately. Looking into his eyes, the smile is gone, his cogs are working over time. I place a finger over my lips so he knows to be quiet, he shakes his head no.

“Who told you that? Way to ruin the surprise, you and I both know why this is happening.” I decide I can’t do this with him anymore, when I see him in person I will end it. With how rough he is, I wouldn’t put it past him to have found out I was with Rory and he decided to take things into his own hands. I don’t know much but so far I know that my father probably wouldn’t hurt me, nor my uncle. Echo has a soft spot for me so it’s unlikely it was him. Sebastian fits the bill, he has a reason to want to rough me up. I don’t think he would want to kill me until after we got married, I would be worth more dead than alive.

Rocky’s large hand runs up my stomach now, the intense feeling causing my stomach to drop and my nipples to harden.

“Are you still there?” I’m pulled back to reality, the cloud of lust clearing for a second so I remember I’m on the phone.

“Yep.” Short and sweet. I figure he will get shitty and we can end the call. Mac glides into the room, I don’t get a chance to signal for him to be quiet. He is a lot like Rocky, he likes to move all the time and just says whatever he is thinking.

“Rocky, stop groping JD and get your ass up. The day is almost half over.” The smile in Rocky’s eyes is back, I know he is going to speak.

“Sorry Babe, Mac says I can’t touch your boobs anymore.” He quickly rolls and jumps up moving away from me. Sebastian starts ranting about me being a dirty whore.

“I’m hanging up now, unless there is anything important you need to tell me.” I glare at Rocky and he pokes his tongue at me, my eyes travel south and my mouth waters. He can’t sleep in clothes, his black boxer briefs sit low on his hips and hug him in all the right places. The huge V indent that clearly says if you think my six pack is impressive you should see my cock or that is what I think it would say.

“Dinner Sunday night at your house, be home.” With that he ends the call. I don’t plan to argue about dinner, it makes breaking up with him all the more easier. I planned to do it at school and make a huge scene but in front of my parents, it’ll be even better. I won’t marry him, I absolutely refuse, they would have to kill me first. Though they still might, they had no issues locking me away and pushing meds down my throat.

“Thanks for that Mac.” I say powering off my phone. I won’t make the mistake of keeping that thing switched on again.

“Hey, what did I do?” He says dropping down on the couch that’s been pushed up against the far wall. Everyone is awake now and starting to sit up. Levi looks around the room, his hair sticking up in all different directions.

“What’s going on?” He asks, looking between Mac and me.

“JD was on the phone with her boyfriend.” Rocky says with a huge damn smile plastered on his face. Four sets of eyes whip to me with incredulous looks on their faces.

“This boyfriend is going to be a problem for me.” Mercer says, cracking his knuckles. The others agree.

“Well good thing I plan to end it tomorrow night at dinner, I can’t stand the guy.” They all look somewhat relieved. Chloe enters the room before anyone can tell me how they feel about my current boyfriend situation.

“Morning…or should I say afternoon.” Her curly hair is an unruly mess hanging around her shoulders. I notice she’s wearing Mac's shirt that he had on last night when we showed up. I look over at Mac, I hadn’t even realised he wasn’t wearing one.

Mercer huffs and moves across the room mumbling incoherently. The only word I can make out is food.

“How are you feeling today.” I ask Chloe, she doesn’t look like she had a rough night and has bounced back well.

“Good, Mac.” I notice her face flush a light pink when she mentions his name. “made sure I drank water after I threw up. I’m so sorry for getting so wasted.”

“Don’t be sorry, I just have to go help Mercer in the kitchen. Rory, can you help Chloe get her clothes in the wash?”

“Already done. I found a nice lady this morning who took care of it, she insisted.” Mac may come across as a self-centred ass at times but then he shows his sweet side. I wonder why the guys can’t see this, but I’m pretty sure Savannah losing her virginity to him has blindsided them.

“That was nice of you Mac, but I think you should go and borrow one of Rory’s shirts before Mercer comes back and flips out some more.” Mac laughs and looks at Rory who nods. He takes Chloe’s hand and starts to lead her from the room saying he will get her clothes and find a shower for her.

Rory, Levi, Maximus and Rocky are all staring at me. Last night everything happened so fast that today we all need to talk but first I need to make sure that Mercer is okay. “I need to go speak with Mercer. Can you guys tidy this up and give us five minutes, then come for food?” They nod. I know that they know I have to leave today, so they will all be on edge.

I make my way to the kitchen. I may have only been here once before, but I easily navigate my way. Everything is white, the tiles, the walls, the furniture. The smell of bleach is permanently embedded into the house. It’s just a very faint lemon smell. It’ll be the first thing I change when I move in. Holy cow I’m now thinking about redecorating, I shouldn’t be thinking about that, there is no way this would work long term. Surely they would get bored or want to move on and start a family. I don’t even know how they feel about marriage and kids but how would any of that even work with us all. I could only legally marry one, how the heck would I even choose? Then there’s the thought of having kids. If each of my guys wanted one, I would be barefoot and pregnant for a very long time. I will be like that lady from nineteen kids and counting and more power to her for wanting a large family but I barely know who I am, or what I even want. As JD I could give you a fair idea, but as Bristol, who knows. She was a nasty person who seemed to care about appearances and now I would give up all the money to just live a happy life with those who love me. Maybe it was all an act and deep down I was a nice person, after all Echo seemed to like me and seemed genuine.

Mercer is standing at the stove, it’s more like a BBQ plate. He has his back to me, cooking a load of bacon and some eggs. I know better than to sneak up on them, especially Mercer. So I take a seat at the breakfast bar and watch him for a few minutes. He’s shirtless, giving me an unashamed view of the muscles flexing in his back as he moves around. His grey cotton workout shorts hang low on his hips, stopping just before his knees, and his feet are bare. A piece of bacon pops, he hisses pulling his arm back suddenly. I find myself jumping off the stool and moving towards him. He finally notices I’m in the room and his glare is feral. I know he came in here to cool down.

“Are you okay?” I ask taking his hand to assess if he has a burn.

“No.” I look up at him, his amber eyes still take my breath away. “I don’t know how to keep my head above water without you.” He leans down and rests his forehead against mine. I thought staying away, they would get over me, now I’m starting to see why Levi didn’t want any of them to get close to me in the first place. They’re all vulnerable.

“I’m sorry I made you believe I didn’t want to be with you. I do and haven’t stopped since. I just thought if I pushed you away you would get over me and it would be easier for you all.”

“I can understand that but please don’t push us away again. I need you.” I don’t ruin the moment by talking. I just nod, enjoying his embrace.

Mercer sighs and lets me go after a minute. I help him set the table on the back patio. It’s huge, there are enough seats for us all. With everything set, Mercer gets the others and we all sit outside. Levi pulls me into his lap and wraps a possessive arm around my waist.

Chloe sits next to Mac, she looks better now she has showered and changed. I watch the way Mac keeps looking at her, every time she notices her whole face breaks out in a blush. I haven’t introduced her to the guys officially yet, I’m sure Mac has filled her in some but I don’t exactly know how to explain to outsiders. The guys' families get our relationship. What if she decides I’m a freak and then I have no way to see the guys?

“So guys, how about we address the elephant in the room because if I’m being honest I am curious as hell.” Mac clearly throws himself in the firing line for Chloe, her small smile she gives him is thankful.

“And what elephant is that?” Mercer snaps. He knows, he just hates Mac and rears up at him because of the hurt he still carries over Savannah.

“Merce, it’s okay. These are my friends, I’m not ashamed but I think I should start at the beginning, so Chloe understands.” The guys don’t say anything, but exchange tense looks. Levi squeezes my leg under the table. I take a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “A few months ago Rory helped me escape from a mental hospital.” I glance at Rory, giving him a small smile. “Wave Rory so she knows who you are.” He looks at me like I’m crazy but gives a small wave anyway. “At some point that night I was beaten badly and dumped on a beach where they all found me. It’s a longer story than that but that’s the basics. When I woke up, I had no memory. I still have no memory, only mixed up flashes that don’t make much sense. It was a couple of months before my family stepped forward and took me back. I don’t want to be there but I have no choice until I graduate and figure out who hurt me. In the time I was away, I fell for these guys.” I say, blushing slightly. “I know it sounds crazy falling for five guys and sometimes I think maybe there was a legit reason I was in a psych ward…”

I look towards Mac and Chloe, who seem to be processing everything. “Any questions?” Mac goes to open his mouth.

“Don’t even think about it, I will beat your ass if you ask about that.” Rocky says, looking at Mac. Chloe intercepts before the tension can get any worse.

“So you’re dating them all.” She says more as a statement than a question. She isn’t judging me, I can tell by the look on her face.

“Yes.” She groans and puts her head down on the table with a little too much force that the glass next to her shakes.

“How is that fair? You can get five hot guys and I can’t even get one.” I know it sounds like she is having a dig, she knows the girl I was before but this isn’t like that.

“It’s because the one guy you want is a dick, he isn’t good enough for you.” I say, knowing Chev will never give her what she wants.

Her shoulders droop and her voice is tearful when she says she knows. Mac gently strokes her forearm and offers her a slight smile. She visibly relaxes and sinks comfortably in her seat. My guys watch the exchange with a silent fury burning in their eyes. They’re always going to be cautious of Mac. I get it but he is my friend and I plan to keep him around.

We all dig into the food Mercer made, the chatter around the table helps take my mind off knowing I have to leave them and go back to the strangers I call my family. The tightness in my chest eases the longer I’m in the presence of any of them.

“Who wants to go swimming?” Rocky exclaims randomly. He hates doing nothing. I can tell he is trying to act like his normal self, but I don’t miss the lack of movement. The one thing about him is that he is always moving; whether it be bouncing his leg, tapping his pencil against his desk, strumming his fingers along something, he even sucks his lip in and out of his mouth, though that is usually when he is trying not to talk. Yet the whole time we have been sitting here eating, he has just sat there and watched the exchanges between everyone else. He barely spoke and that is out of character, he is always the first to have verbal diarrhoea.

Come to think of it, they have all been out of sorts. Levi isn’t as bossy as he normally is, he likes to be in control of everything, it’s how he processes his anxieties of not having control of his life.

Mercer and Rory are harder to read, Rory keeps his emotions at bay, he isn’t one to share. I can see the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He also smelled like a pub, stale beer and musty old smoke when I arrived last night. Mercer would never admit it but I see the rage in his eyes especially when he looks at me. I know I have hurt him, I promised I wouldn’t leave them and I did, just the way his family did. I knew it was a risk trying to do it on my own, but I didn’t want anything to happen to him. He would never tell me he was angry with me, he just walks away, uses whatever techniques he was taught to calm himself down. I hate that I have caused that, he has always held anger inside him, things he thinks no one can see. I notice the way he grinds his teeth when he thinks no one is looking, the vein in the side of his neck bulging the angrier he gets.

Maximus may always be quiet, his eyes and body language is how we communicate. Upstairs pushed him too far, he isn’t ready emotionally. He is a teenage boy and his dick may be ready but he’s in a constant war with himself, he doesn’t know what he should like because of his past. His anxiety is at full peak, he has bright red scratch marks on the inside of his right wrist. I have been watching as he scratches when he thinks no one will notice. His plate is still mostly full, only picking at his food. We need to spend time together, I need to make sure they know I’m not leaving them forever. I’m just useless to them until I know what happened to me and I don’t have to worry whoever hurt me will come back again.

“I want to go swimming.” Everyone turns to me, I realise I must have zoned out for a second. Levi pulls me further into his body so there’s no space between us.

“We’ve already established we’re swimming. Rory has gone to check if his mum has any swimsuits.” I scrunch my nose, there are just some things you can’t do and one of them is wearing used swimmers.

“You should see your face right now.” Mac shouts, his laughter carrying throughout the whole patio. “Sorry, his mum should have some that haven’t been used, something about not wearing the same suit twice and wasting his father’s money.”

“Oh, okay.”

Rory walks back outside in a pair of black shorts that hang to his knees. He removed his shirt and it takes all of my effort to keep my eyes from wandering over his tanned torso. He is the darkest of all the guys, his natural tanned skin and his dark features does something to me.

I’m shocked from my thoughts when Levi gets hard underneath me. He brushes my hair from my shoulder and leans in close, whispering in my ear. “You know, the way you watch us all, turns me on. I know you enjoyed Rocky and I touching you at the same time and Maximus watching. Just wait until next year when we have no excuses to be away from each other.” I have to squeeze my legs together, trying to dull the ache between my thighs. I figured when we first started dating that anything sexual between any of us would be one on one. I never stopped to consider that I might like multiple guys at once. I just thought they wouldn’t want their best mate to see them naked and with the girl they like. But this morning opened a door, one that Rocky and Levi are clearly open to explore and maybe Maximus.

A mix of emotions washes over me at the thought, excitement and pleasure, and dread. There is no way a body is equipped to be sexual with five guys. How would that even work? I mean technically I have three holes and two hands, but that would require serious multitasking skills. My mind starts singing Johnny works with five hammers. Damn it brain this isn’t the time to try and be amusing.

“You’re thinking about how it would feel for me to be inside you, while the others watch.” He continues, whispering in my ear. My eyes still follow Rory, I haven’t been able to look away since he walked back outside. I watch him give Chloe her bathing suit and with more force than necessary, throw a pair of shorts at Mac and point them out towards the pool house. I gain my composure, counting in my head and evening my breathing.

Mercer, Rocky and Maximus have been clearing the table and when they walk inside with a handful of cups I turn my attention back to Levi.

“Actually, I was singing that, Johnny works with five hammers, song.” He snorts at my comment, his chest vibrates from behind me. Rory lifts a brow, a questionable look on his face, as he walks our way.

“What’s so funny?” Rory asks playfully, leaning against the glass table. His long hair is pulled back from his face, a slight stubble on his jaw that makes my mouth water. I feel a flush creep across my cheeks as I grimace at the thought of repeating my thoughts again. It was easy to tell Levi after this morning, but Rory, he is the hardest to read. Will he have an issue with sharing me?

“Nothing.” I blurt out quickly. Levi leans forward and rests his chin on my shoulder.

“I wouldn’t say you, picturing the six of us naked together, is nothing.” I watch Rory for a reaction, scared of what it might be, but all he does is smile. “Though her Johnny works with five hammers song stuck in her head might be an issue.” It's Rory’s turn to laugh.

“My balls are so blue, I would be willing to take you right here on the table and not give a shit if your friends saw.” Rory keeps eye contact with me, his tongue sweeps across his lips. My breath hitches and Levi chuckles behind me.

“Over my dead body!” Mercer booms from out of nowhere. All three of us jump, not having expected it. I’m glad he has diverted the sexual tension and disappointed he isn’t interested. I respect his decision, but he could be a bit nicer about it.

“There is no way that weasel is ever seeing you like that. When you’re spread out for us to see, it will only ever be us. One or all, I don’t give a fuck, but if another man’s eyes dare to look at you I will rip them from their sockets. You may think I’m a nice guy JD but I’m not. I protect what’s mine and make no mistake. You. Are. Mine.”

I’m elated at his words, even though he just claimed me as if I’m some inanimate object. Rocky and Maximus walk outside unaware of what’s unfolding in front of them. I’m distracted by the fact that now Rocky is also shirtless, his abs more defined than the others from the amount of training he puts himself through to burn all his energy. Maximus wears a sun shirt, more modest about his body. He isn’t as ripped as the others, but he needs to know that I find him just as attractive as the others.

I extract myself from Levi’s arms. I don’t miss him adjusting his pants, how he thinks he can hide that anaconda is beyond me. I haven’t seen him naked, but I have seen him in just his basketball shorts and they leave nothing to the imagination. He does always make sure to wear skins now that I pointed out how visible it is, not that I was complaining.

I walk over to Maximus and grab him by the hand and start to drag him inside. Rocky yells out that it isn’t fair that he gets to come watch me change, but I have to talk to one of them and Maximus rarely talks back so I get a chance to hear how my thoughts sound out loud before I voice them to the other guys. Rory’s comment about having blue balls has made me think and as much as I want to be able to relieve that issue, I’ll never pressure Maximus into anything.