37. Chapter 37

A pparently, this fight was big news, and it was all over the TV and social media. At Matt’s house that night he had the TV on outside and we watched the highlights. It was just as scary on TV as it was in person. I took my beer, turning around and walking away to the edge of the patio.

Matt and Jack came over and Matt said, “How are you, Roman?”

Like I want to drink an entire bottle of bourbon, so probably not too good.

I shrugged and said, “Who was that girl? That wasn’t Alex in that ring.”

Jack said, “Not at all. That wasn’t the girl we knew from college.”

Their wives joined us and Abby said, “Do you think she’s going to be okay? I don’t know what to tell Jax about his aunt Ali.”

Maggie said, “Yeah, I just told Sophia and Cam that she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t come tonight. I don’t want her around the kids like that. It’s one thing to be a badass woman, it’s another to be whatever that was.”

Abby said, “You mean a killer. I hate to say it, but that’s what she looked like out there. I didn’t recognize that person. She scared the hell out of me.”

I knew how they felt. My phone rang and I saw that it was my mom, so I excused myself and walked into the yard before I answered.

I said, “Hi mom, how is she?”

She said, “Well, all in all, she’ll recover. She’s in a lot of pain. Emotional, mental and physical. She’s scared and she knows she frightened everyone, including herself.” I started breathing heavily through my nose and my chest was tightening. I needed to see her.

“Can I come there tonight?”

She was silent for a second and I knew that Alex didn’t want to see me.

“Roman, that’s not going to be possible. I’ve checked her into my room. She’s going to be there until she goes to rehab in about a week. She’s asked that you not come see her right now.”

I nodded and said, “What kind of rehab are we talking?”

“The kind she needs, honey. I’m not at liberty to tell you anything else.” Doctor-patient confidentiality. More serious than I thought .

“Can you tell me how her ribs are?” I hope she can at least tell me that much.

“She has two broken ribs and a fractured cheekbone. She’s comfortable. I’m sure she’ll want to talk to you before she leaves.” That sounds promising, I guess.

“Mom, how long is she going to be gone?”

She said, “I’ll let her tell you everything when she’s ready.” I shook my head, and we hung up, and I went back over to say goodnight to everyone. I just needed to be alone right now.

As I walked up to say goodbye I said, “Well, she’s okay, I guess.” She isn’t dead, so there’s that.

Maggie asked, “Who was that?”

“My mom.” I smiled and corrected myself, “Dr. King. She said she has a couple broken ribs and a broken cheekbone. She’s in a special room for my mom’s patients.” Everyone knew my mom was a psychologist, so they knew what that meant.

“She’s going to be in there until they release her to go to a rehab center, but that was all the info I was allowed to have.” I smiled the best I could before saying, “Goodnight, everyone.” The girls gave me a hug and I shook Matt and Jack’s hands and went home.

***

ALEX

The hospital allowed me to set up my office in this room so I could do zoom meetings and have Shay and Darius come in so I could get them ready to be the front runners for the project soon. I had seen everyone except Roman. I knew that I’d be leaving soon to go to Bali and spend forty-five days letting go of anger and resentment and trying to find myself again. I know I’m in here somewhere. I figured I would ask to see Roman sometime before I left. I can’t imagine that he’d want to see me after everything that happened, but I wanted to at least say goodbye and thank him for being there to support me even though I knew he hated every second of it.

I’ve hurt a lot of people, and I needed to say I’m sorry. I lost so much of the trust I had from my friends and family. I don’t know how I’m going to get that back, but I hoped I'd figure it out at this retreat. My friends didn’t want me anywhere near my godchildren, and that was breaking my heart the most, but it was all my fault, hoping to repair the damage upon my return.

All my days blended together in here. On Friday, my dad and my aunt came to see me. Apparently the fight ended up on national news because of social media. My aunt was livid with me for putting myself in that kind of danger. I agreed, then told them where I was going and why. They cried and hugged me, and we had a nice conversation before they left.

On Sunday I told Lisette I was ready to see Roman. Maggie and Abby had gone to my apartment and packed a suitcase for me. Lisette told me that they would have clothes for me to wear at the rehab, and that everything would be provided for me, but that I was more than welcome to bring whatever I needed to feel comfortable. I was going to need things from home, so I didn’t get homesick. I’d never spent this much time alone before, and it was scary, to be honest.

I was wearing a tee shirt and yoga pants with my hair in a bun, sitting on the bed going through the last bit of emails on Sunday afternoon when there was a knock at the door. It opened slowly and I could already feel who it was. Roman cautiously entered, smiling when our eyes met. I couldn’t help but smile in kind. I think it was the first time in a while he didn’t look like he was worried about me or mad or frustrated or any of those other annoying emotions I brought out in him. He looked calm and relaxed.

I said, “Hi” then moved the laptop off the bed, placing it gingerly on the table.

He slowly walked over and gently sat on the bed like he was trying not to jostle me and mumbled, “Hi, how are you?” Sore as hell, actually.

“Sober and bruised.” He put his head down with pain written all over his face and nervously chuckled.

“I’m sorry it’s not funny. I think I was just trying not to cry.” I nodded and held my own tears in.

“I know. Me too.” I was barely able to get out. I just wanted him to wrap me in his arms, but I know I didn’t deserve it.

“I hear you’re going away for a while.”

“Yes. Extended vacation.”

He smiled and it hit his eyes and that warmed my heart and kept me from full on sobbing.

“Thank you for waiting to come. I needed to release some things and detox before I saw you. I’m pretty sure I was drinking too much along with holding in a lot of anger.” The smile left his face and tears pooled in my eyes again.

“You’re welcome. I didn’t realize you felt you were drinking too much. I kind of thought you were, but I didn’t want to say anything.”

I wouldn’t have listened, I'm sure.

“Yeah, it’s easier for us to admit what’s wrong with other people than it is ourselves, huh?” I chuckled a little in hopes the tears would be fended off.

He laughed with me and said, “I guess I can take this time to admit my issues too.” I shook my head. I didn’t want him to compare apples to oranges. He was nothing like me. He is such a good, wonderful person.

“Nah, you’re perfect to me.” He hugged me and I wrapped my arms around his waist and just breathed him in. I needed that soul connection one last time before I took this journey on my own.

I pulled away, taking his hands in mine and said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I’m sorry for scaring you. I don’t know why I couldn’t just love you and let you love me…” Tears silently fell as I continued, “I’m hoping I can figure that out while I’m gone. The girl who lands you will be truly blessed. I just don’t think it’s me, and I don’t want you to wait for me.”

He smiled and said, “Don’t tell me what to do.”

I laughed through the tears.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” I know I have no right to ask for this, but I had to. I needed one more night of calm and he was the only one who could bring that to me right now.

“Yes, and I’m going to ride with you to the airport tomorrow. I’m letting mom use the plane to fly with you to your retreat. I don’t want you to do this alone and when you’re ready to come home, mom, I mean Dr. King, will be there to fly home with you as well.”

I swallowed back the sobs threatening to come again, “You know where I’m going then?”

“I know all about mom’s exclusive retreat. She’s gone there before. Can you imagine listening to everyone’s shit day in and day out and not having to take a break from it? Especially a person like my mother, who feels things so deeply.”

It wasn’t just a place for her patients. Lisette was a patient too.

“I never thought about how I could be affecting her with all this craziness. Damn. Here I was thinking she was this rock who couldn’t be affected by anything, but she could fix me. ”

We both started laughing and then he concurred, “Yeah, that would be one hell of a superpower wouldn’t it?”

I don’t think he and I have laughed this much ever.

***

ROMAN

In the morning dad dropped mom off at the hospital and Alex was released. The three of us headed to the airport. I helped them get all their bags on the plane and I said goodbye to my mom.

“Safe travels. Thank you for everything you’ve done for Alex. When I asked you to help her, I never thought it would come to all this. I know that puts you in a tough spot too. That’s a lot of emotional baggage for you to take on, and I’m grateful.” There was sadness in her eyes, but she was strong.

“At least I’ve gone through it before myself, so I knew what to do. She’s going to be fine. She’s strong, but we all need to accept help sometimes, and that’s what she’s doing now. I’m glad I was able to help her. I’m going to stay a few days there myself before heading back. They have the best R&R anywhere.”

I gave mom a hug and she kissed me on the cheek and got on the plane.

I walked over to Alex who was just standing there with her hands clasped in front of her. I said, “So, here we are.” She was staring at her feet, and I reached out and lifted her chin to look at me.

She said, “Yep, here we are. This is so weird. I don’t know how we got here. One minute we were having a conversation about empathy and the next I’m on my way to a tropical looney bin. ”

We both laughed and I pulled her into a hug and said, “Yeah, well you and the coconuts have fun.” For once I didn’t feel like crying when I was with her. She looked up at me and there was no sadness on her face either.

“Roman, I’m so grateful to you and your mother. Your whole family, in fact. I hope you’ll get to meet the real Alex when I come home.”

I smiled and said, “We all have a dark and a light side. They’re both real. I love all of you Alex, not just the easy parts.”

She admitted, “Same.” I kissed her with as much love as I thought I would need to be without her for the next forty-five days and she got on the plane.

***

ALEX

I watched him the entire time as the plane was taking off until I couldn’t see him anymore. Then I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

When the plane landed in Bali, they put our luggage in a car, and we headed to the retreat. It was beautiful. All the bungalows were open, almost like tiki huts. There was a big private fence around most of the place except every bungalow had a view of the ocean. Today it was warm and sunny. Lisette helped me get checked in and introduced me to everyone. They said my official itinerary wouldn’t start until tomorrow, so today all I had to do was get settled in and relax. Lisette said she would come check on me before dinner, and we could go together. This place had a fabulous name: “Wisdom by the Water Wellness Retreat. ”

I changed into my bathing suit and grabbed a book about getting over addiction off the shelf, called “With Wisdom Comes Water.” It was apparently written by the founder of this retreat who battled their own demons. I took the book and wandered down to the beach. The water was crystal clear, and the sand was soft and white. There were already lounge chairs set up down there on the sand. I plopped down on the soft cushion and took a deep breath inhaling the amazing salty air. I heard someone say excuse me and I looked up and there was a young man offering me a bottle of water.

I took the bottle and said, “Thank you.” Just then I realized where I was. This was the dream I’d been having. I woke up on the beach with a book and a bottle of water. This time, instead of wine bringing me wisdom, it brought me water, I thought, as I looked up to the sky, put my hands together and said, “Thank you.”

To be continued…With Wine Comes Wellness