Chapter Seventeen

11 a.m.: sunday 31 october

Biddicote, England

2 miles and 5 hours until the wedding

Even in the rain, there was something pretty about Biddicote. Leaves had been blown prematurely from the trees, yet, instead of looking stark, the colours mingled along the edges of the lane and turned the water of the duck pond into a beautiful marbled mirror.

Kay pulled up in front of her mum's cottage, the home she'd grown up in, and cut the engine. Harry had spent most of the time on and off the phone to Joe and the housekeeper at Ashworth Hall. He'd found a notepad and pen in the glovebox, so he could scribble down notes about things to prepare at Ashworth Hall, and questions he needed to call Joe back with answers to, once he was home again.

They were both going home. It was time to say goodbye.

‘Joe said he'll be here in a minute.' Harry stretched over to the back seat to tuck the notepad and his phone in one of the pockets of his coat. The way his jumper lifted to reveal a tiny sliver of skin, his jeans low on his hips as they twisted in her direction, had Kay's breath shallowing.

‘Great,' she managed.

He settled back into his seat, looking over at her. The rain was closer to a drizzle now and, with the wipers off, the sudden quiet was so obviously loaded.

‘Thank—'

‘Have you—'

They both spoke at the same time and then laughed, small and awkward.

‘You go first,' she said, unclipping her seat belt and turning to face him too.

He rubbed his hands roughly through his hair. He'd rolled his sleeves up for the drive and she wanted to run her fingertips along his forearm, dancing her nerve endings along the light hair and freckles and lines of his muscles. ‘I was wondering … have you got someone you're taking to the wedding?'

‘Oh.' She opened her eyes wide. ‘No. I don't. I decided to go stag. This is the twenty-first century after all.'

‘So, no one would mind if I found you at the reception and … asked you to dance?' The way his eyes fastened on her mouth had her feeling that ‘dance' might be a euphemism. But even if he did only mean dancing, the idea alone made her heart skitter. It had been palpitating so much over the last two days, she was beginning to think an ECG might be in order.

It felt like they were edging out over the ice towards each other again, but it wasn't their weight that might crack it – it was their heat melting a hole as they got closer. And she was no longer sure if falling through meant drowning … or learning to swim?

But she could commit to a dance, couldn't she? It wasn't like they were agreeing to go on a date. He wasn't asking that .

‘No one would mind that. I'd like it.' Understatement of the century, but still, honest.

He smiled and leaned in closer to her. Her body immediately began getting very excited, as though all her cells recognised his and were vibrating at a higher frequency. ‘You might change your mind when you see my dance moves,' he warned her in that low, husky voice, sending goosebumps racing across her skin.

‘Do you just like to stand and sway?' Because she wasn't opposed to that, especially if their bodies were pressed together everywhere important.

‘No. Quite the opposite. You ever seen the dance scene in Airplane ?'

‘Never even heard of it.'

‘Whatever you do, don't look it up.'

She wrinkled her nose as she laughed and he suddenly reached out and stroked his finger down her scrunched-up nose.

‘It feels like I'm turning inside out when you do that,' he whispered, and the laughter caught in her throat.

She took a shaky breath in and his hand moved to cup her cheek. She was just about to close her eyes when there was a sharp rap on the window behind Harry. They both froze.

‘It's Joe, isn't it?'

Kay squinted over his shoulder, seeing the rain-blurred shape of a man with a hood pulled up, peering in. ‘Yes.'

Harry lifted his eyes up to stare at the roof for a second, a rueful smile on his lips. He caressed his thumb once down her cheek and dropped his hand. ‘Just like old times.'

Kay didn't have time to process what that meant before he grabbed his coat and turned to open the car door. As he climbed out to greet her brother, she gave herself a moment to adjust. The thud of the door closing behind him was like her ears popping after being underwater, everything rushing back in at full volume. She could hear her brother thanking Harry, and Harry typically demurring, as he headed for the boot.

Joe was here. The wedding was happening.

She grabbed her coat too, shivering in the rain as she got out, but finding Harry had already fetched the umbrella for her and was coming to meet her with it open, like she was some kind of celebrity. ‘Thank you,' she said, taking it from him.

Joe was waiting at the open boot.

‘We've been so worried,' he said, giving her a big hug, despite the umbrella, the waterproof material of his coat squeaking. ‘Thank the Goddess you made it back OK.' She patted his shoulder and was about to say something about how sweet he was, when he pulled back and lifted his dark eyebrows up so they nearly hit his hairline. ‘What in the name of Samhain did you do to your hair?'

Kay laughed, putting her hand up to it. ‘Don't you like it?'

‘Depends. Did you do it as a wedding present for me? Because it's my football team's colour?'

‘Er, yeah, sure, we can say that.'

‘You are such a bullshitter.' He tousled her hair like she was seven and turned to Harry again. ‘Seriously, thanks so much for getting Kay home to us. It was so lucky you were there.'

Harry pushed his hands into his pockets. ‘I was just as lucky. She got me home too.'

‘Yeah, but not with magic.' Joe pointed to the boot. ‘These all yours, Kay?' When she pointed out her bags, he gathered them from the boot and started moving towards the house. ‘I'll see you soon, Harry.' He clapped him on the shoulder as he went past and turned to walk backwards as he got on the pavement. ‘If you can make it to the ceremony, that would be great, but we understand if you've got to be with your dad.'

‘I'll do my best.' Harry lifted his hand to wave goodbye to Joe and looked back at Kay. She took a step towards him—

‘C'mon, Kay, there's so much to do.'

Harry laughed. ‘Good luck.'

‘You too.' She didn't trust herself to kiss his cheek, so she caught his hand as she walked by, the brief brush of their skin like a sip of expensive wine. The temptation of warmth spreading from her stomach. The worry that she could never afford to buy the bottle.

When she reached the gate of her mum's house, she looked up at it, with its pretty whitewash and thatched roof, remembering the image Harry had drawn on her skin, infused with a sense of peace. There was a part of her that naturally felt centred here, but it was tangled up with other emotions too. Perhaps that peace had been more to do with what he'd felt when he visited, able to escape the pressure of his parents for a short while.

She walked up to the open door and when she glanced back, Harry was in the driver's seat, waiting to see her safely inside. Just in case she'd been swept off by the left-over winds on the way up the garden path? For the first time in over twenty-four hours, she was going to be separated from him and she shouldn't feel quite so forlorn about the prospect.

She waved once more from the doorstep and he waved back and drove off.

Shaking the rain off the umbrella, she stepped into the warmth of the house, struggling to pull her emotions back in order. It was a ritual for crossing the threshold of that door, something to both help her mother not become overwhelmed and also maintain a sliver of privacy. But she was too exhausted, everything raw and bright within her.

Kay hung her coat up and went down the short hallway to the kitchen. She was surprised to find only Joe in there, bustling about making coffee. ‘Where's Mum?'

‘Finishing up a phone call. She's ringing around all the guests to get them to Ashworth Hall instead. We've had to move it to 4 p.m. instead of 3 p.m. now, did Harry say?'

She nodded, leaning forwards on the counter. She didn't want to sit after spending so many hours in the car already today, her butt was numb.

He poured a coffee into her favourite mug, which still lived in the cupboard over the kettle, and slid it across the island towards her. ‘So, everything good between you two now, is it?'

‘Yeah,' she said, briefly.

Joe nodded, his eyes dipping down briefly, seemingly to her folded arms on the island, before raising to her face with a smirk. She glanced down, belatedly realising she was still wearing Harry's shirt.

‘I didn't have anything clean …' she started, but he just laughed and shook his head.

‘Squirt, I haven't got time to tease you. There's too much to do.' He lifted his mug and took a big mouthful despite it still being hot. ‘That place is going to blow Sandy's mind. She's already so happy and she's not even seen it yet.' He shook his head, like he'd got distracted. ‘I've already called Dad and got him dealing with the people at the old venue and the catering company and a removals firm, convincing them to help us move the extra furniture we need to the Hall. Don't pull that face,' he scolded her gently. ‘This is my wedding, Kay. We've paid for their services and he'll only use his gift if he absolutely has to.'

She nodded and held up her hands, pushing away her reflex to find it icky when her father went around ‘motivating' people to do stuff. She remembered how Sandy had said her dad had responded to the suggestion to use magic to get their first venue fixed and accepted he wouldn't be doing it if it was any harm to anyone. ‘What can I help with?'

‘It would be great if …' he paused and flicked his fingers to indicate his throat. ‘May I?'

‘Go for it.'

When he spoke again, Kay felt the faint wash of her brother's magic so that the logistics made sense to her easily. ‘Could you go over to the Hall and help when people start arriving? Actually, Sandy and the other bridesmaids are at the hotel she stayed at with her parents and Harry said he'd sort out rooms for the wedding party to get ready in, so swing by the hotel on the way and take them all over. I'll text you the address. You can use my car. No. Mum's car – she can go with Auntie L because they're going to be getting ready here. Sandy said the hair and make-up person and the photographer need to be there in an hour or so.' He checked his watch. ‘If you're there you can meet the minister too and show him where the ceremony will take place and basically help Dad with anything that crops up.' He paused, and even though he'd been rambling and jumping from subject to subject, Kay understood precisely what he wanted of her.

‘OK, done.'

‘Thank you.' Joe paused with his coffee cup halfway to his mouth and clicked the fingers of his free hand. ‘Oh, the flowers too. Did you know Jaz is doing them?'

‘I didn't.' Kay smiled at the thought of seeing her old school friend. They had kept in touch, but after going to different universities and Jaz starting her own business up in Biddicote, while Kay moved to London, visits, phone calls and even texts had become more sporadic. ‘You need me to meet her?'

‘I think Michelle, Sandy's mum, said she'd help out there. I'll call you if she can't for any reason.'

‘Right, I'll keep it on my radar.'

‘Great.' He checked his watch again. ‘Shit. I have to go.' He put his half-drunk coffee down and moved around the island to head out of the kitchen, holding his hand up for a high-five. ‘Seriously good to have you back, Kay.'

She gave his palm the slap he was requesting. ‘Good to be back.' Part of her felt like she didn't just mean in the village or the country. She was a mess, and she was exhausted, but there was also something which felt lighter inside her too. A weight easing back, or that she'd grown stronger from carrying.

The letter box rattled as Joe slammed the door behind him and there was the distant murmur of her mum's voice from upstairs, where she was still on the phone. Other than that, the house was quiet, and it felt like the first time in days when Kay could take a deep breath. It turned into an enormous yawn. She tipped the coffee down her neck and wandered into the pantry, which doubled up as a still room, seeing if there was anything in there that might help her recoup some energy. She was going to need it.

She examined the jars and herbal plants growing on the shelves, not knowing quite what she was looking for. It had been a while since she'd turned to healer remedies to help her with a physical ailment.

‘Sweetheart, there you are.' Her mum stepped inside the small room, wearing her old pink fleece pyjamas. Her greying chestnut hair was back in a messy bun, fastened with her black tourmaline hairpins. All signs that she was seeking some inner peace. She held her arms out to Kay and when they hugged, she felt her mum's sharp intake of breath, no doubt getting the full brunt of the emotions Kay couldn't temper. ‘Goodness, has it been stressful, my darling?'

‘You have no idea.'

‘Well, I might. It's not been an easy ride here either.' She patted Kay's cheek gently as she eased back.

‘How did it go last night?'

‘I survived.' She gave a weak smile.

Kay shifted, looking back at the shelves. That seemed like an odd response to have to what looked from the photographs to be a lovely evening. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask about whether her parents had spoken, but she didn't really want to get into a session demonising her dad's behaviour when there was so much to do and she had so little energy.

‘So much conflict within you, Kay. Something playing on your mind?'

‘Just whether to take something as a pick-me-up. I'm running on fumes.'

‘Ah.' Her mum held up one finger and opened a cupboard, pulling out a box of tea. ‘Here we are. Rhodiola rosea and ginseng with our healer's extra-special boost, to help with fatigue. Let's make you a cup.'

Kay followed her mother back into the kitchen and watched as she placed an old-fashioned kettle on the hob, clicking her fingers to light the gas. She could have boiled the water in the normal kettle, or with a spell too, but healing teas needed intention and that meant putting effort into the ritual of it. Maybe Kay should have just stuck with another coffee?

‘Don't be impatient,' her mother scolded, without Kay saying a word.

Kay tried to picture a calm, happy place in her mind, so her emotions stopped firing off at her mother every second. Birdsong. The sun on her face. The memory of reading in the garden with Harry came can-can dancing into her mind. And that led to the bad dream she'd had on the ferry, which led to what happened after the bad dream, and she definitely didn't want to be thinking about that when her mother could sense her moods.

‘Are you sure the conflict is just about beverages? I heard about you travelling with Harry Ashworth. That couldn't have been easy.'

‘No. It wasn't.' She could at least admit that. But as soon as she said the words, they tasted like a lie. Some of it had felt very easy, when she'd let it. Laughter, kissing … other things … they'd felt easy. Too easy.

‘Oh, sweetheart.' Her mum was coming at her with the hugs again. Bollocks.

She accepted it, of course. It wasn't that she minded her mother giving her a hug obviously, but sometimes she just wanted some time to sit in an emotion without a forensic investigator coming over to pick it apart and dig up the bones of it, like it was a crime scene.

‘This is what I was worried about when I found out. Harry hurt you so much. I'd hate that to happen again. I couldn't bear feeling you go through something like that again.'

Kay shifted and pulled herself up onto the kitchen stool to get a little space. Guilt pressed at her. She remembered how hard her mother had found it. ‘I'm sorry. My feelings may have been a bit exaggerated by teenage hormones.'

‘You never have to be sorry for what you're feeling. And just because you were a teenager doesn't mean your feelings weren't valid. Emotions forge associations in our minds. The things we feel when we are young are particularly strong and leave impressions that can shape us for years to come – that's why we have the rules about influencing minors.' Her mother's lips pressed together and Kay knew she hadn't forgotten what Harry had done.

‘It was a mistake. He's apologised.'

‘Yes, that's all well and good, but it takes more than "sorry" to fix it. A couple of days travelling together doesn't cut it, either.'

Kay looked over at the kettle, watching steam escape the spout. When her mother put it like that, her brain could totally acknowledge that two days was no time at all, but it had been the longest weekend of her life – and she wasn't sure her heart agreed.

Hearts didn't think, though. That was the problem. They just felt.

‘I would hate for you to go through the pain I did with your father,' her mother added, like a pestle grinding her point into the mortar of Kay's psyche. It looked like there was going to be no avoiding this topic, after all.

‘Did something happen with Dad last night?'

‘No, we steered well clear of each other and I took one of my pills, so that kept it manageable. I'll have to take another soon, especially with all this.' She ran her hand over her forehead, like Kay's very presence was giving her a headache.

Maybe it was. If Kay made people more aware of what they were feeling, and her mother was feeling everything Kay was … well, poor woman. The best thing she could think of doing was getting out of the house and getting her emotional state under control before she spent unmedicated time with her mother again.

‘D'you mind if I just go sort my things out while the tea's brewing? Joe wants me to pick up Sandy and the other bridesmaids in your car, if that's OK? He said you are going with Aunt Lucille.'

‘Oh, yes. Of course, no problem. Once I've made this tea for you, I need to get back to making those phone calls. Almost done. Just ones I couldn't get through to the first time.'

‘That's good.' Kay jumped down from the stool and pushed her hair off her face, making it into a ponytail for a second.

‘Oh, Kay. You'll make sure you're sitting in between me and your dad for the ceremony, won't you?'

Kay paused. ‘I'll be the last of us to sit down though, won't I? It would be easier if you just sit next to each other and leave a space for me at the end. So I don't disrupt things, squeezing through.'

‘It won't cause that much disruption. I'll save the space for you.'

‘Why don't you ask Joe? It's his day. Wasn't this the kind of thing you talked about at the rehearsal last night?'

‘We did. But I'm sure he won't notice. He'll only have eyes for Sandy.' Tallulah smiled wistfully. ‘They're so happy together.'

‘They are.' She didn't need her mother's gift – or her own – to know that.

Leaving her mum in the kitchen, Kay took her bag from the hall and headed up the narrow staircase. Her mangled feelings all came rushing back as she shut the door to her old bedroom behind her. She couldn't seem to keep the stopper in the bottle today. The small room with its white furniture and the pale wallpaper with little pink sprigs had witnessed it all. The nights she'd fallen asleep dreaming of Harry's kiss. All the tears she'd cried when he'd stood her up and given her that note.

If being with him all weekend had clouded her judgement, maybe she needed to reset it. Remind herself what he'd done. Or rather – because she now knew why he'd done it – remind herself what he could do to her, if he felt so inclined.

Going to her wardrobe and pulling out a box at the back with her old diaries in, it was easy to find the one with the napkin in the back. She took it out and forced herself to open it. There it was – the smiley face.

Despite all the years, magic still pushed itself upon her. It must have been so strong at the time. He'd put so much into it. She knew he said how strong it had been was purely accidental, but wow.

She crumpled it in her hand, tears pricking her eyes as the fabricated feelings sloughed away. All she'd done was prove to herself how little she hated him, despite what he'd put her through. Despite how it would probably all go wrong because of their complicated designations.

‘Shit.' She drew her hand back as heat bit at her fingers, dropping the napkin which was now aflame. ‘Shit.' She stomped on top of it, to put out the fire. When she removed her foot, there was nothing but ashes left.