4. Out Of His Element

4

OUT OF HIS ELEMENT

P hoenix pulled through the line of cars to wait for Elsie. When he got to the pickup zone, the school staff directed her to his car. He’d have to meet with the school this week too and let them know the change in plans. It’d been him and his mother picking Elsie up for the past few weeks. He hadn’t wanted her out of school more than necessary to at least keep something stable in her life.

“Hi, Elsie,” he said.

“Hi, Uncle Nix.”

He always smiled at that name. She was the only one who called him Nix. At some point, he might tell her she could drop the Uncle. It was too soon to make any of those changes in her life. She’d had more than enough.

“Did you have a good day?”

“I did,” Elsie said. She must have had fun playing outside at recess because her hair was falling out of her braid. He hoped Crystal knew how to do hair. His mother had been dealing with all of that right now. Even the bathing.

He’d have to get over it, but he felt uncomfortable being in the bathroom with Elsie now. When she was a baby and toddler he didn’t think anything of changing a diaper or bathing her when she stayed with him or he was watching her.

But now...it didn’t feel right.

All the more reason he needed this nanny situation squared away.

“I have a surprise for you,” he said.

“You do?” Elsie asked. “What is it?”

“You know my mother has to go back home soon.”

“I know,” Elsie said, her head dropping down, her fingers plucking at her red T-shirt with a big rainbow on it.

“You’re going to miss her,” he said. “I will too. Especially her cooking.”

Elsie giggled. “I like her brownies the best.”

He’d make a note to have his mother make a few pans to freeze. Or maybe there were some in the freezer that he didn’t know about. “Me too.”

“What’s my surprise?” Elsie asked.

“I have a nanny I think you’re going to love.”

Elsie turned to look at him, her big blue eyes wide and wet with tears. The hammering in his chest threatened to knock him unconscious. “You don’t want me to be around anymore.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” he said, reaching his hand over. Maybe it wasn’t the best place to have this conversation and it just showed how out of his element he was with this. “You know I love you and will never leave you or let you go.”

“Mom was never supposed to leave either,” Elsie said, sniffling.

Shit. This was so fucking hard. “I know, honey. I miss her too. But I’m not going anywhere. You know I have to work and this person is just going to bring you to school and back. Be around when I can’t be and it won’t be much. I’ll be home by dinner like I am now most nights.”

“So she’s like a babysitter?” Elsie asked.

“Yes. And she’s going to live in the house. Upstairs over the garage. Remember, I talked about this?”

Elsie nodded her head. “What’s her name?”

“It’s Crystal.”

“Does she shine?” Elsie asked.

“Huh?” he asked.

Elsie was plucking at the crystals on her backpack. “Does she shine like these?”

He caught the grin on his lips. “I think she might,” he said. “I also think the two of you will get along so well. But you’re going to meet her tonight. She’s coming to have dinner with us.”

“What if I don’t like her or she doesn’t like me?” Elsie asked.

“I don’t think that will be an issue, but if it is, then I’ll keep looking for someone that works out for everyone.”

Elsie nodded and there wasn’t much more he could say. The last thing he wanted to do was push her.

He got home and pulled into the garage, Elsie getting out and going through the door. The little girl took her shoes off in the mudroom. Her backpack came off and he grabbed it out of her hand so he could get her lunch bag out and then see if there were any papers in there he had to deal with.

“I don’t want to be a problem,” Elsie said.

“What’s going on?” his mother asked, taking the bag out of his hand and pulling out the lunch box that she’d packed that morning.

“I called Crystal and she’s coming here at five to meet Elsie and have dinner with us.”

“That’s wonderful,” his mother said. “Elsie, Crystal was fun. She’s young and has so much energy. She loves to do arts and crafts.”

“She does?” Elsie asked, her head popping up.

Why didn’t he think to say those things?

“She said she did,” he said. “She works in a daycare center and likes to have fun with the kids she’s watching.”

“But I’m only one kid,” Elsie said.

“Which means you get Crystal all to yourself,” his mother said. “Even better.”

“I guess,” Elsie said.

He looked at his mother. “Elsie, I think you’ll love her. You wait and see. Can you give it a chance?”

“I can,” Elsie said. “Can I watch cartoons?”

“Do you have any homework to do?” he asked.

“No,” Elsie said.

“Then you can watch TV,” he said.

He went into the living room with her, but she turned and went into her room. She’d been spending more time in there alone and there was part of him that wanted her where he could see her, but his mother reminded him that Elsie needed to find a place to gather her thoughts without interruption. He’d honor that for now.

Phoenix turned and went back to his kitchen. “Did you offer Crystal the job or just decided to have her come for a second interview?”

“I offered her the job and then she was the one that said she’d like to meet Elsie. That it’d be good for both of them first. I should have realized that. What if Elsie doesn’t like her?”

“That is a possibility,” his mother said. “You’ll have to use your judgment. She could dislike a lot of people who could be good candidates because she only wants you or her mother. Being a parent is no different than being a boss at times. You have to make the best decision you can and not always ask for everyone’s opinions.”

“You rarely asked any of us our opinions,” he said.

“Nope,” his mother said, smirking. “Your father and I had it covered. But as you got older you had more of a say.”

“I’m only picking on you,” he said. “You and Dad did a great job raising us. We’ve all turned out well.”

“You have. Every single one of you is on the right path in life.”

“It doesn’t feel as if I am,” he said.

“Don’t think about work,” his mother said. “As you know, there are more important things in life.”

“Yeah,” he said. “But work is what is going to pay the bills. I don’t even feel right using some of Elsie’s money for the nanny.”

“Maryn knew you would do the right thing for her daughter and that is all that matters. Things will work out. What do you want me to make for dinner tonight?”

His mother had gone to the store when he’d called Crystal to stock up on more food to cook this week. With any luck it would last a while.

“Whatever you want. I didn’t ask if Crystal had any food allergies. She asked that of Elsie and she seemed pretty forthcoming so I’d think she would have shared that information too.”

“I think she would have too,” his mother said. “I’ll ask Elsie what she wants to eat. Maybe that can be a conversation starter with them too.”

“Good idea,” he said.

“I’ve got a few of them. You know, having nine kids and all.”

“You just couldn’t stop after the first few pregnancies, could you? What would you have done if the last three were multiplies too?” Of the nine kids, there was a set of twins and triplets.

“I would have had more than nine,” his mother said, laughing.

“I don’t even want to think of it,” he said. “I’m going to make a few calls for work.”

“I want to lecture you that you’re supposed to have the day off.”

“There is no such thing,” he said.

He’d gotten all his shipments out from his online orders and the department store that he’d signed a contract with. The money in his account had helped and given him some breathing room for now, but there were more things to deal with than that since he produced the material for his bags from recycled plastic.

Machines broke down, vendors to get the plastic to be right, supplies he needed to recycle the plastic. Staffing issues. The list was endless and he just needed to get his home life in line.

If that was even possible right now.

The one person he always talked to about this crazy shit was gone from his life. It felt like a double-edged sword in his gut.