20. Have To Figure This Out

20

HAVE TO FIGURE THIS OUT

O n Sunday, Phoenix was watching football while Elsie played with her dolls on the floor. Crystal was in her suite and he hated that.

But there wasn’t much he could do about it. It’s not as if Elsie knew that he and Crystal had something going.

Shit, he wasn’t sure he even knew what it was they had. That was the worst part.

Crystal had snuck down to his room on Friday night once he was in bed. It was the first time they’d been able to not worry about Elsie seeing them.

She climbed into his bed, and they fooled around for an hour or so, talking, laughing, having sex, then cuddling.

Nothing he’d ever done with another woman in his life. He wanted more of it too.

Then she’d gotten up and returned to her room. He didn’t want her to but didn’t want to take the risk that Elsie might come looking for him either.

Saturday, Crystal was nowhere around. He was sure she was in her suite and had left for a bit and then came back. He didn’t reach out to her via text and she didn’t either.

They were going to have to figure this out.

The last thing he wanted to worry about was that she thought this was nothing more than some action in the sheets.

But then he started to wonder if that was all she wanted.

Both times now, she’d made the move.

Damn, could he be that blind?

He got up to get a glass of whiskey and heard the door from the garage open and close.

He didn’t know if Crystal was coming or going, but she came in carrying a few bags.

“Hi,” he said. “Out shopping?”

“After Christmas sales,” she said. “I got some gift cards and thought I’d see if I could find any good deals. Then I bought some snacks for upstairs too.”

“You can get whatever you want down here to eat,” he said.

“I do,” she said. “When I’m working. But I’m not going to come down on the weekends to get some ice cream when I can keep it in my freezer.”

“What kind of ice cream?” he asked. “Elsie finished ours off.”

She smiled. “You should have said something. I’ll pick up some at the store when I get groceries this week. Just put it on the list. Or you can text me.”

“I’d like to text you more than grocery lists,” he said quietly leaning into her. His head was turned to see Elsie not paying attention.

“Any time you want, go ahead,” she whispered back.

“What are you doing for the rest of the day?”

“Putting my stuff away and trying to find something to watch on TV.”

“You can come down and watch TV with us,” he said.

“I think that might seem odd,” she said.

He sighed. “Most likely. But she’s five. She doesn’t understand much.”

“She needs time with her Uncle Nix.”

“Maybe he wants some time with you. Maybe he is trying to navigate this as much as you are.”

“Oh,” she said. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s not always easy to admit I don’t know what is going on around me.”

“I think you’ve got a good handle on things,” she said.

“Not as well as I wish.”

“Do you want to come up and talk when Elsie is in bed?” she asked.

“I’d like that,” he said.

“Then I’ll see you in a few hours,” she said, then left to go up the stairs.

“What are you making for dinner?” Elsie asked him.

“I’m not sure. What do you want?”

“Can we see what is left over from when your mom was here?”

Exactly what he’d been hoping to do. “We can,” he said. “Want to go together?”

Elsie jumped up. “I hope there is lasagna in there.”

“I’m pretty sure there is,” he said. His mother made a few small ones and he didn’t think he ate more than one.

“Do you have bread too?” Elsie asked. “I like bread and butter with sauce.”

“We’ve always got bread,” he said. He walked out into the garage and to the freezer chest he’d bought when his mother was here. He found a lasagna and pulled it out. It was three right now, but with this thing frozen, he’d have to microwave it for a bit before he stuck it in the oven.

Might as well start it now so they could eat by five.

The sooner they got on with their night, the sooner Elsie would be in bed and he could talk with Crystal.

A little after eight, Elsie was sleeping and then made his way up the stairs to Crystal’s. He heard her on the phone saying that she didn’t know what she was doing on New Year’s Eve yet and would let them know.

He hadn’t put much thought into that and it was only two days away. She’d probably want to go out with her friends and he had Elsie home with him.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” she said. “Elsie sleeping?”

“She is,” he said. “Fell asleep before I finished her story.”

“That is nice. She wears herself out so much that she sleeps hard.”

He moved over and sat on the couch next to her. “Did you want to go out on New Year’s Eve?”

“No,” she said. “I’ve never put much thought into it. Maybe years ago it was fun, but in the past few years not really. I’d rather go to someone’s house and hang out, but no one has parties anymore.”

“I haven’t done much on New Year’s Eve in a while. Maryn would have some people over now and again, but once Elsie got older, she stopped it. Or I stopped going because of Nora.”

“How long has it been since Nora left?” she asked.

“Over a year,” he said. “So she wasn’t around for the last set of holidays but was the one before. Nora was jealous of me.”

“Why?” she asked. “It’s not like you were romantically involved.”

“No,” he said. “But Nora had been with a few men and Maryn never had been. I think she thought that maybe Maryn would be persuaded to try something. No clue.”

“I told you how I feel about that,” she said. “I know a lot of people who have experienced relationships with men and women, but I’m willing to bet Maryn was like me. She knew who she was attracted to.”

“She did,” he said. “Anyway, back to New Year’s Eve.” He didn’t want to talk about Maryn or her ex. They had no place in what he was trying to build with Crystal.

“I’m not doing anything,” she said. “I’m assuming you aren’t either?”

“No. Elsie will go to bed at her normal time. Maybe we can have a date after?”

“I’d like that,” she said.

“Good,” he said. “That wasn’t what I was coming up here to talk about.”

“I figured as much,” she said. “I don’t want what we’ve got to feel awkward.”

He inhaled and let it out. “And it’s feeling that way, right?”

“Just a little,” she said, holding up her thumb and finger. “I’m not sure if it’s on my end or your end.”

“I think it might be both. I’m afraid Elsie is going to catch us.”

“Me too,” she said, laughing. “But I also worried that maybe you only were thinking of things as some action in the sheets.”

He frowned. “No. I thought I told you that.”

“You did. So I don’t think it as much anymore.”

“Maybe I’m having doubts that you could be thinking that too.”

Her jaw dropped. “What? You think I only want you for this?”

Her hand dropped down between his legs and he reacted immediately.

Just like the last few times, she was making the first move.

“It might have crossed my mind a time or two.”

“As much as I like it and how well you know what to do with it, it’s not all I want from you. Nor the job either. I know we’ve got to talk and figure this out. Now might be the best chance. Why don’t you go first and tell me what is on your mind?”

“I’m not sure what is on my mind. I might not make sense talking.”

“Then just talk,” she said.

“Elsie has to come first.”

“Agreed. Nor do I want her to know. There is no reason for it. She’s young and would just be confused.”

“Good,” he said. “I don’t want you to feel as if this is only about sex. It seems you don’t want me to feel that way either.”

“Sounds that way,” she said, grinning.

“I feel bad because this isn’t like a normal relationship. It’s not as if we can go out on a date. Or I don’t feel that way and I shouldn’t feel that way because you deserve more. So the next thing I was thinking of was, do you know anyone that babysits like you used to do? Someone you trust to watch Elsie so that we can go on a date?”

She pursed her lips and got this tender look in her eyes. “I do. I mean people I knew on the site. You want to take me out?”

“Yes,” he said, pulling her under his arm. “Elsie has to understand that you are a nanny and entitled to time off too. So we should have a babysitter. If I had to go somewhere for work and you couldn’t watch her, I’d get a sitter. I mean, if you were in a relationship.”

“I’d like to think I am in one with you,” she said.

“Me too. And that means I can’t take advantage of you being here all the time. If we want to see how this goes with us, we have to do things as if you weren’t my nanny.”

“I feel so much better hearing you say this.”

“Because you didn’t want to be the one to bring it up?” he asked.

“I wasn’t thinking it right yet. I might have though. It’s nice I don’t have to worry.”

“I’m glad. You get me the name of the person you think might be interested in watching Elsie. We’ll try for a date night. I promise.”

“Thank you,” she said. “And New Year’s Eve, we can have one here. I think we can watch TV or a movie or something else once Elsie is in bed.” She winked.

“That too,” he said. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Yes,” she said. “Thanks for being the one to bring this up. I hate having doubts.”

“Because you’ve had them enough in your life,” he said. “You’re not the only one.”

“I look at you and can’t believe you had them.”

“Looks can be deceiving,” he said.