13. Comfort And Reassurance

13

COMFORT AND REASSURANCE

P hoenix was struggling to get his body under control and couldn’t remember the last time he had this problem.

The sight of Crystal consistently brought him back to his kitchen seeing her dressed for bed sharing chocolate pudding with him.

Then the touch of his hand and shoulder today.

It was both for comfort and reassurance and he felt like a cad that it made his dick shift in his jeans.

“It’s difficult not to be hard on myself when so many rely on me,” he said.

He’d told her that money wasn’t a problem.

Nope, it wasn’t to pay her salary because that was coming out of Maryn’s money for now and he’d have to deal with that guilt.

But the rest of it, all his employees, that was on his mind keeping him up at night.

“And now you’ve got one more to the list.”

“Two,” he said. “I worry if you leave I’m screwed.”

She smiled softly and patted his shoulder this time before her hand fell away. “I’m not leaving. I honestly don’t think I could have landed in a better spot in my life. I mean that. Really, I do. And though I’m not qualified to work for your other company, I’d love to offer any assistance I could. Like if you need someone to file or answer the phone during the day.” She stopped and scratched her chin. “That’s probably silly and tells you how little I know about those things. But you know what I mean. I could come do grunt work. I’m good at those things.”

“You’re doing more than enough for me now. The important things,” he said. “And you going to Maryn’s this week to take care of her possessions. That’s huge.”

Emotionally, he was just drained and not sure he could possibly put another thing on his plate. That was part of the reason he’d pushed it off as long as he had.

He wouldn’t be embarrassed over his emotional breakdown either. No reason to be. It happened and he couldn’t stand it. Best to just move on.

“It’s easier for me because I didn’t know her. You don’t talk about her much. Not saying you have to, but you don’t.”

“It’s hard,” he said. “She was like one of my siblings. Maybe because I didn’t have one of them that was so close to me that she took that spot. She was an only child and we just hit it off.”

“Can I ask what it was about her that you just hit off so much?” she asked. “I mean her style is different than yours.”

He turned in his chair and looked at her. “That’s on the outside. I let her be her and she let me be me. It’s hard to find that. We just knew deep down we were there for the other. Always. She could call me in the middle of the night when she felt the baby kick. She knew I’d be there for the delivery too. She had someone in her life she could rely on one hundred percent that she never had before. I had that with my family. I have it now. But it was different with her.”

It was a feeling that he’d never forget.

His parents had always been there for him. Just like his mother flew out the minute she knew he had to care for Elsie.

His father, he was doing everything behind the scenes while still running his firm.

His siblings, they came for the funeral.

He had it good and knew it.

But he still felt so alone for much of his life.

With Maryn gone, he wondered if he’d ever have that with another person.

“It’s something that is very hard to find,” Crystal said. “I haven’t found it yet.”

“No,” he said. “Maybe you will.”

He held her stare. She did the same.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’d like that a lot.”

His computer started to ding with emails and he turned back to see what was going on. He wanted to take the full day off but didn’t expect that to happen.

“Jesus,” he said. “Not again.”

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“Production issues. I swear all I do is spend a crazy amount of time on the phone dealing with this just to get my shipments in on time. I’ve got the materials, but it’s getting it made elsewhere.”

“You can’t have it made or assembled in your building?” she asked.

“I’d need equipment I can’t afford and staffing I can’t find.” Might as well be honest. “Money I don’t have more than anything. It’d be great to do it and not worry about this, but unless I can get things to pick up more, it might not happen.”

“I don’t know that I can offer any help. But I have to ask if expanding your line is going to hurt or help. Like won’t it give you more things to chase down?”

He wanted to groan, but she was right. “It would. See, not the best businessman. I know science. I knew how to turn the plastic to the right material and thought I had this great idea for products and my costs would be low.”

“It sounds to me like you need some kind of investor. Maybe go on Shark Tank or something,” she said, laughing.

He grinned. “Not happening. My father has some shares because he invested, but I’ll pay him back at some point. Maryn had shares, not a lot, just enough that she wanted in. They reverted back to me, but I’ll probably give them to Elsie at some point.”

No reason to think about that now. It was only ten percent of the company. His father had ten percent and then would get royalties. If he got enough of it to pay his father back. So far his father hadn’t taken any of it.

“Nothing you have to do now,” she said. “I’ll let you get to work and I’m going to do some online shopping for Christmas before I get Elsie.”

“Then you can have the rest of the day off,” he said. “You’ve been working and I’m here.”

“That’s up to you,” she said. “I could make dinner if you want or just go hang out upstairs. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

He heard the sadness in her voice and wondered if she liked the company as much as he did.

It was such a weird situation. The last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. Instead he was the one feeling it.

“You know you can come and go. I feel like maybe you don’t get to do anything with your friends.”

He noticed that she’d been around most weekends. At least at night. It’s not like he was trying to keep an eye on her, but it was easy when he could see her coming and going at times from the back.

Since his bedroom was behind the garage, if she came back late at night the security lights would go on when she walked to her deck, but they never did.

It’s not like he was going to bed at nine either. He was lucky if he was sleeping by midnight half the time.

“It’s fine,” she said. “My friends are all working or going to clubs. It’s never been my favorite thing to do. I’m not looking to pick anyone up. I’m ready for the quiet life.”

“I thought I was getting that too, but guess not.”