Chapter 5

Paxton

He kissed me.

There were more important things I should've been focused on other than where his lips were currently located, but they weren't quite as important as they'd been a few minutes before.

His tongue was more important.

How firm his lips were was notable.

Then there was his scent and how warm he was.

I couldn't forget how his body was bracketing me in, either.

I wasn't exactly trapped but just the faint teasing of it had my heart beating faster before he'd even touched me.

He wanted to touch me too.

Just thinking about that made me moan and he must've been psychic as well as kinky because one hand shifted and he stroked my face. It was almost like static electricity buzzed between us and I couldn't help moaning again.

Kissing had never felt so incredible, and I heard myself whine and felt myself pout as he finally released my lips and pulled away.

I'd pouted .

Instead of telling me to grow up or even looking at me funny, Fraser grinned and his eyes were back to sparkling like they'd caught the light somehow. "Kissing is a very good getting to know you limit."

He was such a handful.

But he wasn't wrong.

"I think so too." I was pretty sure I'd managed not to blush or look ridiculous, but his grin widened. He was thinking something but I wasn't ready to know what that was yet. "Thank you for making me dinner."

It was a stupid response and one that had just popped out when I hadn't known what to say, but he didn't look offended or frustrated. He didn't respond like anyone I'd dated in the past would've because he flashed me a naughty grin. "I like knowing I've scrambled your brains."

The rest of the people in town were nuts, but he was a pain in the butt. "That's not polite."

Laughing, he shrugged and gave me a quick peck as he rose and straightened. "I never promised to be polite. That's your thing."

He made it sound like a kink.

I wasn't so na?ve that I couldn't see the signs anymore. I just hadn't been expecting them. The men I'd met in the field and at work were mostly…well, not as interesting as Fraser. I'd also never run into any women who'd talked about that kind of stuff, so it wasn't something I was familiar with on a friendship level either.

The only thing I'd heard of before was the concept of safewords and limits. But that was mostly due to the strange things that were on TV at the moment. I'd never run into anyone in person who used them, and I'd never been to a town where everyone needed them in order to behave.

"Your brain is going a thousand miles an hour." Fraser was right, but he didn't seem worried about it as he held out his hand. "I won't ask what you're thinking but I want you to remember that asking questions is part of getting to know each other."

I was also pretty sure it was part of the negotiating limits aspect of the kink stuff, but I wasn't sure if that worked the same as regular questions. Figuring that out as I took his hand and stood up wasn't as easy as I'd thought, though.

It was time to bring in an expert in the field.

"I…" Swallowing as the words got stuck, probably because he was so close, I tried again as he waited quietly. "I can ask about anything, right? You don't have…there aren't limits I need to respect?"

I really needed him to tell me that I was on the right track before I started talking myself out of what seemed to be obvious at that point.

Safewords.

Limits.

Fraser being so willing to take charge.

Yes, that added up to something kinky…I just didn't know what or if it was rude to ask.

"You can ask me anything you want." Since he didn't move away, he was close, but there were still several inches between us as he slowly reached up with his free hand and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I don't think there's anything that I wouldn't answer, but I might not give you a full response if I think you're not ready yet."

He'd already done that, so I nodded. Part of me wanted to be a pain in the butt and pitch a fit to demand all the knowledge, but a bigger part that seemed smarter pointed out he might give me all the knowledge if I did that.

"Making you bad uncomfortable is not my goal, so there might be a few topics I put off discussing until we're both ready." Nothing in his voice made me think those topics would be dangerous, but they still had butterflies whirling in my stomach. "Does that seem like a reasonable limit?"

More limits again.

"Yes." No matter what he was imagining, he was probably right. There were a lot of things I wasn't ready to talk about. For one thing, I didn't have the vocabulary or enough of a baseline knowledge to ask reasonable questions.

Yes, looking stupid or offending him were both off the table.

"Good." He kept softly stroking my cheek, seemingly content with the simple contact. "So yes, you may ask me whatever you'd like. You can also ask it here or we can go sit down on the couch if that would be more comfortable."

"Further apart?" Oh, hadn't meant to ask that either. He was bad for my self-control. "I'm sorry. That just…"

Ugh.

Flashing me a cheeky grin, he shrugged. "I'm a cuddler and I'm trying to behave myself. But how about you sit on my lap?"

His lap?

"I'll squish you." I wasn't built like a brick shithouse, like my grandfather would've said, but the mechanics of that didn't seem like it would end well.

"Nope." Charging right back into things, Fraser stepped away and started walking us toward the living room, keeping my hand wrapped in his. "I'm stronger and sturdier than you're imagining, but thank you for thinking about my health instead of just what you want."

Had I been doing that?

"Um, you're welcome?" Was that the right response? "I don't know what I want."

At least, I didn't think I did.

"You want to be held and to feel safe while we talk." Fraser was very confident and that made it hard to second-guess the situation. "It's perfectly reasonable and nothing unexpected. It's also nice because, like I said, I like cuddling."

He seemed very sure of that and I had to admit he liked to be close when we were standing together. "I…okay, I guess."

Had I been thinking about sitting on his lap?

Grown men didn't do that, did they?

Well, at parties where there wasn't enough seating it would be done…especially after a few drinks, but we hadn't been drinking…and he had plenty of chairs.

He even had a big chair by his bookshelf where we would both fit.

"I…" Oh.

Chuckling, Fraser didn't hide how funny he thought I was as he settled me on his lap. "See? It's fine."

Somehow he seemed bigger when we were sitting.

"You…you don't seem stressed." Not about my weight, at least.

"Oh, you give me the best openings." Wrapping his arms loosely around me, Fraser kissed my cheek. "But I'm trying to behave, so you have to stop tempting me."

I was tempting him?

To do what?

No, I wasn't going to ask that…he might answer it.

"Alright, we're all set and I've already explained how the questions and answers portion of our evening will go. So, please feel free to begin." He sounded like he was taking things seriously, but his eyes were back to that teasing sparkly-ness that I was coming to learn meant trouble.

This was a terrible idea.

"The…the only places I've heard red mentioned in the way you guys use it here and where limits are so clearly laid out is…well, it's…I've seen it on TV." Ugh. I was not an idiot. I could articulate the question. Maybe. "I just don't know the right way to phrase my question."

Wuss.

Fraser's lips pressed together but then he smiled like I was so cute he didn't know what to do with me. "I'm so proud of you."

Well, that wasn't the reaction I'd been expecting.

"Thank you?" I wasn't sure that was what I should've said, but it made him smile, so I decided not to worry about it. I had enough on my plate without asking for more. "Why, though?"

Might as well ask that part if I already looked stupid.

Fraser gave me another quick peck and chuckled when I huffed and frowned at him. "You explained what you knew and tried to get as much information out as possible, and then when you ran into your own personal limits, you asked for help."

I had?

Well, that was one way to look at it.

"This isn't a situation I've ever found myself in." There definitely wasn't any harm in explaining that. "I'm not sure how to ask what I want to know."

He was still smiling.

"I'm going to start answering what I think you were asking, but I need you to stop me if I get it wrong, alright?" He waited until I nodded, but once he had my confirmation, he started rubbing my back. "Good."

I hoped so.

But he was very good at cuddles, so it wasn't a loss either way.

"The only situations or relationships you've seen that mention limits and safewords have BDSM in them in some way and you're looking to see if that was part of my life?" He said it so easily, I found myself nodding before I'd thought about how nervous I should've been.

Or maybe embarrassed?

I should've been something.

"Yes, please." That hadn't been as difficult as I thought it would be…especially since I hadn't been the one to say it. Unfortunately, that led me into being slightly overconfident. "I don't want to be scared and I don't think I want to be hurt?"

Oh, that shouldn't have come out as a question.

I shouldn't even be curious about that.

"Then we won't do anything that scares you and we'll make sure we talk through anything new or that might be unexpected." Fraser's tone had slipped into what I'd started to think of as his work voice. Confident. Even. No-nonsense.

"It's that simple?" Nothing was that simple, but he nodded right away.

"Yes, and we'll discuss options for ways that you want to explore pain." His words made my eyes widen, but he just grinned as he kept going. "It might be a light spanking or it might be pinching you someplace with lots of good nerve endings."

I knew a verbal response was the right thing to do in the situation but I couldn't get anything out. The only thing I was proud of was that I managed to keep my mouth closed and didn't look like a goldfish.

"We will discuss everything like that up front, though, and I will not surprise you with anything that could induce fear or pain." His smile softened and whatever he saw on my face had him kissing my cheek again. "We will stick with fun surprises like desserts and presents."

"I like those kinds." I wasn't sure if I'd meant to say that either, but it wasn't the strangest response I could've given him, so I brushed it off.

"Good." He smiled wider and ran his hand over my head. "See? We're answering questions and setting limits and it's not as hard as you probably thought."

He seemed to be seeing the situation through rose-colored glasses because I knew I was incredibly awkward, but I didn't point it out. I wanted him to keep them on for a while until I got a bit more confident with the whole situation.

"There are different types? Right?" Hadn't I seen some kind of reality show with different variations? How could I explain what I meant? Keep it simple. Keep it simple. No big words to distract us. "Like different types of the same insect? My beetles might come in a variety of colors or variations?"

Fraser chuckled but nodded and didn't tell me to talk more clearly because he didn't understand what I was saying. "Yes, and there is a wide range that fits under the same umbrella term, but I'm not into anything that I think of as scary or stressful."

That was probably good to know but I wasn't sure what he considered stressful.

What would I consider stressful?

"I don't have a good base of knowledge to know what would be a stressful option." Not having enough information wasn't a bad thing. I was just going to ask questions until I figured out what area I needed more knowledge about.

Yes, studying would help and I knew how to study.

Fraser nodded but didn't immediately start listing off topics. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but I tried to be patient. Unfortunately, when he started answering, it wasn't a lot of help. "I don't want to make your fears worse but let's just begin with anything you've seen that would go in a scary movie is off the table."

I had a feeling my reading choices had been a bit too narrow lately. Oh, this was why the old men kept talking about me not finding the right books in the library. They were right. I wouldn't have found the right books to explain what they were talking about.

"Okay, so no leather and screaming people?" Maybe that'd been in a music video? "I'm not sure what I've seen lately but I've just been doing a lot of scrolling on TV, and a good bit of that hasn't been in English."

Fraser was trying not to laugh, but he shook his head until he could get the words out without snickering. "Nothing like that. I'm a softie at heart. Think lots of caretaking and fun spankings if you end up liking those."

More of what the strange old men in the diner had said was coming back and actually starting to make sense. "The weird men. That's what they were asking about, wasn't it?"

Looking slightly sheepish, he nodded. "That wasn't my fault. It's their own nosiness. I hadn't even hinted I was interested in you until we had lunch earlier."

Most of the town seemed to spend at least half the day watching me, so I wasn't sure if his habit of noticing too much about me had caused the problem or not.

"What caught their attention?" What had I done that was so weird they thought I was into…something?

And he was back to trying not to laugh.

"Okay, from what I've put together, it's silly things." Fraser kissed my cheek again and chuckled when I frowned at him. "I'm not avoiding answering. I'm just trying to figure out how to explain it without sounding as nuts as they do."

Hmm.

"Okay, you have a point. They sounded insane." That didn't mean I was ready to stop glaring at him yet. He was entirely too giggly.

"You're not wrong." Scrunching up his face in an exaggerated thinking expression that was probably just him trying to look cute, he hummed and sighed. "Well, they've noticed you digging in the dirt a lot and you like comfort food quite a bit. You're into special bugs like Lorne. Although that's just a coincidence. Oh, and you've smiled at most of the men in town that are one specific flavor of Dom."

I'd what?

"I haven't flirted with anyone!" That was ridiculous. I hadn't even flirted with Fraser. "I…they…"

Fraser laughed, cutting off my ramblings. "Your face, cutie. No. They didn't say you flirted. People just noticed there were some men in town that you were more comfortable talking to than others."

They'd all lost their minds.

Wait.

"What kind of…what kind of man have I been talking to a lot?" And what did my food choices have to do with BDSM?