1. Justin

1Justin

“Coffee… Coffee… I need coffee.”

I sighed, rubbing my weary eyes as I bounced my eighteen-month-old nephew Theo in my arms while silently begging the coffee machine to brew faster. Why did kids never sleep in when you needed them to?

“Papple.” Theo patted my cheek with his sticky hand.

“More apple?” I asked.

He nodded so hard his light brown, streaked with blond curls wobbled. Gosh, he was so adorable.

I grabbed another sliver of a slice and handed it to him. Something wasn’t right. It took me a minute to figure out the issue. It was too quiet. I turned around, and sure enough, my three-year-old niece Sara was nowhere to be found. I groaned and closed my eyes.

When they were awake, the lack of noise was never a good sign. With Theo in tow, I hurried out of the kitchen, calling out for her but only received a giggle for my trouble.

I followed the delightful sound until I got to my bedroom and closed my eyes, groaning at the sight of the mess. My stomach twisted in its normal precarious knot. Over the last few months, since I was given custody of my niece and nephew, I’d learned that a giggle from a three-year-old seldom meant anything good. Such a cute sound should never be followed by such evil deeds. I couldn’t even blame her. The temptation was just too great at that age. I knew better than to leave the bottle of lotion on the side table within her reach. Now I had a kid covered from head to toe in baby lotion.

I glanced at my alarm clock and groaned. I barely had enough time to get her cleaned up and fed before Ashley, the babysitter, arrived. Not to mention I had to get over to the bakery to open up for the day.

“Dammit.”

“Dammit,” Sara repeated, and I closed my eyes and groaned. I’d been doing my best to watch my language around her. She was in the repeat absolutely everything phase of toddlerhood.

“Don’t you move, missy,” I told her sternly. She looked up at me, all big blue eyes and blonde curls that immediately reminded me so much of my sister. As if the loss of her wasn’t hard enough, Sara looked angelic even as she’d unknowingly made a start to my day much harder.

Not allowing myself to think about it, I put Theo in the playpen in the living room and turned on the first kid’s show I found on Netflix. I hurried back to the kitchen and grabbed the plastic bowl with the last couple of apple slices, and placed it in the playpen with him. Luckily he hadn’t learned to get out of it yet.

When I reached my room, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that Sara had actually done as I asked and hadn’t moved. The last thing I needed was to chase after a child around the house covered in slippery lotion. She would definitely think it was a fun game to torture me with.

I shuddered at the thought.

A quick glance at the bedside clock showed me it was almost six a.m. I swallowed my panic, knowing I should already be on the way to my bakery. I grabbed a towel and bundled up Sara in her birthday suit, thankful I had waited to dress her last. I made sure both kids were bathed at night before bedtime, allowing a little wiggle room in the morning routine. There was no way I could let Ashley come in and deal with this hot mess. I barely paid her enough to babysit as it was, but unfortunately, it was all I could afford.

That edge of panic tried to return, but I swallowed it down again. If I let all the thoughts that plagued me crash into me at this moment, I would lay down and never get up. I refuse to let that happen today.

I wiped up Sara as best I could before sitting her on the edge of the bathtub. I turned on the water and made sure it was warm enough before turning the baby shower head attached to the faucet on my niece. I used a dollop of baby bath gel, which I knew was necessary even though it was more expensive, to lather her up.

Don’t go there, Justin. It’s just money.

Thinkingabout the state of our finances would cause the mild headache already brewing in the back of my head to turn into a full-on migraine.

I was certain my niece could read my emotions because she usually babbled during bath time. This morning, she was quiet as I got her rinsed off. Maybe she was just aware of how tired I was.

My exhaustion was just one more thing I did my best not to think about.

Making sure no soap bubbles were left behind, I grabbed a fresh towel and lifted her out of the tub. I dried her off quickly, then bundled her up and walked to get her clothes.

When I tried to put her down, her arms tightened around my neck, and I leaned back so I could see her face.

“I gotta get you ready baby, Ashley will be here soon.”

She shook her head and buried her face in my shoulder. I rubbed her back even as I tried not to glance at the clock and hurry things along.

“What’s up turtle dove?”

She sniffed, and my heart broke. I felt like such an ass for letting my frustrations show to a little child.

“You don’t yeave us, uncle Justin, I be good. I promise.” Every inch of my heart that hadn’t already cracked fell to pieces.

My throat felt so tight I couldn’t swallow, but I did my best to reply because that’s why I was here. If my sister and her wife couldn’t be here for their babies, and even though most times I felt like they’d been short-changed ending up with me, I was who they had. Seeing them cry, especially night after night, calling out for their moms… I closed my eyes tightly because the last thing we needed this morning was me joining in on the tears.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby girl. I would never leave my favorite girl.” I had to swallow at the lump in my throat. Sara’s arms tightened around my neck, and the tears that had been dripping onto my shoulder ended, even though she kept sniffling.

I rubbed her back a little more until the sound of my alarm on my phone told me I had absolutely no time left and I needed to be on my way to the bakery. I sighed and walked over to turn it off. I needed to get Sara dressed, even though I wished I could grab Theo and all three of us returned to bed.

But, we couldn’t afford to do that. I thanked the Gods every day that this house had been paid for in full. My sister was a planner like that. I hate to imagine figuring out where to live with my niece and nephew if they hadn’t planned ahead for their children in their wills.

After I snoozed the alarm, I saw that I had another notification. Apparently, while I was bathing Sara, I’d missed a call and a text message. I opened and read it, and tears immediately stung my eyes. Damn it. This was the very last thing I needed today.

Ashley, the babysitter, was sick. She’d woken up with what she thought was food poisoning, and she wasn’t going to make it. This was not my day.

I stared at the message so long that the alarm went off again, and that got me moving. I texted Ashley back that I hoped she felt better soon, trying not to think about how this completely messed up my day, then slid my phone into my pocket.

“We’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.” I patted Sara on the back, and she leaned back to look at me, her thumb in her mouth, as I put her down on the floor.

I got her dressed quickly, getting her ready for a day at the bakery since I had no other choice but to take them with me. Now she was dressed, luckily this time with no running around or squirming. It was almost like she knew how close to the edge I was. I hurried out to the living room, put her in the playpen, and then lifted Theo out.

“How would you guys like to come to work with Uncle Justin?”

Sara clapped and grinned up at me, and Theo patted my cheek like he knew what I meant. I hurried back to the bedroom and got him dressed to go out, and then finished getting myself ready. I quickly threw a bag together for the two of them and grabbed their coats and boots, then I headed back to the living room and dumped it all on the sofa. I put Theo back with Sara, then went to the kitchen to grab some things I’d need for them. I sighed when I saw the state of the sink. I really needed to get better organized, but not right now. I didn’t even care. I grabbed Theo’s sippy cup and went to the sink to wash it.

I turned the tap, and at first, there was nothing but a loud groaning sound. I frowned. I knew I’d paid the water bill. I always made sure the bills were paid even before buying food. Just as I was about to turn it again, the whole thing exploded, shooting water everywhere. I yelled out in surprise and tried to turn it off, but nothing happened. I finally dropped to my knees and opened the cupboard under the sink, turning the water off that way. When it finally stopped raining inside, I sank to the floor and pulled my knees into my chest. My head fell against them, and I let out all the emotions building up inside me and cried.

I’m so sorry, Teagan. I’m so sorry, Willow.I was failing my sister. For some reason that I still couldn’t fathom, they’d trusted me to raise their kids. And I was failing her. And them. It should have been me, not Teagan and Willow, that died in that accident. The kids needed their parents, not their totally inept uncle watching out for them.