18. Broken

"CASPER!" The Winter wind carried Sienna's voice over the distance, taunting Casper's ears. He glared at the helm.

How long will it be until I don't still hear her voice in my head?

"Um, Casp?"

The concern in Jem's voice drew his attention. He looked over his shoulder to the receding shoreline. "What is it?"

His first mate was standing at the aft railing, looking back at Nivem's coast. He pointed to the cliffs near the lighthouse. "Look."

Illuminated by the glow of the lighthouse, Casper could just barely make out a pale figure standing on the cliff's edge.

Sienna.

"Should we turn around?" Jem asked hopefully.

His answer was terse as he turned back around. "Why? There's nothing more to be said."

"But you love her."

"And?"

"Don't you want to tell her? Doesn't that need to be said?"

"I told you, she deserves better than me."

"And I'm saying—WHY IS SHE JUMPING?"

Jem's petrified yell forced his attention back to the cliffs. Casper watched in open-mouthed horror as Sienna's tiny form flew off the edge and crashed into the dark waves. A cry echoed across the deck, a sign that his crew had witnessed the act just as he had. He cranked the helm, turning the Petrel around as quickly as he dared, and pleading with the Almighty that Sienna's body was not dashed against the rocks.

Longest John darted up to the quarter deck, spyglass in hand. Casper snatched it from his hand and motioned for him to take control of the helm. He ran to the railing, bracing himself as the ship moved, and trained the glass on the spot where he had seen Sienna land. Jem was beside him in an instant.

Her arms and head moved with the waves as she swam towards them. He felt the vise that had been squeezing his heart loosen. "She's alive."

Thank the Almighty.

The Petrel could not move fast enough. Casper kept the spyglass practically glued to his face as they sailed forward to meet her, afraid that if he looked away, she might disappear. Her movements were strong and steady as she swam, and his heart was torn between admiration for her strength and the desire to chastise her for putting her life so recklessly in danger.

Sienna's head dipped below the surface. He gripped the railing with white knuckles. When she reappeared, Casper noted that her strokes were starting to grow more feeble. He cursed.

"What's wrong?" Jem asked.

He handed over the spyglass and threw off his jacket and cap. He bent over to unlace his boots. "She's getting tired. There's no way she's going to get here in time."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Get one of the longboats and come after me." Casper climbed up onto the railing, stretched his arms over his head, and dove into the water.

It was hard to see over the rise and fall of the waves, so Casper just turned his body in Sienna's direction and started swimming as hard as he could. The sound of low singing carried over the water, a wordless melody that somehow matched the shape and feel of the waves exactly. His composer's brain wanted to stop and examine the music, but his heart pulled him forward.

Suddenly, Sienna was before him, weakly treading water as she sang. Her eyes and face lit up when she saw him, and she sighed in relief. "Casper."

Her song must have been doing something to keep her afloat, for the moment she stopped singing to say his name, she slipped under the surface. He grabbed for her, pulling her up as she sputtered and coughed. Her skin was icy cold, even to him, and her lips were blue against her pale face. Her teeth chattered. Casper used one arm to hold her up as he slowly turned around looking for any sign of Jem in the longboat.

He was already nearly upon them, pulling at the oars with long, strong strokes. In another minute, he was there, reaching over the side to haul Sienna's tiny, shivering body into the boat. Caper clambered over the side, causing the boat to rock dangerously. He laid still for a moment, catching his breath.

"Jem," Sienna greeted him weakly.

"Enna," he returned, grunting with effort as he started rowing in the other direction. "It's a strange time of night for a swim."

"I don't kn-n-n-now what you're t-t-t-talking about." Her eyelids started to flutter closed, and she could barely get the words out between shivering convulsions and chattering teeth. "I go for m-moonlight s-s-s-s-swims all the t-t-t-time."

Casper and Jem shared a look of alarm. Jem jutted his chin in Sienna's direction. Casper shook his head. "You're dry. She'll get warmer faster."

"I'm rowing. Besides, I'm fairly certain she didn't jump off a cliff for me."

"N-n-nope. Sorry, J-j-jem."

"No need to apologize," Jem said brightly, giving Casper a pointed look and nodding towards her. "I prefer my gestures of affection to be a little less grand and a lot more dry."

Casper carefully scooted over to where Sienna was laying in the bottom of the boat and scooped her up into his lap. She immediately curled into him, as if seeking whatever warmth she could find, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. The rest of the boat ride was silent, save for the sounds of her teeth clattering against one another and Jem's deep breaths of exertion.

He closed his eyes as he held her, resting his cheek against the top of her head and giving thanks over and over again that she was alive and well.

But still. She can't stay here. The curse returns at midnight, and we won't be able to return to Nivem. We have to take her back before it's too late.

He had to let go of her long enough to help Jem secure the ropes onto the ends of the longboat so the pulleys could hoist it up. The little vessel rocked back and forth as they rose higher and higher above the water, and then finally the arms swung the boat back around over the deck. Casper climbed out first, holding out his arms for Sienna as Jem lifted her over the side.

He handed her back to Jem, much to his first mate's surprise. "Find her a blanket and whatever dry clothes we might have. And get ready to land at Nivem."

He started towards the helm.

"Casperion Helmrud!"

Casper turned. Sienna was twisting and struggling her way out of Jem's arms. He set her down and backed away with his hands up, leaving her in a quickly growing puddle of water. Her eyes were bright and fierce in her pale, white face. She was exhausted and half-drowned, with dripping clothes and streaming hair that was still halfway contained in its braid, but she stood with her shoulders thrown back and her fists propped against her hips.

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"You do not get to just plop me down and walk away again!"

He crossed his arms. "You're cold and wet. You need dry clothes. I need to make sure we get you back to Nivem in time."

"Why?"

"Why?" he repeated.

"Why do I need to get back to Nivem?"

He blinked, sure that there must be some mistake. "Um, because at midnight our week will be over, the curse will return, and for the next seven years we'll be half-ghosts wandering in the wind?"

"What if I don't want to go back? What if I want to stay with you?"

He barked out a laugh. "You just jumped off a cliff, Si. I don't think your reasoning skills are particularly sound right now."

"I jumped off a cliff because you left without saying goodbye."

His heart hammered with hope, but he refused to allow it any room. Instead, he rolled his eyes and reached for his grumpy armor. "Fine. Goodbye. Happy now?"

"Fine," she echoed, crossing her arms and mirroring his posture. Her jaw worked back and forth, and a violent shiver ran up her spine.

His heart clenched at the sight. She was going to catch her death if she didn't get warmed up soon.

He would too, for that matter, only he was going to be half-dead in less than an hour anyway, so he decided it wasn't worth bothering about.

"You really need to get changed."

Richards appeared behind her with a blanket, tossing it over her shoulders. She gripped the front of it tightly. A flash of something dark on her wrist caught his eye, and he stepped close, grabbing her arm and holding it up to catch the light of the hanging lamps. A raw, angry welt wrapped around her wrist. With a curse, he reached for her other arm, only to find a matching mark near her hand.

Rope burns.

A growl escaped him. "What happened?"

"Nothing that we need to worry about right now."

"Sienna."

"Fine. It was Erik. He's been the one behind the smuggling for years."

Casper saw red, and it was only the fact that he had less than an hour until midnight that kept him from seeking out the vile elf and making his face match the color of Sienna's wrist. He clenched his jaw.

The next time I see that scum he's going to get more than just a scare.

Another shiver wracked her body. He dropped her arms and stepped back again. "Go change."

"Not yet."

Casper threw his arms up in the air. "Why in the realms not? What more do you want from me, Si?"

"Well, for starters, how about an apology?"

"An apology? For what?"

"For lying, first of all—or concealing the truth, I suppose. We're engaged. You're supposed to tell me if, you know, you're under a curse or something."

"It was a fake engagement."

"You said it was real."

Casper growled and shoved his hands through his hair, sending droplets of water splashing to the deck. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. "It was only for a week. I told you that."

"And I told you that you would have to be the one to break it off. Instead, you just disappeared like a thief in the night."

He was dangerously close to yelling now. "I had to leave, or else all of Nivem would be subjected to the horrors of a ghost ship in their harbor. They will now, anyway, thanks to that little stunt you pulled. What else was I supposed to do?"

"What else? You could have, I don't know, asked me to come with you."

He was frozen, as were the rest of his crew. The only sound for a few taut seconds was the wind whipping through the sails. "Why would you want to do that?"

She blew out a long breath. Her cheeks had regained some of their color now, likely from the heightened emotions of their argument. "Because I love you, and I would much rather spend seven years with you than seven years waiting."

A low murmur rippled through the crew, and Casper was reminded that this conversation was happening very publicly. He shook his head. "You shouldn't love me."

"And why not?" Sienna's eyes flashed.

"Because! I can't give you anything! I'm a cursed man, Sienna. I don't deserve your love."

She snapped at him, "Then it's a good thing that it's not your choice!"

"What kind of life is this for you? You'll be separated from your father, from Devri."

"So I'll make sure we visit. It won't be much different than if I moved to another Court."

His heart was pounding, and his brain was torn between wanting to cross the distance between them as soon as possible and wrap her in his arms, and wanting to push her away from the bleak, dreary future she was reaching for.

She deserves better than me. She deserves a future full of light and warmth, safety and security. A home. Children.

"I'm a ghost, Sienna."

She was quiet for a moment, and he both dreaded and hoped that his words finally sank in. When she spoke again, it was calm and even. "Do you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think that you've been carrying around a guilt and shame that aren't even yours for so long that you're afraid of giving them up. You're afraid that you won't know who you are without them. You made a mistake, Casper, but you're not responsible for every single wrong that happened after. You're spending your life chasing after atonement that you'll never find because it was never yours to seek in the first place."

"It was my music. I was the first through the breach."

"By that logic, the person who made the paper should also be held responsible."

"No, that's—"

"Ridiculous? Yes, it is. You wrote the music, but you did not force Hollander's to try to sell it illegally. In fact, you've been doing everything you can to keep that from happening."

"I trapped my men here."

"No, the fae who cursed you trapped them here. Casper, it's not your fault,"

He desperately wanted to believe her. Wanted to be free of the guilt and shame that had plagued him since his first day in Faerie. But even atonement couldn't change the fact that he had nothing but a curse existence to offer her.

"Si…"

Her shoulders fell with a defeated sigh, and she pulled the blanket tighter around her. "I love you, Casper, but I'm not going to force the issue. If you want to take me home, take me home. But," she added, looking up with determination. "If you don't show up on my doorstep in seven years, know that I will come after you. I will hunt you down, no matter where the Winter wind has taken you, and I will continue to chase you until the day I die."

The little resolve he had left snapped, and in two steps he crossed the distance between them, pulling her to him in a desperate kiss. She clung to the front of his shirt, holding herself upright. Salty tears dripped down her cheeks and mingled with his own that fell. Cheers and whoops erupted from the crew around him.

He tipped his forehead against hers, whispering, "I love you. From the moment I saw you standing on the doorstep, I was enchanted. You are a brightness and fire in my world that until now has been nothing but cold and gray."

She closed her eyes and pulled him down for another kiss. "Ghost captains are surprisingly poetic."

"It's the brooding," Jem chimed in. "It brings all the deep thoughts to the surface."

Sienna giggled, and Casper shot him a glare. "Are you sure you want to stay here with all of them?"

"Yes. Although, in the spirit of apologies, I do feel as if I should offer one of my own." She bit her lip.

"Why is that?"

"Well," she stretched the word out as she looked up at him archly. "I did promise that I wouldn't fall in love with you. It's not a very good start to our relationship that I broke a promise within the first week."

He tugged her closer and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, resting his chin on her head. "I think I can extend forgiveness in this situation."

She shivered, reminding him that she was still very wet.

"You need to go get some dry clothes."

She hummed into his shoulder. "Hmmm. But you're so warm." She pushed away from him suddenly, as if burned. Her eyes were wide. "Casper. You're warm."

It took him a moment to comprehend her words. His head whipped over to Jem, who was smiling widely. "Jem, what time is it?"

"Just after midnight, Captain."

Casper held his hand out in front of his face, turning it over while opening and closing his fist. There should have been a slight transparency, especially around the edges. His touch should have been icy cold. Instead, his hands were solid, and though his fingers were chilled from the cold, wet air, his palms were warm. "But that means."

One of the John's whooped. "The curse is broken!"

A jubilant cheer rose up from the crew. The men hugged, clapped one another on the back, and some even linked arms and danced around the deck. Casper felt like the smile would split his face as he watched. Sienna slipped an arm around his waist and pulled his arm over her shoulder.

"Casper?"

"Hmm.?'

"The curse is broken."

"It is."

"And it's after midnight."

"Yes?"

"Want to go catch some smugglers?"

He looked down at her, and his eyes locked again on the ugly rope burn on her wrist.

"Absolutely."

"Ah, yes," Jem added. "As my dear old Mormor used to say, ‘Vigilant work makes true love bloom…but vigilante work will also suffice.'"