1. Penance

Anonymity was a smuggler"s best friend.

The element of surprise was a pirate"s.

As things stood, Captain Casperion Helmrud had no hope of being successful in either occupation.

The charred, blackened hull of his ship, the Petrel, was immediately and unmistakably recognizable. The wooden boards groaned and creaked as the vessel rolled with the waves. The seas in this part of Winter were known for being treacherous and temperamental at the best of times, and the salty spray added a layer of chill to the already biting wind. Casper pulled his jacket tighter around him as he adjusted his stance on the prow. The water ahead was empty of other vessels, which was how he usually preferred it.

Most days.

He felt a familiar presence over his shoulder. "Any news, Jem?"

His friend and first mate mirrored his stance beside him, crossing his arms and bracing his long legs wide. The wind ruffled his dirty blonde hair, which was almost translucent in the muted sunlight "Nothing yet, Captain. I"ve had Short John and Richard taking shifts in the nest, but there"s been no sign of any ships."

Casper frowned. "With the storm last night, it"s almost certain that someone came through."

"Perhaps they found another means of entry?"

He shook his head. "We"ve sailed every inch of Winter"s seas over the years. This is the only place where the barrier is thin enough to be breached." Casper looked at the tall, jagged rocks that towered like menacing giants over the water, unmoved by the crashing waves that pummeled them. The wind whistled as it wound its way around and through them, a faint echo of the howling, keening song that accompanied the storm of the night before. "If a shipment came through, it would have been here."

"Maybe there wasn"t one."

"Maybe. But they haven"t missed an opportunity in the last forty-nine; why would they start now?" Casper looked out to where the waves met the empty, gray horizon. "Have the men bring the Petrel around again. We must be missing something."

"Aye, aye Cap"n." Jem gave a smart salute and grinned at Casper"s rolling eyes, then turned sharply on his heel and marched away with soundless steps.

Casper shook his head and sighed. Even after nearly five decades of captaining his own ship, there were still days where the responsibility of authority weighed heavily on his shoulders. Jem"s willing and unquestioning acquiescence, though it should have bolstered him, instead stirred up the familiar questions of doubt.

What am I doing? Does any of this even matter? How can they follow someone who ruined their lives so completely? What will happen when they realize that there"s no way to fix this?

The gloomy thoughts swirled in his head, matching his mood to the gray, overcast sky above. A gust of wind cut past, biting at his cheeks and threatening to rip the cap from his head.

What kind of future can there be when you live as a ghost?

"Ship ho!"

The cry that Casper had been anxiously awaiting finally sounded as the afternoon light began to pale. The small vessel had apparently been forewarned and taken shelter amongst the rocks—a risky and ill-advised move that could only have been suggested by one of the fae who forgot how delicate and vulnerable humans were in their realm. As the Petrel made a final circuit around, the little merchant ship was spotted making its escape out to the open waters.

"Your orders, Casp?" Jem called from his place at the helm.

"Pursue," he answered confidently. "The wind is in our favor this evening, and we should be able to catch them before nightfall."

His crew scurried across the deck as they prepared the ship to change course. The sails snapped loudly before billowing out as they caught the wind, and the wood creaked and groaned as the Petrel picked up speed. Casper moved to stand at his customary spot over the bowsprit.

His ship was not the fastest, and in the desolate waters of Winter, there was no way to conceal their approach. The crew of their quarry had doubtless already spotted them. There was also no way to disguise the burnt wood and tattered sails of his ghastly-looking vessel, and if this batch of smugglers was anything like the rest, they already knew who it was that pursued them.

But even without anonymity or the element of surprise, Casper had something even better:

Fear.

A thick fog began rolling in as the light faded and Casper took his place. His mouth pulled into a satisfied grin. With the dim light and the fog, he knew that it would appear from a distance as if his ship were floating over the water. From his position at the prow, his would be the first face they saw.

The Flying Dutchman.

Captain of Ghosts.

"Please! Take anything you want—anything! Just spare us." The captain of the smuggler ship threw his hands up in front of his face and fell to his knees in a trembling heap. Murmurs of terrified assent echoed in a ripple from the rest of his crew, who had all been gathered together in a little bunch near the starboard railing.

Casper crossed his arms in front of his chest, throwing his shoulders back to make himself appear broader. He rarely had the physical advantage when dealing with the fae, many of whom by nature were taller and stronger than the average human male, but this particular captain was both younger and smaller than most.

The thought gave Casper pause, and he quickly gave the smuggler crew a second, closer look. He scowled.

By the realms, they"re all practically boys! They have no idea what kind of damage they could be doing.

"Who are you working for?" The question came out harsher than he had intended, and Casper didn"t miss the slight raise of Jem"s eyebrows as his first mate stood to his right, knife and pistol at the ready.

"Wh-what do you mean?" the fae stammered. His hands lowered as he realized that Casper was not immediately going on the offensive.

"I wasn"t born yesterday, but it looks like you were. I know that there"s no way you could have either known about or navigated the breach on your own. Who are you working for?"

The young captain threw his shoulders back and lifted his chin in offense, large, ocean-blue eyes flashing indignantly in his face. All signs of his previous fear were instantly erased. "I"m a Siren. I"ve been sailing these waters since before I could walk. In fact, I bet I can manage them better than you can, human." His nose wrinkled with distaste as he practically spat the word. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath in preparation.

Casper"s hand shot out and covered the Siren"s mouth, causing the young captain"s eyes to widen and regain some of their previous horror and fear with its icy touch. Youth or not, Casper knew better than to allow a Siren to start singing. The songs passed down by their people were songs of the sea, meant either to summon the waves or to translate their love and longing for the ocean into sounds deeper than words. The former could mean violent and unexpected storms; the latter, that he and his crew might be suddenly overcome with the desire to throw themselves into the water in an attempt to lessen the pain of distance.

He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "There"s no need for that. Do you really think throwing your magic around is enough to intimidate me?" He used his other hand to gesture to his crew, who all stood at attention behind him, their cursed, semi-corporeal forms taking on an even eerier look in the twilight. "But I would rather not have to carry on a conversation in the middle of the storm. The wind can be such a distraction sometimes."

The Siren just looked at him with wide eyes.

"Now, let"s try this again. What is your name?" He slowly retracted his hand.

"Doryss."

"And what are you doing in this part of Winter, Doryss?"

"Fishing." The fire had gone out of the Siren"s eyes, replaced instead by a dull, sullen glow.

Casper crossed his arms and gave the young fae a skeptical look. "This far from the normal routes? Like I said, I wasn"t born yesterday."

"If you"re not going to believe me, why ask the question?"

"I"ll believe you when you tell the truth. What are you doing out here?"

Doryss twisted his face into an insolent sneer. "The same thing you are, I reckon."

"I highly doubt that."

He shrugged. "It doesn"t really matter. I"m allowed to be here, same as you. There aren"t any laws that forbid sailing in these waters."

"But there are laws against smugglers."

"And ones against piracy." Doryss pulled his shoulders back and stared up at Casper with a challenge in his eyes, his fear once again forgotten. "I don"t recall inviting you to board."

Casper ground his teeth together. This conversation was going nowhere, as directionless as his ship without the wind. "I"m not a pirate."

"And I"m not a smuggler."

"He"s right, Casp." Jem turned away from the sailor who had just whispered something into his ear. "There"s no sign of human instruments or compositions anywhere on the ship."

A growl of frustration escaped him.

This doesn"t make sense. There"s always a new shipment after every storm. There must be something we"re missing here.

The answer suddenly crashed into him like a breaker against the rocks. He cursed under his breath.

"It"s a decoy."

Doryss met him, stare for stare, a smug expression settling over his face.

"What was that, Captain?"

He kept his gaze fixed on the Siren as he repeated the words loudly enough for the whole crew to hear. "This was a distraction; the real smugglers are still out there. Who are you working with?"

Doryss rose and mirrored Casper"s stance, his icy glare communicating that he knew he had gained the upper hand. "I don"t know what you"re talking about. We"re just out here fishing."

Casper moved forward a step and was rewarded by the flash of trepidation in the Siren"s eyes. Though it was clear from the stubborn, defiant tilt of Doryss" chin that Casper would be getting no further information out of him, at least he could remind the Siren who he was dealing with.

He gripped Doryss" shoulder with his cold, icy grip. "You should find somewhere else to fish. These waters can be dangerous." He squeezed just hard enough to get his point across, then, because he was not a pirate, stepped back and barked a command to his crew. "Return to the ship and prepare to provide our new acquaintances with an escort to the nearest port."

If Doryss and his crew really were innocent, he wasn"t going to leave them alone and undefended so close to the breach. If they were working with the smugglers, he would make sure they knew he was watching.

Even if another shipment had gotten away.

Casper scowled as he stalked back to the Petrel.

I should have expected something like this. It was too easy for us to overtake them.

"Could I have a word with you when you"re done mentally castigating yourself?"

Casper glared out the corner of his eye. Jem was at his shoulder, keeping pace easily with his long, lanky legs. His hands were linked behind his back, and his expression was much too carefree, considering they had just been excruciatingly outmaneuvered.

"What is it?"

"No, no. I"ll wait until you"re back to your sunshiny self. If I wanted my head bitten off, I"d hang upside down from the prow in shark-infested waters."

Casper snorted. "Since when have I ever been sunshiny?"

"I mean, it"s not a brilliant sunshine—more like the dim, muted light of an overcast sky."

"How flattering."

"It takes all kinds. You know what my dear old Mormor used to say, ‘You can"t control the weather, but you can control whether you let your storm clouds gather.'"

"I thought she said that you can"t appreciate the rainbow unless you weathered the storm."

"And having seen your stormy expression, I would very much appreciate a little more rainbow in your face. Preferably an upside down one. In this general area." Jem pointed in a slow circle around Casper"s mouth.

Casper brushed his hand away. They had reached the railing of the fishing boat, and he jumped lightly onto the wide plank of wood that spanned the short distance between them and the Petrel. "What is there to smile about? They got away."

Jem followed close at his heels as they crossed the board. "So? It"s happened before. You"re only human."

Casper spun on his heel, nearly knocking them both off-balance with the force of his movements. "And that"s the problem, isn"t it? We"re only human; they"re fae. We"ve been at a disadvantage since the moment we entered this realm."

Jem met his eyes, unflinching. His friend had known him long enough that he was neither intimidated nor impressed by Casper"s temper. "We"re only at a disadvantage because you insist on fighting in a battle that we were never asked to fight. No one would blame you if you just left the fae to their own devices."

"I would blame me." Casper ground his teeth together in frustration and turned back to his own ship.

Jem gave a weary sigh. "Casp, I know you think you"re the reason that the smuggling started in the first place."

Casper tensed his jaw and squeezed his hands into fists at his sides.

"But the truth is, if it wasn"t you, she would have just found someone else. You were a useful, convenient tool, but you can"t continue to blame and punish yourself for trusting the wrong people."

Casper moved across the deck, heading straight for his cabin with quick, determined strides. I don"t have time for arguing motivations with Jem. I need a map to determine where the nearest port is and some peace and quiet so that I can try to figure out where the smugglers might be headed.

To his annoyance, Jem seemed intent on following him. "Don"t you have something to do?" he barked over his shoulder.

"Short John and Longest John are overseeing our withdrawal. John Paul is at the helm, and Richards is keeping watch."

"And you"re not doing any of those things because…?"

"A good leader delegates." Jem sped around him and opened Casper"s cabin door for him, ushering him inside as if he were some kind of dignitary. "Besides, part of my job as your first mate is to ensure that you"re doing your job."

Casper rolled his eyes. The air was warmer inside, out of the biting wind, and he tossed his jacket and hat onto his mattress as he made his way across the small room to his desk. He unceremoniously shoved aside stacks of books and parchments, revealing a crude, pieced-together map. It wasn"t as accurate as he would have liked, lacking the proper equipment to measure distance accurately, but it was enough. They had sailed the Winter seas for so long that he knew most of the shoreline by heart. The map just served to help jog his memory.

"I am doing my job."

"No, you"re doing penance. And you're dragging us all along with you."

Casper froze, gripping the edges of the desk as he bent over the map. Guilt twisted his heart with a vice-like hold. He swallowed and took a deep breath, working his jaw in an effort to keep his voice even. "I see."

"I don"t think you do."

He barked a humorless laugh. "No, I think you laid it out quite clearly. If that"s the way you and the rest of the crew feel, you"re more than welcome to take over." Casper stared at the map with unfocused eyes.

I can"t blame them. Their futures—their families—were all stolen away because of me. It"s more surprising that it"s taken this long for them to say something.

Jem let out a long, exhausted sigh. "I knew this was how it was going to go. Casper, no one is questioning your ability to lead. You"re our captain; we"ll follow you."

Casper pushed off from the desk and turned around, crossing his arms defensively. His first mate was standing in the middle of the dusty cabin, one arm over his chest and supporting the other as he pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes were closed, and his mouth pinched together in a flat line. Looking straight at him was like looking through a window of stained glass, and he could see the line of the door and corner of the bed behind him. "First you tell me that I"m not doing my job, then you say that I"m your captain. Which is it? Stop talking in riddles, Jem."

His friend"s eyes opened, and he dropped his hand. Before the curse, Jem"s eyes had been a shade of brilliant sky blue. Now they were muted and gray. "I"m not talking in riddles. I"m being completely transparent." He held his arms out to the side with a grin. "As I usually am."

Casper huffed in amusement at the joke, and some of the tension fell from his shoulders. The side of his lips pulled up in a wry smirk. "Transparent doesn"t mean clear. Just spit out whatever it is you"re trying to say."

Jem straightened, suddenly all business. "Seven years are almost up again."

Casper groaned inwardly, suddenly understanding where the conversation was going.

"They"re almost up, and yet you still haven"t made plans to go ashore."

"I"ve been a bit busy, in case you haven"t noticed. More storms this time of year means more shipments coming through the breach. We"ve already had too many slip through our fingers."

"Look, Casp. We all agree with you that the smugglers need to be stopped and innocent lives protected. We"re all with you on that."

"I"m sensing a "but"..."

"But this life—sailing endlessly with never a destination in sight, never being able to call someplace home—is not a life. It"s an existence."

Casper opened his mouth to apologize, but Jem silenced him with a hand. "And before you go on and start beating yourself up again for the curse, please recall that it wasn"t you who cursed us. We were all tricked, and we all suffered the consequences. But you"re the only one who can break it, and some of the crew are starting to get concerned that you don"t appear to be as serious about working to break it as before."

Casper groaned and shoved his fingers into his hair, pulling at the ends and causing the dark locks to stick straight up. "What"s the point, Jem? I"m convinced she put that clause about undoing it as a way to drive home every time just how hopeless it all is. Seven days isn"t long enough to fall in love, and how am I supposed to convince a woman to stay true when I will immediately leave again for seven years?"

"I"ll admit, it does seem like a difficult task—"

"Impossible, more likely," Casper muttered, dropping his hands heavily to his sides.

"—but that doesn"t mean you shouldn"t try. I knew as soon as I met her that my Anja was the one for me." Jem"s face softened at the memory of his wife, and Casper felt a renewed sense of guilt at the reminder of all that his crew had been forced to leave behind.

"Anja was a jewel among women," Casper said quietly. "But not only am I on a timeline, but we"re also in Faerie now. You know how they view humans here. Almighty knows the chances of finding a fae woman and convincing her to marry me are slim to none."

Jem straightened his spine, drawing himself up to a height that was just a hair taller than Casper. "You"re right; the Almighty does know. He knows exactly how this will play out. Maybe the curse is never broken, and we spend the rest of eternity sailing the cold winter seas wreaking havoc on the greedy fae. Or maybe there is a woman out there who can break the curse and she"s just waiting for your ship to pull into harbor. The Almighty already knows, so what are you afraid of?"

"Failing—again." Casper answered honestly. "I"m afraid of coming back after the week is over and having to look you all in the eyes and admit that, once again, I have failed you."

Jem waved his words away. "We"re already cursed. It"s not as if you could make it any worse. Besides, as disappointing as it might be for you, this is the one thing that you can do to give the crew hope that there might be a life beyond this blasted ship."

Casper raised an eyebrow, deflecting. "I thought you loved the Petrel."

"I do. But after nearly fifty years, a man can get tired of the same hunk of wood under his feet." He turned to leave, looking over his shoulder. "Promise you"ll at least give it some thought?"

Casper nodded and watched as the door swung shut behind his friend. He lowered himself to the edge of his desk with a sigh.

He"s right. As much as I hate the feeling of failure, and as much as I think it"s a lost cause, the least I can do for them is try. He rubbed the spot over his heart. The worst that will happen is I fall for a woman who doesn"t feel the same way. Like Jem said, we"re cursed. What"s a little heartbreak added into the mix?