Chapter 41

Daniel

“ I didn’t know if you’d judge me.”

There was a long silence.

“Daniel, I get why you’d feel that way. Arturo... he put you through a lot. I want you to understand that what he did wasn’t okay. While your arrangement with him isn’t traditional...”

“It was toxic. You can say it. I should have said something sooner. Maybe you could have pulled my head out of my ass about it and told me I would be better off trying to only pursue one person instead of two.”

Another long silence. A heavy sigh.

“And then you would have been mad at me. You’ve already said that you didn’t want judgment. Daniel, I don’t understand relationships like that, but I know they do work for some people.”

I shifted, glad that I had Shawn at my side to keep me from flying off the handle. Had he not been there, I would have already given up on the conversation. Hung up. Walked off and raged.

“Regardless, even with all of that going on, I was even more betrayed to find out what they’d been doing. Sure, I’d noticed when a few things had gone missing, but I didn’t put the pieces together. How long had he been in my life? Art moved to Ocean Shores when we were in elementary school. We were best friends. No one wants to believe that their best friend is taking advantage of them.”

“Daniel—”

I didn’t let her talk.

“And when you didn’t believe me? God, that about broke me. Fuck. You were... shit. My parents should have known me better than that. I hadn’t given you a reason to. I was hiding so damn much.”

More goddamn silence. Maybe it was my fault for cutting her off, but I needed to say it. We hadn’t addressed it in so damn long. It wasn’t okay to swear at my damn mom either, but I couldn’t express it any other way.

“I—I know. We failed you. We failed you when you needed someone the most. It’s why you aren’t here and we’d give anything to still have you close by. I understand your need for space after all of that, but I wish more than anything that you’d let us try to make things right.”

I chewed my nails, nuzzling into Shawn’s side a little more. Nacho had come into the room and he was curled at the foot of the bed. I had a whole support team present for this conversation. It wasn’t pretty, but it needed to fucking happen.

“That’s the issue! I don’t know what will make it right.”

Mom was quiet again. This might have been better in person, but it was also maybe a good thing that we were doing it over the phone. I had an escape if I needed it. A way to disconnect if it all became too much.

“It sounds like you don’t know how to trust people. And that’s hard. I get it. Daniel, we’ve given you no reason to trust us and the one person you thought was your best friend didn’t give you a reason to trust him. It sounds like you have a great thing with Shawn and I really hope you’re giving him a chance.”

My eyes drifted up to the man in question. There was no way to tell if he could hear the other end of the conversation. “I want to.” The three words solidified what I’d been thinking all along. I’d gone from wanting to slap the guy to wanting to spend every spare moment with him. He was doing this for me, which was more than most would have done. He wanted to see me get past this major hurdle. It meant something.

Mom was quiet again for a few moments, letting the situation settle over us. “He’s right. You need to talk to someone. There’s this stigma with talking to a therapist, but Daniel, I think it could really help here. If you’re going to have a healthy relationship with Shawn, I think it’s important that you get some help.”

It didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t afford it. I knew I needed help. That wasn’t the problem. It came down to money every last time, and that was the problem with society as a whole. Society always pushed mental health to the back burner. Played it off as not important when, in reality, people were less productive when they were falling apart. If we valued people and their mental state, things would be a lot better with the world.

“I don’t want to have you pay for it.”

“Daniel, stop. If this is how I make it right, I want to do it. It’s okay to take help from people and not think you’re taking advantage of them. I contributed to the damage, at least let me help undo some of it.”

Shawn’s hand rubbed up and down my arm and I once again thought about whether he could hear what my mother was saying. Not that it really mattered. If we were really doing this, giving a relationship a shot, he had a right to the nitty gritty. The not-so-pretty parts. He’d already witnessed a good share of meltdowns.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it? You aren’t going to fight me on it?”

“Do you want me to?”

Mom sighed. “No. And thank you. You don’t let me help you with much since you moved away, and this is something big. I really hope that this thing with Shawn is the real deal. He seemed to really care when we met him.”

I wanted to laugh since they’d met him when we still hated each other. But maybe it was that I’d always hated him and not the other way around. Shawn had all but admitted that he hadn’t known how to show that he’d been interested and that it might have come across the wrong way. The really wrong way.

“I think he cares. He wants to take care of me. I need to give him more credit than I do.”

Shawn’s arm tightened around me. He knew we were talking about him. I smiled up at him and leaned in to place a quick kiss against his lips.

“So we set something up. I’m glad we talked about this. I’m sorry you went through what you did for so long and that you felt like you couldn’t talk to your father and me about it.”

We finished the conversation, setting up when we could look into finding me someone to talk to about my feelings. Once the call was disconnected, I was completely drained. Who knew that telling my parents such revealing details about me would lift such a weight off my shoulders?

The phone dropped to the bed, and I rested against the headboard and the warm body at my side. My eyelids were heavy, wanting to close and forget the world for a while. I wanted to sink into the warmth at my side, to feel Shawn and drown in him. To thank him properly for talking me into doing this.

We said nothing for the longest time, simply being content with each other’s presence. It was amazing how he set me at ease the way he did now. When Nacho stirred, he crawled up the bed and curled into my lap. My two guys, providing me with so much strength and comfort. The shift was startling, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. This felt right. Like I belonged here with them.