Chapter Sixty-Three

Bec

T wo weeks go by, and Aiden and I have fallen back into our normal routine. Since he came back to me after taking the time he needed, we haven’t spent another night apart, aside from his away games.

When he showed up at my door unexpectedly after weeks of not seeing each other, it was as if my entire body could relax, finally having him near me again.

He’s talking with his therapist once a week, and I’m so glad he decided to take this step. It’s clear that it’s become a positive outlet, and he seems more confident that it’s helping every time he has an appointment, even though he admits it’s difficult talking about his past.

Judy hasn’t had any more traumatic flashbacks or serious instances of confusion since Aiden started visiting with her again. I can feel the relief emanating off him when we arrive for our visits to discover she’s having mostly good days.

I haven’t told Aiden that I love him since my first confession, and he hasn’t told me how he feels either. I’m not in any rush to push the conversation .

In my heart, I completely understand why he couldn’t say those words to me before and I don’t want to put any pressure on him to define our relationship status now. I want him to focus on getting himself to a good place. Besides, I know how I feel about him, and he shows me every day how much he cares about me. That’s all I need.

I roll over to find Aiden’s side of his bed empty.

Well…his edge of the bed, since I woke up spread out in the middle and Hopper is stretched along the rest of the available space. How Aiden never falls off the side of his own bed when he shares it with the two of us is something I’ll never understand.

I reach my fingers over the sheets and give my legs a quick stretch, noting a familiar soreness between my legs. Memories of last night bring a dopey smile to my face. I shut my eyes, letting the images flash through my mind.

“What are you thinking about, beautiful? That face is making me want to crawl back into bed with you and never let you leave,” Aiden says.

I open my eyes to soak in the sight of him shirtless and in low-slung sweatpants, leaning against the door frame of his bedroom, reminding me of the first night I slept here.

“Would it inflate your ego too much to say I was thinking of you?” I ask. I laugh when he launches himself onto the bed with me. With so little room to spare, he ends up on top of me, trapping me between his body and the mattress. He trails kisses from my jaw to my shoulder.

“Hm…it might, but I promise to use it as motivation. I’ll give you more reasons to make that face.”

“And what face is that exactly?”

“Like you’re happy here. Are you?” He lifts up to look at me with a hopeful expression. I watch as his eyes roam over me looking for any hint he could be right.

“I’ve never been happier than I am now,” I say with confidence .

Aiden was the missing piece I never allowed myself to look for. I used to let my own fears keep me from going after the things I wanted but couldn’t dream of finding. But not now. Not now that I know I’ve found that with Aiden.

“What if I told you breakfast is ready in the kitchen,” he mumbles into my neck before nibbling my skin softly between his teeth.

“Had to one-up yourself, huh?” I laugh when he pins me to the bed with his full body weight, his head turned to the side and resting on my chest just below my chin. I place a kiss on the top of his head before running my fingers through his hair.

“Figured you’d need to refuel after last night,” he says.

“Hmm…are there pancakes?”

“Of course,” he says, looking up at me with a smirk. He pushes up on his forearms, relieving me of his weight, and kisses me lightly on the lips. “Let’s go, Miller. Before everything gets cold.”

He stands and reaches for my hand. I take it and stand in front of him, stopping him when he starts to lead us to the kitchen.

“And you?” I ask. “Are you happy?”

I would have been afraid to hear the answer from anyone other than Aiden. I wouldn’t have asked in fear that the answer would be no, so sure that I couldn’t make anyone happy. But with Aiden, I don’t have to question if he’s happy being with me. He shows me all the time. When I ask him if he’s happy, I just want to know that he’s okay.

He slides his palm around the side of my neck, his thumb resting along the edge of my jaw. “I used to think I was happy. I tried to bury the shit I never wanted to deal with so deep even I didn’t know it was rotting away somewhere in there. Now that I’m trying to work on myself, digging that all up and clearing it all out feels overwhelming sometimes. Mom’s illness is still difficult for me to handle. But Bec, you make all of that easier. You make me want more. You give me hope that today will be better than yesterday, and even if it’s hard, having you with me makes it easier. I’m so fucking happy with you. Happy doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

* * *

When Aiden asked me to take a walk with him after we had dinner at one of our favorite spots downtown, I didn’t expect to find myself outside of the art museum.

“What are we doing here, Aiden?”

“Didn’t you say you try to come here at least once a month?” he asks. He walks backward toward the building, pulling me along in front of him to get closer to the chalkboard wall.

“Someone was paying attention.”

“I wonder if you’ll be able to find what I wrote,” he says.

“You already answered? When?”

“When I got back two weeks ago. Before I came to talk to you and bring you home,” he says.

“You wrote your answer two weeks ago, and waited until now to bring me? Let’s see it.”

“See if you can spot it yourself.”

I smile, loving to hear the playfulness in his tone. Life has felt so serious lately, I love when we get moments like this to enjoy being together and having fun without responsibilities or expectations.

The prompt at the top of the chalkboard wall reads, I’m finally going to… written in swirling calligraphy. The artist who wrote the prompt used a stunning blend of blue, green, and purple hues in the text and the area surrounding it. I begin to read the phrases strangers left behind, and as always, it evokes a sense of belonging within me.

I’m finally going to call my sister. I’m finally going to quit my job. I’m finally going to take that vacation. I’m finally going to break up with him. I’m finally going to write a song. I’m finally going to have a place to call home. I’m finally going to move on. I’m finally going to live for myself. I’m finally going to ask them out. I’m finally going to…

Hearing the voices of so many people feeling, desiring, and overcoming similar things encapsulates what it means to be perfectly imperfect. That our lives could look so different from the outside, but inside…what we feel is etched into our collective humanity, a beautiful goddamn mess.

I scan the wall but don’t see anything that feels like Aiden.

“I can’t find it. Are you sure it didn’t get erased?” I ask.

“I’m sure,” he says confidently.

I walk closer to the wall then turn back to face him.

“Am I getting warm?”

“Freezing.” He chuckles.

I take a gigantic step to the side. “And now?”

“Warmer…” He smiles, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Another step.

“Warmer…”

Another.

“On fire. Smoking hot,” he says.

I look at the board behind me, planning to give the area a quick scan to see if I can find something written in his handwriting. But there it is. Right in front of me.

I’m finally going to tell her I love her.

My mouth drops open and a small squeak comes out. I turn around to find Aiden waiting for me. He pulls me close and I revel in the feel of his arms locked securely around me.

“I love you, Bec,” he says with a look of pure joy.

His words send my heart racing. I know with all that Aiden has been through, he wouldn’t say those words to me unless he was ready, unless he meant them. Hearing him say that he loves me sends a wave of relief through me at the realization that he has come out on the other side of what happened before. I hate that his past has caused him to feel so uncertain…uncertain that he deserves to find his own happiness.

I used to question if that kind of happiness was meant for me too. But Aiden has shown me that we deserve to find it together.

“I love you too,” I say with a smile just as bright as his beaming on my face.

He rests his forehead against mine, holds my face in his hands, and presses his lips softly against mine. It’s not enough. I loop my arms around his neck and pull him toward me so I can deepen our kiss. When our lips pull apart, we stand there for a few minutes while he holds me close in his arms.

“My place is closer. How fast can you get us there?” I ask.

He arches an eyebrow at me. “Only one way to find out.” He turns around and brings his arms out to his sides. “Hop on.”

“I was kidding, Aiden. We can walk,” I say with a laugh.

“Or we can do it my way. Now wrap those pretty legs around me. Let’s go, love.” That little word. That little, huge word. Hearing it from Aiden sends my stomach tumbling over itself. I step closer and Aiden lowers himself so I can hop onto his back. He carries me all the way back to my apartment faster than should be possible, and I can’t help the grin I wear as I cling to his body and laugh the entire way home.

* * *

If I thought carrying me all the way to my apartment on his back was enough to tire Aiden out, I was wrong. Maybe we’re both riding the high of telling each other how we feel, but when we finally get through my front door, Aiden drops me to my feet and backs me against the wall in my living room before I can say a word. He holds my head in his hands, his eyes searching mine. With one look, he strips me bare. This man knows every part of my head, my heart, and my body, and the thought doesn’t scare me. It fills me with warmth. It fills me with a sense of belonging.

“Every day, Bec. I’m going to tell you every fucking day for the rest of my life how much I love you,” he says before attacking my mouth with a kiss so hungry, so fierce it takes my breath away.

“I love you too,” I say when he moves to kiss my neck. “So much.” With one hand, he threads his fingers into my scalp and he tightens his grip just enough to draw a moan from me. His other hand palms my breast. My clit is pulsing in anticipation.

“Off,” I demand, tugging at his pants and kicking off my shoes.

Aiden laughs. “Hands up, beautiful.”

I lift my hands without hesitation and he rips my shirt off before pinning my hands above my head against the wall. He leans down, his voice rumbling in my ear. “Turn around.”

Aiden’s grip on my wrists is loose enough to allow me to turn toward the wall. I turn my head, resting my cheek against the cool surface. “Stay still,” he says, running his hands from my wrists down to my waist, before snaking them to the front of my stomach. He undoes my pants and pulls them and my thong down my thighs slowly before having me step out of them. I can feel my chest rising and falling. I’m already breathless, panting and turned the fuck on.

I yelp in surprise when I feel him kissing my ass while gripping and squeezing my cheeks where they meet the tops of my thighs. I tilt my head to rest my temple against the wall, my skin buzzing with tension. Aiden returns to stand behind me and undoes the clasp on my bra without any trouble.

I’m completely naked, my bra only hanging on from the straps. Losing my last shred of patience, I whirl away from the wall and toss my bra to the side. I run my hands under his shirt, up his muscled abdomen and chest before tugging his shirt over his head and onto the floor. Aiden seems to run out of patience as well because he doesn’t wait for me to help him before taking off the rest of his clothes. The sight of his hard body ignites my arousal into an uncontrolled fire.

I press my palms against his chest and push him backward until he falls onto my couch. I straddle his thighs and suck his bottom lip into my mouth, biting it and running my hands from the sides of his neck into the hair at the base of his skull. He groans into our kiss. His rough hands grip my thighs tightly before he squeezes my ass and pulls my center against him.

“Fuck, Bec. I love you so much.”

“Show me,” I whisper against his lips as I sink down onto his thick cock, causing us both to moan. We lock eyes and hold each other close as our bodies melt together. I’ve never felt this close to him. I know I’m exactly where I want to be…exactly where I’m meant to be.

Aiden pulses up into me as I drop onto him, matching his rhythm. I rotate my hips to grind against him. His thickness causes the perfect stretch. When he sucks my nipple into his mouth, I let my head drop back, looking up to the ceiling. He runs his hands up my back and grips my shoulders, pulling me down onto him harder.

“Oh fuck, Aiden. That feels so good.”

He hugs me tightly against his chest and somehow lowers himself off the couch to kneel on the floor. I cling to him as he lowers my body to lie on the living room rug, all the while his cock is still hard and pulsing inside of me. He hovers his body above me before thrusting into me, working us both into a needy push and pull. He drives against my clit and my orgasm races up my thighs before exploding through my veins. He follows me over the edge, calling out my name. When he falls to my side, he pulls me alongside him, no space between us. We lie there together, in a heap on the floor of my small apartment. Secluded in our own little bubble of the world together .

Both imperfect but growing together every day into the people we want to be. For the first time, it feels like the person at my side is going to help me be the person I want to be rather than hinder that progress. Aiden makes me better and I hope to do the same for him by holding each other when we need support, challenging each other when we need the push, and loving each other through it all.

Our breathing slows and I hear him taking a deep breath, breathing in before kissing my forehead.

“Thank you, Bec. For taking a chance on me. For not giving up on me. For loving me.”

“Like you said, Aiden. I’m going to love you every day. I want them all,” I say. He places a light kiss on my nose.

“Since the first day I met you, Bec, all my days have been yours.”