Chapter Forty-Three

Aiden

A fter leaving Josh with an irritated look plastered on his face, we say goodbye to our friends and I drive Bec to my place, since she caught a ride to the game with the girls. The ride is mostly quiet, her hand in mine, resting on her thigh, her humming along softly to the music.

When we get to my apartment, we settle on the couch with Hopper between us greedily demanding our attention. God, he’s going to kill me if I fuck this up with Bec. When I say he’s already attached to her, I mean it. I guess we both are.

Wanting to check in with her after her run-in with Josh, I decide I can’t wait any longer to bring it up. “So, that was Josh,” I say, trying to keep it low pressure to see if she feels like talking about it.

“That…was Josh.” She runs her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath. “You probably think he’s a douche, but it felt different when we first met. It wasn’t until things got more serious that it became clear it was never going to work out between us.”

From what I overheard of their conversation, Josh is a real tool. Regardless, I don’t judge Bec for who she’s dated in the past. It’s not like any of my brief relationships have worked out either .

You don’t really know who anyone is until you see them struggle. Until they’re forced to take down their own demons or surrender to them. Until they’re fighting through something and have to decide who they want to be on the other side of that battle. Relationships start easy, but when shit hits the fan, I want to know that my partner and I can turn to each other and not against each other. Maybe that’s me being judgmental, or maybe that’s me projecting my own messed-up bullshit onto everyone else.

“People tend to show us who they really are eventually. How did it feel to see him?” I’m sure Bec can hear the insecurity in my voice, hoping to god she’s over him and ready to take things further with me.

She sighs, letting her head fall back on the couch, mindlessly petting Hopper’s ears.

“Am I a shitty person if I say I barely felt anything?” she asks, turning to look at me. “Josh and I had fun in the beginning, but things were never perfect. When we’d gone a few days without seeing each other, it didn’t feel like he was hungry to see me again. When I reflect on it now, I wasn’t missing him during our time apart either. Shouldn’t you miss the person you’re with? Shouldn’t you crave them? And tonight, he acted like I sprinted into another relationship. Like I still owed him something.”

“You don’t owe him anything, Bec. He called it quits, so he has to live with that choice. He doesn’t have any right to make you question your reaction to his decisions. He lost that right when you two broke up. And Bec?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ever forget how incredible you are. He should never have left you doubting how wanted you were. I got one weekend with you and you left me starving for more. I don’t want you to question the way I see you. At every turn, you surprise me in all the best ways. ”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“Exactly. I don’t have to say that. I said it because it’s true. I won’t pretend to know what you went through, but I can understand if the way Josh ended things left you confused. Let me be the one to remind you how much he didn’t see. Do you trust me?” I ask.

“I want to,” she says quietly.

“That’s a start.” I want to be the type of man who deserves someone like Bec. I don’t know that I am, in fact I’m sure I’m far from it, but I sure as shit want to try.

“Do you remember what I told you my biggest fear was when we met?” she asks, her eyes glassy.

“You were afraid of losing yourself,” I say softly.

“And I did . I let one relationship change the way I see myself. Before that, I felt like I was finally finding my confidence, you know? I knew what I wanted in life and I was just looking for someone to share it with. It’s terrifying that one person had the power to shake that all to the ground.

“With Josh, there wasn’t any huge wound he ripped open and left hurting. Instead, the relationship left a million small cuts in whatever sense of self I had spent my college years refining, the culmination of too many moments of self-doubt rising to the surface like a scream I had buried and hidden under my so-called confidence and easy-going attitude.

“I kept internalizing things he’d say that made me feel less than, whether it was undermining my career, my appearance, my apartment, not supporting me in front of his family or friends, or teasing at my expense. I’d laugh it all off, because I guess I was embarrassed how much it bothered me. Over time, I ended up giving all this power to the lingering voice in my mind that built up every passive comment to mean more than it did. It festered and morphed into this nagging need to watch what I say and to try to become this version of myself I thought I should be, not the version I am.

“I always felt like I needed to say the right things, do the right things. I don’t think Josh even noticed that something was wrong. He had no idea who I really was, so how could he know? It’s a lesson I think I had to learn. I don’t just need firm boundaries to avoid getting hurt, it’s also so I don’t ever feel like I need to turn myself inside out to reshape myself into this imaginary, perfect version of me.”

I take a moment and think about everything Bec’s shared. It makes sense the way she’s held back with me. It’s going to take time for her to trust me and to trust herself with me. All that matters is that she told me she’s willing to try. I’m a patient man, and for her, I’d wait a lifetime.

“Sometimes I think it’s harder to realize a relationship isn’t good for you when there’s no huge fight, no final straw,” I say. “Then one day, you sit back, and you don’t recognize yourself when you’re with that person, and you’re forced to ask yourself how the fuck did I get here?”

“Exactly. I built this shell of who I thought I should be and used it as a shield to hide who I am. I think I was just tired of being alone, but I found myself feeling alone even when I was with him. When Josh finally ended things, I thought what the fuck was that all for? Why did I spend all that time trying to fit into this box I thought meant more than the version of me I loved, hiding underneath it all,” Bec says.

“I don’t ever want you to hold back with me. You don’t have to tame yourself into some smaller version of who you’re meant to be. I want you to shine. I don’t want you to doubt your instincts, I want you to listen to them. I don’t want some watered-down version of you, Bec. I want it all.”

“You’re really sweet, you know that, Aiden?” It’s a relief to see her smile again.

“You want sweet? I can be sweet. You want spicy? I can be that too.” I shrug and smirk. “I’ll be whatever you want.”

“Hm…how spicy?”

“That depends on how much heat you can handle.” Watching her blush and laugh it off brings an ease back into the room as the conversation lightens.

Hopper jumps down onto the floor and starts to chew on one of his new bones, allowing me to pull Bec closer into my side where she snuggles in and pulls her feet up and to the side leaning into my shoulder.

“Can I ask you something?” she asks.

“Anything,” I reply.

“Back in the fall, when you ran into me at the restaurant where I was leaving what was probably my worst first date ever…”

“God, that fucking idiot. I forgot about him.”

“What did you say to him before he left? He looked a little…irritated,” she says.

I smile at the memory. “Before I tell you, I need you to know that I would have respected your decision if you asked me to take up a permanent residence in the friend zone.” I stroke my fingers lightly over her shoulder.

“Okay?” The little wrinkle in her forehead as she looks up at me is distractingly cute.

“I told him that he shouldn’t take another woman on a date until he could recognize how much of an asshole he was to you…then I thanked him.”

I can tell that catches her off guard. “You…thanked him.”

“I did. I thanked him for fucking up his shot with you so badly he’d never have another chance with you. I thanked him for making the mistake of letting you get away, because you are intelligent, passionate, generous, beautiful…and meant for me.”

That day, I promised myself that if I ever convinced Bec to give us a shot, I’d do everything in my power to make her want me as much as I want her. To need me as much as I need her. I know she’s not there yet, but dammit if I’m not going to give it my all.

“You wanted this even then?” she asks.

“I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you. I could never get you off my mind, even when I barely knew you,” I say, hoping she can hear the sincerity in my voice.

“I know I’m not coming into this all with the best sense of self-esteem. I don’t want you to feel burdened by that.”

“Needing validation of what I feel for you is not a burden, Bec. I should’ve been honest from the start about wanting to be together, but I don’t want you to question where I stand. I was addicted to you after one kiss, and every day I want you more.”

“I want you, too, and I want you to know that I’ve moved on. I haven’t felt anything for Josh in a long time and tonight only proved that we never would have worked. But with you…things with you feel so different. A part of that scares me, but a bigger part of me knows it’s a good thing. The type of good thing I don’t think I could really get enough of.”

I kiss her and it feels like the only thing grounding me is the pressure of her palms against my chest, her lips pressed softly to mine. Her mouth parts, and our tongues meet, the sweet taste of her making me groan.

I turn slightly to fall back onto the couch, grabbing Bec by her hips and pulling her on top of me so we’re both lying on the couch, her legs straddling mine. The tension crackles between us, the electricity unrestrained and potent.

She grinds against me and my hardening cock twitches underneath her. I palm the back of her head with one hand and grip her ass with the other as she continues to roll her hips against mine. I kiss along Bec’s neck, moving both hands to squeeze her breasts as she gasps and whispers my name.

She sits up, removing her shirt and bra. I sit up, too, and lick her hard nipples, causing her to moan and arch her back, pushing her chest closer to me, inviting me to continue.

“Stay with me tonight. Stay with me every night. I don’t want us to sleep alone when I’m not on the road,” I say as I switch my attention from one breast to the other. Bec gasps but doesn’t answer me.

“I don’t usually beg, Bec, but I will if you ask me to.” I’d do anything she asked me to.

“Yes,” she pants. She takes my face in between her hands and kisses me, consuming me. “I’ll stay.”

I lift her and switch our positions so she’s lying on her back. I crawl on top of her and Bec draws her legs up the back of my thighs as I slide down her body, pulling her leggings off, leaving her in just her underwear and my head between her thighs. I drape her legs over my shoulders.

“You didn’t even let me beg…” I say, my lips skirting along the edge of her black thong. My hands are rough from years of playing ball, but her skin is soft and smooth as I trail my fingers up her outer thighs.

“For good reason,” she says. I look up to see her propped up on her elbows, smiling down at me. “I’d rather your mouth was busy doing something else.”

“Fuck,” I groan into her thigh before looking back up at her. “How are you this perfect?” I slide her panties to the side and give her a long, slow lick up her slit before I devour her.

I don’t hold back. I don’t want her in her head, doubting what we could have because some asshole made her feel like shit for no goddamn reason. I want her to feel how much I want her. I suck and lick her clit, applying a pulsing pressure before pressing a finger into her as well.

“Oh shit,” Bec says, her breathing heavy. “Just like that. ”

After a few minutes, I press another finger into her soaked pussy and make a pulling motion toward her front wall, causing her to clench tightly around my digits. With my other hand, I press down firmly on her lower stomach.

“God, don’t you dare stop,” Bec demands.

Her entire body tenses and she clenches around my fingers as she moans my name. I don’t stop or slow my movements as I work her through her climax, her words blending into something unintelligible while she bucks her hips, trying to ride my face and my hand, grinding against the hold I have on her stomach.

Her body relaxes into the couch, any lingering tension melting away. When I lift my head from her soaking entrance, I watch the labored rise and fall of her chest as her breathing begins to calm. Her nipples are still hard. I kiss my way up her stomach to suck on one of them and palm the other in my hand. Every part of Bec is stunning—her eyes, her smile, her curves, her thighs, but I could live forever worshipping her tits.

Her hand weakly cups the back of my head. I love seeing her worn out like this for me.

“You’re really fucking good at that,” Bec says. “My turn.”

Before I can register the meaning of her words, she’s gripping my hair roughly, pulling my mouth off her breast with a pop. She pushes at my shoulders until I sit up. When she has enough room to crawl off the couch onto the floor, she moves to kneel between my legs.

She runs her hands under my shirt and up my abdomen. I lean forward, allowing her to pull my shirt over my head, and she tosses it carelessly onto the floor behind her. She doesn’t make eye contact with me, completely focused on removing my belt buckle and unzipping my pants. It isn’t until she has her hands tucked into the top of my jeans that she looks up to me, her eyes gleaming, waiting for me to tilt my hips and help her remove my pants. When I do, she refocuses on undressing me.

My breathing becomes heavy while I watch Bec lick her lips as she pulls the waistband of my boxer briefs down, my cock springing free. She wraps one hand firmly around the base of my shaft before her eyes lock onto mine. She leans down, rubbing her breasts against my inner thighs and running her tongue along the bottom of my cock. I expect her to pull back when she reaches the head, but she doesn’t. She closes her eyes, wraps her pretty lips around my dick, and drops as far onto my shaft as she can, humming contently. I squeeze my hands into fists, pressing them into the couch as I fight the reflex to buck my hips.

My vision blurs, and I reach out, gripping Bec’s hair, trying to slow her eager movements so I don’t finish before I’ve had a chance to enjoy her perfect mouth on me. She bobs, sucks, and squeezes me, and I can’t keep my eyes off her while she works me down her throat.

After a few minutes, her free hand slips into my briefs and she lightly tugs on my balls. I know I can’t hold out any longer.

“If you don’t want to swallow me down, gorgeous, then you need to pull off now,” I manage to choke out. She hums around my cock and doubles down.

I come hard, my breath stuttering as my entire body tenses with pleasure. My orgasm rips through me and I don’t want to look away from the sight of Bec on her knees for me, but I can’t help closing my eyes as my head falls back against the couch. She feels too fucking good.

Bec doesn’t give me any relief, not slowing her movements. “Jesus,” I mutter, pulling lightly on her hair where I still have my hand tangled. She pops off my dick and smiles up at me, with mischief in her eyes as she licks her lips.

“You got me beat, babe.” I heave out. “If you thought I was good…fuck, you’re better.”