Chapter Nineteen

Bec

A iden : Bec? It’s Aiden. I’m not sure if your number is still the same.

Bec : Yeah, it’s me. Everything okay?

Aiden : I wanted to see if your offer to watch Hopper still stands. All of the places I called are fully booked. I would pay you, of course, and owe you a huge favor.

Bec : You don’t need to pay me. I’d be happy to watch him and have him steal all of my blankets. Any other quirks I need to watch out for?

Aiden : Well, he basically does the opposite of everything I say. Is that a quirk?

Bec : I’d say that’s an opportunity.

Aiden : He also enjoys eating trash, shoes, socks, pillows, and basically anything on the floor is fair game.

Bec : This dog trainer sponsored vacation will serve dual purposes. You won’t recognize his behavior when you pick him up.

Aiden : Seriously, I’ll think of a way to pay you back for this. I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to have a safe place to leave Hop. And to have someone I trust watching out for him.

Bec: Wow…that’s sweet. Promise I’ll take good care of him. Now, what time do I need to have my place puppy proofed by? I need to hide my shoes.

* * *

“Come on up,” I call into the intercom, buzzing Aiden and Hopper into the building. I’ve been a mess of nerves all morning. Having Aiden in my apartment feels intimate, not that anything is going to happen, since he isn’t interested in me like that anymore.

Part of me feels wary about him seeing where I live because, while I find it comfortable, I can only imagine the type of place his salary affords him. I don’t think he’d judge me for the small, modest space, but I’m in my head about it all the same. Josh used to give me shit for how average my apartment is. Not the only thing about me he found to be just average.

I can’t keep my plants alive, so the windowsill is flooded with decrepit plant remains in mismatched pots. I’m not good at putting different pieces together cohesively. I don’t have an “aesthetic” or theme. I have a collection of well-loved, hand-me-down furniture, thrift store finds, discount pieces, and a hodgepodge of gifts people have given me that I can’t bring myself to ever part with because at some point someone thought of me when they saw it.

I don’t know why I ever cared what Josh thought of my space, because even if no one else in the world appreciates my style, fuck them, right? I like it and I’ve decided that’s what matters. It’s not perfect, but it’s mine.

I give the living room and kitchen a final once-over before Aiden knocks on my door. I can hear the patter of paws on the hallway tile.

A freshly showered Aiden greets me as I open the door. His hair has that whole…tousled and curling slightly at the ends, effortlessly perfect thing going on. Goddamn him.

“Morning. I brought you breakfast, but I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a few different things.” He hands me a massive to-go bag and coffee from the nearby bakery as Hop excitedly prances into my apartment and starts sniffing his way around.

I walk into the kitchen, following Hop and placing the bag of greasy food on the island. The smell makes my mouth water. “A few things? From the looks of it, you got me everything they have.” I tease. “That was really thoughtful, but you didn’t have to do that. Thank you.” I turn around, catching him taking me in with his eyes, but I can’t quite read his expression.

He shoves his hands into the pockets of his joggers. Wow, they certainly hug his muscular thighs…and okay, the way his biceps are stretching the sleeves of his fitted shirt…I wonder what he looks like in his baseball uniform. Maybe I can do a quick google search later…

Stop, Bec. That’s fucking creepy.

“You’re really helping me out here. It’s the least I can do. I know how important it is to have people in your circle you can count on, and I haven’t always had that. I appreciate you taking on Hop for me.” He looks sincere, almost sad.

His vulnerable admission catches me off guard, disarming me and making me feel like I’ve caught a glimpse of a side of him I haven’t seen before.

“That sounds lonely, Aiden. I hope your circle grows a little bigger here in Columbus.” I sip at the coffee he brought me. “Besides, you’re doing me a favor. I miss having a dog around to cuddle. This is what friends are for.”

We fall silent, and I think back to when we met. When I thought I’d get to cuddle with him . Okay, maybe more than cuddling. I shake the thought from my mind. I need to forget about our almost moments if this friend thing is going to work.

Aiden hesitates, then takes a few quick strides toward me, towering over me, backing me against my kitchen counter but not touching me, mere inches separating my chest from his. I tilt my head back to look at him, caught off guard by his sudden approach. My heart starts racing and I wish like hell that he’d put his hands on me and pull me closer.

“Is that still what you want…to be friends?” Aiden asks, almost in a whisper.

“I…uh, I…yeah? Why not?” I lie with a shrug, feeling my cheeks heat, my face flush, and my breath quicken. I’m confident he can hear how unsure I sound. It’s not that I don’t want to be his friend, I’m the one who suggested it. Like an idiot. But we’ve already talked about this, so why is he bringing it up again?

Aiden has been my “what if” man for over three years. I’ve only been in one relationship since the wedding, and it was messy. Ever since, I’ve avoided dating anyone seriously. I blame one thing or another, usually work, pouring all of my free time into doing what I love. In truth, I haven’t met anyone who can quiet the insecurities Josh left behind. And when I try to give someone new a chance, I end up thinking about Aiden, comparing everyone to him and the feelings that he ignited in me when we first met. If meeting someone new doesn’t do enough to beat the memory of Aiden in a single weekend, then why bother?

For the briefest moment, I imagine seeing a ripple of disappointment wash over Aiden’s face, quickly replaced by a neutral expression. I need to end this conversation before I try to fill the silence with nonsensical rambling, or worse, embarrass myself by rehashing our past to see if he still thinks about me too. “So…Hopper, you up for joining girls’ night tonight?” I call out to diffuse the tension. Aiden still hasn’t taken his eyes off me.

It’s at this exact moment I realize I fucked up. I’ve been so distracted by Aiden—memories of him and his consuming presence in my apartment—that I’m just now realizing how quiet it is. And that a certain puppy is nowhere to be found. “Uh, Aiden…did you see where Hop went?”

Aiden looks around and calls for Hopper with no luck. My apartment isn’t that big, so after quickly scanning the living room, coming up empty, I walk over to the doorway of my bedroom. I find Hopper rolling around on my bed, making himself quite the cozy spot in the middle of my oversized, fluffy comforter. I might have a modest income, but if I’m splurging on something, it’s comfortable fucking bedding. My priorities on this are set and I regret nothing.

Aiden comes up behind me and leans on the door frame, my back inches from his front. His proximity has my insides racing. Why does he have to smell so damn good?

“Huh, I don’t remember buying that toy. Come to think of it, I didn’t unpack any of his toys yet. They’re still in the bag I brought over with his food. Did you have some lying around for him?” Aiden’s question pulls me out of my stupor as I realize I have no idea what he’s talking about.

I see Hopper lying on my bed, chewing on something pink. Then, I hear a familiar buzzing. It hits me like a slap in the face, and I feel my stomach fall to the floor.

Why? Why is the universe doing this to me?

I mentally wave goodbye to my last shred of dignity that’s about to evaporate into thin air. I’m going to title this next chapter in my embarrassing life story “The dog is chewing on my fucking hot-pink vibrator.”

Bury me here. I cannot go on.

I thought I stashed it away earlier this morning after cleaning it, but I must have left it on my bed. I have no idea if Aiden realizes what Hop is chewing on, but maybe I can play it off. “Oh yeah, I had a few old toys lying around.”

It’s not old. It’s new, dammit, and it cost me a hundred and fifty bucks.

“But come to think of it, I’m pretty sure that one is broken, I better take it from him so he doesn’t rip the squeaker or stuffing out or anything. Hopper, drop it.” I say, using the cue that we just introduced in yesterday’s class. While I don’t expect miracles, I sure am hoping for one. Can Hop pick up this skill in less than twenty-four hours? Please say yes.

Holy shit. Hopper drops the vibrator on the bed and stares at me. He adjusts the toy under his paws, and yep, there’s the clit stimulator poking out, taunting me. I slowly, calmly approach the bed. “Hopper, leave it.” Maybe I can just sneak in and grab it before Aiden realizes.

Aiden leans a little farther into my bedroom, probably noticing that this toy is not the dog kind. Well, not unless you prefer doggie style.

Focus, Bec…this is not the time.

“Uh, Bec? What kind of dog toy is that?” Aiden asks.

A few things happen at once. Aiden takes a step forward toward Hopper, who instantly switches into play mode. He thinks this just turned into a game of chase, and the prize is my pink, vibrating boyfriend. Hopper leaps off my bed and runs past Aiden and me like a flash of lightning into the living room.

I didn’t think I could be any more mortified, but yep, I sure can. Aiden and I chase Hop around my living room and kitchen, calling out commands that he completely ignores. During the chaos, he must bite down on one of the buttons to switch the settings. I can see the ribbed shaft spinning and rotating. I’ll never be able to think about it the same way ever again.

Aiden finally grabs Hopper by the collar and calls out for him to drop it. Hop listens, but at this point, all that’s left to spit out is a mangled remnant of my phallic friend. Taken too soon. Dee will be devastated to hear we’re no longer vibe twins. She claims the two had a spiritual connection and responsibility to make each other proud .

The shaft is bent sharply to the side, and the clit stimulator is hanging on by a thread. Somehow, the vibration is still going strong. I’ve got to say, I’m impressed. The motor on this thing is clearly built to last. I might have to replace this one with the same model since it’s proven to be tough as fuck.

“Holy shit, is that…” Aiden goes still, releasing Hop and staring down at the dancing silicone wand.

I rest my hands on my hips, eyes squeezed shut, my head bobbing, biting the inside of my cheek so hard I think I’ll bleed.

“Yep. Yep. Sure is.” Because what the fuck am I going to say? There is no denying what we’re looking at here.

I bend down, grabbing the remains off the floor, and hold the power button to stop the fucking madness. How the hell was it still able to rotate like that? Once again, I find myself in one of the loudest silences of my life with Aiden.

“Pretty sure Hop may have destroyed…that…beyond repair.” I look at Aiden, who can’t stop staring at the vibrator. I’m pretty sure this whole ordeal broke him too.

“Yep.” I pop my lips on the P .

“Obliterated.”

“Got it.”

“Completely wrecked.”

“Aiden.”

“Sorry.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to keep looking at Aiden while holding my fucking vibrator in my hand. “Can we please pretend this whole thing never happened? I cannot handle one more embarrassing thing going wrong in front of you, Aiden. I swear, it’s like ever since you moved back, the universe has it out for me.” I turn and make my way over to the trash, tossing my friend away. Godspeed. Thanks for the memories .

“Listen, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. That’s healthy, you know,” Aiden says, and I cringe. The last thing I want Aiden to know about me is how I…take care of myself, healthy habit or not.

“Aiden, this may be even more embarrassing than you finding me covered in baby poop or you hearing my smutty audiobook. Both of those combined are probably still less embarrassing than this moment.”

“Bec, it’s hot.” That catches me by surprise. Aiden reaches his hand up to his neck and pulls toward his shoulder with his head down. The shithead is smirking, peeking up at me from under his dark lashes.

“Uh, wh-what now?” My face is on fire and my palms are clamming up.

What the fuck is he talking about?

Hop strides away to get comfortable on my couch, while Aiden walks over to me, stopping inches away. I can feel the heat radiating off his chest. He stares down at me, his voice going low. “I said, it’s hot as fuck. I’m going to have a hard time focusing on driving while I think about that vibrator between your thighs, making you pant and squirm in your sheets.” His gaze hoods and I’m pretty sure my jaw is on the floor. The Aiden I met years ago just showed up, and my downstairs is fucking thrilled.

“Oh. Well, I mostly used it in the shower.”

“Jesus fuck,” he mutters, closing his eyes, head tilted up to the ceiling. When he looks at me again, his stare is blazing. “Are you sure you want to be friends?”

“Is there another option?” I practically whisper back.

“Yeah, I can think of quite a few other options I’d like more than just friends.” He pauses, looking down at my lips. “Promise me you’ll think about it, hm?”

I nod, unable to find my voice. He steps back, walks over to Hop to scratch his ear, kisses the top of his head, and makes his way back to me. He reaches out and tucks a curl back behind my ear. “I’ll see you soon, Bec.” I catch a hint of a smile as he turns and walks out of my apartment.

What the fuck just happened?

When we met, it was never meant to be anything serious. Just a night of fun.

But if we got together now…a part of me knows it could be explosive between us. Moments like this remind me of the potential chemistry. We’re simmering, at risk of boiling over if we allow the heat to turn a bit higher.

I sigh, knowing not even Hopper’s company is going to keep my mind from mulling this over the entire time Aiden is gone. But for now, I need to double-check that all my shoes are out of reach. Aiden wasn’t kidding. Hop is in his fuck around and find out stage.

Aiden’s asking me to think about what I want. It’s been hard not to since he crashed back into my life two months ago. In my gut, I know that I want him, but my head is screaming, demanding that I let him go. I never felt this way with Josh. If that breakup hurt, what would a breakup with Aiden do to me?

Despite the risk, maybe trying something a little bit more with Aiden wouldn’t be a horrible idea. It doesn’t have to be anything serious. Friends with benefits maybe. Or a casual date here and there, just to test the waters. That way, if it doesn’t work out, it’d be easy to default back to being just friends.

Maybe we need to fuck around, too, consequences be damned. I think I want to finish what we started, to see where it leads, but does he? Will Aiden expect more from me, or is what I have to offer enough? Is it enough for anyone?