Chapter 7

7

JACK

I woke up in that dreamy state of barely awake and half-asleep, where everything was warm and rosy. The bed was soft and fluffy, and I hadn’t slept this well in ages. What a great way to start this day. What was I doing again today?

Sawyer.

My eyes flew open. Sawyer was the little spoon to my big one, nestled in my arms, softly snoring. A warm fluttering tickled my stomach. When was the last time I’d woken up with someone in my bed? I’d never allowed hookups to spend the night, mostly because of Romero and, later, because I valued my privacy.

But this? I loved this.

Three days ago, I hadn’t known Sawyer existed, and now my throat got tight at the thought of leaving him tomorrow and going home. What was happening?

I had feelings for him. Big, scary, real feelings.

As much as I wanted to pretend this was just casual sex, a fun way to spend a weekend, it had become so much more than that.

Sawyer stirred, and I loosened my hold. He let out a huge yawn, stretching his body, and turned around. The grin on my face must’ve been dopey. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself. Sleep well?”

“Best sleep ever.” I brushed his cheek with my index finger. “I think we spooned all night.”

His cheeks flushed a lovely red. “I’m a cuddler, sorry.”

“Why would you be sorry? I loved it.”

We stared at each other.

“Jack,” Sawyer said softly. “What are we going to do?”

I didn’t have to ask what he was talking about. I knew. It was the same question that was plaguing me. How was I going to say goodbye to this man? Did I have any chance at a future with him?

“Forgive me the odd segue, but can I ask about your ex? What happened?”

Sawyer let out a deep sigh. “Of course you can ask. Justin was… We met in a gay club when we were twenty, and we hooked up. We kept running into each other, and the sex was great, so he suggested we give actual dating a try. We graduated from college, and I started law school. When he got kicked out of his apartment because the building was sold, he moved in with me. It wasn’t even a conscious decision or a momentous occasion. It just happened. And we stayed together. I’d always wanted kids, so when my lesbian friend offered to be a surrogate for me, I was so excited. In hindsight, the fact that she specified she’d be a surrogate for me and not Justin should’ve been a warning sign.”

“She didn’t like him?”

“No, but after mentioning it a few times when we’d just started dating, she never brought it up again, so I thought she’d come to like Justin.”

“But she hadn’t.”

“No, she was always critical of how he treated me, but I didn’t see it for the longest time. Anyway, Lucas was born, and we became dads. It wasn’t easy, though he was a sweet, low- maintenance kid. I took to parenting immediately, but Justin struggled. I didn’t know it, but that’s when he started cheating.”

Pain radiated from Sawyer. God, I wanted to pay his ex a visit and let him know what I thought of him. “I’m so sorry. When did you find out?”

“When I was diagnosed with gonorrhea…because he’d been having unprotected sex with countless men.”

“Jesus, he could’ve given you HIV.”

He nodded. “He was the only man I’d ever gone bare with, so when the doctor told me, I knew. In hindsight, all the signs were there, but I’d ignored them, wanting to believe he’d never do that to me.”

“How long ago was this?”

“Lucas was fourteen, so ten years. I confronted Justin, and he confessed he’d been cheating on me since Lucas had been two. Twelve years. For twelve years, he’d hooked up with other men. You wanna know the worst part? We’d gotten married only the year before, when gay marriage had become legal in California. He’d stood there, promising to be faithful till death do us part, and he was lying the whole time. I think that hit me the hardest.”

His eyes were misty, and I caressed his cheek. “I’m so sorry. What a despicable thing to do.”

“It was. Anyway, I filed for divorce immediately, and because we’d been married less than a year and I could prove the house we lived in and everything else we had was mine, he was left with nothing. Even his car was in my name, so I kicked him out with two suitcases full of clothes, and that was it. He never forgave me for that.”

Indignation rose inside me. “Never forgave you? What the fuck does he have to forgive? He’s the one who was in the wrong.”

“Yeah, but I had Lucas to consider, so I tried to shield him from the truth and encourage a relationship between him and Justin. Of course Justin used his weekends with Lucas to tell him lies about me, which almost cost me my son. We didn’t speak for a while, but one time, Justin got drunk and accidentally revealed the truth to Lucas. They no longer talk, and Justin blames me for their estrangement.”

“What an absolute asshole. How can he blame you for what he caused?”

Sawyer gave me a sad smile. “Because he’s an egotistical son of a bitch, but I didn’t see it. A prestigious firm hired me right out of law school, and I worked my way up quickly. Justin loved my money and the things we could do with it, but I don’t think he ever loved me. I don’t think he’s even capable of loving anyone except himself, which is truly sad.”

Maybe, but I found it hard to muster any empathy for Sawyer’s ex. “You deserved so much better. You’re worthy of being loved, Sawyer.”

He hung his head. “I know. But ever since, I’ve been scared, you know? What if I get hurt again? What if I’m the kind of guy who attracts the wrong kind of men?”

“I’d never cheat on you.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized it, but they were out in the open, and I didn’t take them back.

Sawyer let out a soft gasp. “What are you saying?”

My heart rate tripled. What was I saying? “I don’t want to?—”

A firm knock on the door startled us. I frowned. “Are you expecting anyone?”

Sawyer sat up. “No. It’s probably housekeeping. Just ignore it.”

But another knock came, and then a voice. “Dad? Are you up?”

We both froze. Lucas.

Fuck.

Panic filled Sawyer’s eyes. “What do I do?”

I took a deep breath. “Don’t lie. We’ll never come back from that.”

He slid out of bed and put on underwear. “One second.”

I also got out of bed and grabbed a pair of athletic shorts. No way was I facing whatever lay ahead of us naked. Sawyer waited until I was dressed and had stepped aside so I was at least out of sight before he opened the door.

“Is everything okay?”

“Romero is sick, so we’re still here. I texted you, but you weren’t responding, so I figured I’d tell you in person.”

Romero was sick? Without thinking, I hurried to the door. “Is he okay?”

Lucas’s mouth dropped open.

Oh shit.

But then my son-in-law’s face lit up, and he grinned widely. “I knew it. I told Romero something was going on with you two.”

“I’m sorry,” Sawyer said. “This wasn’t how we wanted you to find out.”

“Is Romero okay?” Yes, we needed to talk about Sawyer and me, but first, we had to focus on the most important thing.

“He’s been throwing up. I’m fine, so no idea what caused it, but we decided to stay an extra day to give him time to recover.”

Poor kid, and on his honeymoon. “I’ll stop by in a bit.”

“Maybe you could both come…and in the meantime, get your stories straight on what you want to tell us.”

Sawyer held out his hand, which I took immediately. “The truth. There’s nothing to get straight, kiddo.”

“Okay.”

With a last look, a shake of his head, and a broad grin, Lucas walked away, leaving Sawyer and me staring at each other. He closed the door and leaned against it. “That wasn’t what I had in mind for today.”

“No kidding.”

“You want to tell them the truth, huh?”

“I’m not lying to my son. I already feel bad about pretending we were barely more than strangers yesterday.”

“So what is the truth, then, Jack? What do you want to tell them?”

He was scared, fear shimmering in his eyes, his expression closed off, his shoulders tense. And after what I’d learned about his ex, I understood. I would have to take the first step.

I tilted up his chin. “I don’t want to say goodbye tomorrow. That’s the truth. I want to see you again.”

Sawyer swallowed. “For another hookup?”

Fuck this. I was too old to play games. I bridged the last bit of distance between us. “No, Sawyer. Because this is not just sex, and we both know it. What we have… This is special. This is more. This is…this could be…love.”

There, I’d said the word, hard as it had been to put myself out there. But I wasn’t afraid anymore of making a fool of myself or being rejected. I was far more scared of letting this man walk out of my life and never seeing him again.

“Love?” Sawyer’s voice was barely above a whisper. “You mean that?”

“I could fall in love with you…real easily.”

He swallowed again. “So not straight, then.”

“Very much not straight. I like you, Sawyer. I really, really, really like you. I want to give this a chance. Give us a chance. I’m not interested in anything casual. I want the real thing. The forever thing.” I was laying everything in my heart in his hands, encouraged by the emotions playing over Sawyer’s face. I cupped his cheek. “What do you say, baby? Want to see where this could go?”

Tears sprang in his eyes. “Yes,” he said hoarsely. “Yes, I do.”

Telling our kids was scary, but they took it well once we explained we hadn’t known each other’s identity when we’d met and that nothing about us getting together had been planned. But Romero—who looked as pale as a sheet—had questions. Questions he didn’t want to ask in public, so I asked Sawyer and Lucas to go back to Sawyer’s room so my son and I could talk in private.

“Are you okay with this, buddy?” I asked when they had left.

Romero slowly nodded. “It’s not that I have issues with Sawyer, with him being Lucas’s dad, I mean. But I don’t understand how you thought you were straight for so long.”

That made two of us. “I wish I had an explanation for you, but I don’t. All I know is that the second I met Sawyer, something sizzled between us, and I was drawn to him. It had nothing to do with him being a man. I just…connected with him.”

My son let out a dry chuckle. “Considering how hard I fell for Lucas, it would be hypocritical to say I don’t understand. Lucas is a lot like his father, so…”

“I’m serious about him,” I said softly. “I need you to know that. This isn’t some casual fling. Sawyer and I haven’t had a chance to talk about our future, but I want him. I want a future with him.”

He snorted. “You’re not the type for hookups and one-night stands, Dad. I know. I want you to be happy. More than anything, I want you to find love again and be happy. It’s been so long since Mom died, and you’ve been alone all that time.”

My throat grew tight. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. Yes, I’ve been lonely, and I’m so glad you understand.”

Romero’s eyes had grown moist. “I’d ask for a hug, but I don’t want you to get sick.”

I got up and pulled him into my arms. “I don’t care. I’ll always be your dad first, buddy. I love you so, so much, and nothing will ever change that.”

He hugged me tightly. “I know, Dad. You’ve been the best dad ever, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for both of us…” He let go of me and grinned. “If you guys get married and you take his last name, we’ll still have the same last name, you and me.”

I laughed for a long time, but inside me, hope flared. I wouldn’t mind that. I wouldn’t mind that at all.