Chapter 23

23

TRISTAN

T ristan would like to say it hadn't bothered him when he returned to the booth with the pocketknives to find Dianna gone. He wanted to believe that she had just wandered off because he'd taken too long with Mathew. It was understandable that she wouldn't want to sit around waiting.

But there was this teeny voice in his head that reminded him what it felt like to be abandoned by the person he loved. He'd loved Erika. She'd claimed to love him. But when things got hard, she left.

That wasn't love.

Dianna had wandered far enough that Tristan knew in his gut that she was leaving. He would have called her on it right then and there, but with Mathew watching and having just told him he was in love with her, he felt like he was up against a wall.

Something was wrong. He didn't know what it was, but he could feel it right down to his toes. Dianna had some form of discontent, and if he didn't figure out what it was, then all of them might end up hurting.

He wrapped his skate laces around his fingers and pulled tight until his fingertips turned white. Right now he had the chance to collect his thoughts before he had to speak to her. It wasn't healthy for him to be comparing her to Erika, so he needed to stop that way of thinking immediately. Dianna was different, with completely separate quirks and struggles. If he could just figure out what was bothering her, then their little picture-perfect Christmas could resume.

Tristan lifted his head and watched as Dianna and Mathew scuffled across the ice, skaters passing them and giving them a wide berth. Mathew hadn't been ice-skating in a year or so, and he wasn't as steady on his feet as he probably wanted to be. It was just as well that Dianna appeared to have a similar talent for moving across the ice.

At least they seemed to be getting along. The tension that had hung in the air since Mathew's blow-up was worse than their first meeting.

Dianna smiled and said something to Mathew, who then responded. They still held hands as they skated. His heart warmed, breaking free from the concern and distress it had gone through when he couldn't find her earlier.

He'd overreacted. Tristan could see that now. She wasn't going anywhere. And if she had wanted to leave, she would have told him.

Tristan got to his feet, the skates digging into his ankles like they were supposed to. He glided across the ice with a grace that rivaled about half of the people skating. When he passed Dianna and turned around so he could watch her reaction as he skated backward, he wasn't disappointed. Her mouth fell open slightly and she let out a laugh.

"You've been holding out on me," she said.

He shrugged. "I like skating."

"You never said you did."

"Well, to be fair, I can't do it very often. Between work, Mathew, and the changing seasons, it's hard to make time for it."

Her eyes swept over him from head to toe. "You're obviously a natural. I guess I should have figured, seeing how Mathew is skating better than I am." Dianna's statement put a smile on Mathew's face that stretched from ear to ear.

While everything seemed to have settled down on the surface, he couldn't help but feel like this was the calm before the storm. Dianna caught him staring at her and she stared back just a moment longer than he expected. It unnerved him somewhat. Was she trying to tell him something?

He'd have to figure out a way to get her alone so they could have that discussion. Too many unknowns lingered in the air.

" Dad ."

Tristan jumped and glanced down at Mathew. "What, buddy?"

"Show Miss Dianna your tricks."

He chuckled and shook his head. "I don't think Dianna wants to see?—"

"Yes, I do."

He lifted his gaze, finding her staring at him once more. Was it in his imagination? Or did a whole conversation pass between them in that moment?

Yep. Definitely in his imagination.

Dianna's smile was enough to make him throw aside his misgivings. "Alright. But just remember, you asked for it." Tristan turned around and tightened his body, crouching as he picked up some speed. He could feel them watching him, and it only spurred him to push himself harder. Once he got to the appropriate velocity, he leapt into the air and spun around like a cyclone, completing a near-perfect double axel jump. He landed a little funny on his foot enough to send a sharp pain up his leg, then stumbled a few paces to keep himself from falling on his face.

Several spectators clapped. He nodded to them as he made his way back to where Dianna and Mathew waited. His ankle pulsed with the throbbing pain, but it wasn't sprained or broken, and he'd be able to continue skating for a little while before it caused too much trouble.

"That was amazing," Dianna blurted the moment he skidded to a stop in front of them.

He held out his hand toward her and she eyed it with what could only be described as mistrust. He chuckled. "I'm not going to bite."

Dianna glanced at Mathew. "I don't think we should leave?—"

Thank the stars his son knew what to do in this situation. Mathew nudged her forward. "Dad, teach her a trick."

"What? No. I'm terrible at?—"

"Please?" His quiet word seemed to be the only thing that pushed her to accept his request. "I'll start you out with something simple."

Though there was clear hesitation in her eyes, she placed her hand in his and nodded. "Okay."

"First, we're going to go around the rink to get a good momentum going." They started around the edges of the inner circle. "See? The ice here is smoother because most of these skaters are using the outer area."

She clutched his hand and arm tightly, her fingers digging hard enough he could feel them through his coat.

"You're going to have to relax."

She let out a bark of laughter. "You can't tell me to relax when this isn't something I'm good at."

"Aren't you supposed to be the queen of helping people work through their issues?"

Her features stiffened.

Uh-oh. That was the wrong thing to say. He cleared his throat and tried again. "That is, what I meant to say was that you know all the tricks and ways to get through something when you don't think you can succeed. Isn't that right?"

"I guess," she hedged.

Now would have been the perfect segue into discussing where she was going when he'd caught her trying to make her escape. But something held him back. It didn't feel right to ask her when he was trying to smooth the feathers that had been ruffled earlier.

"Well, if you were working with Mathew—or another kid—and they were scared to do something, what would you tell them?"

She closed her eyes briefly. "I'd tell them to focus on their breathing or count to their favorite number."

"Which one works for you?"

Dianna glanced at him, curiosity flickering behind her eyes. "No one has ever asked me that before."

"I suppose there's a first time for everything."

"I guess you're right." Her smile returned and her grip relaxed a little. "I prefer to focus on my breathing. There's something about it that grounds me."

His mouth quirked up at the ends. "Okay, so breathe . Relax your body a little more and let me guide you through a few things. We're going to try to skate backward, and then I'm going to put you into a dip."

Her eyes widened, and immediately she stiffened in his arms.

Tristan chuckled. " Breathe ."

She nodded sharply and closed her eyes—something that showed a great deal more trust in him than he thought was possible at this point. He moved his mouth closer to her ear and said, "Okay, just stay relaxed and lean on me if you need to. We're going to shift so that your feet are gliding this way instead." He moved them into a position where he was propelling her ahead of him while she faced him.

Dianna gasped and her grip tightened once more.

"Don't worry, you're doing it."

Her eyes flew open and she stared around wildly. He nearly lost his momentum, which could have ended catastrophically. He didn't have professional training, but he knew enough to keep them afloat as long as she didn't put them in a precarious position.

"Now, we're going to turn again, but start gliding forward."

The more they skated, the more at ease she became. He pulled her around and in a flicker of movements, he was able to swing her into a dip. His face hovered over hers, both of them breathing heavily. One of her hands had come around the back of his neck and the other gripped his shoulder.

"Not bad," he said.

"I have a good teacher it seems." Her voice had softened like the rest of her body. Whatever tension had been coursing through her veins was now gone. He might have been able to equate it with this small moment. Or it could have been the talk she had with Mathew. Either way, he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Somewhere nearby a skater toppled and skidded across the ice. Dianna blinked, their moment frozen in time shattered. She scrambled to get upright, then adjusted her coat. "Thanks for the lesson. Maybe I can return the favor one day and teach you how to draw something other than a stick-figure."

The humor had returned to her features now, too. He grinned. "I'd like that." Before she pulled away entirely, his hand reached out, snatching hers so he could pull her close. Their faces were inches apart and their warm, white breaths mingled between them. "I love you, Dianna."

She blinked and a crease formed between her brows. "I know."

"No. I really love you. I need you to know that."

Dianna placed her gloved palm against his cheek. "And I love you."

Relief washed over him. "I think maybe it would be nice if we had some time one-on-one to discuss what this might mean for us. Our therapy sessions will be over next month and I—" His voice cracked as he recalled the very real apprehension he'd felt earlier today. "I'd like to figure out what options we have available."

She dropped her hand and looked away—a clear indication she wasn't expecting him to discuss this topic in the middle of the ice rink.

Tristan ducked his head and peered at her. "It's important we figure out where we want to take this—how far we want to take this."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

He wasn't prepared for how much those words could slice through him like a hot steak knife through butter. "You're not?"

She shot a look in his direction. "I thought I was… but then I realized a few things today that made me… I don't know . How are you ready to discuss what I think you're wanting to talk about?"

Another stab at his heart.

"I guess I know what I want because I've had it before?—"

She met his gaze. "If you had it before and it turned out as bad as it did, then you can't possibly believe that you want it again with me."

"That's not what I meant. I was in love before. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. But I still want to find that feeling again. And I have. With you ."

"You can't be sure. No one is. What if I turn out as bad as your ex? Have you considered that? What if Mathew doesn't want me to be part of his life? I would never expect you to pick me over him. That would be ridiculous."

He dragged a hand down his face. This wasn't going the way he'd hoped. She was putting up walls faster than he would be able to get through them. He should have waited and just discussed these topics over dinner when she'd have enough time to let them sink in.

Maybe there was still a chance for that.

Tristan held up his hand. "Look, you don't have to say anything now. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize where our relationship is right now. Just agree to come to dinner with me tomorrow night. I'll get a sitter, and it can just be the two of us. Then you can tell me what you think, and I can do the same."

She snapped her mouth shut.

Good, he'd finally made the right choice. He'd been able to get her to consider his offer. Now he just had to figure out how to get through to her when they got to dinner. Luckily, he had an extra day to come up with a plan.

Not only that, but he'd have an extra day to discuss his plans with Mathew.

Dianna nodded. She scooted back from him, then glanced over in Mathew's direction. "I'm suddenly not feeling very well. I think this is all a little overwhelming and I'm feeling anxious, so I need some time alone."

He took a step toward her. She smiled, but it didn't feel all that genuine. Dianna held up her hand and shook her head.

"I promise I'm fine. But I think maybe I need to go home and lay down for a little while."

"Was it something I said?" He wasn't sure, but he thought he'd witnessed her hesitate. She shifted, her arms folded across her stomach. "Of course not. I just need some time to resettle my stomach. Do you think you could tell Mathew I'm sorry for not staying longer? I'll see him for our next session." She turned and skated toward the entrance of the rink.

He watched her go, feeling like an absolute failure. The latent fear that insisted on rearing its angry head came back with a vengeance. He should have just let sleeping dogs lie. She wasn't ready even though he knew he was. She was going to walk away from what they had because she didn't care enough to stay.

She was probably planning the exact way for her to break up with him at this very moment.

Tristan let out a heavy sigh. Hadn't he told himself he wasn't going to jump to conclusions? Well, that was exactly what he was doing, and he wasn't going to stand for it.

He spun around and headed straight for Mathew.

His son was staring off in the same direction he'd been looking. The frown was almost imperceptible. When had his son gotten so good at controlling that facial expression? "Where's Miss Dianna going?"

"She said she didn't feel well."

"She seemed fine to me."

Tristan shot a look over his shoulder. "Yeah. I guess everyone has different needs that we have to accept and respect."