Chapter 19

19

TRISTAN

A t one moment Tristan felt elated, overjoyed that the other night had gone so well. It may be unwise, but there were moments when he could see himself and Dianna together with Mathew as a family.

And then the doubt crept in. He didn't know what her reaction was this morning. She'd seemed a little off. At first he thought it might have to do with waking up in a strange place, confronted by Mathew. But it was more than that.

Mathew had figured it out. That much was clear.

For some reason he could tell that she was nervous and she needed a break.

There was this ghost of a thought in the back of his mind. It hovered there, and he couldn't quite see the whole picture. Tristan knew when he finally did, he'd be able to better understand what made Dianna tick.

Well, there was plenty of time for that.

Tristan spent the afternoon outside with Mathew, letting him play in the snow on their day off. While his son made snow angels and threw snowballs, Tristan's thoughts drifted to the way it felt to hold Dianna in his arms.

It had been perfect.

More than perfect; it just felt right.

He had two options at this point in time. He could ruin his day by worrying about Dianna and what she might be going through, or he could trust her and enjoy the time he had with Mathew until she came back.

"Dad!" Mathew hurried over. "Did you see how far I threw that snowball?"

Tristan smiled. "Sure did, kiddo."

"Do you think Miss Dianna will play with me outside when she comes?"

"Probably not unless you want to skip decorating cookies."

Mathew's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No. I want to decorate cookies."

Tristan looked down at his watch. "It's getting pretty late. How about we head inside and I'll start making dinner."

"Can we have mac and cheese?"

"'Fraid not. I think Miss Dianna would prefer eating something different."

Mathew pouted. "But I don't want something else."

"I know. Remember when we had that talk about making sure our guests feel welcome?"

"Yeah," Mathew mumbled.

"Well, what do you think Miss Dianna would want?" Tristan could sense Mathew's frustration bubbling. He'd be really narrow on his choice of food lately. The kid could eat macaroni and cheese for a whole month straight and not get tired of it.

"Mac and cheese."

Tristan chuckled. "Tell you what, I'll make some mac and cheese for you just this once, and if Miss Dianna wants to eat it with her dinner, she can make that decision."

Mathew's whole body relaxed and he smiled. "She will. I know it."

"Well, how about you help me come up with something that she might like to eat with it."

His son cocked his head and his eyes drifted to something in the distance. "I know! How about a cheese quesadilla?

Tristan grimaced. "How about steak?"

Mathew wrinkled his nose. "Yuck."

Tristan sighed. "Eventually, you're going to have to try something new."

He clamped his mouth shut and shook his head.

Tristan ruffled his hair, then motioned toward the cabin. "Come on. Let's get you warm. Maybe you could draw a picture for Dianna. I bet she'd like that."

A soft knock at the door tore Tristan's gaze from the skillet he was cooking at. "Mathew! Will you get the door?"

Mathew jumped off the couch and hustled to the door. He pulled open the door and disappeared as he launched himself outside.

He heard Dianna's laughter before he saw her. She waddled into the cabin, with Mathew attached as he hugged her tight around the middle. "Okay, buddy. Let's get in far enough that we can shut the door before all the cold air gets in."

Mathew darted toward the couch.

Dianna glanced in Tristan's direction. She smiled at him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hey," she said timidly.

"Hey." His stomach swirled and he itched to go running toward her much like his child had. But instead, he stayed back. After this morning, he didn't want to do anything to cause her any anxiety. He didn't have to wait long.

She wandered over toward him, a small smile on her lips. She leaned against the counter, her elbows resting on the vinyl countertop, and she tilted her head. "Smells good."

He beamed. "How do you like your steak?"

"Medium."

Tristan checked on the macaroni. "Wouldn't be dinner without this. You don't have to have any if you don't want?—"

Dianna laughed. "I'm not that picky." The humor in her gaze dissipated, and his nerves shot out of control. But before he could say anything, she spoke. "About this morning."

This was it. Here was the moment he'd been dreading since he started cooking. Either she wasn't interested or she wasn't ready to deal with the baggage he had. He should tell her he was okay with waiting. He could be patient. But that sounded like a lot. Telling her that would only scare her off.

Dianna traced her finger along the designs on the counter and her gaze dropped.

"Look, I get it—" he started.

"I just wanted to apologize."

Their gazes met and they smiled. He flipped his steak then moved closer to her, touching her arm briefly. "You don't have to apologize."

"Oh, I know."

That wasn't the reaction he'd expected.

She let out a shy laugh. "I didn't do anything wrong. But I wanted to apologize because I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

His brows furrowed. He didn't like where this was going.

"This morning I wasn't prepared to deal with everything. I have this— thing —about needing to analyze everything from every angle before I can even begin to deal with it." She finally looked up at him. "I was never officially diagnosed, but I have some autistic characteristics."

Tristan didn't move. This wasn't as big of a reveal as she probably thought it was. And it didn't bother him in the slightest. He just didn't want her running off in case he didn't respond in the way she was hoping he would.

She stared at him as if she were just as frozen as he was. "Well?" she said.

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to say something?"

"Do you want me to say something?"

She let out a frustrated sigh. "I just told you that I have a condition that makes me see the world differently, and it's obviously going to continue affecting any relationship I will have with someone. If you can't bother?—"

"Dianna," he said in a low voice, moving closer. "If you're expecting me to make excuses and tell you I'm no longer interested, you need to change that thought immediately."

Her mouth shut and her eyes widened.

He gave her a crooked grin, then placed his palm against her cheek. If only she knew how amazing she was. "The way I see it, no one is exactly the same, right? No one's relationship is typical by definition. We would both have to learn how to deal with each other's quirks."

A ghost of a smile touched her lips. "Really?"

"Really."

She took in a deep breath and let it out. "I know I'm not an easy person to?—"

"Hey," he whispered. "No one is. People don't fall in love and stay together because it's easy. They stay together because it's worth it."

Her expression faltered.

And his heart stumbled.

What had he said that caused her to react that way? He went over the words in his head but couldn't figure out what might have triggered her current concerned expression. "What did I say?"

"You said love."

"Yeah?"

Dianna didn't move away from him. That was one good sign. But she did break eye contact. "Are you saying you're falling in love?"

He could say no. But deep down he knew that was a lie, and he wasn't about to get caught in something like that. The truth of the matter was that his feelings were stronger than he'd expected them to be. Maybe he was a fool for allowing his heart to go rogue. Or maybe his instincts were right on. Only time would tell, and he wasn't willing to risk losing the possibility of finding someone as perfect as Dianna. He took a moment to study her, making sure he'd be able to see even the slightest change in her demeanor. "Yes."

He'd always thought that the phrase "time stood still" was a ridiculous analogy. How could time stop? There were always other things going on. Never would there be complete silence.

But that is exactly what happened. He couldn't hear his pulse roaring in his ears. He didn't feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. She didn't move. Everything around him faded away as he waited for her response.

Then she blinked. That was the first indication that he hadn't taken them through some kind of wormhole.

"Is that okay?" he asked, his voice catching.

"Your steak. You should probably flip it over."

The sizzling on the stove reached his ears before the smell of his charred steak. He spun around and flipped his steak over, then chuckled when he met her shocked expression. "You didn't answer me."

"What?" She blinked again.

Tristan let out a groan. "You're not going to make me ask again, are you?"

She looked away and her cheeks filled with a pastel pink color before she met his gaze again. For a minute he thought she still wasn't going to respond. She worried her lower lip, then nodded. "I think I'm okay with it."

A grin stole over his face once more. "I think I'm okay with it, too."

The skillet popped and sizzled and his eyes widened as he turned comically toward the food. He'd be lucky if their dinner didn't end up in the trash for being too burnt to consume.

Dianna moved closer, leaning against the fridge as he cooked. She glanced over to Mathew and lowered her voice. "How do you think he's going to handle it?"

Tristan glanced over his shoulder and shrugged. "Remember when he drew that picture of us?" He chuckled as he put together that memory with what had occurred last night and then this morning. "I think he's going to be very excited."

Her gaze darted over to Mathew again. It was small, like the flutter of dragonfly wings, but he noticed something shift in her countenance. She was pleased with the idea of Mathew caring enough to want her in his life. When her eyes cut to Tristan's once more, she moved closer. He nearly didn't hear her whisper. "You don't think he's going to think I'm replacing his mom, do you?"

Tristan was almost certain that Mathew thought that. Granted, he didn't know much about his mother as it was. He would only be able to recognize her due to the handful of pictures Tristan still had lying around.

The problem with telling Dianna any of this was that this could be the one thing that scared her off again. The relationship was still too fresh for any talk of marriage. It was natural for her to worry about him though. He rubbed the back of his neck and focused on the food. "I think Mathew likes you well enough that he's not going to be thinking about that all too much. You're still Miss Dianna."

She seemed to accept that explanation. "Do you mind if I go over there and draw with him while you finish up here?"

"Go for it. The food will be done in a little bit. But I'm sure he'd love to have the extra attention. In fact, you probably spoil him more than you realize."

Dianna snickered. "Well, it's Christmas. He deserves to be spoiled." She leaned up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck before she placed a firm kiss on his lips. Her touch sparked the fire inside him once again. He didn't have much of an opportunity to react to her. And when she released him to wander across the room, his eyes followed her with awe.

No matter how he spun it, she was exactly what he'd been praying for. If he had put all his preferences on a list, he wouldn't have been able to find a more perfect option. It was funny how things like that worked out just when he needed them to.

Once the food was done, they shared their meal. Clean-up was quick, mostly because Mathew wanted to get right to Christmas cookie decorating. Dianna taught them how to mix the dough just right so it was the best consistency for soft cookies. Then, while they cooled, she prepared the frosting.

Mathew had a blast decorating but lost steam around the twelfth cookie. It was getting late and his mood had shifted to something stereotypically ornery. He got frustrated with how the gingerbread man was turning out and ended up throwing the butterknife on the floor.

Dianna jumped, but Tristan moved in quickly. "Hey, bud. It's getting late and we had an early morning. How about I tuck you in." He reached for Mathew's hand, but his son tore it away from him.

"No! I'm not tired."

Tristan and Dianna exchanged glances and she moved closer. "Mathew, the cookies will be here in the morning. You can decorate some more then."

Mathew glowered at her. "I don't want to go to bed."

"Don't you think you'd feel better if you got some extra sleep? I know we don't have a ride scheduled for Sunday, but we could probably still head out early if you'd like." Dianna was truly the level-headed one.

When Mathew's shoulders relaxed and he climbed down from the chair where he sat, it almost made Tristan wonder what he'd done up until this point with his son. Dianna was showing him up. Would it get to a point where she might even think he wasn't capable of controlling Mathew?

That was ridiculous.

Once again Tristan was letting his concerns and frustrations get the better of him. Dianna had no reason to think that Tristan was anything other than a good parent. Granted, she didn't have any reason to think he was great either.

He shoved those disparaging thoughts aside. He couldn't afford to get into his own head about any of this. Mathew needed to get ready for bed, and Dianna was still putting cookies into the oven.

Tristan mouthed the words "thank you" to her, then guided Mathew toward the bedroom to get changed into his pajamas.

Dating his ex had been so much simpler back before he had a child. Back then, it felt like he was able to wander through wildflowers without a care in the world. Starting a relationship now felt like he was walking through that same field, but now it was riddled with landmines. One wrong step could ruin not only his life, but also that of his son and Dianna's.

It would be best to get a lot of these concerns out in the open and soon, but again, that felt like a very bad idea. He couldn't be selfish here. He had to let things happen at a pace that Dianna was comfortable with. Otherwise, he could risk losing her.