Chapter 22

22

T ravis found himself humming as they pulled into the driveway going toward Ellen's house. It was just over the hill from his, but to drive there meant going out his driveway, going down the road a half a mile, then pulling into Ellen's driveway.

It wasn't enough time for him to lose the glow that he felt after Ellen had gotten done kissing him. It definitely wasn't him that had gotten done. He had been ready to stand there all day, but one of them had pulled back. He was pretty sure it was her. He was a little cloudy on the details, because kissing Ellen seemed to do that to his brain. Turning it to mush, making it so that all he could do was want her closer.

Still, as her house came into sight, and he saw her uncle walking across the yard from the barn toward the house, his stomach tightened. Ellen seemed confident that her uncle would be fine with them, but he wasn't so sure. After all, just the little bit of time that he'd spent with Alice made him realize how much a man could feel protective toward a baby in his care. If he felt that way toward Alice, whom he had only known for a couple of weeks, he could only imagine the way Tadgh must feel about Ellen.

Travis had a hard time picturing anyone being good enough for Alice. That had to be the way Tadgh felt too.

"You can let me off at the barn," Ellen said, and he noticed her lips were still a little swollen. Maybe he'd been a little too rough and hadn't realized it. But she didn't seem to be complaining. He'd have to keep that in mind.

"That way you and Uncle Tadgh can have some privacy for your talk."

"You're leaving me to the wolves by myself?"

"I have confidence in you," she said, with a saucy tilt to her head, as he pulled to a stop and she hopped out, making Chewy stay on the seat.

He wanted to kiss her goodbye, but that seemed a little silly, since he just gotten done kissing her a couple of minutes before.

She waved as she crossed in front of the truck. Chewy whined, but stayed beside him.

He watched her smile at him before she headed toward the barn.

As he turned back toward the house, he saw that Tadgh had stopped, and watched as he came closer.

Travis took a deep breath, knowing that what he said in the next few minutes, and what was said to him, could affect the rest of his life. He wanted to do his best.

Parking his truck, he said a short prayer, and then got out, slamming the door shut and walking over to where Tadgh waited.

He held out his hand. "Hey there," he said.

Tadgh shook his hand, looking him dead in the eye. "I wondered when I was going to get a call like that. Or even if I was."

"It seemed like the right thing to do. I've been taking care of Alice now for a couple of weeks, and it's given me a new perspective about how a man might feel towards a child he's raised."

"Gets worse over time," Tadgh said. "Take a walk behind the house?" He jerked his head indicating the path around the house.

They started out, with Travis trying to think of how best to start the conversation.

They stopped at the back porch, where Tadgh invited him to sit down. Travis didn't want to be rude, but he didn't think he could sit right now.

"No sir, if it's okay I'd rather stand. I'm a little nervous." He'd found in business that it was often good to admit the truth. Even if the person felt like it would make them seem weaker in everyone else's eyes. He could project confidence while admitting that he wasn't totally confident. People seem to relate to weakness, as long as it didn't seem to be a weakness that a person couldn't overcome.

That was just his experience. It seemed to work with Tadgh, because he smiled. But there was still concern in his eyes.

"You're nervous. That makes me nervous. What's up?"

"I guess you've known that I've been away for a while."

"Yeah," Tadgh said. If he thought what Travis said was ridiculous, his face didn't show it.

Everyone in town knew he'd been gone, so Travis knew he should have opened slightly differently. But it was done now.

"Ford Hansen wanted me to, and I appreciated it. But there was another reason I left."

"Okay."

"I was in love with Ellen."

Tadgh's face remained impassive. The only thing that gave away his surprise was two blinks.

He slowly nodded, and then he said, "Okay." The way he said it seemed to be an invitation for Travis to continue speaking.

"She was only fourteen. I was eighteen. That would have been a relationship that was inappropriate. So I had to go."

"I see."

"Yeah. It was one of the hardest things I've done, but I loved Ellen, and I wanted the best for her."

"I think you made the right choice."

"I know I did. I wanted to come back when she was eighteen, that was my plan. But Ford sent me to Brazil. Maybe he did that on purpose because he wanted Ellen to have a little bit more time to grow. I don't know."

"Knowing Ford, that's certainly possible," Tadgh agreed.

Travis paused, and took a breath. He couldn't tell anything by looking at Tadgh's face. Not about what he was thinking, not about what he was going to say. So he plunged ahead. Feeling more nervous then he would have if he were brokering a multimillion dollar business deal.

"I promise you. I never touched her. I wanted to," and his fingers tightened at the memory. He clenched them into fists in his pocket. "I really did. But, it wouldn't have been right." He wanted credit for that. But maybe that didn't mean anything to Tadgh, or maybe Tadgh expected it, and would have accepted no less. Regardless, it hadn't been the way Travis had been raised to act, and walking away from Ellen had been the most difficult thing he'd ever done. "We were friends. She wrote to me. I'm sure you probably knew that."

"I did."

"We talked on the phone occasionally, but I never told her how I felt. I never knew how she felt. Just that she agreed to be my friend, and that had to be enough until the time came for more."

"I see."

"I'm back to stay. Back in Sweet Water. I know that if you look at me, look at where I came from, look at my parents, my mom, if you use that to judge what kind of man I might be, you wouldn't think that I was going to amount to much." Tadgh's lips stayed pressed close, but he lifted his chin acknowledging Travis's words.

"But I think I've used that to learn. To teach myself what I didn't want to be. To try to pick up traits that are opposite from what I was raised with."

Tadgh didn't say anything, Travis wasn't sure whether he should stay silent for a bit, and see if the man had something to say, or just finish what had turned out to be quite a speech. Considering he hadn't planned on talking long at all. But he felt like he needed to make his case. Felt like he needed to have some kind of argument in favor of himself. But he had to be honest too.

"The last few weeks as I've been taking care of Alice, I realized that… I don't think I'll ever look at a boy and think that he was good enough for my daughter. Certainly I wouldn't think that anyone would look at me and think that I was good enough. The only thing I can say is, God loves me. And I'm going to do my best to please Him. And I'd like to do that with Ellen beside me. Sir, I'm asking for your permission to spend time with your daughter with the intention of marrying her if she'll have me."

He held his breath, meeting Tadgh's eyes, and waiting. Every second that ticked by felt like an eternity was tucked inside.

A bird chirped and fluttered in the bush beside the house, while another one flapped overhead and the wind stirred the grass, making a swishing sound that wasn't nearly loud enough to drown out the beating of his heart.

Say something.

"I'd heard that you had a baby dropped off. Probably like the rest of the state. A town like Sweet Water can be depended on to spread gossip the way small towns do."

A ghost of a smile crossed Tadgh's face, before he became serious once more.

"You're right about where you came from. But you're family, too. Ford and I spent more than one evening discussing how we could help. We would often say to each other that you can offer to help, but if you reach out a hand, the person you're trying to help needs to reach up and clasp it back. You've certainly done that."

Travis swallowed. This didn't feel good.

"You're right about how protective I feel toward Ellen too. Her father was my brother, and I loved her. I promised I would do my best to raise Ellen. She practically raised herself. But I do feel protective of her. And I can't help but be a little proud of the woman she's become. Maybe not successful in the world's eyes, but I do believe God will tell her ‘well done thou good and faithful servant,' and that's what she should be living for anyway."

"I agree."

Tadgh simply jerked his head in acknowledgment of Travis's words and continued speaking.

"I didn't know you loved her back when you guys were so young. I would have…tried harder to keep you apart. I figured she was young, and you were a little more versed in the ways of the world, plus I thought you had your eyes on a cheerleader at school."

"She blinded me for a bit." He couldn't deny it.

"But there was no substance there. I think you figured that out."

"I did."

"That's good, because some men never do. Some men are always drawn to fool's gold, and never understand that there is no value there."

Travis didn't say anything. He might have been fooled at one time. He probably could still be fooled again, but not by that. Not by someone who didn't have the heart that Ellen did. The compassion, the character. The loyalty. That was probably what got him more than anything. She had stuck with him, no matter what he had done. He loved that, and at the same time, he knew he owed her, because he hadn't been as loyal. Not at first anyway.

"Ford kept me informed of your progress, the things you've done, and you probably don't know about that."

"No. I didn't."

"It's been nothing but glowing reports of you. He's pleased beyond words with what you've done with the opportunities that you've been given. But more than that, he extols your character, your honesty, your integrity, and the compassion you have toward others. I might have been concerned that after having a baby dumped on your doorstep, you were only interested in Ellen so that you would have cheap labor, a nanny to take care of your responsibility."

Travis opened his mouth to protest. He didn't want Tadgh to think that the baby was actually his. He also didn't want Tadgh to think that he only wanted Ellen because of what she could give him. But he also wanted to be as honest as he could, and he wondered if he should mention the little boy that had been dropped off that morning. If Tadgh had heard the rumors about the baby, he would certainly hear the rumors about the little boy as well. But Tadgh held up his hand, stopping any protest.

"I know that's not the way it's been. I didn't really need you to tell me that you've been in love with her for the last eight years, in order to know that you aren't just looking at her as a meal ticket."

"No. Never." He almost laughed. He had plenty of money. He could afford to hire ten nannies if he wanted to.

"Because Ellen would work herself into the ground for you. I'm sure you know that."

"Yes, sir. I do."

"But I have the feeling that you would do the same for her. If I didn't think that, it would be a lot harder for me to give my consent. But, I think you're a man who will take care of her. But not just that, I believe you will cherish her the way she's meant to be cherished. You have my permission to court my daughter."

Just like that.

Travis had to stand there for a minute. He thought he was going to have to get into the fact that he had two children that weren't really his, but that were his responsibility, and Ellen was probably going to be helping him with them, and that he was going to have to try to convince Tadgh that neither one of them were actually his. That he really had been faithful to Ellen. But Tadgh hadn't even questioned the fact that he was faithful. He just assumed it.

Gratefulness that Tadgh had looked at his character, and not at his family or at the rumors of the town, but had instead, seen the best in him, welled up inside of him, closing off his throat. To the point where he could barely talk.

"Thank you sir. I don't believe that one person can make another person happy, but I do believe that I can create an atmosphere where she can thrive, and I know for a fact that I can love her better than any other person in the world. I'll spend the rest of my life proving that."

"I believe you will, son." Tadgh's eyes were serious. His look intense. "You're getting the very best girl I know. But I do believe that I'm getting the best son-in-law I possibly could. I'd love to have you be part of our family." Tadgh held out his hand.

Travis stared at it for what felt like a very long moment. All of his life he hadn't felt like he belonged anywhere. He longed for a dad, someone to teach them how to be a man. He longed for his mother to love him, and he never felt accepted by her, or wanted for that matter. And here was this man, looking at him and seeing the best, allowing him to have his daughter, and telling him he would love to have him be part of his family.

It was almost too much.

He took his hand, shook it, and said, "Thank you." The words just didn't seem adequate, but he couldn't say anything more.

Maybe Tadgh understood that, or maybe it was just how he was, but instead of letting go of his hand, he pulled on it, pulling Travis to him, putting first one arm around him and slapping him on the back and then pulling him close in a bearhug. Which Travis returned. He appreciated this man, and knew it was only because of Ellen that he was in his life.

He had so much to be grateful for, grateful to the Lord for all of the opportunities, to Ford for caring about him, but most of all, for Ellen.

There were times over the years where he was lonely, alone, and where he might have been tempted to try to find someone else. He never had, and he did not regret being faithful. Not one bit. Especially at that moment, he was thankful that he had determined in his heart from the very beginning to be faithful. Things could have been a lot different if he hadn't.

As Tadgh's grip loosened, and they stepped back, he thought maybe Tadgh wiped a tear from his eye, but couldn't say for sure. He clamped a hand on his shoulder and said, "Come on. Did Ellen know what you were asking me?"

"I told her I didn't think I should kiss her until I'd asked your permission."

"Have you kissed her?" Tadgh asked, as he stepped down off the porch.

He wanted to lie, but he couldn't. That would be wrong. Plus, eventually Tadgh would figure out the truth, and he would think even less of Travis for not being able to tell the truth to begin with.

"Twice. The second time was better than the first."

Tadgh laughed.

"It's the practice, and that's the way a good relationship is. I know every time I kiss my wife, it gets better. She claims it's because we've practiced more, but I just think that's the way it is when two people love each other. The relationship gets sweeter as long as you continue to put the effort in that it takes."

"I don't know how much effort it's going to take, but I'm willing to do whatever I need to. After my relationship with the Lord, Ellen is the most important thing in the world to me."

"I actually believe that son. And I think you will. You can spend a lifetime trying to be the best husband possible, and you'll never reach the end of your potential. Speaking from experience."