8. Hayliel

8

B irds chirp as I walk the path between the thick canopy of trees that stand tall in front of Fallen house. It’s a little thinner than when I walked it that first day with Professor Castiel, but the scent of wood and moss still brings a smile to my face.

It falls when I think of Castiel.

Apparently, he’s back on campus, and has been for a few hours now. I can’t hold off going to see him any longer. Raphael and Theo offered to come with me, though it was more of an insistence. They don’t want to leave me alone for fear of what the now disgruntled Fallen might do, but I live at Fallen house. The opportunities to do me harm there are rife. Maybe I should have agreed and let them come with me, but their focus is needed elsewhere.

I glance toward the tower and sigh. The attic space we looked into as a private area for our friend group was beautiful. A little dirty and worn, but it had the potential to be incredible. Unfortunately, both it and the weaponry building were already so heavily protected by the school that adding more wards just wasn’t an option. That left the obscure cave near the base of the falls as our secret HQ. It might smell of damp earth, but it will do.

Besides, the room Zeke has in the weaponry building will still serve as a private area for us to train. Without attempting to dig a larger area in the cave or lug training materials in, we’d have to make do using something a little less protected. As long as angels don’t realize what we’re up to—receiving guild training to survive and take down demons—we should be fine.

I wonder if Zeke would have offered to come with me to see Castiel too, if he hadn’t left for the guild after lunch.

A door opens, jostling me from my thoughts, but when I glance up, the back doors of the main hall remain closed. To the left, I spot someone exiting the infirmary. The Fallen angel strides toward me with his head down, but something about him is familiar. He looks up, our eyes locking. Black and blue bruises ring his eyes, standing out against his ashen face.

Recognition clicks, and I realize this is one of the assholes making comments in the cafeteria last week, but what the hell happened to him? Blood covers his shirt in a way that tells me it poured from his nose. Either he’s clumsy, or he got in a fight with someone far stronger.

He averts his gaze, speeding up as he continues past. That’s odd. He sure as shit didn’t behave like that in the cafeteria.

Letting the strange encounter go, I continue on to Castiel’s office and take the longer, less populated route. I’m in no mood to deal with shitty students, or worse, cruel professors.

Honestly, whatever issue the Fallen now have with me is getting out of hand. In the last week, I’ve been accidentally bumped into or tripped more than once, and they’re becoming bolder in their nasty remarks. It’s clear I did something to piss them off. I just wish I knew what.

Do they know what happened with Roderick in the Fallen district or outside of it with the demons? Even if they do, it’s not as if I did anything wrong. In fact, I almost fucking died. Surely that should earn me some god’s damn grace.

Despite the warning in my gut to leave it alone, I refuse. One way or another, I’m going to get to the bottom of it. Besides, what’s one more thing added to the list?

Professor Castiel is alone when I make it to his office, though his face lights up when he sees me.

His brows crease, and I realize that maybe I’m not masking my expression as well as I thought I was.

“Is everything alright?”

My laugh is self-deprecating at best. “Somehow, the answer to your question is both yes and no. I’m glad you’re back. Do you bring any answers with you?”

He shakes his head, and my hope plummets. “Nothing concrete yet, I’m afraid. But don’t lose hope. That friend I went to visit is positive he has a book that might help.”

“Well, that’s promising, at least,” I tell him, doing the best mental imitation of my parents and trying to find the silver lining. It feels as though we’ve read every damn book there is, so if Castiel’s friend thinks he has something, I’ll try to trust it.

“It is. When we parted ways, he was heading straight for his ancestral home. The moment I hear back from him, I’ll seek you out.”

“Thank you. I’ll strive to work on being patient.”

Professor Castiel chuckles. “No need, Miss Hayliel. Come see me anytime. I’m here to help with whatever you need.”

I smile and turn to leave, but I don’t get very far. As much as I wanted to make sure he was unharmed and see if he had any answers, that’s not the only reason I came. Before I can second guess my decision, I’m standing in front of his desk again.

“Actually … there was something else I wanted to discuss with you. I’ve been having these hot flashes lately. They’re becoming more frequent, and I’m getting a little worried.”

“Hmm, I could see how that would be concerning. Have you noticed any other symptoms or side effects other than the heat?”

Have I? I let myself consider everything I’ve felt since surviving that deadly blade, but nothing stands out. “I don’t think so. So much has happened that honestly, it’s too hard to tell.”

“That’s completely understandable. And the bond? Are you still having issues?”

I look away, not wanting him to see my weakness. Not that it really matters, given what I’m about to tell him. “I haven’t really tried again since your office. I’m not ready to face that it might be gone forever.”

“Ah, but are you also not ready to face that it might not be?” When I finally look up at him, all I find is understanding. “Refusing to try doesn’t just mean avoiding bad outcomes, Miss Hayliel. It also means missing out on the good ones.”

He’s right. Not testing the bond again because I fear what will happen is only making things worse. How will I know it’s truly gone if I don’t try? It’s not like me to give up so easily, not with how my parents raised me, but things have felt so damn out of my control for so long that I didn’t see the point.

Now, I think it might be worth giving it another try.

“Thank you. For everything, Professor.”

“You’d have realized it, eventually. I only gave you a nudge.”

I say goodbye and leave with an extra skip in my step. Today might not be the day I test out my mental connections, but I will eventually. And even though I’m still worried, there’s hope too, and an acceptance that at least I’ll know for sure.

Pulling out my slate, I check the time. I’m supposed to meet Raphael and Theo at the weaponry training building. It’s a little earlier than planned, but I doubt they’ll mind.

As I head down the hall from Castiel’s classroom, I pass by Professor Uriel’s room. The door is open, and I can’t halt my feet as they bring me closer. Tilting my head forward, I peek inside.

I’m shocked to find the bloody and bruised guy from earlier sitting with the professor. What’s he doing with Uriel?

Someone slams into me from behind, shoving me to the side where my head bounces painfully against the wall.

“Get out of the way, you waste of fucking space.”

Stars dance behind my eyes, blurring my vision so I can’t see who just ran into me, but I don’t miss the telltale red lining of their uniform.

This is getting out of fucking hand.

I don’t know how long I stand there, leaning against the wall. No one comes to check on me. Not the bruised Fallen and certainly not Professor Uriel. At least that’s a blessing.

Anger and hurt simmer inside me, mixing into an explosive concoction.

My conviction to stay the fuck away from Uriel solidifies into something almost tangible. If he can’t choose which side to be on—either the helpful teacher or the uncaring one—then I’d rather not have a counselor, anyway. And if the Fallen want to continue assaulting me, then I’ll sure as shit be ready for the next one. No longer will I just roll over and take it.

I keep my head down as I take purposeful steps toward the weaponry building. This anger and pain that’s growing inside of me needs an outlet before it consumes me.

The door to Zeke’s private training room is closed when I arrive, but I enter the four-digit code he gave us and it unlocks easily. Without a sound, I open the door and step inside to the short hallway at the entrance of the room.

Raphael and Theo’s erratic breathing immediately meets my ears, doing all sorts of things to my insides. Without seeing them, my mind makes up all kinds of scenarios as to why they might make such noises.

I don’t want them to know I’m here yet, hoping for a single moment of privacy to just take them in. Closing the door softly, I tiptoe to the end of the hall and peer around the corner. What I find takes my breath away.

They attack each other with ferocity. Sweat glistens on their naked torsos, their muscles bunching tight as they give the fight everything they have. The sight has me caught in a choke hold, unable to look away, not that I even want to. My heart races as my mind conjures up visions of several ways I could get them sweaty like that. How would their grunts differ if they were from pleasure instead?

“Are you enjoying the show, sunshine?” Raphael asks, jolting me from my illicit daydream.

Our eyes lock in the wall of mirrors on the opposite side of the room from where I stand, but it doesn’t last. Theo takes advantage of Raphael’s distraction and tackles him to the soft mat.

He doesn’t keep him down long, but I almost wish he would. The sight of Raphael pinned beneath Theo does things to me. Strange things. Tingling things.

“I could watch this all day,” I tell them, meaning every word.

Raphael’s eyes darken. “I’d rather you join.”

They both get up from the mat and head toward their belongings. Theo stays quiet, tossing a water bottle and a towel to Raphael.

They drink their fill, but before they can wipe the sweat away, I stop them. “Leave it. I rather like the sweaty look on you guys.”

Heat pools in my core as they both stare at me with unadulterated want.

Theo throws the towel down and says, “Why don’t you go change so you can join us?”

I consider my options. I could head to the private changing rooms attached to this one. That’s most likely what they expect me to do. Or I could drop my things right here and change where they can see. Where they can watch.

“Alright,” I say cheerfully, heading toward the changing rooms.

They get back on the mat and begin another round of training so they don’t catch on right away when I drop my bag on a bench and untie my sneakers. They don’t see when I remove my socks or pull my hair back into a ponytail. But when I unzip my jeans and pull them down my thighs, all sounds of sparring ceases.

I pretend not to notice at first, though I feel their eyes scorching a trail over my bare legs as I pull a loose pair of shorts from my bag and put them on. Before I take off my shirt, though, I glance in their direction. “No need to stop on my account.”

Except they don’t resume their sparing, and that knowledge fuels something wicked inside of me. With their eyes on me, tracking my every movement, I feel powerful. They watch as I pull my shirt off, left only in my favorite sports bra—a pretty turquoise piece with a zipper down the front and crisscross design along the back.

When I step onto the mat, it’s as if I’ve stepped into a bolt of lightning. Electricity dashes across my flesh until I feel invincible. I wonder if they feel it too.

Neither man exits the sparring mat, and I realize why. “Two against one, huh?”

Raphael’s eyes darken, causing goosebumps to rise on my arms. “I think you can handle us both just fine, sunshine.”

I stifle a groan at his innuendo.

They don’t wait for me to get settled, but they don’t go hard on me, either. This is a training session, after all. I duck to avoid Raphael’s grasp, then somersault away from Theo. Running away might not be the best option, but I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to watch two beings at once and still plan attacks. Having eyes in the back of my head would be fucking awesome right now.

But this isn’t like any fight with the demons would be. They sure as shit don’t look at me the way Raphael and Theo are right now. Like I’m the cure to what ails them, and after searching across the entire world for it, they aren’t willing to give it up for anything.

We circle a few more times. I avoid most of their grabs and fake swipes, but sometimes if I’m not quick enough, the tips of their fingers graze my arm, my back, my belly. Every time a part of my body comes into contact with theirs, it feels as if I might die without more of it.

I trip over my own feet while trying to avoid Theo’s long arms and fall right into Raphael’s trap. He wraps his long fingers around my throat, gentle but firm, and pulls me into him for a searing kiss that has my toes curling. His lips demand more from me. All of me. As if he’s traveled across a frozen wasteland and the heat of my mouth is the only thing that can cure his frostbite.

Theo steps up behind me, pressing his body into my back. I reach behind me until I have one arm looped around Theo’s neck and one arm wrapped around Raphael’s. Connected to them both.

Slowly, I break the kiss with Raphael, turning between them to search for Theo’s mouth. His lips are soft yet demanding, consuming every waking thought as his kiss devours my entire fucking being.

I let go of every ounce of pent up emotion. My anger toward Professor Uriel. My disappointment at the behavior from the Fallen angels. And my fear that I’ll never connect with my men again.

I’m nothing but a churning ball of need and want, and nothing matters but the sensations I feel in this moment. Cherished. Wanted. Needed.

Cared for.