28. Hayliel

28

T he walk back to Castiel’s office in the main hall is more tiring than it should be for the distance. I can’t stop looking over my shoulder every few seconds, wondering if Professor Uriel is following us with his blade.

It’s foolish to think he would. That man lives behind a carefully crafted facade, one that appears righteous when really he’s just a slimy bug beneath it all. If others knew the truth, he’d hate that almost as much as he hates me.

Castiel doesn’t say anything to me, even when we pass through the threshold to his classroom and he shuts the door. He wastes no time pulling out the silencing candle and lighting it. Only then does he speak.

“Are you harmed more than what can be seen?”

I don’t even realize what he’s talking about until I look down and notice the small line of blood from where Uriel’s blade pressed into me. The wound is already healed and only the crimson stain remains. I barely even felt the wound. Is this what the protection amulet does?

I nod. “More shaken than anything.” The heat that usually races through my limbs is gone now, leaving behind a chill. I know it’s my body coming down from the high of adrenaline, but it doesn’t make it any easier or stop my body from shaking.

“Do you feel comfortable enough to tell me what happened, or would you like a moment?”

I consider his question before answering, realizing quickly that I need to get it off my chest as fast as possible. I don’t want this to fester inside for any longer than necessary. Quickly, I tell him about Uriel showing up early to pull me from class, the weird sensation that pressed against me when I stepped into that room and how it cut off my mental connections. He seems concerned at that, but waves me on.

I begin to explain the interrogation, then recall the recording I took. I didn’t even turn the damn thing off, so I stop recording and press play, letting it speak for itself. Hearing it again so soon after it happened has acid bubbling in my stomach. Even my own voice sounds foreign, as if it comes from someone far stronger than I ever could be.

Castiel doesn’t interrupt even once, letting the video play through until he showed up. “Honestly, I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t come. How did you know where to find me?”

“Your friends wasted no time finding me after your distress call. They tracked you to just outside the door and wanted to bust the damn thing down themselves, but I asked them to let me handle it.”

My heart soars at knowing what lengths my friends would go to in order to protect me, but I’m glad they didn’t. Deep in my soul, I know the only reason Uriel let me out at all was because of Castiel. Another professor and the not so veiled threat of the principal. If three pissed off students had shown up in his place, I don’t even want to think about what might have happened.

Oblivious to my internal thoughts, Castiel continues. “Uriel’s behavior concerns me, so I don’t want to push him more than necessary until we know more. I hope you understand.”

I nod. He doesn’t know just how fully I do understand. The less involvement they have, the better, though I know they wouldn’t agree. As much as I want to do everything on my own, solely because then it’s only myself at risk, I understand that it’s not feasible. Still, they don’t need to be going off, making silly decisions that put them in the line of fire any more than they already do.

Especially not when they can die and apparently I can’t.

I’m the entire reason for this shit storm. My gray wings, then gold, and now with rumors spreading about the incredible things I’ve endured. It’s my fault. My mess. My problem. And once the truth gets out, there’s not a doubt in my mind things will get worse.

“Do you think Uriel knows what I am?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know. His questions make me think all he has are suspicions, but we can’t know for certain.” He motions for me to join him behind his desk. “Come here. I have something that might help take your mind off everything, at least until our pretense of a counseling meeting is done and you can get back to your friends.”

My eyes light up curiously at the book Castiel pulls from the same hidden drawer where the candle was, but instead of questioning him about it, I take the conversation in a different direction. One that has hope blossoming inside me. “Did you really talk to Principal Cael about becoming my councilor?”

“I did. And what I said about you changing your major isn’t something you need to decide on now, but it worked to move the switch forward.”

“Thank you,” I tell him, wondering what it is I did to deserve someone as kind as him on my side.

“No need for all that.” He waves a hand dismissively. “Now, do you remember the friend I spoke to about you before we knew you were a Seraphim? He retrieved this from his old family estate and agreed to lend it to me as long as I kept it in my care and promised to be gentle with the ancient pages.”

“On my life,” I promise him, reaching for the book with careful movements. It’s bound in a soft, supple leather, slightly worn down with age. On the cover, sits an indented sun, painted a brilliant gold that almost seems to shine on its own. It’s stunning.

Carefully, I flip open the cover. The next image is a simple drawing of a woman standing in front of a fiery orb, a subtle glow seeming to emanate from her. Or maybe it’s from the sun behind her. Either way, she’s ethereal.

With every page I flip, the more engrossed I become. Something about it seems familiar, though I can’t directly name what. All I know is that I’m eternally grateful for it. I read through information on all types of angels. Our strengths, weaknesses, and powers from generations before.

The item in front of me is rare indeed, and it shocks me to my core that Castiel’s friend not only had this in his possession, but allowed him to borrow it. If he’s caught with it, I fear what may become of him.

No. I won’t think about that. I can’t, or else I’ll waste what precious time I have with it. Because as interested as I am in reading this tome front to back, I know my time with it is limited, so I flip straight to the section on Seraphim and begin to read.

The Seraphim are the highest ranking angels, and their existence is quite rare. These divine beings are known for their ability to dispel and destroy the shadows of darkness by harnessing the powerful fires of the sun. Using this method, Seraphim have the power to smite their enemies.

The more I read, the more it all seems like a fairytale instead of real life. Is this what I did to those demons near the well? Did I smite them? I skim a little, utterly fascinated, until I find what I’m looking for.

Through extensive research, we discovered that Seraphim sometimes struggle to wield the sun’s fire. The vessel must be solid and true in order to receive such power. Without it, the fire will become unpredictable and, in the worst cases, fatal.

Fatal. Nothing but God could kill me, or you know, my own damn ineptitude. Great.

I read it again, getting stuck on the part about a vessel. Am I the vessel, or does this text refer to something else, something we’re missing in order to make it work? I glance at Castiel, wanting to know what he thinks.

“Have you read this?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

“I have. Ask your questions, Miss Hayliel. I fear we will soon be out of time.”

“This mentions that the vessel must be solid and true. What does that even mean?”

He scratches his chin, looking over the passage I just read. “I believe it refers to the Seraphim itself, as they are the vessel for the sun’s fire. May I speak frankly?”

I laugh. “I think we’re well past the point of you not being able to do so. You never need to ask.”

He nods, the smallest smile curving his lips. “You are an angel who’s been through a lot in your short years. I think it’s helped you become exactly what you needed to be.”

Exactly what I needed to be? I almost snort at the thought but hold back, letting him continue.

“You could have turned bitter and jaded, but instead you’re kind. Accepting. Strong. You didn’t let that treatment break you like it has so many others in your position. For that reason alone, I already believe you to be the solid and true vessel this book says you need to be. The only one who needs convincing of that is you .”

I can only stare as the weight of his words settles around me like a warm blanket.

Is he right?

Am I the obstacle I need to overcome to wrangle this power?

It hits me then just how much I’ve grown in the few short months I’ve attended Silver City University. Just because I’m scared now doesn’t mean that progress should stop. In fact, it’s even more reason to pull my big girl panties up and find a way to accept myself, just as my friends have already done.

Maybe then I’ll be able to not only help fight this upcoming war, but end it without anyone I love getting harmed in the process.