7. Kieran

7

KIERAN

After finishing off my sandwich with a few bites as we made our way down the familiar, forested path toward Noah's, I broke the silence. "Oh! I meant to ask, how's Amelia doing?"

"Much better," Steele answered immediately, his voice filled with a warmth I had a feeling was reserved for very few people. "She's woken up and is back to ordering everyone around."

It felt like a weight was lifted off my chest at his words, my relief growing palpably.

Gabe then added, looking over his shoulder at me, "She wants to be up and moving way more than she should while recovering, but it's probably a good sign that she has so much energy."

And the fact that both of them were able to joke around about Amelia also meant that she really was doing better, which comforted me to no end.

"When she's ready to have visitors, I would love to go see her."

"I'm sure I can arrange that," Steele said. His tone was gruff but still caused an appreciative smile to appear on my lips. I knew he hadn't needed to offer that to me, so the fact that he had meant a lot.

"Maybe we can go sometime over the next few days," I suggested.

"Good morning everyone." A familiar voice pulled us from our conversation as we approached the cabin.

"Morning, Noah," I offered pleasantly as some nerves began to unfurl in my stomach.

I wanted today to be amazing—to provide Bash and I with information and actually move forward with understanding our affinities. Part of me still felt jaded about how the information about my affinity had been handled at the beginning, though. At this point, I realized I still had a hard time trusting Noah to be forthcoming.

"Are we ready for a long day of training?" he asked, his attention centered on Bastian and me.

When we both nodded, he clapped his hands. "Let's get inside and get started."

After we said our goodbyes to the others, we followed him up the steps. As we walked inside, I looked around the familiar space. The long room, featuring dark-green walls and black-mat floors, was lit by the windows that ran along each side, letting in the muted daylight from outside. It hadn't been long since I was here, but somehow I felt like an entirely different person than the last time. The battle had changed something within me, and while the change wasn't a bad thing, I felt even more of the pressure to figure my affinity out. I knew exactly what was at risk, first hand, even if what I had experienced was on a smaller scale.

"Please, both of you join me on the floor—you can leave your shoes by the door. Bastian, at first I'll have you observe while I get Kieran's training started. Once she is set up, I'll talk to you about your affinity and what I propose for training. Does that work?"

I nodded while placing my Thermos of coffee on the entryway table.

"Whatever works," Bastian easily replied before lying on the floor, leaning up on his elbows. I offered him a small smile in passing after removing my own shoes and followed Noah onto the mats and into the center of the room.

"Are you ready to finally start your training?"

I knew how he meant his words—inquiring if I was eager to start—but something about them hit me the wrong way. I had never been the one impeding any of this—I was ready to start training and learning from the start. Instead, I felt like I'd been trapped in a cycle of waiting while others, namely the council, decided if it was time or not.

"It would be nice if I knew exactly what we were going to do or how we were going to approach this. I feel pretty lost," I pointed out, my hands going to my hips as my eyes traced over his steady gaze and placid manner. I hesitated to bring up what was on my mind but realized that if we were going to continue to work together, it would be essential. "Actually, Noah, before we start, I would like to talk to you about something."

Noah nodded, motioning for me to continue as he sat on the floor. I followed, crossing my legs to mirror him while taking a deep breath and considering how I wanted to phrase my concerns. When my brain drew a blank on how to do so tactfully rather than bluntly, I decided I would just start talking and hope that I got my point across.

"If I'm going to do this, Noah—if I'm going to be this Star Keeper everyone needs me to be—then I refuse to be in the dark." His brows furrowed as a quizzical light filled his gaze. Still, I pushed forward, really wanting to hit home with my point.

"I understand that in the Rebellion, the council makes the final decisions on things, but if I'm correct—and with how this prophecy has been explained to me—then the importance of it, and anything to do with it, would supersede the council." I paused for just a moment, having to resist the urge to wipe away the sweat that gathered on my palms.

Sticking up for myself didn't come naturally. Normally, when I needed to defend or protect someone else , I found that it was as easy as breathing. Despite everything I'd gone through to get to this point, what I'd seen and experienced, I was finding it hard to assert the confidence and power that I had been slowly building in my time with the Rebellion.

You deserve respect, Kieran.

The thought propelled me on. "I don't want any information, pertaining to me or what I need to do, withheld from me again. No matter how scary or potentially intimidating it may seem, I can deal with it." My hands shook slightly, a byproduct of my unease, so I found myself clasping them, not wanting to appear anything but confident in my decision to bring this up. "I have to deal with it if I'm going to be successful. I will not be left in the dark while everyone else around me knows what's going on."

Once the words were out, I felt far better, but it hadn't been an easy thing to say. I didn't want to be disrespectful, but I knew it was essential to speak my truth and demand what I needed in this situation.

Silence filled the space as Noah analyzed my words, his confusion replaced with a thoughtful look—his head tilting as his gaze went distant. I waited with bated breath, resisting the urge to look toward Bastian. I knew he would support me in this—that was just who he was as a man—but I also knew looking at him could cause me to soften, to want to seek comfort in his arms. I needed to stand strong on my own in this.

After a long moment, Noah nodded, his gaze examining the look of determination I set on my face, tilting my chin up confidently. "I hear you, Kieran. I also owe you an apology."

Oh. My brows rose as my stomach settled, no longer feeling quite like a chaotic storm of nerves. "An apology?"

"Yes." He offered me a contrite smile. "Not only for keeping you in the dark but for doubting your strength and resolve. For so long, this prophecy existed solely in the hypothetical. We didn't know who it was about, let alone if we would find them. So when you came to the Rebellion…Well, I didn't take the time to consider how my actions or lack of transparency would affect you."

I didn't respond immediately, considering his words before nodding. "I appreciate the apology. I promise you I can handle this."

His smile was filled with warmth as he continued, "And I should have never doubted that. From now on, I give you my word that I will not purposefully withhold information from you. You're right, your destiny is far greater than anything else within the Rebellion. The council shouldn't get to decide what you do and do not know about your own future."

The relief I felt at his words nearly had my eyes pricking. I nodded before whispering, "Thank you."

"Of course," he offered while holding my gaze and infusing his words with sincerity, his expression soft and hands opened as if to welcome any questions I did have. "Is there anything else you would like to talk about? I want you to be completely comfortable here."

"No. We can start."

Noah nodded and clasped his hands together, placing them in his lap. "We are no longer testing you for your affinity, Kieran. Instead, we'll be focused on connecting and growing your powers to ensure that when the time comes, you can use your affinity. It won't be easy."

I nearly smiled at that but managed to restrain myself—had anything been easy lately? The answer was no.

"I will do my best to explain what I know," he assured me, "but please stop me if you have any questions."

I nodded in understanding as he continued. "Your power as a Star Keeper is complex, yet at the same time, extremely simple. I know that sounds confusing, but bear with me. The simple part is well…your ability comes from being able to connect to the stars."

"And the more complex part?" I asked, following his logic.

"The more complex part is how you do that. Because unlike other affinities, the physical manifestation of your power isn't as easy to see or experience. For example, Bastian's powers impact the physical world around us every single time he uses them." Noah motioned to the man in question, my gaze darting to where he was lounged out like a cat. Bastian's eyes filled with a curious light, indicating his attention was fully on the conversation at hand.

"I have scoured every text and read everything I can about Star Keepers, and the majority of my sources emphasize that your base of power starts from a meditative state. In order to both physically and mentally connect to the stars, to be able to channel them and pull light from them, you have to find your ties to them. Only at that point, once that connective ability is achieved, can you progress to using runes designed for Star Keepers."

"I have no idea how I would even go about that," I admitted, arching my brow in question.

"Some of the accounts I've read claim it's like an internal tether that connects you to the Star Keeper's assigned star, or in your case—all stars—at least according to the prophecy. So that imagery may be a good place to start. I know it may feel like we're just winging it, but if you are as powerful as I assume, I have a feeling you may find that point of connection faster than you realize."

But what if I didn't? His words set me up for a sense of disappointment in myself if I couldn't do what I needed to. They placed value on how powerful I was based on whether or not I could accomplish that point of connection successfully. Something that normally would cause me anxiety— was causing me anxiety—but for today, I attempted to push that away, realizing that no amount of overthinking this would help.

Deciding to jump into the deep end, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine as Noah had stated— an internal tether. I immediately drew a blank. I struggled with what to imagine, let alone what to search for outside of myself. I'd spent the majority of my early adult life trying to find that 'piece' inside myself that spoke to my powers, but time and again I had failed. So it wasn't terribly surprising that I struggled to find something to latch onto now too.

Even when Noah tested me before, I succeeded by pure instinct alone—there had never been anything to pull or tap into. Which was something I had viewed as a sign of failure for so long.

After fumbling around inside my head for a few more moments, I decided to build my own tether. Maybe that was how it was done—maybe as a Star Keeper, you had to create that connection, rather than it instantly existing within you. Maybe it was something that required more of a personal touch.

From the center of my sternum, I imagined unraveling and pulling a gold rope forth—one that seemed to have an energy to it that was anticipatory in nature, as if it was seeking out… something .

As I pulled on it, I began to release more and more slack on the rope. At first, it laid around me as if it didn't have a purpose…until I felt drawn to look upwards.

Despite my eyes being closed, I could see a skyscape of stars, the powerful systems of light and energy twinkling throughout the night sky. Infinite galaxies laid in all directions, telling the extensive story of our universe, and seeming to call me forth.

Focusing all my energy, I tried to reach for the stars, not with my physical body, but instead with the tether. At first, it didn't move, but the harder I concentrated on it, the more the space around me shifted. My head began to pulse with pain.

A low vibration hummed in my ear, almost sounding like a melody of voices, but they were muted, as if underwater. My tether began to drift upwards, almost in a lazy, slow pull, and something about that felt wrong. I felt as if it was meant to move with much more power.

So I kept pushing and trying to reach upwards, trying to pull it along beside me as I imagined soaring toward the stars. To imagine the pull that each star would have and the light that radiated from them. To imagine wrapping that light around me and using it, channeling it inward to fuel my abilities. It felt like an impossible task, one that seemed endless. As if I would be reaching forever .

Then I felt it. A ghost of something reaching out to me—begging for my attention.

Yet, no matter what I tried, I couldn't quite reach it. The entire moment felt forced, and I could feel the strain in my body, as if I kept throwing myself into a hard glass wall—a gain and again.

As I was about to give up, something sparked. I felt the light of the specific star I was focused on brush over my skin with an electric-field-like sensation. And for a moment it felt pleasant… until it didn't .

My nerve endings lit up as if they were all on fire at once, my seared skin causing me to cry out as my eyes snapped open. The imagery broke. "Shit!" I hissed as I wrapped my hand around the point of pain, a whimper slipping from my lips.

"What happened?" Bastian appeared in front of me. "Fuck." My gaze darted to where he was carefully removing my hand from its vice-like hold on my arm, a red welt appearing underneath. In response to the physical injury, my hand trembled and I took an unsteady breath.

"I think…I think I almost managed to connect to one," I admitted, my voice tinged with pain.

"And after only ten minutes," Noah said from a few feet away, looking pleased. "That is amazing progress, Kieran."

Had it truly only been ten minutes? This was going to be a very long day.