13. Kieran

13

KIERAN

Slowly easing myself out of bed, I felt a momentary sense of relief that no one was sleeping next to me tonight, which was immediately followed by a bit of guilt. The men I'd come to care about so much had done nothing to warrant me not wanting to be around them. Yet, I still found myself needing a moment alone after the day I'd had.

Everyone had given me space after Steele and I got home, not pressing us for information. It was probably clear to everyone that something had occurred, but when I asked to sleep alone for the night before going upstairs, all I'd gotten in return was nods of understanding and the instruction to let them know if I needed anything.

Old wounds opened while on that obstacle course, with new ones alongside it. The way Steele turned on a dime between the two sides of him I knew was driving me crazy. I wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone forever at the beginning of the course, but by the end of the day as he held me in the pool with so much tenderness and the way in which he guarded me…

I didn't know what the hell I wanted, or what he wanted for that matter.

I needed a second of solitude to reflect on how fast our lives were changing—internally within myself, with the men around me, and the world as a whole. Some days I felt like I was kicking ass and taking things in stride, but others it felt like life was kicking my ass back ten times harder.

I'd been tossing and turning for at least two hours now, so I gave up hope of falling back asleep and instead made my way across my darkened room. The moonlight spilled across the familiar space, allowing for a silver beam of light to highlight the pathway to my bedroom door. Slipping through the door silently, I closed it as quietly as I could behind me—the faintest 'click' echoing through the hall.

I stood there listening for any of the others—either awake in their rooms or moving about the house—but after a long moment, I realized everyone was thankfully asleep. It was nearly three in the morning, so I hadn't expected anyone to be up, but I also didn't want to disturb or worry them.

Moving down the stairs and past the kitchen, I grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around my shoulders before stepping out onto the back patio. In retrospect, I probably should have put on warmer clothes, but the moment the fresh night air hit my face, I knew I wasn't going back inside anytime soon. This was exactly what I needed.

As I tilted my head skyward, I found myself trailing slowly off the patio and onto the soft grass, the dewy surface feeling almost cold beneath my bare feet. Despite feeling physically more settled and grounded out here, I couldn't deny that something still felt…off within me. Like an unease curling around each fiber of my being.

My subconscious felt constantly distracted—as if there was something pulling at my brain, trying to get me to connect with…a thought? I shook my head and took a deep breath. That didn't feel right, either, but what else could it be?

Undoubtedly, I was filled with a lot of uncertainty about Steele and unsure of where it left us. But I knew for fact that wasn't what was gnawing at my brain right now.

My eyes drifted along the sky, taking in all its beauty. A buzz began to flow through me, making me feel like I was getting closer to whatever was calling to me. Maybe it was the moon, whose luminescent glow lit up the midnight sky. Or maybe it was the low hum of insects that I could hear rustling through the trees. Or even the stars that appeared to be unusually vibrant, pulsating with an energy that was mesmerizing.

Reaching my hand up, I squinted, and a small smile tugged on my lips, imagining for a moment that I could reach out and grasp the bright stars. I knew I would be able to interact with them at some point, but I hadn't reached that point in my training yet.

A thought hit me: maybe I should put my restless brain to work and train.

There was nothing like shoving emotions down in a box until I felt capable of actually feeling them to their full extent.

Deciding that I was committed to that idea, I sacrificed my warmth and laid out the blanket on the grass before sitting down cross legged. After days of training, I found the position familiar and didn't hesitate to close my eyes before attempting to center myself. Immediately, the tether appeared before me.

…only for me to find that it wouldn't budge from where it rested within me. A growl of frustration rolled through my chest as my lips tightened with the force I tried to use on it. My brows dipped as a frown slipped onto my face. As I attempted to pull even harder on the tether, I quickly realized that there was an unusual weight to it. Opening my eyes, I tilted my head back and glared skyward at the stars.

"What the heck?" I whisper-yelled, my tone tinged with frustration. "I keep hitting wall after wall during training and now I can't even release my tether? I'm literally trying with everything in me to connect to this power and help you! Why won't you let me?"

Okay the last part hadn't been much of a whisper at all —it may have been a bit of an aggressive yell directed toward the stars.

Suddenly and without warning, a flash burst in front of my eyes. A wave of light soared through the night sky, casting shades of bright blue and green across it and causing each star it passed to shimmer. My breath caught at the beauty of it as the stars themselves began to vibrate and shake, as if they were building up to an explosion, appearing to expand in size—as if they were growing closer to me.

That wasn't possible though, right? Surely they couldn't be falling already! I was supposed to have had time?—

Before I could work myself into a true panic, a beam of blue light shot down from the sky. It surrounded me, encompassing me in a perfect circle of warmth as I stared up in shock. My wings broke out on instinct, propelling me to my feet as I prepared myself to move quickly to face whatever threat was approaching.

I didn't have a chance to prepare, let alone scream or call for help before my body was lifted into the air on its own accord. It was like gravity suddenly didn't apply to me. Traveling what felt like hundreds of feet in a matter of seconds, I barely caught sight of the house far below me as I was forcefully tugged higher within the cocoon of light. The pull was so intense, so powerful, that my body and brain were having trouble processing what was happening, let alone catching up to it. Dizziness and panic began to flow through me.

My stomach churned and my breath caught in my throat as I let out a pathetic wheeze. I was stuck staring upwards, my head angled awkwardly as pain throbbed through my neck. I tried to wrap my arms around my chest protectively, nearly crying out as my feathers were torn violently from my wings because of the speed I was moving at. My eyes watered from the air rushing past them and my body trembled in reaction to the pure velocity it was experiencing. I may have been able to fly, but even I knew I wasn't supposed to go against gravity like this.

Everything I passed was a blur of colors, but I could tell I was traveling faster than I ever had before—faster than we traveled in the portal we'd taken to get down here to begin with.

Panic struck me at that thought. There was no way this was a return portal to Alfemir… right? My chest squeezed. No . That was impossible. It would be one thing if my father had appeared by those means, conjuring my location by thinking of me when going through the portal, but I didn't think anyone had the capability to kidnap me through a weird portal of light.

Suddenly, I came to a stop—fast, hard, and violently .

All of the speed and velocity I'd experienced was gone in an instant, and I cried out in pain as my body smacked into an invisible, hard barrier that felt a lot like the wall I kept trying to break past in my meditative state. My body bounced back against it and I hung suspended in the air for a long moment, my entire frame reeling from the change as I tried to desperately reach for something to stabilize myself. My gaze darted around in hopes of finding something familiar.

Unfortunately, that was not in the cards for me. A strangled sound left my throat at the realization I was in literal space. Holy shit .

My body floated in the boundless space that surrounded me, my breath coming out in panicked gasps, as I wondered how I was even breathing up here. I couldn't figure out how to move or angle myself without gravity, a part of me wanting to ground myself by locating Earth and Alfemir, which were out of my sight.

But the longer I stared at the infinite expanse of the unknown stretching out in all directions around me, the more my attention was pulled by the stars surrounding me. They were beautiful—each galaxy and nebula decorating the space in a starburst of colors. They were so incredibly unique, and while currently out of my reach, I found myself wanting to float toward them—to connect in a fundamental, physical way. My brain was telling me how wrong this was, but I couldn't deny that the longer I floated there, absorbing the sight of the cosmos around me, the more my body felt at peace with the shift in reality.

Finally managing to find my voice, and feeling slightly silly doing so, I decided to try to speak to them—to figure out how this had happened. "Did you call me up here? Did I do something with my powers? I don't understand how this happened."

The last thing I expected was for someone to respond back to me.

"We did call you."

I yelped in surprise as hundreds of ghostly figures appeared around me in one simultaneous moment, the words echoing around me in a unified, layered effect that was objectively eerie. Faceless and indistinguishable, white spirit-like bodies all faced me— surrounded me. The vision put fear at the forefront of my brain as I stared in shock, my mouth hanging open.

"Who… who called me?" I managed to finally get out, the silence causing me to feel uneasy. My throat felt tight and adrenaline coursed through me, any peace I'd felt before swiftly removed at the appearance of these unknown individuals.

"All of us." This time the voice was different, more distinguished and gentle. One of the figures stepped forward, transforming into a woman that, while still spirit-like, had a distinct individualistic appearance, as a human would. Two more followed her, holding my attention, but the rest stayed where they were.

The woman in front of me had long, ankle-length hair that was a deep raven shade. She had bright, silvery blue eyes, and her complexion was smooth—almost perfectly so. Yet, I got the distinct impression that she was older, her energy speaking to a compassion and wisdom that came with life experience.

In comparison, the other two ghostly figures appeared to be on the opposite ends of the spectrum. There was a teenager who stood to her left, the lanky, blond-haired boy offering me a smile that was tinged with excitement, and an older man who stood to her right, his gaze bored but his smile pleasant.

"Who are ' all of us, ' and where did you come from?" I demanded, bolstering myself and pushing away the surprise still radiating through me. I didn't know if these individuals were a threat to me, and while it didn't feel that way, I couldn't afford to let my guard down. Not yet.

" We are the previous Star Keepers," the teenager explained. "We could feel you searching for us—searching for our help these past few days. You called out to us."

Had I? Sure, I had continuously reached out to the stars during training, but I never would have expected this—to meet, or even see, previous Star Keepers.

"I don't understand how this is possible," I admitted, my brows dipping further. "I mean, aren't all of you…"

"Dead?" The older man chuckled dryly when I hesitated to say it. "Yes, we are. But we can explain more on that later—that isn't why we called you here."

"Why did you call me here?"

"We tried to get your attention for a bit," the woman explained. "We pushed even harder tonight, because for once, you seemed more at ease and open to us. It takes a massive amount of our concentration and waning energy to manage it. We wanted an opportunity to answer any questions you have and possibly lend our guidance."

So I hadn't been able to sleep because of them.

"Questions?" I whispered, my brows going up.

"Yes, any questions that you have," the teenager confirmed.

A small laugh burst from me. "Putting aside how insane this all is…what questions do I not have? I have no idea what I'm doing half the time, probably more. I'm completely winging this, and as knowledgeable as Noah is, I think he may be making more than a few educated guesses on how my powers work."

Not that I blamed him for that, Star Keeping was a dead affinity for a reason.

"You seem more than competent, so if you are 'winging it,' you are doing a fantastic job," the woman encouraged.

"Don't count yourself out already," the teenager agreed, nodding vehemently.

"It's not that," I argued, feeling a bit annoyed with the insinuation. I didn't have a choice to count myself out—there were far too many people depending on me. "I just don't understand the mechanics of what I'm doing—I don't have a Star Keeper to show me the way. All I have is the knowledge accumulated in old texts."

"While it's true that we had each other to learn from as well as stories and methods passed down through the centuries, a lot of our power is instinctual," the woman explained patiently, despite my heated emotions. "Your teacher, Noah, wasn't wrong—the meditative state is a great starting base, and as you learn and grow in power, you will find it grows easier. Connecting to the stars is not a simple thing, your body has to grow in tolerance to handle such a massive feat of power."

The wounded vulnerability that had festered since the start of my training pulsed within me as I motioned to the stars around me. I was plagued by the thought that I wasn't capable of doing what everyone needed me to do. That I somehow wasn't enough.

"A massive feat of power is an understatement. How am I supposed to handle every single star in this universe when each of you only had to handle one in your lifetime? I;m responsible for single-handedly saving millions of stars—of doing the job of millions of Star Keepers. I just don't know if I can…if I'm even capable of that."

Silence hung between us as my voice dipped into a whisper. "I just keep trying, throwing everything at it in hopes that something will work. But what if it doesn't? What if I fail everyone?"

The woman stepped forward and offered me her hand. I was surprised when I reached out and my fingers met resistance, as if she was actually there and not a spirit. "I understand that this is terrifying and overwhelming, Kieran. I know that you feel the weight of every single life at stake on your shoulders, and I wish that this didn't fall on you completely."

But it did—I could hear it in her voice.

"Remember, you were made for this." She offered me a small smile as her gaze ran over my tear-streaked face. "I know that may not help, but I promise that you are more than capable of doing this. You are so incredibly powerful, you don't even realize it yet."

"But we want to help you realize it," the older man spoke up, stepping forward to join us. "We left generations of descendants in Alfemir, all of whom we want to know are safe and alive. We understand what is riding on this, which is why we called you here. Words of support are important, but we want to give you more than that."

"I don't understand." My brow dipped. "How would you help? I still don't fully understand how we're even able to be here to begin with."

The teenager spoke up as he stepped forward as well, "When we died, our power remained within our stars, which is why we can appear to you here. That power has been waiting to find its new home."

"And because of that, we can also give our power to you." The woman's statement caused my eyes to widen in surprise.

"Your power?" I parroted.

"Power and knowledge. Our abilities, as well as our instincts," the older man clarified. "We won't be able to help you past that—it will extinguish us—but we can and want to give you that."

Inhaling sharply, I considered their words. "You would be extinguished…I don't even know your names and now you're offering up what is left of you?"

"We have been waiting here—for you, I now realize—for decades, some more than others," the woman explained before a small smile tilted her lips. "My name is Florence."

"Duncan," the teenager offered brightly.

"Archibold," the older man introduced himself, before adding on, "let us do this for you, Kieran. Let us help."

Considering their words and earnest expressions, I found myself nodding. "Okay. I mean, how can I say no to that? I…I can't thank you enough."

"No, thank you," Florence insisted.

"What do I need to do?" I asked, looking around at the many faceless figures.

"Let us handle that part!" Duncan said cheerily.

Suddenly, the gathering around me disappeared—the huge gathering of ghostly figures appearing behind Florence, Duncan, and Archibold. Despite my initial unease, I felt oddly alone without them as I floated in the vast openness of our galaxy. I swallowed nervously as the space shifted. A low hiss rang in my ears as Florence brought her hands up and to her chest, as if cupping water.

I couldn't fully put into words what happened next—besides an overload of sensation.

My ears rang as a bass drum joined in with the hiss of hot metal meeting water. My lips grew dry as the air around me grew sweltering, sweat dripping down my temple. I watched the stars themselves rearrange their position until they were much closer to the group, almost crowding them. I could no longer see anyone except for Florence at the front and center. The stars shone brightly on me as I curled in on myself, trying to resist the urge to look away, as my eyes felt like they were being charred. The hair on my arms was burning and I watched as a silver light grew between Florence's cupped hands.

The last thing I heard was a chorus of ‘thank you.'

All at once a blast—a single beam of pure power—crashed into me. It shattered my physical body in milliseconds, the atoms breaking apart completely. I watched in horror as my skin blistered and peeled from my body before disintegrating into space, my clothing rendered to ashes instantly. My wings were torn back and ripped off my body as a cry caught in my throat. I was witness to my own death as pieces of me were torn off left and right…only to be reformed by the shockwave that followed.

Each of my cells was now imbued with knowledge and power—with truth.

A solar flare exploded from my chest and my vision went black as pure agony eclipsed me. My body fell backwards, and as I lost all motor function, images and memories, flashed behind my eyelids. Lost in the starlight, I began to undergo a metamorphosis.

My once very normal body was shifting and accommodating for the new well of power I had been entrusted with. I was gifted the previous knowledge of my kin, knowledge of the pain they had suffered, watching their own kind being slaughtered. Knowledge of what it meant to be a Star Keeper and what I could do with that power. Knowledge of how powerful I had the potential to be.

Please let me be strong enough to carry this power and the memories of all those who came before me.

Suddenly all the pain was gone and so was my ability to think.