Chapter 5

Fuck.

I had no idea how this morning happened. One minute I was sitting on the side of my bed, and the next, I was being an asshole to the guy who had given up his time and weekend to babysit me. Hell, he even stepped in with my dad when I was just going to do my usual and take it from him. How did I repay that?

If I didn't like him so much, it wouldn't matter, but I had always liked Will. Wonder how he'd react if he knew my backyard workouts were timed for when he worked in his garden? If someone needed to go to the hospital, I always volunteered on the off chance he'd be in the ER.

If I could figure out how to speak to him and not look like a fucking idiot, I would. He had this calm energy, a big smile for everyone, and he had never met a stranger. He was all the things I wasn't, and I liked the hell out of it.

My inability to speak with him was why relationships never worked with anyone. I never knew what to say or do. My life was quiet, and I liked it that way, but most people thought it was boring.

Certainly, my family never missed an opportunity to remind me I was some lame asshole who didn't like people and needed to find something better to do with my time than sit around and read books all night.

What did they have against reading? I worked out too. I liked my house. It was comfortable and, I didn't know, nesty? By the time I was off shift, I was ready to stop peopling and hibernate.

Every hour that Will was here, I kept waiting to feel that need to escape, but it hadn't happened. After this morning, he was likely ready to walk out the door on me, but unfortunately, staying hidden in the bathroom wasn't an option.

Grow the fuck up.

After waiting for the water to heat, I jumped in the shower and did a quick scrubbing. My cheeks were stubbly, but I didn't want to take the time to shave. I needed to apologize before Will got mad and walked out for good.

In the time he'd been here, my cabin had felt more like a home. It didn't make sense, but I knew if Will left this morning, I would have missed my chance at something big. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew it was important.

It wasn't his fault that he was beautiful, sweet, and kind. The thought of sex with him was so intense that it short-circuited my brain.

Will was making biscuits when I got to the kitchen. My thoughts raced like a five-year-old full of sugar. They were all jumbled up and messy. I knew I needed to do this, but I felt like shit for speaking to him like I had. He damned sure hadn't deserved it because he was the kindest man I'd ever known.

The worst part was I was sure I'd disappointed him. The shock on his face when the full force of my words hit him had been a punch to the gut. Where the fuck did I get off speaking to him like that after the babysitting and running interference with my dad? The full weight of my words hit me, and I almost staggered under them. It was taking every bit of willpower not to fucking tear up. What was wrong with me?

"Umm, hey, Will, umm…" I exhaled deeply and tried again. "I'm—uh—I'm sorry that I talked to you like that. I'm really awful in the morning, but it's not fair to take it out on you." Looking at him was too hard, so I stared at the floor instead.

In my head, I heard the harangue my parents would give even though I wasn't a child anymore. They both enjoyed cataloging the laundry list of all my deficiencies. Cameron, and the rest of the cousins, would laugh and add in a few jabs of their own because my family loved to give each other shit. The entertainment factor was upped when the person gave even a hint they couldn't take it. Their voices rang in my head like competing sirens.

"Are you apologizing to me or the floor?" Will asked. He wasn't yelling. Hell, he didn't even sound upset. That calm, even voice was the same as he always used. What sorcery was this? Will didn't strike me as the guy who would wait to go in for the kill, but what the fuck did I really know about him?

"To you. I'm sorry." I still couldn't look at him. My head would not rise, no matter how much I wanted to look. I wanted to hug him and let him hold me. I wanted to lay my head on his shoulder or, well, given our height difference, let him lay his on mine. I wanted to snuggle in and make this morning disappear. I wanted him to tell me he still liked me.

I wanted Will to be my Daddy.

"Hey, it's okay. We all get grumpy sometimes. Now, I know there are no decisions for you until you have at least one cup of coffee. You can keep me company while I finish breakfast. Let me tell you about this book I found on your table…demon smut! How did I not know you liked demon smut?"

And just like that, it was over. There was no way for me to hide the small, hesitant smile that took over my face. Happiness exploded in my chest, and I felt lighter than I had in years. The tension I hadn't recognized I was carrying across my shoulders loosened and disappeared.

How was it possible for him to just be okay and accept my apology? I'd expected a solid twenty minutes of recriminations and a rundown of all the ways I'd disappointed him. Instead, he was ready to move on to demon smut. I mean, the book was legit good, but I never expected this was how the conversation would end.

I knew I wasn't cut out for relationships, but the idea of having a Daddy like Will fascinated me. Just for a little bit, I could fantasize it was real and he wanted me to be his boy. After being so sweet with my giant screw-up, it seemed like something that might be okay for him, given how he said he liked being in charge.

Would Will be down for fucking around? It wouldn't be an actual relationship because he could pull way better than me, but it seemed like we were becoming friends. Friends with benefits until he moved on might work for both of us. As a cop, I needed to make sure the neighborhood was safe, and I noticed he didn't get many overnight visitors.

Will gave me one of his megawatt smiles and slid a cup of coffee in front of me.

"Thank you, Daddy."

At some point, my brain short-circuited and I lost control of my mouth. Of course I knew it was because the word was on my brain. It happened when we interviewed suspects too. They used so much brain power to not say something that it came out of their mouth anyway. There was no other explanation.

Will and I both froze, eyes widened. The words hung in the air, suspended on an invisible web of want and need. If I wanted to disappear before, now I wanted to be launched into space, never to be seen again. The silence was deafening, but Will found his footing first. He cleared his throat and returned to cutting his biscuit dough. I couldn't help but stare at the muscles of his arms, working the dough cutter in a steady rhythm.

"You're welcome, sweetheart." Will's expression was as open and friendly as always. Sitting at the kitchen island, he didn't seem like he wanted to run away screaming or walk out, calling me an idiot for thinking he'd be interested in me like that. When he asked me more about the demon book series, it was like nothing had happened. I was so confused. If we were both pretending I'd never opened my mouth, that was fine by me.

Will's biscuits and gravy were as good as the gnocchi soup the other night. Growing up, my mom and dad had refused to let me in the kitchen when I asked to learn to cook. They said my wife would do that for me, so there was no reason to waste my time learning.

When I attempted it without help, they'd said I was a disaster and they'd been right all along. I'd known there would be no woman in my life, but I'd kept my mouth shut.

When I came out during college, they ignored my confession and pretended a woman would magically appear in my life. I didn't go around waving the rainbow flag, but I didn't hide it either.

A scene of Will teaching me to cook in my kitchen flashed through my mind as I tried to watch him without being caught. During our imaginary cooking lesson, Will kissed me every time I got part of the recipe correct. I needed to figure out how to manifest that shit.

"Beckett, we need to talk."

My head snapped up, and I couldn't hide my look of horror. I had completely misjudged his reaction to my fuck-up. The weight of my stupidity crashed into me like waves on the rocky coast of Washington.

He was going to bail, and it was all my fault because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I really was as fucking stupid as my dad said I was. There was no way I could sit here and listen to him tell me how foolish I made myself look this morning. I pushed my chair back and moved to get up from the table.

"Beckett, sit back down. We need to talk about what you said, and I need you to be completely honest with me. Can you do that, sweetheart?" His voice was firm but kind. I could hear the concern in his voice, but he didn't sound angry or upset. Calling me sweetheart had to be a good sign, right?

"Yes." I hated the fucking uncertainty in my voice, and I hoped Will wouldn't notice. Given that he gave me an encouraging smile and reached over to squeeze my hand, I knew it was wishful thinking.

I forced myself to look up, and Will's good mood practically radiated from him. Shit, now I was more confused than ever. My mind had immediately gone to him being upset, but he was obviously not upset, and I didn't know what to do with any of it.

"Good, because there's no way we can let what you said go without addressing it. I'm not cool with playing games." Will ruined the seriousness of his tone when he laughed and added with a wink, "I take that back. I love playing all sorts of games, but not about this."

Will pushed his chair back and stood next to me. He shocked me when he reached for my hand and pulled me from the chair. With a tug of my arm, he led me to the living room and over to the sofa that faced the rock fireplace.

The couch was big enough to accommodate my large frame when I wanted to lie down, so I was surprised when he settled next to me instead of on one of the other seats. Will angled his body toward me and grabbed my hand again. He twined our fingers together and settled our hands on his knee.

I felt the warmth of Will's body and resisted the urge to snuggle closer. Holding his hand grounded me, and I was amazed the voice in my head that gleefully reminded me of all the ways I was going to fuck up the conversation was, for once, quiet. Instead, an unfamiliar calm washed over me. It was like being wrapped in a minky blanket, waiting for your favorite movie to start. With a deep breath, I laid my head back on the couch and waited for Will to speak.

"Beckett, you didn't mean to call me Daddy, did you?" Whoa, he was just going to jump right in. I shook my head no. Will paused for a beat and then continued, "I kinda figured it slipped out, but it slipped out because it was already on your mind, right?"

Shit. This time, I gave an affirmative nod. Will beamed and leaned over to whisper, "Good. It's been on my mind too. I think you need a Daddy, Beckett. I think you need someone to stand between you and the world. And I want it to be me."

My surprise at his words couldn't be hidden, so I didn't bother. "Are you sure? I'm not wanting a relationship or anything, but yeah, I would like to see what it would be like. I think we are becoming friends, right?" I looked over at him, and he gave me a quick jerk of his head but looked confused. "What?" I asked.

"You don't want a relationship?"

"Nah, they don't ever work for me, but I want to know what this could be like. Is that okay?" I hated the way my voice wobbled. It made me sound weak and exposed all my raw parts.

"So you don't want one, or you don't think you can have one?"

"What's the difference?"

Will gave me a look I couldn't decipher. "There's a world of difference, but we don't need to worry about it today. I'll explain what I mean later. So what I'm hearing is that you're interested in letting me be your Daddy, at least temporarily, right?" I gave him a slow nod without taking my head off the back of the sofa. Suddenly, I was worn out.

"That means you'd be my boy for this experiment, correct?" Will confirmed.

Try as I might, I couldn't contain the warmth that bloomed in my chest and radiated out. My exhaustion was momentarily forgotten. Once again, I nodded.

"Sorry, sweetheart, I need to hear the words for this one."

"Yes, that's right."

My voice was soft but decisive. I wanted Will and whatever this was for as long as I could keep it. Just because I couldn't be in a relationship with Will didn't mean I couldn't let myself enjoy the novelty for a while. "Before we go further, I need to tell you my preference."

"I'm listening," Will answered with knitted brows.

"In the past, I've almost always topped, but I fucking hate it. Every once in a while, bottoming is good, but I'm mostly a side."

"Baby, I don't care how we get off, so long as it eventually happens," Will said with a wolfish grin. "I don't need to stick my dick in your ass to get off, but I do think we should seal this bargain to make it official." Will had laid his own head on the back of the couch while we talked and now rolled his head so he was looking directly at me.

He pushed himself up a little and slid his hand over my arm, up to my shoulder, and to the back of my head. Everywhere he touched left sparks of electricity that traveled straight to my cock. Immediately, I began thickening in my sweats. There was no question about whether I wanted his hands on me. Will lightly scratched my skull. My entire body shuddered, and my breath faltered.

Will leaned over and dropped a kiss on my chin. Involuntarily, I tilted my head up, and he added a trail of them along the vein throbbing in my neck. A whimper escaped my throat and I felt his smile against my skin. The faint scent of spiced apple was intoxicating, and I wanted to taste him.

Will's mouth continued to leave a path of kisses on my skin. When he reached my earlobe, he sucked it into his mouth and gently nibbled. My entire body shivered as his teeth grazed over the lobe and made me wish his mouth could be all over me, all at once. At the sound of my groan, Will pulled back. "Do you want this?"

"Yes," I moaned.

"No, baby, that's not how you answer me."

Will's words wrecked me. My cock went from semi-hard to steel instantly as the meaning of his words hit me. "Yes, Daddy," I whispered.

Will's mouth finally touched my own. It was barely a kiss as his lips grazed over mine. I surged forward, seeking more of him, but he pulled away.

"No, baby. You're not in charge here." An avalanche of relief swept over me as full realization hit. I didn't have to be the one to set the pace or make the decisions. For a brief moment, no matter how short, someone else would take the reins and I could just enjoy the moment. I gave a slight nod and basked in the pride I saw in Will's eyes.

"You are such a good boy." He pressed a kiss to where my throat met my clavicle. "So hot." Another to where my throat met my jaw. "So fucking irresistible." Another to the corner of my mouth. "Baby, you are perfect." One more directly on my lips.

The slow torture was driving me insane, and I wanted more.

More heat.

More friction.

More Will.

When I thought I might explode, Will moved back to my mouth. He gently caressed my lips with his thumb. I couldn't help darting out my tongue for a quick taste. Will chuckled and asked, "Baby, you need more? What do you want? I want to hear the words."

"You. I want you, Daddy." There was no disguising the plaintive need in my voice. I didn't care if I was supposed to look unaffected or nonchalant. I wanted this man with every fiber of my being, and there was no reason to pretend otherwise.

Will finally covered my mouth fully with his own while he shifted his body to straddle my lap. His tongue traced the curve of my lips and sought entry. There was no battle for dominance because Will controlled every bit of it from the first moment. I was just along for the ride. He thrust his tongue into my mouth, and I fully surrendered. As he stroked, I could feel my cock thickening even more than it had. I could feel his too, and I wanted so badly to feel more, see more, and suck more.

Over and over, Will claimed every recess of my mouth, and I never wanted it to end. When I thought I might die unless I breathed again, Will tore his mouth away from my own. I was panting as if I'd run a marathon. Never in my entire life had a kiss affected me so much. It was everything I hadn't known I could have. I felt possessed. I wanted him to give it to me again and again.

Will's pants matched my own, but he managed to huff, "Sweetheart, I think I'm going to like being your Daddy."