Chapter 26

"Daddy, how the fuck do I tie this shit?" My tone was growly and mean, but I'd spent twenty fucking minutes trying to figure out how to tie a fucking knot so it looked halfway decent, and all of it was wasted.

My brain still couldn't wrap around the idea of why my dad needed a retirement party in a fancy restaurant. He was a cop, a salty one at that, so this could have happened with a keg of beer and some BBQ. Whatever reservations I had, I wasn't sharing my opinion. Will had wanted to go to Quill for approximately forever and had poured over the catering menu in an attempt to guess what we'd get to try tonight.

I needed to remember to take him there for a proper dinner. We were such an old married couple, despite not being married or old, that our evenings together were spent at home cooking dinner and then either watching TV—him—or reading—mostly me.

I'd been so worried about asking Daddy to go on a trip with me that I'd worked myself into a downward spiral of how dumb it was. When I'd finally worked up the courage last week, I talked to Daddy about my vacation time needing to be used to see if he might want to go on a trip with me. I"d been worried about asking, but he just smiled and said who else would go on vacation with me. I got all the feels. I loved how he'd claimed space in my life and didn't pretend otherwise.

Daddy told me that he loved me all the time. In the mornings, he'd make sure to give me a kiss and whisper it to me before he left if I was still sleeping. When I came in from the gym, he'd pinch my ass and nuzzle my sweat-slicked skin and tell me loud and proud. The first thing he did when he got home from work was search me out to tell me he loved me. Before we fell asleep, it was always the last thing he said to me. He never missed an opportunity to say it. Down to my fucking bones, I knew Will loved me.

And I still couldn't say it. I showed him in all the ways I knew, but the words wouldn't come. His car always had gas in it and I got stuff off the high shelves for him. When we went somewhere, I made sure to drive. I'd ventured into the kitchen on my own so he didn't have to do all the work. I'd discovered I liked baking more than cooking, so I experimented with brownies, his favorite sweet. Daddy declared them superior to his own, but he was probably lying.

"Stop," Daddy said while he pushed my fumbling hands out of the way. "Let me do it." With deft fingers, he nimbly crossed, knotted, and straightened. "Damn, baby, you look good enough to eat."

"Yeah, okay."

"Baby, I don't think you understand how hot you are. You are oblivious to flirting." Will laughed.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Ha! When we went to the garden center? The guy helping us find Christmas decorations? He was ready to bury me in the back lot and steal you off my hands." Will's eyes twinkled and his cheeky grin radiated happiness.

How the fuck did I land a guy like him?

"You've lost it. No one flirted with me there."

"One, he kept walking between us. Two, he kept accidentally bumping into you."

Will's bright smile forced my own in return. It made my cheeks hurt, and I didn't like it. I went back to scowling. He sat on the counter in the bathroom and continued to fuss with my collar and tie after he drew me between his spread knees.

"It's true, sweetheart. You are a fine-ass man." He leaned in and nibbled my earlobe. "A fine-ass man who's going to suck my dick when we get home."

My cock, which was already fully invested, went from half-hard to straining the zipper of my slacks in about half a second. Daddy's smirk told me all I needed to know. The room filled with needy sounds that should have embarrassed me, but Daddy loved it when I was noisy. I ground myself against him and my hands cupped his ass. With his neck arched back, I kissed the throbbing pulse point. I growled, and he laughed.

"Baby, you getting all alpha on me?"

"You could let me suck you off before we left, Daddy." I felt his shaft rubbing against my own through the fabric. It was delicious torture because I'd never tire of feeling his body against me.

"I wish," Daddy said with regret in his voice. "We gotta go if we want to make the ferry. But, tonight, you're gonna be my sweet cocksucker, aren't you? You'll get on your knees and drink my cum straight down your throat."

He whispered his words, and I whimpered my agreement. Damn, I fucking loved this man.

Quill was housed in a historic brick building downtown. It was close enough to the harbor that the air was chilly with a sea breeze.

As much as I had fucking dreaded tonight, I appreciated the vibe of the downtown core. Daddy's hand was firmly grasped in mine, and fuck anyone who had a problem with it. We opted out of valet parking and found a spot on a nearby street. The distance allowed me to settle my nerves before we had to walk through the door.

The entrance was flanked by meticulously sculpted box hedges and imposing oak doors. We pushed through them and followed the signage that directed us to the private party room. There was a head table and round tables arranged around the room. I spied several place settings at the head table. I prayed to any deity who might be listening that I wouldn't be expected to sit there.

Will's tight squeeze of my fingers centered me when my breath stuttered in my chest. His thumb absently rubbed a soothing pattern on the back of my hand. I forced air into my lungs so I could drag my reluctant body into the room. Walking through the doors was enough to make the cut on my arm, with stitches still in it, suddenly throb. Who the fuck knew a cut could have a stress response?

Unfortunately, a week wasn't enough time for the bruises to completely fade from my face. My black eye and scraped face were better, but there was no disguising I'd been in a fight. I knew the minute my folks saw me, there would be comments.

I hoped my cousins hadn't told them, and I hadn't seen any aunts or uncles around the island since I'd been off work for the week and hibernating at home. I sure as shit hadn't called them. If we could settle at a table the farthest away from the head table, we could fade into the background.

"Holy shit, Beckett! What happened to your face?"

"Hey, Reed. Yeah, it was a thing at work. How you been doing?"

Before he answered, he turned and gestured to another man getting something to eat off the appetizer station. I recognized his husband. "We're good. Busy as always at work. Jakob, you remember my cousin, Beckett. It's his dad who's retiring."

At the mention of my dad, Jakob gave the tiniest hint of a grimace. I wondered if my dad had said some shit. He always had shit to say about Reed. It might be why he spent so much time away from the extended family. Cap, his twin brother, and he spent time together, but it wasn't usually on the other side of the water. Reed claimed to be working on almost every family fun day. I would do the same if I thought I could lie and get away with it.

"Hey, Beckett. Yes, your dad stopped by to say…hello." Jakob was only an inch or two shorter than Reed, but he always had this childlike vibe. It might have been the crazy socks. I glanced down to confirm, and today was no exception. They were covered in tiny gnomes blowing rainbow bubbles. Cute.

Jakob was brilliant, but he got excited about the little things. I was low-key jealous of how he seemed to live in the moment. I'd always wondered if there was something more than typical with their relationship. A few times, I'd heard Jakob call Reed Papa, but I'd always assumed it was a joke since Reed was about a decade older. Maybe it wasn't.

"Say hello and be an asshole?"

I knew my dad, and I knew it bugged the hell out of him that Reed hadn't hidden being gay for a minute. He'd come out in junior high, and I couldn't remember a time when it hadn't pissed off Dad. Reed and Cap were about eight years, give or take, older than the rest of us. I'd always known, and it had damn sure made being out easier for me. Reed had called me up after the gossip got back to him and let me know he was available if I ever wanted to talk. I never took him up on the offer, but I appreciated it just the same.

"It's okay. I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded," Jakob offered tentatively.

Reed and I both answered at the same time, "He did."

With a shrug and an infectious smile, Jakob responded, "Well, I tried."

Reed captured him in a hug and cuddled him close. Jakob returned the hug and then stayed in his arms. It was sweet and protective. My dad's likely goal of ruining the gay couple's evening had been thwarted, and that was enough to make me smile a little too. It still made my face feel weird.

"Baby boy, there is no saving Uncle Lindsey. He's a dick."

I finally remembered my manners and turned to draw Will into the conversation. "Reed, Jakob, this is my…" I trailed off because my brain kept screaming at me to call him Daddy, and I desperately didn't want that to come out of my mouth.

Oh fuck. What do I call him?

"Boyfriend. I'm his boyfriend," Will supplied with a wink. "It's a pleasure to meet you both. I thought I knew all of Beckett's cousins. How did I miss you?"

"We live on the mainland. As much as we like it on the island, both of us working at the hospital makes the ferry schedule a little too erratic for us."

"What do you do? I'm a social worker at the island hospital."

Jakob had always been a friendly, if timid, mouse around me. I didn't like that I intimidated him, but Will brought him out of his shell because, of course, he did. Will was effing magic.

"I'm a boring ER doctor, but Jakob has the cool job."

"Pa—sorry, Reed, stop. I work in a lab." Jakob's cheeks were stained with bright-red splotches. Even I had to admit it was adorable.

"Oh, I want to hear this, but I need to visit the restroom first. Reed, would you mind showing me where it is?" Will said in a rush, and he was already leading Reed away.

Will's words had me shooting daggers at him. What was I supposed to do now? Was I just supposed to talk to Jakob? I scrubbed a hand over my face and looked around for something or someone to save me. No help was coming. Everyone else was talking in small groups or at the food table. My parents, thankfully, were on the far side of the hall with their backs to us.

"You wanna sit down?" I indicated a small seating area off to the side with a nod. Jakob nodded yes, and we settled ourselves there. "What do you do in the lab?"

"I, uh, write computer programs to analyze disparate metadata looking for patterns. My current focus is genome mapping for disorder and disease mosaic patterning," Jakob said with a shaky laugh. "Yeah, boring."

"Can you tell me what any of that means?" I asked. "I read a book a while back about the genome project, but I don't know much about it beyond that."

That was enough to set Jakob off on a complete rundown of the work his lab was doing. I was surprised he could explain such a complicated process in a way I understood. By the time Reed and Daddy returned, we barely noticed. I did manage to catch a knowing smirk from Daddy, but I didn't want to interrupt Jakob's explanation of lab sample processing to call him on it.

Jakob and I were deep in our conversation when I glanced up and saw my father barreling down in our direction. A look of hot fury was etched in every line on his face. I abruptly interrupted Jakob and rose to my feet. His fury was palpable. I desperately wanted to avoid a shitshow with him in public, but I knew the signs, and there was about to be an explosion of epic proportions. Clearly, he'd heard at least some of what happened the other day.

"Hey, Dad," I said when he got close.

"What the fuck happened?"

He gestured at my face before grabbing my arm. Naturally, he grabbed my injured one, and it took every ounce of my self-control not to whimper at the contact. Years of his bullshit echoed in my head, and I just wanted him to disappear. I wanted one night, just one instance, where he didn't find a reason to drag me down.

"Not much. They got into an accident, and we got into a scuffle. It was nothing." The words I knew he'd say next echoed in my mind before they were out of his mouth.

"You call yourself a cop," Dad scoffed. "You and that goddamn chief of yours are a fucking disgrace. The island is going to shit, and it's you people who are letting it happen. All that touchy-feely bullshit. A bunch of fucking fairies are ruining the whole goddamn island. Maybe the next guy will finish the job."

Everyone close to us who was trying to pretend they didn't hear his diatribe audibly gasped. Will came to stand behind me and laid a hand on the small of my back. I swayed back to feel his warmth. I'd always suspected my dad preferred a dead cop son to the living one in front of him, but to hear the words said aloud didn't lessen the shock.

"Finish the job?" I tried my best to keep my composure. The effort made it sound strained and tight. The lump in my throat was hard to swallow.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Reed asked. I hadn't even realized he'd come to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with me.

"Oh, it's the other fairy with his weird-as-fuck husband." Jakob's strangled cry carried across the now-silent hall. "Don't think we haven't all heard him call you Papa. I don't care what weird shit you're into, but you shouldn't shove it on decent folks. Hell, you're probably the reason my shitty son, who claims to be a fucking cop but can't do the damn job, is also gay," Dad spat out with an ugly twist of his mouth.

The vitriol wasn't anything I hadn't suspected he thought, but hearing him say it aloud? In public? In front of people? I struggled to find a reason to keep him, or my mom, in my life. Why did I want to be around people who clearly didn't want me in theirs?

Silence stretched across the room as his words sank in. Everyone held their breath now that our confrontation was public. The only sound in the room was the thudded footsteps on the tiled floor as the other cousins in attendance stalked in our direction.

"What the fuck did you say, Lindsey?" Cameron hissed. I reeled when a quick glance around found not only Reed and Cameron next to me but also Cap, Jonas, and Elliott. All of us were big men, but we looked like an impenetrable wall, standing with our arms crossed and wearing matching scowls.

"I said my fairy son is a shitty cop in a shitty department. If he can't do the job, and he's sure as fuck not a man, then maybe the guys who keep getting one over him should finish the job."

My mother materialized out of nowhere. "Beckett, why do this? It's your father's party, and you're ruining it. Apologize to him, and then go. I can't believe you showed up with that man," she said with a melodramatic shudder. I saw red at the look of revulsion she gave Will.

"What's the hell is wrong with showing up with Will? He's my boyfriend." Will was a fucking catch, and I was lucky he gave me the time of day.

"It's indecent to flaunt it. It's disgusting. It's why you suck as a cop—you can't man the fuck up," Dad shouted. My mom stood right beside him and punctuated his words with a decisive nod of her head.

"Holy shit," Cameron said with wonder. "You two really mean all of it, don't you?"

"What are you talking about, Cameron?" Mom asked with an unmistakable tone of annoyance.

"All the fucked-up shit you say to Beckett. You mean every single thing, don't you? Like, all of it. All the complaints. All the bitching. All the shit-talking about how he needs to ‘man up.' None of it's just shit-talking…you mean every single word, don't you?"

My parents huffed in unison, but neither one denied his accusation.

Mom cleared her throat. "Beckett was a difficult child. He did not mature any differently. He's still difficult. I don't know why you are acting so shocked. You've certainly noticed and commented on his horrible attitude."

Mom cast an accusing glare at all of us before settling directly on me. "Beckett, don't you think you've made enough of a scene? You are ruining your father's retirement party. I wish I knew where I went wrong with you. I shouldn't have let you spend so much time with your father's parents. You were always so much worse after you came home from their house."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Cap shouted. "We are joking. We love Beckett, and it's not his fault we like to give each other shit." Cap turned toward me. "Beckett, you know we're joking, right?"

I didn't say anything but just shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"Yeah, it does matter." This time, it was Cameron who spoke up. My mother started to interject when Cameron turned to her. "Marjorie, no one is talking to you. Shut up or walk away."

Her mouth snapped shut at his words, so he continued, "It does matter, Beckett. If you thought we meant any of it, then we fucked up. We were just teasing like we do with each other. If we thought for one fucking minute you were taking it seriously…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head.

"Jesus, this is pathetic. I'd very much like to get back to my party. Beckett and his bullshit has taken up enough of it." Dad's voice rang across the room since everyone was still gawking at the family drama.

A quick overview of the room had me feeling bad for my dad's coworkers. They'd been dragged to a retirement party they probably didn't want to attend, and now they had to watch this shitshow. Their expression ranged from horrified to gleeful. I guess it wasn't a total loss for everyone. The cousins responded with less-than-polite suggestions of all the ways he could get fucked.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I'm done. I have no idea why you've always hated me, but I'm so goddamn done with trying to figure it out. I tried. I tried so hard to be what you wanted and make myself someone you could love. But it's not going to happen. It's not ever going to happen. I'm tired of swallowing all the shit you spew. I'm fucking over it. Fucking. Done." My chest heaved after my explosion.

I regretted nothing.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt," a giant of a man interjected. All of us cousins were pretty decently sized, but he dwarfed us. His voice was firm, and it somehow got us all to shut up. I was still reeling and already silent. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you and your wife to leave." Then, like he was commenting on the weather, he added, "Hey, Reed."

"It's my fucking party," Dad hollered.

"And it's my fucking restaurant. You're creating a disturbance. Per our contract, we have the right to remove you from the premises. This place is crawling with cops. I'm sure we can find someone to escort you. And take your wife with you."

"Who are you?"

"Barrett Howe, owner of Quill. Get out."

"Boys, are you seriously going to let him kick me out of my own damned party? This is a fucking joke. I expected this from Beckett. Maybe Reed. But the rest of you? Where is your family loyalty?"

"Fuck that shit," Elliott answered.

When it looked like the argument was ramping up again, Barrett jerked his head to the security guards who waited in the background. "You and your wife can leave on your own, or I can get them to toss your ass out. Either way, one or the other is happening in the next ten seconds."

"I expect my family to leave with me," Dad shouted to no one in particular. He glanced around the room, and everyone had very deliberately gone back to their conversations or returned to the food tables set up around the room. No one in the room looked at him. A few of the aunts and uncles finally did, but at their sons' steely glares, they also turned their backs on my folks.

Christ on a cracker. I didn't have to claim them.

Their words made it abundantly clear I wasn't the son they wanted.

I didn't have to claim them.

I didn't have to claim Lindsey or Marjorie.

Onceit was cemented in my mind, joy bubbled inside my chest. I turned to Will, who'd been standing silently behind me for the entire exchange. He immediately drew me close for a fierce hug.

"Baby, you okay? That was something else."

"Daddy, I love you."

"What?" Jakob gasped from his spectator seat on the sofa.

Oh shit. I said that aloud.

"I love you too, sweetheart. I love you too." I dipped my head until our foreheads touched. Will leaned back and went on his toes to give me a forehead kiss. Whatever tension I felt from the confrontation was gone. I was well and truly free of them. For the first time in my entire life, I didn't feel like there was a stone pressing on my chest, making it difficult to breathe. Or think. Or speak.

Daddy loved me, and I'd managed to say the words to him. Lindsey and Marjorie were no longer my problems because I didn't have to let them be in my life. I could make my own family and decide who was allowed to be in it. Daddy always chose me. And I guess my cousins had picked me too.

Happiness was right here in front of me, and I was going to fucking take it.

"Papa! Did you hear that? Beckett is one of me!" I glanced over to see Jakob doing a happy dance that involved a significant amount of butt-shaking. "One of me! One of me!" was on repeat.

Daddy gently turned my head back to him before he said, "One of us."