Chapter Nineteen

Willow

Pain— twisting, tying me up inside, the cramping tension only growing tighter.

I’ve prayed for death, almost as much as I’ve prayed for a knot. Anything to make it stop.

At some point I must’ve thrown the sheets clean off the bed. It’s impossible to tell if I’m hot or cold. My body screams like an open blister—every wave of sweat just adding salt to the wound.

How does this torture compare to what the sentinels did to me? They beat me. Defiled me. I was still limping when I ran away—convinced my very insides had shifted irreparably.

I’d let them do it again. I’d let them do it ten more times, if it meant this would end.

I don’t even have the energy left to hate myself.

Another cramp tightens around my stomach. Another wave of slick trickles between my thighs. I scream into the pillow.

I want to smack myself for sending Kane away. He could’ve saved me, if I wasn’t such a fucking coward. It would’ve cost me my hard-fought freedom, but what good is freedom if I’m not alive to see it?

Another cramp, tighter still. Agony sets my muscles alight, my lungs clenching aimlessly, and my vision starts to—

“Willow. Willow!”

Tears stream down my cheeks. “I can’t, Alfie. Please. M–make it stop.”

My brother smooths back my sweat-soaked hair. “Just breathe. Mother’s on her way.”

He helps me upstairs, draping my arm over his shoulders. I knew my heat was coming, but I was sure it’d be another year—maybe even two. My nest isn’t ready. Mother isn’t here. And there aren’t enough ice baths in the world to distract from my new instincts.

“Alpha,” I whine, “I … need an alpha.”

Alfie huffs. “You know we can’t do that, Will.”

Why not ? my inner omega cries.

Though, of course, I already know the answer: I’m not old enough to take a mate. My integrity is too precious to even be alone with an alpha outside my immediate pack. But now that I’m here, writhing, aching … I don’t know how I’ll cope.

Alfie sets me up in my unsatisfactory nest and darts about, returning with a cool flannel and pitcher of water.

“I know it hurts,” he soothes, “my first time was the same. But I promise, everything’s going to be okay.” He takes my hand. “You’ll never be alone.”

My eyes are watering when another cramp forces me awake. My brother’s words echo in my head.

You promised, I want to cry.

I wonder where he is right now. Is he worried about me? Does he know I ran away? Does he … hate me for it?

Even if I tried to go back now, there’s no guarantee Pack Shire would accept me. I doubt even the sentinels would take me in. No matter where I go, or what I do now … I’m stranded.

Kane , my inner omega tries to remind me. He’s still … out there .

Maybe he’ll come back. Maybe, this time, I’ll be too broken to refuse him.

But maybe, if he claims me now, I’ll be broken forever.

It feels like I’m drowning. I don’t know what to do, or how to do it—if I even have that power. The only thing I still know for sure is this.

I don’t want to die.

Suddenly, I sense a shift in the cabin. My inner omega registers the flood of pheromones. A chirp bursts free my hoarse throat.

Alpha .

His scent washes over me like a balm, or like a chill—leather, and sweat.

I try to sit up, my heart pounding out of my chest, and that’s when I see him standing there.

Black, cropped hair. Amber eyes. A body so enormous he barely fits in the door.

“Omega,” he rumbles, sending a shiver up my spine. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Silas.”

He smiles, and I forget how to breathe.

“I’m here to take care of you.”