Chapter 23

Flora and the man moved towards each other, step by hesitant step. Eye contact wasn't broken for a second. He looked worried, shocked, fearful and hopeful. All these impressions came to Flora as she neared him. Eventually, they stopped a few feet away from each other. He shook his head in disbelief.

‘Who...? How did…?' The words were drawn out of him as though he was incapable of speech. Despite her own enormous feelings of shock over this encounter, she was shocked at something else too. For God's sake, Binky. Haven't you told him about me? Have you arranged this and left it, expecting a joyful reunion? Not even a reunion as they had never even met before. A meeting between a daughter who didn't know of this man's existence until she came here and of her father, who thought his daughter had died. Surely you've told him that I'm alive, at least?

Over his shoulder, she could see Binky and Peggy in her peripheral vision. They appeared to be arguing. When her eyes focused on Ralph Peverel again, he looked to have tears in his eyes.

‘Flora is it you?' he asked in a strangled gasp. Flora's body almost collapsed in relief. At least he knew of her existence, even if he hadn't known of her presence here today.

‘You know about me then?' she said in little more than a whisper.

He smiled. A gentle, friendly smile that immediately put her at ease. Just this one little gesture and she could feel the tears spring to her eyes too. No, coursing down her cheeks now. This wasn't like her yet this situation was unlike any other. Her father, her birth father stood before her, smiling at her.

‘I have known about you for a while now but you had your other life and it would have been selfish of me to get in touch. You didn't know…?'

‘I had no idea. Can you believe it for someone who is supposed to be sensitive to situations? I had no idea that my whole life was a lie and was about to change beyond recognition when I moved here. And I certainly didn't know I was going to meet my father.'

At this, she started sobbing but quickly drew herself back, embarrassed by her unexpected, raw show of emotion. Yet Ralph Peverel, the latest in his line, stepped forward and pulled her towards him, holding her in strong arms that comforted as a father's arms should - that felt as natural as though she had known him all her life.

‘Come on Flora, let's go inside' came the softly spoken voice. ‘We have a lot to catch up on'

*

Chilvers deposited the tea tray on the small table between Flora and her father. The old nanny's progress across the room had been slow and precarious, the cups shaking alarmingly in their saucers - but she made it and was rewarded with a warm smile from her former charge.

‘Oh, but it's good to see you, Master Ralph. We don't see you often enough.'

Ralph squeezed her hand.

‘I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot more of me in future' he said, looking over at Flora. Chilvers looked from one to the other. She had heard the tales but seeing them here together there was no doubt.

‘That'll be good sir' she said with an almost toothless grin and shuffled off to the door.

Flora didn't know if she was biased but this man seemed to have wonderful qualities: kindness, understanding, empathy.'

Can I ask you…?

‘You can ask me anything, my dear, and I will answer if I can.'

‘My mother, Matilda'

‘ Matty' he said, his eyes glistening. Even now, twenty-five years later, she could have that effect on him.

‘I'm supposed to look like her. Is that right? I presume it is as you recognised me straight away.'

‘You are so like her. Your hair is even the same style and colour. Your face is the same shape. Your lips are exactly the same. The only thing is that you are taller than your mother–' Flora looked at Ralph's tall, slim frame folded up in the chair opposite.

‘And…' he stared at her.

‘My eyes are just like yours' she finished for him. He nodded. He suddenly plunged his hand inside his jacket and came out with his wallet. He opened it and very carefully pulled a photograph from inside. A young woman looked out at Flora. A woman who looked just like her. She was laughing, head thrown slightly back and her eyes glinting with happiness in the reflection of the sun.

‘That's wonderful. I haven't seen a photo of my mother before.'

‘I will get a copy made for you' he smiled, putting it back in his wallet as though it was the most precious thing in the world.

‘Yes, we were young but well, you just know if it's the right one for you don't you?' he reflected, almost to himself. She hardly dare ask but she had to.

‘When you went away, I heard you were consumed by grief.'

‘Oh, I was devastated. I loved Matty to distraction and I just couldn't function. I had a ‘fight or flee' adrenalin reaction. I had to get away because the world was too overwhelming at that moment and I just wanted to hide. I was angry too- at everyone. I couldn't bear to think that Matty had died and that I'd never see her again. I didn't want to go on but I did then what I am still doing, threw myself into helping others so I didn't have to think about myself.'

His eyes suddenly looked worried.

‘Please believe me when I say I had no idea of your existence when I left. I wasn't capable of taking anything in anyway but everyone presumed that the baby – you' he corrected himself ‘had died along with Matty. Binky didn't know any different then and when she did find out chose, rightly as it turns out, not to tell me straight away.'

He looked angry for a moment and Flora realised that this wasn't an emotion that sat happily with him.

‘Do you blame Sybil?' she asked quietly. He looked as if he was going to say yes until his shoulders sagged and he sat back in the chair.

‘I can't honestly say that I do now, although I was angry when Binky first told me when you were about 8 years old. I was angry for quite a while and was only stopped from bringing you back to the Hall because everyone said they had no address for you, which I believed at the time.

‘Looking back it was probably the right thing in the state I was in. I'd have made a rotten father at that time. Although later on when I thought about it, I would have loved to have got to know you and taken you to the places I worked abroad. There you are you see -no stability. I hate to say it but I think Sybil was right. You seem to have done well for yourself.'

He paused and looked serious.

‘But what do you think? Do you think Sybil was right?'

Flora had thought about this many times but suddenly had to confront it from a different aspect. She took a deep breath.

‘My parents who, I still call my parents as they brought me up, were wonderful. I appreciated them then as I appreciate them now and nothing will ever change that. From what I've heard since Sybil's revelation in her letter, I truly believe that she thought she was doing her best for me. And yes, I agree she had no choice. You couldn't have looked after me. You freely admit this. In both Sybil's and your own decision, I can see the sense in it and may have done as you each did in the same situation. Who knows?

‘And I think if you had brought me up, my informative years may have been different enough to set me on a different path and I'm more than happy with the path I have followed so far. You would also have seen Matty in me and tried to bring me up in her image instead of allowing me the freedom to be myself.'

He nodded acknowledging this but she added-

‘I seem to have turned out like her anyway, which says a lot for nature over nurture.'

His eyes crinkled up in amusement at this.

‘Sybil couldn't have looked after me either. She'd already been left with a young child and a baby and had valiantly managed to bring them up despite having no experience of children whatsoever. When I was born, she was that much older and if she had kept me there would have been resentment both from her and Jen that they had been put in this position. Of having a reminder of what they had lost, every day.

‘So yes, I do think Sybil made the right choice for you, for her, for me and for Hester and Bill Goode. It can't have been an easy choice. I know from her letters, which I will show you at some time. She did it for Jen too who needed to have time to herself without a new baby taking centre stage. You know how much she loved her older sister.'

‘I do' replied Ralph ‘and I'm so glad that you are good friends now.'

‘So am I. I think that things in the past shouldn't cause resentment. That way lies madness. It's best to let go and enjoy what we have right now.' She gave him a special look while vaguely registering that Binky had used almost the exact words earlier. ‘So, Binky has been keeping you abreast of recent events then? I have to tell you, I'm not best pleased with her at the moment.' she frowned.

Unexpectedly. Ralph laughed.

‘As you get to know Binky more, you will realise there isn't a bad bone in her body. She's annoying, frustrating, airy-fairy, occasionally stupid and always completely daffy - yet she wouldn't knowingly do anything to hurt anyone.'

He looked distracted.

‘She possibly saw before she asked me over here, that this meeting would be successful. When I say ‘saw', I mean…'

‘She saw it in the cards. Yes, she did but only after she got you over here and engineered this meeting! I think she saw something in the cards today though, which I believe. After she'd hammed it up a bit beforehand with an acting performance par excellence.'

‘Ha! Typical Binky. She's an innocent, completely blameless. She got me over here with the best intentions. Ostensibly to open the fete as ‘she couldn't get anyone else at short notice'. Imagine my surprise when I got over here to find myself redundant and the artist chap in my place!'

They both laughed. His eyes held Flora's.

‘And I have to say that it has worked out well. I hope you agree?'

He looked worried as he waited for her answer.

‘It has worked out better than I ever thought possible. I feel like I've known you forever.'

Ralph put his hands up to his face. A few seconds later, he leaned forward towards her.

‘You can't believe how happy that has made me' he whispered.

What a shame this gentle and unassuming man and her lovely kind-hearted mother could not have been together throughout their lives and could not have raised her. Yet she carried within her, her mother's values and her love - and she had many years now to get to know her father.