25. ‘Malcolm’

TWENTY-FIVE

‘MALCOLM'

MALTY

If someone would have told me years ago this would be my life, I would have cracked up. But here I am on a ranch in Montana. Nope, haven't gotten on a horse yet, which is pissing both Panther and Avalanche off. Oh well, can't be perfect all the time.

Those two men are quickly becoming my friends. With that word in my head, it brings to mind another friend I used to have, or so I thought. I never knew how messed up Michael was. When Frankie told me we got the okay to speak to him semi-privately, it actually scared me, but I did it and I'm glad I did. It kind of gave me closure.

He wasn't really thrilled about it, especially with Shadow and Rebel in the room, but true to their words they sat in the farthest corner on their phones unless he acted like an asshole. And he did a few times but after his last toenail was pulled out, he kinda mellowed out. Frankie didn't ask him anything, though he spewed all kinds of shit her way until I screamed stop. Then I asked the one question I needed an answer to.

"Why?"

His head jerks back. They have him tied arms, legs, hands, and feet to a chair. He is in nothing but his boxer briefs. His body is covered in bruises—some old, some new. You can tell which are which by the coloring. His lip is split and one eye is black and blue. Some of his fingers are broken and I'm sure he has internal issues also. I don't ask anything about that. I want to know why. And what he shares knocks me on my ass.

"What do you mean why, Malcolm? Are you trying to tell me you don't know? Come on, after all of this and the years we've been together."

Whoa wait, the years we've been together? What the fuck, he's talking like a past lover of mine. Then it hits me like a frying pan to the head. He doesn't give me a chance as he keeps babbling.

"You never truly noticed me. The real me, Malcolm. Let me refresh your memory ‘friend.' I think it was eighth grade or ninth, not sure. That party we went to where they had whiskey and weed. We tried both together. Got totally wasted and ended up downstairs on the couch. You put your hand on my thigh while we were talking and I just knew then. So I got on my knees opened your jeans and grabbed your cock. I'd never done it before, even if it was my best fantasy. I took your cock and licked it before I sucked it into my mouth. You didn't stop me or even push me away. You let me give you a blow job and right before the big finish, just as you were shooting your cum down my throat, you destroyed me when you whispered, ‘Yeah, Frankie, just like that. Take it, Beautiful, take all of me.' When you reached out the next day to talk about it, letting me know that though it happened you were drunk and high but it wouldn't ever again, and you didn't want it to become a problem between us. You then told me how Frankie was the one for you and you were sorry about what happened. I laughed it off and even told you that she didn't need to know because it was a one and done. We continued our friendship, or that's what I let you think. Years, Malcolm, I waited, planned, did whatever I had to. Made connections with the worst of the worst, sucked so many dicks I lost count. Even let the freak Dario fuck me up the ass. It helped me plan that day. The day I'd dreamed about forever.

"Joey and Gerald were losers of Dario's but did whatever I told them for drugs. Buck was a redneck who didn't particularly like takin' orders from someone of my skin color, if you know what I mean. Frankie, bet he's burning in hell fuming that a woman of mixed heritage took him out. Didn't think it would go down the way it did. I wanted you to know it was me, Malcolm, but by the time I arrived you were beat to hell, almost dead because those stupid fuckers were high and lost control. That didn't stop me. I'd waited my entire life for that moment. Gerald ripped your pants down and I finally found Heaven on earth. When that bitch opened the door, I saw the cherry on the sundae, so to speak. Told Joey to grab her and keep her in the house. I enjoyed you thoroughly, Malcolm, because I knew it was gonna have to last me the rest of my life. You bitch, it was all about doing the most damage I possibly could. After I finished, I grabbed that vase and gave it my all. To my surprise you not only survived but recovered, while Malcolm here suffered through multiple surgeries and shit bags. And I was there to get him over every setback. Now let me guess, you two are back together. The Malcolm/Frankie show is taking prime time and I sit here while that other crazy as fuck bitch ends my life. Yeah, I know where this is going, not stupid. Hope I gave you what you needed to hear, Malcolm, to move on with your life and forget me."

Michael smirks at me while I'm trying to process what he just said. I move closer and Shadow jumps up, moving right off to my side. She gives me a look I'll never forget.

"You stupid motherfucker. I loved you like my own brother. I took you in, cared for you. Fuck, yeah, we had a moment when we were kids. Michael, most people experiment in their lives to figure out who they are supposed to be. Why didn't you just come and talk to me? No, I wouldn't have changed my mind but we could have tried to work it out. You wasted your life for nothing. I feel sorry for you, Michael. Wasting your entire life in anger, wanting revenge because of a demented dream you tried to force on me. My God, man, you could have had the world at your feet. Instead, you're facing imminent death by the hands of another person you've fucked over. Thanks for the honesty and closure, brother. I'd wish you well, but it doesn't even matter."

"Malcolm, don't leave me. Come on, we can get over this. Don't leave, motherfucker. I did it all for you."

Standing, I walk over to where my once best friend is tied to a chair. I lean down and whisper in his ear.

"I loved you, Michael. Wanted you to be my best man at my wedding, godfather to my children. Grow old, drinking beer, watching the games on a huge screen television. No, what's happening is all on you."

Then I walk out of the room with tears running down my face as I start to mourn my best friend.

The next morning at five, Frankie's phone rings. She reaches for it and answers. In less than five seconds she looks at me then says, "Yeah, we'll be there in a few. Thanks, sister."

Then she pulls me close and whispers, "It's time."

Together we get up and get dressed. When I tell Frankie I need a minute or two she goes to make us some coffee. I shut the bathroom door, sit on the toilet, and let all the sorrow I'm feeling out. My God, how am I supposed to watch the one person besides Frankie I thought would always have my back die? Like I told Michael yesterday, be the godfather to my kids, if I had them, my best man at my wedding first. Fuck, it's tearing my heart out. When I open the door, I actually scream like a little girl. Panther and Avalanche are both sitting on the bed. They stand when I come out. Panther comes toward me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"We're here for ya, brother. Been in touch with Zoey throughout the night and just so you know, it's killing her. Rebel has done most of it because Zoey thinks you're going to hate her. No matter how badass she tries to play, she has a tender heart. What do you need, Malcolm?"

"I need this shit done and behind us. What I want is to have the person I thought was my best friend back and not being about to hold hands when he dies. This is what I have, so guess just going to do my best."

They start for the kitchen with me behind them. I stop dead in my tracks when I see Billie and Enzo sitting at the counter. When she sees me, Billie immediately walks to me, pulling me close, telling me she's here for me. That they are my family. Son of a bitch. Enzo is right behind her and when he pulls me close, that's it. My shoulders start to shake and he just holds on to me tighter. When I feel like I can function, I pull away. Frankie is right there when her dad moves away from me.

Avalanche comes toward me with a huge feather and a bunch of something burning. When I look to Frankie, her eyes are on the big man. I'm guessing this is something important from the way she's watching him.

"Malcolm, in our culture, when an important event happens in one's life we smudge. Today for you is not only important but heavy and sad. Smudging cleanses you or wherever you are. Before you face your friend, I want you protected. Taz said I forget if it was her or Teddy who gave you a crystal. Carry that with you. This will only take a minute or two, then we go. I need you to close your eyes and try to remember a happy time with Michael. Before your attack when you were together as brothers. That's it, take a few deep breaths and slowly release. Keep those memories in your mind's eye and when you go into that room, pull that moment up. If necessary, remind him of it. That might help him pass without a heavy heart."

Opening my eyes, I see he's swiping the smoke with the feather toward me. He goes up and down my body, front and back, then steps away. Everyone is quiet as he extinguishes what I now know is white sage. Panther and Avalanche each take a side and lead me out the cabin and toward the barn where Michael is being held. I can feel Frankie at my back with Enzo and Billie following behind her. Not a long walk but when we turn toward the last barn, I lose it. The women of the Devil's Handmaidens are all there leaning against the two barns on either side. No one says a word or even approaches me, but knowing they are there not just for Frankie, but maybe me too gives me some strength.

At the door we stop. Both men squeeze my shoulder then move away. I see Panther on his phone just as Frankie grabs my hand and squeezes. Within a minute or two both Shadow and Rebel come out. Both are exhausted, but Shadow looks much worse than Rebel. As Shadow goes to Panther, Rebel moves closer to us.

"He was rough on her. Brought up a lot of shit from her past that he was involved with. We'll go through everything but, Malcolm, he never went away to college. That was when he hooked his star to Dario De Luca. In the end, she couldn't even get close to him. So, if you get pissed at someone it's me, not her. You both can go in. No, I cleaned him up best I could. We'll follow, you know why. Whenever you're ready and for what it's worth, Malcolm, Wildcat, I'm sorry it ended up like this. Just so you know, Malcolm, no matter what, this club always comes first."

Rebel walks away to stand next to Shadow, whose eyes are down. Malcolm moves to go in and I'm right with him. We walk in and take the first left then a right. This room was renovated just for Shadow and her work. This is the room she roughed up Heartbreaker in. The door is pulled but not latched closed. I can smell the bleach and not sure… Lysol? I'm the one who pushes the door open and we both gasp. Not what I was expecting. Michael is on a type of hospital bed an IV in his one arm. He's under covers. If you didn't know better, you'd think you were in a hospital. Walking slowly to the bed, when I get within reach, I gently touch what I think is his arm. At first nothing, but when I do it again his eyes seem to struggle to open. At first, it's like he's blind but after some time he focuses and sees me. His lips form a slight smile, well, until he sees Frankie. The hatred in his eyes strengthens my spine. We both made our choices though mine never intentionally hurt anyone, unlike his.

"Michael, if you will let me, I'll stay with you. Don't want you to be by yourself. No matter what we've been through, family stays together, Michael, and you're my family."

"Yeah, I know, Malcolm, I'm your family from your past…your brother. Frankie's your future. Believe me, that's been punched and poked into me."

He starts to cough and blood and clots cover the blanket. Immediately Rebel comes over with another blanket, removing the bloody one and putting the clean one on. Michael is in what looks like men's pajamas. I look to Frankie then the chair right off to the side of the one next to Michael. She totally understands as she squeezes my hand then goes and sits in the chair. I also take the seat by my friend's bed. When I go to grab his hand, it takes me a startled second to realize he's missing his fingers. Oh, holy fuck, what did they do to him? I'm up in a second but before I can rip the blanket off him, Shadow is standing on the other side, her hand on the blanket holding it to Michael's chest. He looks to be squirming but that could be my imagination.

"Malcolm, don't go looking for trouble. What's done is done. You are here to support your brother. We will stay out of your way, just don't cross that line. Please trust me."

The look in those icy-blue eyes tells me to drop it. When I sit back down, she moves back to the wall, leaning against it with one foot up on it. Michael watches our interaction but says nothing.

Time goes by and it's mostly quiet, but there are times Michael wants to talk. About two hours in, Rebel comes close and that's when I see that he is catheterized. She is checking his output, which was brownish red. His kidneys are done. It won't be long, I think to myself. Rebel confirms it when she looks my way.

It's now or never. I stand up and lean down to Michael so he can see me.

"Hey, Michael, look at me. Can you see me? I want you to know even though I don't understand why, I forgive you. I've loved you almost all my life and I'm so sorry it wasn't the way you wanted. You need to know there are all kinds of love, and you have one and Frankie has another. I know you wanted what she has, but deep down you knew it wasn't going to happen. I wish you would have talked to me but that's neither here nor there. I want you to leave with some kind of peace."

Tears are coming from his eyes. Goddamn, this is harder than I thought. He clears his throat, and I almost pass the fuck out when Shadow brings a cup of water with a straw. Michael watches her, fear in his eyes, but she just motions for him to drink. Once he's taken a few small sips he's able to talk some.

"Malcolm, you are a sap. No, I mean that in the best way. I'd never forgive you if our roles were reversed. Tell Frankie to come up here, please. Hurry, Malcolm, don't have a lot of time."

I motion for her to come next to me. We hold hands and look down at Michael to see he's looking at our hands. Then he looks up at us.

"Do me one favor, Frankie. Give him the life he deserves and once this is over, forget I ever existed. Malcolm, sick or not, I've loved you my entire adult life and not the brotherly love. Now my terror ends. Be happy, both of you."

When his eyes close, I look to Shadow.

"No, he's still here, though the morphine he drank with his water should slowly slow his heart and he will go peacefully. I did that for both of you, not for him."

With that I watch Shadow and Rebel leave. And five minutes later Michael leaves too, permanently.