12. ‘Malcolm’

TWELVE

‘MALCOLM'

MALTY

Watching Frankie get us both coffee; it dawns on me at this moment that this is it. Time for me to step up to the plate, as they say. I owe it not only to her but also myself. It's been a long goddamn time coming. All the pain we've both been through changed our lives forever. My biggest fear right now is, once she hears what happened and all I've gone through, she won't want me in her life in any way. Not sure that we even have a chance to maybe pick up or start over, but just having her in my life in some way is vital to my well-being now that I've seen her.

I'm so deep in thought, I jump when the coffee mugs hit the table. Shit, what the hell is wrong with me? Frankie has a cookie in each hand, waiting on me to pick one. Instead of just one, I reach up with both hands and grab each one before she can pull her hands back. The look on her face is priceless. Reminds me of happier and more carefree times. After we both eat two cookies and sit back into the love seat to drink our coffee, I look anywhere but at Frankie. That is until I feel her hand squeezing mine. When I look her way, she gives me a small, sad smile.

"Malty, no matter what you tell me, it won't change a thing. We both went through a living hell, but they didn't win. We are both alive and though fucked up, they didn't achieve what they wanted. Good prevailed somehow. Now take your time, we got all the time in the world, Malcolm."

Feeling her eyes on me warms me to my soul. Takes away the cold dread of what's to come. This isn't going to be easy at all, but maybe getting this shit off my chest will give me a reason to truly live, or at least try. So many things are going through my mind and as minutes go by Frankie never says a word, she just holds my hand. Finally, when I feel I might be able to get through this, I clear my throat while squeezing her hand.

"I'm not going to rehash everything, as we were both there. I'll tell you what I remember. When I pushed you into the cabin and locked the door, I felt such release that the beating they put on me didn't even faze me. Well, the goddamn pain did, but in my mind I prayed that if I didn't fight back, by the time they'd killed me help would arrive, and you would be saved. Na?ve to say the least. When I heard them talking about how my kind deserved everything I was going to get from them, I knew this was going to be the worst of the worst. When the big guy grabbed his crotch with that maniac look in his eyes, I knew that this was going to be pure torture and probably like being in hell on earth, and guess what, I was right. I kind of remember the three of them beating me until I was almost unconscious, then as the two of them laughed the real fun was going to start. Frankie, I've never told anyone what happened. The long and short of it was they took turns going at me. You came out toward the end of it when they were trying to hang me. Gerald, the asshole, and the guy you shot were talking, not realizing that I was hearing them. The asshole said this is the way the country should be and my kind didn't have a place in the USA. Or maybe an option for my people is to do all the menial jobs because we ain't smart enough for anything else. Gerald said something about me being in medical school and he thought he heard us talking about you being done with the police academy. That told me they were around before we got there to hear us talking, unless they were stalking us before. We'll never know."

Taking a big gulp of lukewarm coffee, I roll my shoulders and crack my neck. Then I dive right back in.

"I wasn't going to go down without fighting. One of them went to the far side of the cabin, hearing you screaming. He was banking on you wanting to help. Right before you came out, Gerald got a couple of good kicks to my back before they pulled me up, rope around my neck. You saved my life, Frankie, though not worth the cost you paid. I fell and landed on my back, which immediately I knew by the amount of pain something had happened. I couldn't feel my legs. I was in and out of consciousness when the asshole came back, flipped me over, and violated me with some sort of object. Not sure what as I passed out. The next thing I remember is waking up with you by my side in a hospital gown. When I was told how long I was out, couldn't believe it. When the doctors told me what they were planning, I knew I wasn't going to hold you back or ruin your chances at a future, no matter what that was going to be. Something just hit me. What you told me, you're right. Michael was all for me pushing you away. They were going to take a part of my bowel and there was a chance that I would end up with a colostomy bag, though they didn't know if it was temporary or permanent. After you left, I wasn't even going to have the surgery, just wanted to die. The decision was taken from me when I went septic. They once again induced me into a coma and removed a section of my bowel and put in a colostomy bag. You probably don't have a clue what that means, so it's the bag you wear on your stomach that collects stool. I was lucky they were able to reverse it about three to four months later after my colon had healed. I've gone through similar procedures a couple more times. The problem is every time I go through a surgery the side effects become more prominent. A perfect example is when I had to use the restroom. I don't have the control and it's a fifty-fifty shot if I'll be able to hold it in, so I try not to take any chances. That doesn't always work and, yeah, I've had accidents over the years. In the beginning, after they reversed the colostomy bag, I could cough or sneeze and I'd shit my pants. I started wearing Depends, just for the in case times."

This time when I reach for my coffee, Frankie stands and goes to grab the carafe then refills both of our mugs. I can see steam so know this is going to taste a lot better than that barely warm coffee. When Frankie sits down this time, she parks it right next to me. She leans into me and I breathe in her scent. Goddamn, I've missed her fresh, fruity smell. Together we just sit close, her waiting for me to continue and me trying to get the guts up to finish the story.

"After the third surgery, I figured my life was always going to be one surgery more. This time though, the specialist who I was seeing wanted to try something different. Man, was I frigging beyond happy when she told me that all the damaged bowel and intestines had been removed, and as long as I follow the rules that I should be able to live a full and almost normal life. That got me thinking, so I worked on getting as healthy as possible. Then I finished my residency and took the boards. I was always interested in the emergency room so when an opening was posted, I applied and got it, end of story. Then Gerald showed up in my ER and opened the door to our past. Fast forward to right now. I'm sitting next to you after all these years and even with reliving the past, I wouldn't change a thing, Frankie. I've missed you, Beautiful."

I watch her eyes dilate and her breath getting short, coming in and out quickly. Even with the discussion we just had I can feel my cock filling out and lengthening. My God, I can't remember having this kind of a reaction with anyone else, ever. I watch her eyes go right down to my jean-clad crotch. I watch as she unconsciously licks her bottom lip. That has precum covering the head of my dick. Damn it. This is not the time for this, there are too many things we need to hash over before we even consider taking this huge step, if we ever get to that moment again. And both of our heads must be on the same page.

"The reason I had to run off to the bathroom is I'm having some issues and probably will need another surgery soon. Best way to describe what's going on is, have you heard of Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis? I never been diagnosed with either but the way my body is acting is mimicking them. If I have the surgery, will probably need to have a stoma opening again and temporarily have a colostomy bag. Last operation it took two months for my body to be able to heal and then adjust back to the normal process of taking a shit. Damn, that sounded gross as hell, sorry, Frankie. So to say I was shocked to see Gerald in that room and to hear what he was spewing rattled me enough to put my hurt feelings aside and call your parents."

I hear her gasp so I look down at her to see first her eyes go big, then just like my old Frankie, her cheeks flush and the sparkle appears in her eyes. Fuck, not sure why she's pissed, but it's so damn good to see she didn't lose her spirit.

"Um, Malcolm, your hurt feelings? Maybe you are having a lapse in judgment or memory, but you pushed me away, not the other way around."

Well, we are here. Guess if I'm baring my soul, better just put it out there.

"Yeah, Frankie, I pushed and pushed but that last time I told you to go you did go and without a fight. You left me in a hospital bed with who knew how many upcoming surgeries, or if I'd ever have a normal life. That's where my hurt feelings come from. I'm not saying it's your or my fault, it's just the hand life dealt us. It sucks and has since you left. I swear to Christ, just sitting next to you it's like the colors in front of my eyes are brighter and clearer. You give that to me, Beautiful."

I see them before they flow over. Never do I want to make her cry, but I'm thinking these are cleansing tears that are so overdue and needed. Maybe what everyone has told me is true: life is a journey or circle. We are trying to deal with all that happened to us and only the powers above know what's next for us. I do know I'm going to change, no matter what, because I want Frankie to be a part of my life, bottom line. Just as I go to tell her that, the door bursts opens and there is Michael standing there, face flushed, hands in fists, his eyes finding mine first, then shifting to Frankie's. I know whatever he's about to say is going to piss me off for sure. Though before a word comes out of his mouth, I hear boots on the floor then a few of Frankie's sisters come into view with Noodles, Panther, and Avalanche. It's Panther who walks directly behind Michael and seems to press on the side of his neck before my best friend even realizes what's happening. With stunned eyes, I watch as Michael collapses and Panther gently puts him to the floor.

One of Frankie's club sisters steps over him, letting her foot graze him hard on his side. Wow, what the hell? I think to myself before she changes the rest of our day.

"Wildcat, you both need to follow me to my office at the clubhouse. Freak and I discovered something you need to see. And this prick is going to Shadow's wet room because once we show you what we found, you just might want our enforcer to do what she does best. Get rid of the trash.