Chapter 4

Geneva

W e climb into the train car that is too hot considering the full sun overhead.

"Can we go swimming?" Bo asks, his tears from me pulling him out of the ammo shop dry on his cheeks.

How do I explain to a five-year-old that we can't afford to make friends right now? Can't risk telling them too much about ourselves? Can't chance accepting help from anyone because any vulnerability could lead to them turning on us?

That's what happened a week ago when I finally confided in someone I thought was safe that I wanted to leave my husband. As a police officer that I've known longer than I've known John, I thought Mark would understand.

I thought he was my friend.

I thought as law enforcement, he would protect us.

I was so fucking wrong.

He's the reason John flipped out and branded me. He's also the reason Bo got caught in the crossfire. My little boy jumped out of bed and ran to my aid when John threw me down and grabbed the branding iron I hadn't noticed heating up on the stove. He attacked John from behind who was bent over my semi-conscious body on the ground. What happened next is a blur, but he grabbed Bo's arm and flung him off of his back, his little body bouncing off the kitchen cabinets.

I crawled to my son, pulling him into my chest and wrapping myself around him as he sobbed harder than he'd ever sobbed before. John stood there and stared down at us, cursing under his breath. Then he said the most horrifying words I'll ever hear. "The only way you ever leave me is in a body bag."

I shake my head, willing the echoes of the past away—for now.

But I can't forget.

Nor can I let my guard down.

Not until I'm positive we're safe.

"That's a good idea, Bo." The eggs I'd devoured an hour ago are churning in my stomach and I'm burning up again. The fever I'd hoped was a passing chill this morning has returned, my body fighting it with everything it's got. It came on me swiftly, the moment I shook hands with the handsome medic whose gaze knew too much.

How bold do you have to be to tell a stranger they're not fooling anyone and everyone sees the bruises ? And how dare he presume I'd fall into his muscular arms like a damsel in distress? And why did he smell so damn good? Once his cologne hit my nostrils, I forgot all about hiding my face and averting my eyes, and locked gazes with one of the handsomest men I've ever met. For a brief second, I forgot everything while lost in those hazel-green eyes.

I gave him my real name, for Christ's sake. If he hadn't mentioned my bruises, I might have spilled my entire story.

But thankfully he did and pulled me out of whatever stupor I'd fallen into.

I grab our pack and walk with Bo down to the creek we bathed in this morning. There was a nice tree hanging over the water to shield us from the sun, but it's secluded enough that I'm betting no one will bother us. We strip off our clothing until Bo's in his skivvies and I'm wearing my tank top and bikini briefs.

This portion of the creek isn't deep, and although the water is running fast in the middle, we have a calm pool to wade in near the edge. My son is an excellent swimmer, but I can't let my guard down even though I'd like nothing more than to take a nap. My energy is low and there is a headache building behind my eyeballs.

I glance at my watch—a two-dollar plastic digital piece I grabbed from the dollar store weeks ago for Bo.

It's one o'clock. Three more hours until we go back to the diner to meet up with Carla. I really hope her sister has work for me. If I could get a few hundred dollars saved, that should be enough to get us across the border. Right now, we have perfect shelter, so I see no reason to move until I have the money to take us all the way to Calgary.

Of course, if this small town pays much more attention to us, we'll have no choice but to move north. Only, I think this is the last town between here and the border, which is only forty miles away. At least, that's what the truck driver said before dropping us off.

Bo plays in the water while I find a smooth rock to sit on, praying the water is clean considering the scab throbbing on my hip. This morning I washed it the best I could and put Vaseline on it before we got dressed, which I know isn't the best but I didn't think to escape with antibiotics.

"Momma?"

"Yes, Bo?"

"I liked playing with the Nerf gun," Bo says without looking up at me. I know he's mad, but what can I do?

"Yeah? When we get settled, we'll get you three."

He smiles but still keeps his attention focused on his feet in the water. "Can we go back to the store later?"

I press my lips together and shake my head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?" He wades over to me with a handful of river rocks he's pulled up from the sandy floor.

"This isn't where we're staying. Remember, we're only here for a couple of days, then we'll head north to our new home."

Bo sets the rocks down and sorts through them until he finds the prettiest one and presents it to me. "For you."

"Thank you. It's beautiful." It is quartz, polished smooth by years of tumbling in the turbulent waters. I wonder where it started? How big was it in the beginning? How rough and jagged? Did it cut its way through the murky depths, losing parts of itself until it was small but passable? Is it better now, prettily polished despite being a fraction of what it used to be?

Bo fiddles with the other rocks, creating little towers, using them like building blocks. He's so smart for his age and shouldn't be subjected to the shit show that is our life. "Why can't we stay here? Everyone has been nice, haven't they?"

"Yes, they have."

"I like it here, Momma."

I sigh. "I do too, but I think it'll be better in Canada."

A wave of nausea hits me and I scramble to my feet, running for the bushes along the creek. There, I empty my stomach while it cramps in protest.

No. No no no. Please God, do not give me the flu right now.

"Momma?" Bo shouts.

"Give me a minute, Bo."

"Momma! There's a bear!" I freeze, looking up to find a small black bear no more than thirty feet away.

Oh shit. "Stay in the water, Bo."

What am I saying? Bears swim, don't they? My son is no safer there than I am here. Crouching down, I slowly move back to the pool while keeping my eyes on the bear. He watches us, his snout moving as he sniffs the air.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I have chocolate cake and god knows what else in my pack and I bet he's looking for food.

Keep your food in bear-proof containers—isn't that what the park rangers say?

Well, a cheap nylon backpack is definitely not a bear-proof container.

Neither is a human body.

I grab the backpack, prepared to hurl it in the opposite direction to save our necks when a low growl nabs all of our attention to include the black bear. A giant gray wolf stalks through the bushes, putting himself between us, baring and gnashing his teeth in the bear's direction. The bear glances between us, stands up on his back legs to make himself twice his size, and roars his complaints. The wolf sinks down on his haunches, prepared to spring forward, his barks ferocious as he tells the bear to back off because we're his dinner tonight.

The bear drops to all four legs and turns, walking away from us back into the woods.

I pull Bo into my arms. The wolf waits until the bear is out of view and then turns around to place his golden eyes on us. Is this the same wolf from the ammo shop? He's the same size, same coloring, and has the same knowing gaze burrowing into my soul.

He plops down on his haunches and grumbles at us. Not exactly a howl, or a bark like a dog, or a yip like a coyote, but I swear he's bitching me out for having food.

Slowly, I stand up in my near see-through tank top and bikini briefs and move toward our clothes. He stops grumbling, laying down and resting his giant head on his front paws.

"Look. Thank you for telling the bear off—" I hold my hand out to Bo and pull him to the grassy shore. "If you let us go, I'll give you whatever food we have in the pack. Okay?"

The wolf snorts and covers his snout with his paw.

"It's the big dog from the store," Bo whispers.

"Yeah, I think it is."

"He protected us."

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean we're any safer now than we were two minutes ago." I wrap Bo in the towel. "Put on your shoes, in case we have to make a run for it."

"He's not going to hurt us." Bo dries himself and then hands me the towel.

I keep my eyes on the wolf, watching him watch us. "We don't know that, so do what you're told."

Bo sighs. "Yes, Momma."

The wolf rolls to his side, his tongue lolling out of his mouth. It certainly does seem like he's trying to put us at ease. I swear, any moment now he's going to roll over and ask for belly rubs.

That'll be a cold day in hell.

I towel off quickly, grab my jogging pants and slide my legs in before slipping on my shoes. Carefully, I set down the pack and pull out the paper bag of food, tossing it in the wolf's direction. "Here. This is all we have. Now go away."

The wolf sits up, sniffs in the direction of the bag, and turns his head away from it.

Jeez. What is he, a food snob?

"Go on. We don't have anything else. Shoo!"

The wolf stands and shakes his body, then returns to doing the grumbling thing he was doing earlier. Then, without warning, he sprints into the woods out of sight.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. "We've got to get back to the train car."

The two of us run along the water's edge until we hit the pedestrian bridge and dirt path back to the train yard. I catch glimpses of the wolf tracking us from a distance, but he doesn't seem to be in pursuit. Instead, it seems like he's watching over us, but that makes no sense. Why would a wolf stand guard over us, especially if we haven't been housing and feeding him?

I lift Bo onto the platform and climb in after him, my head pounding with a new headache that causes my eyesight to blur. Peeking out, I see the fuzzy outline of the wolf on the edge of the property near the pedestrian bridge watching us from afar.

We lock gazes and I silently will him to go away.

Although, on second thought, maybe I should be welcoming him in. He did protect us from a bear. I'm sure he would keep men away too.

Something comes over me and I give him a small wave, whispering in the wind, "Thank you."

He lifts his head and howls before turning around and running in the opposite direction.