13. Davis

Monday morning comes too soon, and I’m back at the train station seeing Mel off. She insisted on taking the train again into the office. Her suitcases are packed up and in my spare room until she finds somewhere permanent to live.

The entire weekend I kept her by my side, not wanting to waste a single moment of time with her.

My heart’s been in turmoil, wanting to tell her how I feel but knowing it’s pointless. She’s heading back to the city, back to her career and her real life.

I was just a mountain fling. A way to let off steam for a few weeks.

Only it doesn’t feel like that. The moments we’ve shared, the intimacy, the late nights talking and laughing and making love. It feels real to me.

We wait in the train station with my hands grasped in hers until the steady clacking of the train signals its arrival.

I turn to Mel and tilt her chin up to look at me. Her eyes are wet, and my heart jolts. Maybe she does feel this connection that we’ve got.

“Thank you, Davis. For everything.”

Her hands sweep over my hair, pulling it off my face and tucking the unruly mop behind my ears.

“You shouldn’t hide these,” she says. “Be proud of who you are. You got them serving your country. You should be proud of that.”

The gesture makes my heart squeeze, and I grasp her hands again.

I love you, I want to say. But what good would it do? Even if she does feel the same, our situation is impossible. She has a life in the city. My life’s on the mountain.

The train lets out a heavy sigh and the doors slide open but still we cling to each other, neither wanting to let go.

But I have to let her go. I have to let her go and live the life she was made for.

I step back and unclasp her hands.

“You’d better go.”

“Yeah.” She wipes at her eyes. “I’d better.”

Hercules nuzzles her hand, and she crouches down to whisper a few words to him.

Then she crosses the platform and boards the train.

Hercules whines and walks after her, and I have to hold his collar to keep him back. He lets out a bark as the train door slides closed.

Mel takes a seat by the window and holds up her hand for a final wave as the train begins to move.

Hercules moves uneasily, whining and pulling until the train leaves the station and disappears down the track.

We walk back to the bike, and Hercules gives me a doggy scowl as if it’s my fault she’s gone.

“I’d keep her if I could,” I tell him. “But sometimes you have to let the ones you love go.”

He growls at me, not buying it.

The cabin is silent when I arrive home. Hercules muscles past me and heads straight to Mel’s room. Not that she slept there at all in the last week, but it still smells of her floral scent.

He climbs onto the bed, and I don’t have the heart to kick him off. He lies down with his big head resting on his front paws and lets out an unhappy sigh.

I grab a coffee and slouch on the couch, feeling the same way as my dog. It’s only been a few hours, but I miss Mel. I miss her presence in my cabin. I miss her wit and laughter and her passion for her job. I miss her body and her soul and the long chats we had deep into the night.

My phone vibrates and I grab it, my heart leaping thinking it might be her.

But it’s Blake, my cousin.

Hey buddy, Everly’s pregnant again. A boy this time.

I let out a long sigh. I’m happy for my cousin, I really am, but I’m sad at the same time. I want what he has. A family, a woman to love, kids of my own. I want that more than anything.

That’s why I built a big cabin. I want to fill it with family.

Congratulations dude. You’re gonna need a bigger house!

He sends back a laughing emoji.

Come visit us soon

I leave my phone on the couch and lean back, closing my eyes. I long for the type of family my cousin has.

When I got back from the military, he was settling down with Everly.

I stayed with him for a few weeks, but it felt too intrusive. He’s a firefighter on shift rotation, and at the time he had two young kids and a baby. I was a broken man who couldn’t sleep at night and was angry at the world for my hearing loss.

I hated bringing that energy into my cousin’s happy home.

So I moved on, and I found the MC and my new family.

And if I moved on once, I can move on again…

Something catches in the sun from the window, and I pick up a strand of Mel’s long hair. I’ve been finding it all around the house. Her damned hair gets everywhere.

I wonder how long it will be before I don’t find her hair anymore. Before every trace of her is erased from my cabin.

The thought opens a new hole in my heart. A few weeks from now, all trace of Mel will be gone. It’ll be back to me and Hercules and the MC.

Is that really what I want?

I sit up, suddenly alert as the idea takes shape.

If I started over once, I can do it again. The city will be an adjustment, and finding an apartment that takes Hercules will be difficult, but I’ll do it for Mel.

I’ll get a job, any job, something respectable in an office. And if she wants kids, I’ll stay at home and look after them so she can have her career.

I haven’t imagined this connection. I’m sure she feels the same about me.

And if don’t tell her how I feel, she’ll never know. She’ll never know that I’ll do anything to be with her. I’ll move to the city, shave my beard, and work as a paper pusher in a shitty office if I have to. Whatever it takes, whatever she needs. I’m there for her.

I grab my jacket and the keys and go into her old room.

Hercules looks up at me expectantly.

“Come on, boy.” He barks once and springs off the bed in a rare energetic spurt that seems to only happen when Mel’s involved. “Let’s go get our woman.”