21. AVA

21

AVA

This day hadn't gone anything like I had imagined it would, and I still had plenty of time left before it would be over.

But just because it was turning out differently than I expected didn't mean it was a bad thing.

In fact, I couldn't have asked for something better than this. Everything seemed to finally be heading in the right direction.

Tate and I had come out for lunch and were currently waiting for our orders to arrive. We'd spent the last several minutes sending each other silly grins while being unable to look away from one another. We were seated at a smaller square table, and instead of sitting directly across from me, Tate dragged his seat around the side so he could sit closer and touch me.

After what he'd made me promise in the conference room—that I wasn't meeting up with a realtor because I was planning to move away—I decided I'd let him be as close to me now as he wanted. It was obvious just how much me being away had impacted him.

And of course, we had a lot to discuss, but Tate was right. It could wait until later tonight. After all that we'd been through, we deserved to have just a bit more time to soak up the good vibes we both seemed to be experiencing now.

Although I was completely content to sit in the silence with Tate—I'd always loved just being around him—I didn't want our entire lunch time to pass us by without talking about anything at all. So, I thought I'd break the ice with something a bit more lighthearted.

"I have a question," I told him.

My hand closest to him was being held protectively and possessively in both of his, one on top, the other on the bottom. "Sure. What's on your mind?"

A grin played at my lips as I recalled what had happened. "Do you think Wyatt is going to tell everyone else about what happened in the conference room?"

"Wyatt doesn't know what happened in the conference room," he reasoned.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Fair enough. Maybe he doesn't know exactly what happened, but I get the feeling he's not in his position at Westwood's, ready to take over as CEO when your dad starts to transition into retirement, because he's a moron. Wyatt is smart enough to put it together, and he was a bit confident this afternoon. I'm pretty sure he can speculate and get very close to being accurate about what happened."

Tate didn't immediately respond, and I worried that I might have inadvertently brought up a conversation in hopes of it being fun, only for it to be the very opposite. Luckily, just before I was about to try to switch topics again, Tate said, "Wyatt would never go around spreading rumors or gossip. Even if he has a good idea of what happened between us, he's not going to run and tell the first person he can—not even in our family. But that doesn't mean he won't hesitate to get on my case about it later when he and I are alone, or if our brothers are around, too."

Our family.

I loved that Tate referred to them as our family. My heart squeezed with so much love for him.

"That won't bother you, will it?"

He raised a curious brow at the same time he lifted my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. "That my brothers know that you and I have worked things out?"

"Well, yes, but I was more so referring to the conference room table than anything else," I explained.

"It doesn't bother me. If it did, I wouldn't have allowed it to happen there."

I grinned at him. "I'm surprised you did."

He tipped his head to the side, his eyes searching my face. "What makes you say that?"

"Because you're the way that you are," I reasoned. "You're so regimented and strict about things. I guess I never imagined you would do something so out of character. I mean, anyone could have walked in at any point."

"Didn't that just make it better for you, knowing we could be caught?"

I bit my lip. I hadn't considered that, but I guess there was a part of it that felt a little thrilling. "Maybe."

"Ava, did you ever wonder why I seem so rigid about everything?"

Shaking my head, I answered, "No. I just think that's who you are. You're the kind of man who thrives with schedules and order and control." I shrugged. "I don't know. I never looked at it as a bad thing. It's just a thing about you, and if I'm honest, I like it. But it sounds to me like you have a reason for it."

"It's you."

"Me?" I jerked back. "What did I do?"

He sent me a look that made me think he was recalling years of memories, of things I'd apparently done to lead him to being who he was. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Fighting your pull for so many years hasn't been easy. Working, staying focused, and keeping things tidy meant I had control over something. It gave me a way to distract myself from what I really wanted."

I swallowed hard. "That's a conversation I think we probably have to have later tonight, too, don't we?"

He dipped his chin. "We do."

My mind whirled with thoughts and questions, wondering what the two of us would reveal to each other tonight. As confident as I was about how I felt for Tate, was it possible things could take a turn toward disaster again?

Seemingly aware of the change in my mood, Tate said, "Let's not worry about that right now. Why don't you tell me what this meeting with the realtor is all about?"

"I'm looking for a place."

"You have a place. Didn't you move in?"

Nodding, I confirmed, "I did. I'm not looking for another apartment. I'm actually looking for some commercial space to rent."

Intrigued, Tate asked, "Commercial space for what?"

"I have a business idea, and I'm looking to open my own studio here in Landing. I'm making some moves in my life and my career, and this is just the next step in the process."

Something I couldn't quite read washed over Tate's expression. If I had to guess, it was a mix of regret, curiosity, relief, and surprise. And if the look in his eyes was any indication, he certainly had some questions that went much deeper than basic informational ones. Tate never asked whatever was on his mind. "That sounds like a great idea. Where are you looking?"

"I've got two spots I'm checking out tonight. One is closer to Westwood's; the other is closer to my new place."

Any concerns he had seemed to have vanished as he smiled at me. "Do you want my help? I'd be happy to come along."

My hand squeezed one of his in response. "I appreciate that, but I think I need to do this on my own. Ivy offered a while ago, telling me she'd be happy to help in any way she could. I appreciate it so much, but I want this to be my own thing, if that's okay."

"Of course, it is. I just want you to know I'm here for you if that changes."

"I do."

Just then, Tate had no choice but to release my hand, because our food had arrived. After our server took off, Tate asked, "So, you're all moved in to the new apartment?"

"I am."

"Do I get to come and take a tour sometime?"

I laughed. "It might be a wise idea for you to do it sooner rather than later, because it's probably the cleanest it's ever going to be. I suspect as time goes on, things will just always be out of place, and you might break out in hives from the mess."

Tate burst out laughing, and the sight of it made my heart skip a beat. I hadn't ever imagined we were going to get back to this place, but being here with him, listening to him laugh like that, I couldn't have been more grateful.

Following our lunch date, Tate took me back to Westwood's, so I could get my car and make it to my showing appointment with my realtor. He'd walked me to my car, made me promise to meet him back at his condo as soon as I was finished, and kissed me senseless before I left.

The moment he opened the front door to his condo when I arrived after my appointment, Tate reached for my arm, tugged me inside, and kissed me senseless again. It was a good thing he'd kept a firm hold on me, because I got so caught up in kissing him, I was dizzy.

"How'd it go?" Tate asked when he'd gotten his fill and ushered me away from the door.

"Good. Both places are actually viable options for me. I think, at this point, it's just a matter of deciding on which I like best. And honestly, it's going to come down to price and location. I told my realtor I'm going to take a day or two to think it over and let her know."

"I'm happy to hear they worked out for you."

"Yeah, I'm eager to get back to work, so I'm glad I don't have to keep searching for a spot."

Tate led me over to the couch. I'd barely gotten myself seated when he pulled me into his arms and kissed me once more.

Unsurprisingly, I got lost in his kiss, and if it hadn't been for him coming to his senses, I wouldn't have stopped.

"We need to talk," he said, evidently just as affected by kissing me as I was him.

"Yeah."

"Maybe we should start at the beginning. Or, I guess, the beginning of today. Ava, it's been driving me crazy ever since you asked me the question, and I don't think I can focus on any other conversation until we clear this up. Why would you ask me if I slept with Francesca?"

I winced. "Because I saw you leave with her. I saw you leave with her after I'd asked you to join me on the dance floor and you turned me down. I saw you walk into the cabin after you called me your friend, after you made it clear that you wanted something more physical between us than you believed I was ready for at the time."

"So, you saw me leave with her and walk into the cabin, and you assumed the entire time that I had sex with her?"

I nodded. "Yes."

Something dawned on his features. "Were you ever actually sick that night?"

"Oh, I was sick. I threw up in the bushes, but it had nothing to do with having a stomach bug or food poisoning or anything like that," I insisted.

His shoulders slumped, a pained expression washing over him. "Jesus, Ava, I'm so sorry."

"I didn't want to believe it, but then you came into my room that night and said everything you did to me." My chest tightened, something cold and empty settling inside me, as I recalled that night.

Tate flinched, even though he never released his hold on me. "You heard all of that? You were awake?"

"Yes. You told me you fucked up, that you were sorry, and that you hoped I'd be able to forgive you. That's the part that still doesn't make any sense to me."

He sighed, his arms holding me tighter. "I wasn't saying I fucked up that night. I meant that I fucked up in this whole situation with you. I don't know. It just felt like it was getting harder and harder to just remain friends with you, and even if we could be friendly again, I was beginning to worry that we weren't going to be able to be anything more. That you were never going to open your heart to me again."

God, I should have just talked to him that night. I would have saved myself so much heartache.

"What's funny is I had made a plan the day before we left," I told him. "The girls came into my room and were asking about what was happening between us. Just before we all came downstairs to leave, I had decided I was going to go out that night to dance and have a good time, but when we got back to the chalet, I was going to sneak into your room."

Tate shot me a look that was less than amused. "You're joking, right?"

"Nope."

"Fuck, I should have agreed to dance with you."

I couldn't stop the snort that escaped.

Tate lifted his hand to my face, stroked his thumb along my cheek, and said, "You need to know there's absolutely nothing going on between Francesca and me. I only went to see the cabin because of a possible expansion project at the hotel."

"I know. I learned about it when I came to the hotel to drop off my key today. Ivy got a call from Francesca while I was there, and she told me all about it."

The silence stretched between us. "I can't believe you weren't upset the next morning."

"I was."

"You could have fooled me."

I offered a half-hearted smile. "I was trying to figure out how I was going to bring it up to you, how I was going to tell you that you'd broken my heart and I could never be with you again."

"I'm so sorry."

Curled into his body, my hand drifted along his chest. "I know. I'm sorry, too. If I hadn't handled things the way I did over these last few months, we might not have wound up in this place. I think I struggle to deal with conflict appropriately. All I ever saw was my parents lashing out at each other and drinking. I think, on some subconscious level, I do what I can to avoid it. And I try really hard to be happy all the time. If I'm happy, I can't be as miserable as them. So, I realize how much of what happened between us falls on me. I really am sorry for that."

"But if I hadn't held myself back from you all these years, if I'd even taken you up on your offer back before you left to go on tour, I could have saved the both of us a lot of heartache."

I cuddled closer to him, Tate instinctively holding me tighter. "That's what led me to staying away after the tour ended. You told me you had your reasons for not pursuing me. Am I right to assume those things are no longer an issue for you?"

"Well, with today's news from you, it's even less of a problem."

I lifted my cheek from his chest and tipped my chin up to look at him. "What news?"

"About opening your business."

I was confused. "What does that have to do with us?"

Guilt and regret marred his features. He drove his fingers through my hair, tucking a lock of it behind my ear. "I was selfish, Ava. I'm sorry."

"What do you mean? How were you selfish?"

My eyes dropped to his throat, watching it move as he took a deep swallow. "I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I didn't want to come between you and your dreams."

Nothing he was saying was making any sense. "How would you have done that? I don't understand."

"You worked so hard to get where you are," he started. "I know the time and effort you put in with dance, and it paid off for you in such a big way. You're so successful, and I'm so proud of you for reaching your goals. You were touring for more than a year with one of the biggest pop stars. That's an impressive feat. The problem for me is that if I was with you, if we'd been together, I'm not sure I could have handled the extended tours."

"And here I thought having some phone sex and naked video chats would have gotten us through," I murmured.

"What did you just say?"

"That was my plan. When I attempted to seduce you before I left for the tour, I convinced myself we'd have this long-distance relationship while I was away, but we'd have a lot of fun with it, because we could sext each other, have phone sex, and do a couple of naked video chats."

He stared at me, his jaw clenching with such force. "God, I'm such an idiot."

"It would have been fun."

"I should have known. You've always had such a wild heart, just going ahead with what you feel and not thinking so much about it. It's the thing that drew me to you as much as it kept me away," he shared. "I feel so stupid. You didn't speak to me the whole time you were gone. Do you know how much I worked, so I could keep myself busy and not think about you every minute of every day, wondering where you were, who you were with, and if I even crossed your mind just once in a blue moon?"

My shoulders fell, hearing how tormented he was. "I thought about you every day. I wanted nothing more than to call you, to see how you were doing. All I wanted was to hear your voice. It was torturous for me, but in my mind, if I didn't start pulling back, I was never going to be able to move on."

"And then you came back and gave me one night with you."

I licked my lips. "It was the best night of my life. Hands down."

"So far."

My brows shot up in surprise. "Is that so?"

Tate dipped his chin. "I'd say tonight is bound to be even better."

"Oh?"

"Unless, well, tonight is supposed to be your first night in your new place. If you'd rather not spend the night here with me, I can understand that."

I pressed my palm into his chest and sat up straight. "What?"

"I'm saying I was thinking about having you spend the night with me tonight, but I just realized tonight is supposed to be the first night in your apartment."

"Tate Westwood, do not make assumptions about what I want. Ask me what you want to ask me," I demanded.

He seemed to be a bit shocked by my tone, but his lips twitched. "Will you spend the night with me tonight?"

Tears filled my eyes, a whimper escaping. "I feel like I've waited my whole life for you to ask me that."

Guilt and remorse filtered into his features. "I'm sorry. I should have done so many things differently."

"Yeah. Me, too. But at least we can make up for them now."

Tate sighed. "I don't know. You just told me I missed out on a year of naked video chats and phone sex. It's going to take a lot to make up for that."

Laughing lightly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Tate's arms circled my torso and held me close. I felt so safe and protected in his hold. "Please tell me we're going to be okay now."

"We're going to be okay, Ava. Tours or no tours, I'm never letting you go. Whatever happens, whatever it's going to take, we'll figure it out."

I loosened my hold on him, pulled back slightly to look in his eyes, and said, "I hope you know it's the same for me with you."

"What do you mean?"

"The night at the mountain, when you came into the room and thought I was sleeping," I started. "You told me you loved me. I think you should know, I love you, too. I've loved you since I was fifteen."

Tate held my gaze for several beats in silence. Then he lifted me in his arms and said, "We're done talking for now. We'll talk more later."

"Where are we going?"

A mischievous grin spread across his face. "I've waited years to have you in my bed, wild one. I'm not waiting another minute to get you there."

I'd wanted the same thing for as long as I could remember, so I didn't put up a fight. And when Tate got me to bed, I made sure to start trying to make up for missed video chats and phone sex.