Chapter Sixteen: Kelsey

Dr. Heller ran the fetal doppler over my stomach, pressing slightly, until the baby’s steady heartbeat whooshed through the speaker. It was a sound I’d never tire of.

“Your little one has a strong heartbeat. One hundred and fifty beats per minute,” she said as she pulled the device away and gently wiped at the gel she’d squirted on my skin.

I tugged at my shirt as I sat up, wishing she could have left the doppler on for a few more minutes.

Andrew sat in the chair across from me, eyeing the doctor as well.

“Well, everything looks good, Kelsey. Your blood pressure looks perfect, and no sign of early diabetes. Has the morning sickness subsided any, now that you’re in your second trimester?”

“Yes. It’s 100 percent gone now. Thank you for the medicine. It really helped me make it through the day.”

“Of course. And you’re still taking your prenatals?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Wonderful. Well, that’s all I need today. Do either of you have any questions?”

“Yes, when can I expect to feel the baby move? I’ve read conflicting things in books.”

“Ah, yes. So much knowledge can be too much. As the mother, you should be able to begin feeling movements around seventeen weeks, maybe closer to twenty, since it’s your first. It’s hard to say, really. Everyone is different. You may mistake it as something else at first. But also, that depends on you and where the baby is located.”

“So, there is a chance I’ll be able to feel him in a couple of weeks?”

“Potentially. Now, I heard you say ‘him.’ Are you hoping for a boy?”

“Just a healthy baby. I’m not particular. But I’ve been having dreams of a boy.”

“Ah, yes. Well, if the baby cooperates, we can determine the gender at your next appointment. If you want to know, that is. Anything else?”

I shook my head and started inching my way off the table, but Andrew spoke up. “When should we quit sexual activities?”

“Andrew,” I scolded, narrowing my eyes in his direction.

“It’s all right. That’s actually one of the most common questions I get. You can continue your intimate activities as normal, unless there is a medical reason to cut back. Orgasms can actually help with stress and pain during the pregnancy. And some believe, when headed toward the final days of pregnancy, the orgasms can help trigger contractions and begin the labor process.”

“So… we’re good to continue?”

“Absolutely. Actually, I recommend it.”

Andrew rested back in his chair and grinned at me smugly.

Dr. Heller set a piece of paper on the edge of the counter for me to take to the checkout area and exited the room. As I hopped down from the table, I stood in front of the mirror hanging on the door. I could still wear my regular clothes, but with each week, I found it harder to fasten the button on the waistband of my jeans.

Turning to the side, I inspected the teeniest of bumps below my navel. I couldn’t imagine what I was going to look like with a full-blown watermelon-sized stomach.

“Everything okay?” Andrew asked, concerned as I stared back at my image in the mirror.

Quickly, I yanked down the hem of my shirt and turned to face him. “Yep,” I said, grabbing the paper the doctor left and my purse. “Ready?”

Andrew walked me to my car. His truck was parked across the way. I was headed back to Nashville for the weekend and planned on leaving after the appointment, but now that the time had come, I was having second thoughts.

“Sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Andrew questioned as he leaned down into the open window of my car.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll only be gone a day or two, and then I’ll be back. I need to check in on my apartment and spill the beans to Caleb,” I tried joking, but it fell flat, and Andrew’s lips never budged.

“I don’t like it.”

“I know, but it’s something I have to do.”

He bent through the window and kissed me one last time. He promised to complete his exercises while I was gone. We both hoped that at his appointment next week, the doctor would clear him for regular work.

The drive to Nashville was uneventful, and when I parked my car in my designated spot, I almost expected my mother to be hovering close by.

As I walked through the lobby, I waved at the security guard, grabbed the mounds of mail from my box, and headed up to my apartment. I’d paid the rent up for several months, but unless I found a new job soon, I’d need to find a cheaper apartment. Luckily, my savings had been padded again, not just from my severance from the Bears, but from Andrew sneaking money into the account. No amount of arguing would get him to take it back out. He called it payment for dealing with him, but now that we’d hooked up, I felt dirty keeping it.

The only thing that made me feel better was when he pointed out he sent it to me not long after I arrived there, way before we slept together.

The inside of my apartment smelled stale and musty. I walked over to the Juliet-style balcony and opened the window to let in some fresh air. I glanced below and waited for the longing to sink in, that unquenchable desire to be in the bustling city, but it never came. Instead, I yearned for the peace and quiet of Ashfield over the people and traffic.

Stepping back, I looked around the apartment. I wasn’t gifted with a green thumb, so the fake plants I displayed inside the living room still looked as vibrant as they had the day I left. Nothing inside the room felt like mine.

Sorting through the mail, I found mostly junk and a few items addressed to my mother. A couple of my magazine subscriptions were at the bottom, and I planned on taking those back to Ashfield with me. A letter addressed to my mother caught my eye, and I prayed she hadn’t opened some sort of account with me as a cosigner. It was something that worried me daily when I first got in contact with her.

I was considering using the steam trick to read the inside, but was interrupted by a ping on my phone. Andrew’s nickname flashed on the screen.

Grump: Are you there?

Me: Yes, Dad. Just walked in.

Grump: Would love to hear you call me daddy. Glad you got there safe.

Me: Don’t tease me when you’re this far away! Call you later?

Grump: Sure.

My fingers floated above the keyboard on the screen as I contemplated telling him how I felt. Sending him an I-love-you over a text message was a lot easier than telling him in person.

But I didn’t want to be the first to say it. I knew it was childish to want him to say it first, but I couldn’t help how I felt. Sure, I had mumbled the words when I was mostly unconscious that time in bed while we were falling asleep, but in my mind, that didn’t count as the real thing.

Now that I’d settled in for the weekend, I tried to figure out my next course of action. I was here to tell Caleb about the baby.

I didn’t want to do it here in my apartment, and a public place was out of the question, because the tabloid photographers would be swarming.

His building was a few blocks away, and though I’d only been there a time or two, I recalled the location.

The day was warm for November, and I opted to walk. Donning a light jacket and my boots, I regretted my decision by the time I made it to his building. My feet ached, and I was sweating out of every pore of my skin.

As I slipped through the glass doors, I expected the security guard to give me trouble, but he simply waved me through as I walked toward the elevators. I rode the car up to the twelfth floor and headed toward his apartment. Empty moving boxes were stacked outside his door, and I assumed his new fiancée had moved in.

Taking a deep breath, I gave myself a mental pep talk before knocking.

Loud music was playing on the other side of the door, and when no one answered, I knocked more aggressively.

After the third attempt, the door swung open to reveal the woman I’d seen posing with Caleb on his social media pages.

“Can I help you?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Hi, I’m looking for Caleb.”

She closed the door just a little and narrowed her eyes. “And you are…?“

“Laney, who’s at the door?” a male voice called out, and I immediately recognized it as Caleb’s.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

He came from around the corner and did a double take when he saw me standing there. He was freshly tanned from whatever extended vacation the two of them had been on and wore nothing more than a pair of shorts that hung low on his hips. Normally, that look would have done something for me, but not since I met Andrew.

No one’s body compared to his.

“What are you doing here, Kelsey?” he asked, sneering at me. I instantly regretted my choice to wear too-tight jeans and a loose sweater topped off with my brown jacket.

“I need to speak with you. Privately.”

Laney stepped away from the door and allowed me inside. No matter what I wanted to think about her, she kindly asked if I wanted something to drink and then ushered me toward their velvet couch.

It seemed Caleb wasn’t just having her move into his luxury apartment, but they were redecorating too.

“Thanks,” I said as I accept the glass of water.

She pressed a peck to Caleb’s lips before heading down the hall, leaving me alone with my ex.

Caleb leaned on the wall opposite me and crossed his arms, wordlessly waiting for me to continue.

“I just want to start off by saying that I have zero expectations.”

“I’m engaged. We’re not getting back together.”

Shaking my head, I had to hide my grimace. “Definitely not.”

“Okay….”

“I’m just going to come right out and say it. I’m pregnant.”

“Uh… congratulations?”

“It’s yours, Caleb.”

As expected, he went on to argue that there was no way, and it wasn’t until I showed him the documentation from the doctor’s office and explained that it lined up with the weekend of his birthday that he believed me.

“Fuck, Kelsey, I can’t have a kid.” Caleb paced back and forth, hand thrust in his hair.

Hands up in exasperation, I said, “I’m not asking you to. I’m not asking you for anything but time.”

“Time?” His eyes narrowed as if I was asking him to take the baby to the moon.

“Yes, I’d like our child to know their father. I want you to spend time with them.”

“I… I can’t do that.”

“What do you mean?” Fear griped me, clawing at my neck threatening to suffocate me.

“I don’t want it. The baby. Any of it. I didn’t plan for this in my life.”

Setting the glass of water on the coffee table, I stood up and marched toward him.

“And you think I planned for this in my life? I have no job—thanks to you, I might add—soon, no home, and here I am, carrying a baby. Your baby.”

“So? There are ways to get rid of it.”

I gasped at his audacity. “So, you’re saying you want absolutely nothing to do with this child? Not now? Not in the future? Not ever?”

“Nothing.”

“Then expect paperwork from a lawyer for you to sign away your parental rights.”

“Okay.” His nonchalance at the notion was enough to send me over the edge—a crazy mix of frustration and agony.

“How can you not care, Caleb?” I asked, and he shrugged.

“The same way that you do care. Look, we have plans, and I need to get ready. Is that all you wanted to tell me?”

“Yes,” I stated as I stomped toward the door. “All I wanted to tell you was that I’m having your baby. You can expect the paperwork in a few weeks.” First, I needed to find a lawyer who wouldn’t cost me a fortune.

I didn’t look to see if he followed me to the door or out of the apartment. I composed myself enough so that my tears didn’t fall until I reached the pavement of the sidewalk outside his building. I couldn’t imagine what the people passing me must have thought. I knew my mascara was running down my face in horrid black smudges. My nose was probably red, and snot dripped out of my nostrils. Not caring in the slightest about the material, I wiped away what I could with the sleeve of my jacket.

Through my blurry eyes, I knocked into a couple of people, barely able to utter an apology without sounding crazy.

I wasn’t actually sure how I made it back to my apartment in one piece. I’d crossed the intersections without a second glance at traffic.

Inside, I moseyed over to my couch and curled up on my side, running a hand across my stomach and mumbling to my baby that he was loved unconditionally.

At some point, I fell asleep, then woke to the sound of my phone ringing. Looking for my bag, I found it across the room by the door. I must have dropped it the moment I stepped inside.

“Hello?” I asked, not even looking at the screen to see who was on the other end of the line. I already knew who it was.

“Kelsey? Is everything okay?” Andrew asked, his voice concerned.

“I…. He…,” I began, and then I broke down into tears again.

“Baby, what happened? Do I need to come there? Do I need to kill someone?” His instinctive need to take care of whatever or whoever hurt me only made my sobs more pronounced.

He stayed on the phone with me for the fifteen minutes it took for me to catch my breath and form complete sentences.

“He…. Caleb…. He doesn’t want the baby. He suggested I get rid of it.”

“That motherfucker,” he growled.

“And when I said no, he said he wants to give up his rights.”

“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. You don’t need him though. You have everyone here to be in that baby’s life.”

“I want to come home,” I murmured, because the confrontation today cemented the fact that Ashfield was where I wanted to be. Nashville held no appeal for me anymore.

“I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

The next morning, I piled back into my car. Before sunrise was in full swing, I was already on the highway, headed back to Ashfield.

Andrew was wide-awake when I unlocked the front door and stepped inside the house I’d begun to consider my own.

“There she is,” he said as he walked over to me and wrapped me in those strong arms I loved. They left me feeling protected, and wanted, and loved. “I missed you.”

“It was one night,” I pointed out, even though I too missed him terribly.

“Doesn’t change the fact.” He pulled back and placed his hands on my jaw, rubbing my cheeks with his thumbs. “You look exhausted, baby. Why don’t we head back to bed and sleep for a few hours?”

“You’re tired?”

He smirked and replied, “Seems I can’t sleep without you hogging all the sheets during the night.”

“Mmhm.”

Andrew took my bags from my hands and set them inside the bedroom, then gestured for me to follow him. He made quick work of stripping me down to my panties, then pulled the blankets back for me to slip inside. He pulled the curtains shut and then did the same.

“I’m sorry you went through that yesterday,” he whispered, and I turned over to face him.

“It was… unexpected.”

He stroked his fingers through my hair, the movement lulling me to sleep.

“I want you to know something, Kelsey,” he started, and I responded with a moan as my eyes closed on their own. “I will be everything for you and the baby if you let me.”

“Really?” I mumbled, sleep pulling me into the darkness.

“Yeah. I love you.”